Torn from the past
by metal-mako-dragon
Summary: Seifer is having trouble sleeping and has only reccently discovered why. But after his use of the GF's are his memories as clear as he thinks they are? Will he fall prey to his own past? SxS
1. Prolouge

The beach was calm. The sky was blue. The breeze was cool and refreshing, the sand was unblemished and golden...except for the small figure sitting silently in its midst, lost amongst the suns rays as they glinted off the pure blue water. The perspective suddenly shifted, lurching, swaying, fading out, and then re-appearing beside the figure as it swayed its arms and glided in the sand. It always started like this.  
  
"What is that? What have you got?" "Nothing," came that same bland reply; the boy continued to play, not even gracing a glance upwards, or an acknowledgement of anyone's existence whatsoever. "Yeah it is, you idiot, give it here!"  
  
The small warrior figurine, grasping its small wooden blade in its finely carved hands, was snatched from the little boy without being hindered by resistance of any kind. But then there never was. The little dark haired kid just stared up at him; hand still out held from being pulled at, fingers still curled as the ghost of the toy lingered there, eyes shining with unshed tears. His dark mop of hair shifted unruly in the breeze.  
  
"Quit being such a cry baby." "That's mine," the voice was weak as a stray tear fell unnoticed down the cheek of the crouching figure. "Yeah, well I wanit' so shut up."  
  
The sound of the crashing waves broke the serine silence and thee shrill shriek of a gull made the perspective waver and distort. The sudden barrage of noise reverberated around the fragile scene, making it shake and twist. The beach became shrouded in shadow, the noises suddenly becoming overwhelming in their intensity. The water shivered, the gulls became many, the wind began to whistle fiercely. The little boys' choked sobs found themselves lost in the cacophony...but then it stopped. As it always did. The perspective slowly dissolved back into view, and it was that same scene again, the one that always followed.  
  
"Are you listening?" the woman's hair was long and dark and soft.  
  
The room was dark, shards of light stabbing through the gloom giving the room an eerie feel. It was a distant memory now, that scolding face, but it was vivid here. The little row of beds, the half closed curtains, the far off crashing of waves that still lingered from the beach.  
  
"You can't keep doing this, you can't just hurt people," her voice swam around the room, merging with the darkness, pulling the eyes instinctively towards the figure near the window. A single shard of the invasive light cut across his handsome, now teenage face. His dark hair fell rebelliously around his cheeks, framing his profile.  
  
His eyes still held those unshed tears, those glassy orbs staring now, boring in with their intensity. Yet they were not afraid anymore, not upset, they were dead and emotionless. His right eye held a blossoming bruise, ugly and gashed with red. He'd been punched hard. And despite the lack of feeling, there was a horrible sense of betrayal and hurt in the air. He looked away then, his eyes glinting in the light. Then the figure suddenly curled in on himself and disappeared in a wave off light, taking the room with him as if sucking it with him wherever he had decided to go, leaving a new place behind him. Again the usual scene began to come into focus after the moment of disorientation. There were grass and flowers as far as the eye could see, and their seeds were floating in the air swirling around the pale white fluffy clouds that danced in the sky. It was moving in and out of focus, settling in and then distancing itself again, the landscape finally beginning to take some sort of plausible form. But then he was there again, standing stark and serene in the delightful chaos. The bruise was gone, but there was a small scar, slighting on his pale beautiful face, fading fast but not fast enough. He turned, noticing another presence, and looked through the swirling masses of flowers and grass as they uprooted in the wind. His eyes twinkled in the sun, but again the perspective twisted in on itself and then he was right there, arm outstretched warily. The sky decided to turn and interesting shade of indigo, casting his striking features into a hopeless magnificence of beauty. The fingers curled slightly, welcomingly.  
  
"Friends?" his voice was calm, yet his eyes seemed to retain that dead look, that look that had been put there through anger and countless stupid mistakes that should never have had to mar that wondering expression. "Is that what you want to be?" "Yes," he replied, pushing his hand forward more confidently as a dandelion caught in his hair and swayed there delicately. "You know that if you come here..." "That I can find you?" his smile was like creation itself, that wondering shyness never before having graced this life. "Yes, I promise." "Then I'll be here," he nodded, the vision beginning to cloud, but in that final moment his hand was grasped, as it always was, and the promise sealed.  
  
The flowers began to thicken, obscuring his face, taking that wondering look away, but the hands were still there, still clasped...I could feel it...  
  
"But I...!" I suddenly found myself, as I always did, sitting up, jolted from the sheets like a madman, sweat pouring from every available pore and my hand held out futilely still curved as if to grasp something precious, "...I..."  
  
But then the dream always finished like that, with that stupid promise, and me like an idiot sitting in my dark empty room trying to tell the difference between sweat and tears. I never cried, not like this and only this stupid dream could make me. I drew in a breath of stifling air and spat.  
  
"Stupid fucking asshole!" I growled quietly, "Haunt me will you? We'll see about that."  
  
Yet, despite my brazen threats to a certain dark haired "friend" of mine, I never could work up the courage to place that final wall between us. I just wanted to...to meet him there...to take him up in my arms...  
  
"You bastard!" I decided to not care who heard me and shouted instead of just hissing as I usually did, "Who said you could do this to me, huh?"  
  
-...I promise-  
  
The ghost of a memory fleeted through my thoughts, answering my question annoyingly.  
  
"Yeah, well, I can undo my fucking promises can't I," I mumbled into the sweat soaked rumpled sheets that bunched around my knees, "I can do what the hell I want..."  
  
No one had ever managed to stop me before, not even him. I mean, I bet he doesn't even remember, it was hard enough for me to do so and I had been trying to remember on purpose. I didn't see Squall as the type to try and remember his past. Whereas Seifer Almasy, well he was his own man, and no one was going to tell him what to do. I didn't want this, this stupid lack of control! I didn't want to feel this stupid helplessness towards him, it was bugging the hell out of me!  
  
"I'm going to settle this," I said gravely, ignoring the first pangs of dawn that crept through the window, "once and for all." 


	2. Territory ritual

DISCLAIMER: I do not own final fantasy, if I did I would I be writing these? Heh heh, joking of course!

Warnings: Bad language, OOC, violence.

-denotes thoughts-

 //denotes GF speak//

------------------------ denotes a shift in time or P.O.V

Long before things started getting serious, Squall could tell that there was something wrong with this training exercise. Seifer was being much more aggressive than usual, if that was even possible. Squall mused over Seifer's distemper, wondering why he would drag him all the way out to this barren rock just to have a really good go at him…then he stopped wondering. This was Seifer we're talking about.

Squall parried another adrenaline blow from Seifer and dodged to the right as the blonde summoned a thunder spell. The dark haired student only just managed to dive out of the way as the large hissing bolt crashed into the ground making it shake violently. Looking back at the smoking patch where the spell had been cast Squall was confused by the amount of damage he saw it had left. The small crater that had been left could only be caused by a very effective thundara spell. There was no creature in Balamb that held such powerful spells, and Seifer hadn't been sent to any exotic places on training lately, which only left the fact that Seifer must have had someone get it for him.

-That must have cost him,- Squall thought as he dodged another swipe and parry, thrust and bow, -but then knowing Seifer, being the bully he is,  he probably didn't pay. So there's only one last question…why use it on me?-

There was no time to think further however as Squall found himself back on the defensive. Seifer's blows were becoming stronger an faster; Squall parried each one with skill, just hoping that Seifer would soon get bored and call it a day.

"Dammit Squall, why wont you give me a good fight!?" Seifer sneered as he sent his fellow student stumbling to the ground with his special fire cross attack, "Fight back, FIGHT BACK!"

A man could only take so much, especially from Seifer. Squall leapt from the ground and locked blades with his rival, getting close enough to share air with him.

"Come on, come on," Seifer sneered as the two struggled against each other for dominance, "give me a reason to hurt you, please."

They split apart throwing each other to opposite sides of the clearing. Squall took Seifer's off balance posture as a chance to go on the offensive. If Seifer wanted to use magic, then Squall saw no reason not to use some of his own supply. Raising his left hand and readying his gunblade. Preparing the fire spell he hoped that he would be able to stun Seifer long enough to get him on the ground and end this pointless scrap. Seifer, of course, second guessed him. Before Squall could even start the spell the blond student had retaliated with Fira. The full force of the powerful spell sent Squall reeling to the ground in a hail of smoke and flames, only his instincts and training stopping him from falling flat on his back.

-Where the hell is he getting these spells!?- Squall thought as he shook his head and blinked the stars from his eyes, steadying himself with his free hand.

Then he opened his eyes. Seifer was raising his gunblade. Squall knew that he wouldn't be able to block the blow…but then Squall could see that Seifer knew it too. The dark haired teenagers eyes widened as he saw that the blonde wasn't going to stop. The blade descended. The blade cut through flesh, staining the pure steel crimson. Seifer smiled. Through the pain and the sickening thudding of blood in his ears, Squall managed to scrape together a few thoughts. One of them was that Seifer was within range of his own blade, and the other was FUCKING HELL!!! He had known that Seifer was petty but… The rage boiled inside him, pumping his blood fast through his veins, fuelling his anger, his resentment, fuelling his thrust as he scraped his own blade along the ground and brought it up to meet Seifer's face. He vaguely heard the other student let out a cry, not so much in pain but surprise. The blood was roaring in his ears now and he blinked groggily as blood began to flow into his eye. He saw Seifer stumble, recover, blood dribbling through his fingers as he clamped his hand to his face. Squall didn't even hear the blonde utter the sleeping spell. He just remembered the dull ache surging along the bridge of his nose as the shock began to wear off. He was asleep before he hit the ground.

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"Seifer!" Squall jerked into a sitting position and instantly regretted it.

"Ouch," he moaned softly, lowering himself back against the soft pillow that he found there, glad that he wasn't still laying out on the bare rock where he and Seifer had been practicing. 

It would have been just like Seifer to leave him there. Squall kept his eyes closed and tried his best to stop his head from spinning.

"I would take it easy if I were you," a familiarly stern yet kind voice said from behind Squall's eyelids, "Seifer didn't do any serious damage, but I seriously doubt that you don't have a headache."

"How long will it take to heal?" Squall asked flatly, not opening his eyes.

"Squall-the-ever-practical," the voice sighed, "why don't you open your eyes so that I can check for concussion?"

"Concussion?" Squall asked peeking out from under his eyelids.

As the words slipped from his lips a sharp pain made itself noticeable on Squall's right temple. He winced as the pains hot through his skull and cursed under his breath.

"Mind your language young man," Dr. Kadowaki warned him as slowly came into focus before Squall's bleary eyes, "you hit the ground quite hard. It was a good thing you were asleep when it happened."

"Sorry," Squall sighed looking up at the ceiling as the small torch glared into his eyes, and he couldn't help but smile as he asked the next question, "how's Seifer?"

Dr. Kadowaki shook her head, "Well he's isn't as knocked up as you, but he has a nasty cut across the bridge of his nose, exact opposite of your own. It will scar as will yours. Why does it always have to come to blood and tears with you boys?"

Squall closed his eyes again once she finished examining him and the doctor sighed resignedly at his lack of response. She administered some painkillers for the headache and checked his bandages once more before informing him that his instructor was coming to pick him up. Squall just grunted and stared at the backs of his eyes until he heard her move away from the bed with heavy steps, the doors hissing open as she left and closing with a sigh. He allowed the pain killers a slighting glance through half closed eyes. They were small, red and shone dully in the morning light. He wouldn't take them, he never did. Squall didn't believe in trivial pain relief, the side effects outweighing the benefits. He didn't like to have his senses dulled in any way, that meant a lack of control.

Just laying back on the soft bed and letting the cool breeze from the window wash over him was a much more appealing option. He ignored the door as it hissed open, knowing that his instructor would already be wearing that disapproving look and be standing there with her hands on her hips as she always did. The sound of shoes clicking over the well polished floor didn't help his head any. But then, that heavy tread was familiar, but it wasn't hers, it was…

-Oh great,- Squall just kept his eyes closed and tried to ignore his headache and his unwelcome guest, -he's come to gloat.-

"Pathetic," Seifer sneered, "still lying around? It's only a cut."

"Go away Seifer," Squall warned with a sigh, knowing that threats wouldn't do any good, but he couldn't be bothered wasting energy on thinking up a better reply.

"Or what? You'll bleed on me?" Seifer drawled, walking round to the side of the bed and peering down at Squall, "what's the matter with you anyway?"

"None of your business," Squall said flatly, opting for falling back on his old routine rather than give Seifer the satisfaction of a challenge.

"Well actually it is since I did it," Seifer laughed nastily, "and anyway, I want to see what sacrificing my beauty bought me."

"A severe lack of intelligence?" Squall suggested before he could stop himself.

"Shut up!" the blonde snapped smacking Squall smartly on the forehead, pulling a groan from his fellow student, "ah, I see a headache is one symptom then?"

Just then the doors slid open and Quistis Trepe strode purposefully into the medical room. She was dressed in her formal SeeD outfit, knee length navy skirt and jacket with trim, with her flail tucked at her side. Her glasses fell down her nose as she stopped before the bed, eyeing Seifer with a less than amiable eye before pushing the gold rimmed specs back up and addressing him.

"Good day Seifer," Quistis' voice held none of the anger that her eyes showed towards the tall blonde, "I need to talk to Squall alone."

"Well," Seifer immediately went on the defensive, folding his arms over his chest and smirking at the instructor, "isn't that convenient? Get him on his own when he's lying down and incapacitated?"

"Seifer, I am in no mood to deal with you," Quistis Trepe shook her head, her hair dancing around her face as she kept her eyes focused on Seifer, "so just leave before you are forced to leave."

"Was that a threat?" Seifer smirked dangerously as he accepted the Instructors gaze with a cold glare.

"Seifer," Squall growled, breaking the tense moment before t could escalate, "just go."

"Hmph," Seifer shrugged and walked towards the exit, "I'm sure I'll find ample gloating time later. Don't be too long Instructor, or I'll have to send in security to make sure you're not abusing your position."

Quistis just shook her head again as Seifer left. She hadn't dismissed the long cut over the bridge of Seifer's nose, and she could also discern, from under Squall's arm which lay draped over his eyes, the end of an almost identical injury.

"Do you two ever just give it a rest?" Quistis put on a despairing face and sighed as she looked down at her student.

"It has nothing to do with me," Squall replied monotonously, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed with as much grace as his headache would allow.

"You can't just brush something like that off," the blonde woman said tugging at Squall bandage, restraining a laugh as he glared at her.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" he growled as he stood up to face her, moving slowly so as not to lose his balance.

The Instructor merely smiled and nodded, stepping away from the bed to give Squall enough room to manoeuvre. She followed him silently as they left the medical bay, arms folded, hands cupping each elbow. Now it wasn't that Squall didn't like Instructor Trepe, but her almost smug silences did tend to grate on him after a while, and the way that she always finished his sentences, or the way she was always right about him, knew what he was thinking…especially when he was trying to get her to leave him alone.

"So where are /we/ going?" Squall asked, stressing the "we" hard enough to show that it was through no intention of his own that they were walking together.

Balamb Garden was mildly busy, students and SeeD walking the platforms, chatting, playing cards. The sound of running water filled the air with a calm melody, mingling with their voices and the sunlight giving a pleasant atmosphere. Yet still Squall's expression was expressionless, even the blue sky of the perfect day doing nothing to lighten his mood.

"/We/," Quistis mimicked, "are going to class. Jus because you're injured doesn't mean you get time off you know. Dr. Kadowaki informed me that you're in good enough shape to work which is lucky, considering today is the field exam. Squall?"

Squall stopped at Quistis' sudden change in tone, from chatty to serious. He looked at her as if she weren't there, but she ignored his dead expression and continued.

"Aren't you worried?"

"…Whatever."

Squall stepped into the elevator and pressed the panel for the 2nd floor, barely giving Quistis enough time to hop inside before the doors closed. It was going to be one of those days, he could just tell.

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Drawn blood. He had fucking well drawn blood. He'd almost splattered his stupid little brains all over the ground…and did it help? Did it hell!

"Why can't I get you out of my head you little prick?" Seifer murmured to himself into his coffee as Rajin and Fujin both looked on concernedly.

The commissary was fairly empty, not that the disciplinary committee of Balamb Garden would had to have worried about finding a table, but it made a drink of coffee and a chat so much more pleasant. That's if you're not trying to banish thoughts about your arch rival from your head while ignoring your friends that is.

"Hey Seifer, you okay ya know?" Rajin asked as he fiddled with the small bowl of sugars and sweeteners in the middle of the table, "you seem a little distracted, ya know, about sumthin'."

"TROUBLE?" Fujin cocked her head and fixed her eye on her blonde friend.

"Nah," Seifer tried to brush them off but couldn't wipe the dark scowl from his features as he threw his coffee carelessly onto the table and swung round to slouch into his chair.

The cup teetered a bit before sloshing to a stop against the bowl of sugars. Rajin looked at it a little tensely, as if waiting for it to spill all over him while Fujin sighed at his childish behaviour and straightened it up. She hesitated a little before asking her next question. She knew that Seifer was the only one who could make her hesitate about anything, his temper was so intermittent; but then that wasn't the only reason for her unwillingness to bring up a certain dark haired prospective SeeD in Seifer's presence. He was her one true friend besides Rajin, and she hated to see him upset and brooding. She hated it even more when she added fuel to the fire, but she had to ask.

"SQUALL?"

"I thought I told you never to say his name to me," Seifer shot her an angry glance and pushed roughly up out of his chair.

"Hey, we only wanna help ya know?" Rajin defended their concern, a little hurt seeping into his voice.

"Yeah well you can help by keeping your mouths shut," Seifer snapped before sweeping out of the commissary leaving his friends with nothing but dazed expressions and a cold cup of coffee.

"He needs help ya know," Rajin rubbed the back of his head and flopped back in his chair, "before he does sumthin' crazy. It is the exam today ya know."

"AFFIRMATIVE," Fujin nodded her head and flicked a stray strand of silver hair from her eye.

"Hope nothing goes wrong is all, ya know what I mean."

Fujin did hope…but then, this was Seifer we were talking about. The idea of him, Squall and exam all mixed into one didn't bode well with the silver haired girl.

Author notes: Ummm, okay, I forgot the notes on the prologue! Hey gimme a break this is my first final fantasy fanfic so don't be too harsh, but criticism is very welcome and appreciated. Please R&R!


	3. Some things never change

Disclaimer: Okay here goes. I do not own final fantasy, yadda, yadda, yadda…Good enough ^-^ ?

Warnings: OOC, angst

"So as I understand it you haven't had a chance to sit your final assessment yet?" Quistis stopped Squall with a hand on his arm after the class was over.

The rest of the students chattered away not even noticing one of their multitude was missing, but then they never really noticed Squall anyway. The girls noticed him at first because he was handsome, but once they found out how unresponsive he was to their flirting they quickly found some other boys to antagonise. The boys noticed him because he was naturally talented and so an obvious threat, always being praised by Instructor Trepe (which really put up the backs of her admirers). However when they noticed how inadequate Squall was at making friends and having any sort of social life they were left feeling oddly superior and left him alone. Squall didn't really care what their reasons were, just as long as they all reached the same conclusion; he was unreachable, thus not worth the effort.

"No," Squall answered flatly, I was going to do it earlier, but Seifer…"

Squall didn't think that the sentence even needed finishing, which of course it didn't as Quistis did it for him.

"Butted in?" she smiled at the irony of her own statement, then even more when he just sighed and nodded, "then we had better get going now if we're to have enough time before the exam."

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I don't know, maybe I've been going about this all the wrong way. I mean if nearly killing him didn't work, then perhaps I'll have to employ a new strategy. Just think, it might be possible that the only reason I keep failing to get rid of the little part of my brain that seems dedicated to Squall Leonhart is because I keep trying to destroy it instead of letting it grow. 

"As if he would ever…" I cut that off before it went any further; I was down enough as it was to need to drop any lower.

This is ridiculous. I can't believe how ludicrous this whole situation really is. I think I might be going insane, because there is no other reason for the way I'm behaving. Hell, I'm the head of the disciplinary committee! I should be beating myself up for even thinking what I'm considering doing!

"He's going to…" I trailed off as Fujin and Rajin rounded the corner scanning the small garden area until their gaze fell upon me, -…he's going to kill me. This is a bad plan, so let's think about it for a while before we do anything rash.-

Gees now I'm talking to myself, I'm definitely loosing it. I needed a distraction, anything…

-Ah, an innocent…- I smirked as Fujin and her bulky comrade stepped up to my side and followed my gaze towards the lazy form of my roommate, Jay Tressman, sprawled on the grass.

"Committee," I said cocking my head and standing up, "let's go to work."

-Anything to get my mind back where it should be, anything…"

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"That was perfect judgement Squall," Quistis' praise should have been taken even more to heart considering the shape she was in after fighting alongside her student against the fire GF.

"Hn," Squall grunted noncommittally instead as he resheathed his gunblade, obviously not even taking Quistis' compliment in, never mind registering its depth.

The blonde instructor just shook her head as the tall teenager turned to leave the cave, the Ifrit GF safely junctioned within himself. Quistis was used to her prize students lack of emotions (or what he would have people believe was an absence of feeling) and so just took it for granted that he'd registered her comment.

They had fought with the Ifrit GF for nine minutes and fifty seven seconds. Squall had said it would take ten, and it earned him a hell of a lot of SeeD exam credits to say the least. Doing well in your assessments always helped prospective SeeD climb the ladder even before they had passed their exams, and if Squall passed the field exam as well as she hoped he would then he might even make a double figure grade. She couldn't restrain her proud smile for her student as he strode silent in front of her, staring into the cracked earth as he walked, the fierce glow of the magma glowing against his skin.

"We should hurry back," Quistis said as she lengthened her stride to catch up with Squall, glad that none of the caves bat-like creatures had decided to hinder their return journey, "I want you to have as much time as you need to get yourself prepared for the exam."

"Fine," Squall said in his best monotone, quickening his pace, kicking up dust with each step.

The instructor stifled a sigh at the somewhat succinct reply. Yes Squall may be her most promising student, but when it came to down simple communication Squall was a mess. But no, that was wrong, in fact that analysis was the wrong way around. The reality of it was that Squall was far, far too reserved when it came to socialising or acknowledging the existence of other human beings; it wasn't an out of control reaction, it wasn't shy, it wasn't even flustered but more like a well panned and executed defence strategy. Squall had known what he was doing when he cut himself off from the rest of the world, and that was what scarred Quistis the most. He had always been like this, as long as she has known him, and in a strange way it always felt like she had known him forever…but even then, even when tried her hardest, she still couldn't reach him. And so the trip back was entirely silent, only infrequent battles interjecting any sort of stimulant where teamwork suddenly became a factor. Apart from those times, Quistis realise it wouldn't have mattered if she had been there at all.

-But then Squall could have handled himself on his own against Ifrit,- Quistis didn't let her emotions show on her face as they cleared the forest,- you didn't need to be here at all. You never did, not for him…no one ever really needed your help, but you gave it anyway, and you won't stop. You're such a doormat…-

It didn't take much longer to reach to Garden, the high dome sparkling in the sunlight like a huge tattooed jellyfish, it's high raised buttresses like long spindly tentacles shining in the sun. There was a light jangling of bells as they approached the massive structures entrance indicating the noon recess, and they passed many students as they made their way in all on their way to Balamb town. Quistis greeted those that she knew, being greeted back with smiles and idle shat, yet not feeling that she was entitled to any of it when Squall was without any contact of his own. She couldn't give it to him, unlike her encouragement, and in that way she felt she had failed him, that she couldn't make it easier for him. As they reached the main foyer and Squall began to leave her company without even a backwards glance, Quistis decided to have one last shot at breaking his shell.

"Are you worried?" Quistis stopped Squall's retreat to the dorms with her sudden question.

"Why?" Squall instantly evaded, turning to look at her over his shoulder, his face a mask of passivity, "Why do you ask?"

"So that I can tell you not to be."

"But I'm not."

"Then I can tell you that you should be."

"…Whatever."

The conversation was like a well rehearsed stage play, a scene so overplayed that it almost didn't need to take place. It always started the same and ended the same, the only variable being the context in which it took place. Quistis was sure, as she watched Squall's retreating form, that one day she would just give up trying to change the script. But that day hadn't come yet, and it didn't seem to be anywhere on the horizon, and so Quistis just sauntered off towards the commissary.

"Doormat," she smirked derisively to herself.

 AN: Sorry this took yet again another lifetime to get out and is yet again a shortie! I actually have quite a bit written out but it's finding the time to type it out that's getting me! I know it looks like I'm just re-writing the storyline at the mo, and I am, but I will change later for my own evil reasons! Please R&R!


	4. The crossing

**Chapter 4**

****

**The crossing**

"Buckle up kids! This isn't the training centre anymore!"

Xu Katsuragi usually found that teasing the SeeD candidates when you possessed an authority that demanded respect was always just too tempting an offer to pass up. She loved to watch them writhe under her bordering on manic grin, sense them cringe as they found themselves pinned by her gaze. Then she just laughed a little, giving them all a much saner smile before turning the candidates over to Quistis. The blonde regarded them with a much more serious approach.

"Instructor Katsuragi will give you your boarding allocations and team number start points. You will be briefed en route to the site and the field exam will start the moment we land. I recommend that you use this last half hour to prepare, candidates, as we will not be going lightly on you. This is for real."

-Hmm, I think she has a tad more of a professional approach than me, - Xu thought with a sarcastic smile, -but I still prefer scaring them. -

The students accepted their numbers and allocations with a nod and a word of thanks. That was everyone except Seifer. After handing out the team numbers Xu followed Quistis along the walkway to transport ship 02 with practiced grace, not slipping or missing a rung. She had been doing SeeD exams for four years now and so she was just going through the motions at the moment. Yet, despite her experience, she still believed that it never got any easier watching your students be disappointed when they failed. She had known some of these kids almost all their lives and had had her part in teaching them. Sure she had her hopefuls, her favourites, every instructor did, but she also had the innate desire to see every one of them pass. The SeeD field exam was one of the hardest events of the year for Xu, having to watch her pupils turned away, feeling their sadness because she herself had been there before.

"Excuse me ladies," Seifer feigned a gentlemanly air as he brushed past the two instructors and disappeared into the ship before either of them could reprimand him.

Squall had been walking so closely behind the blonde that he almost walked right into Xu, stopping right before impact, his head snapping up to meet her irate gaze. Zell, having been too busy looking at a seagull to even notice that Squall had stopped, banged right into his back. Squall however hardly moved when Zell careened into him causing the smaller boy to bounce back hard and fall on his ass rather ungracefully.

"Ow!" he exclaimed loudly, jumping to his feet and rubbing his behind; with Zell there was always an odd mix of acting as if nothing had happened while drawing as much attention to himself as possible, "What's the deal? Planning on giving me some sorta' warning?"

Squall looked round at his counterpart with an unconcerned look, not even gracing Zell with and answer. He turned back to Xu with the same look on his face and then simply stepped back out of her way. From the look on his face Xu had to wonder if Squall had looked back out of concern for Zell or if he had just done it so that he could tell how far back he could step without bumping into him. She gave him a begrudged nod and continued along the walkway with Quistis. Now don't get me wrong, Seifer annoyed the seven hells out of Xu, but in a way she still preferred him to Squall. Seifer at least had feelings like a real person whereas Squall…he was so robotic, uncaring it came across as to the instructor, so dead as a person, to perfect to be real. Quistis defended him to the nth degree of course though and Xu did respect her friend's opinion. That, and her professional demeanour being the only reason that she acknowledged Squall at all.

Once on board Xu closed the transports hatch and secured it, checking the safety locks for faults. Xu had been on missions before, embarrassingly enough, where they had had to abort the mission due to a faulty hatch that had burst open and nearly sank the transport vessel. The instructor knew that the Garden received large sums of money as funding (exactly where from she did not know) but where all the money went she wasn't so sure of. It wasn't on maintenance anyway, that was for sure.

Once everything was secured and to Xu's liking she turned to walk into the control cabin but stopped at the door as the sound of Seifer's voice permeated the thick bulkhead.

"Just remember who the leader is in this group and I think you'll be fine."

"Hey, who appointed you leader anyway?" she heard Zell retort.

"Instructor Xu decides the teams for field exams," Quistis's calm, reasoning tone cut through but did nothing to silence Seifer.

"Yes, not you that decides, eh /instructor/ Trepe."

"……."

"Hey, leave Instructor Trepe alone!" Zell's angry voice way only met by a snort from Seifer, "she's far more qualified than you Mr.Three-times-failure!"

"At least I've been in the field before you chicken-wuss."

"Don't call me a chicken-wuss!"

Xu sighed before resignedly opening the door. This was going to be a long trip.

----------------------

(Squall POV)

So this was our "captain"? I'm going to fail, we are all going to fail. This is ludicrous, Seifer's never followed an order in his life, I have never known him to…known him. When did I meet Seifer? I feel like I've had to put up with him for eternity already, but I can't actually recall…but that's really beside the point. Like it or not he was our leader, all I can do is follow orders and hope he doesn't ask me to do something really stupid. I can always hope can't I?

"Hey you?" I felt Seifer kick me in the leg to get my attention and raised my eyes from the data pad slowly to meet his own, "what are you looking at?"

"Data files on the Galbadian army," I replied civilly.

"Why?" he asked with a smirk.

"Threat assessment," I said back in the same tone as before.

"Hmm," his smirk broadened as he thought, "I think you're looking at this all the wrong way."

"What do you mean?" I asked frowning.

"Let me put it this way," Seifer raised his hand to count off his points, "step one: we land, Step two: we encounter the threat, step three: we eliminate the threat, step four: we leave, step five: we pass the exam."

"Don't be too cocky Seifer," Xu warned the blonde, not even turning from her control panel as she did so.

"But what about the details?" I continued seriously, wondering if this was the plan Seifer had always followed when going into his field exam, "Threat assessment and study of the enemy allows a higher chance of victory with maximum efficiency."

I couldn't be sure but as I spoke these words I could have sworn that I saw Xu shiver out the corner of my eye. Must have been a draft…

"That is how we pass the exam," I added, putting down the data pad I was holding and picking up the next one.

"Yeah well," Seifer smirked and sat back, "I think I'll just stick with my own method."

"If it's the same one that you used the other three times then I think that you should consider changing," Zell smirked back.

"Shut it, wuss," Seifer sidelined, keeping his eyes on me the entire time, "and anyway those failures were just down to bad judgement."

"Really?" I asked coldly, raising one eyebrow sceptically and eyeing him over the top of the data pad.

Seifer shook his head and snorted, "That's the biggest reaction I'm going to get out of you today isn't it? You're a cold man, you know that?"

"Seifer, will you please stop antagonising your team mates and focus? You shouldn't be treating this as some sort of game," Quistis interrupted calmly, "you have people under your responsibility now."

"Whatever you say instructor," Seifer smiled, relaxing back in his chair, "whatever you say."

I ignored him as best I could. Well he wasn't exactly easy to put out of your mind; he was just too in your face, too arrogant, too brash, too good looking…I did not just think that, I didn't. Alright, so he was an attractive man, or so I gather from what others have said anyway, but he's an arrogant prick and I don't know how anyone could stand to be around him for too long. Rajin and Fujin must have a swell time.

"Hey," he said, kicking me again as if attaching my name to the end of his sentence was more effort than kicking me in the shin, "I've got an order for you soldier-boy. Go outside and see what's going on."

"His name is Squall," Zell interposed giving Seifer a venomous look and folding his arms, "or didn't you know? I'm beginning to wonder, considering you haven't called either of us by our names since this mission started!"

"What was that, wuss?" Seifer goaded effectively.

"What is your problem!?" Zell exploded, jumping to his feet, his countenance twisted in rage and his hands balled into tight fists.

Quistis was on her feet in a second, well used to dealing with this same situation over and over again, standing between the two boys, one raging and one seemingly calm.

"Seifer, if you not desist in this behaviour I will have no choice but to demote you and put Squall in charge of Squad B! I will not have you jeopardise this mission and these student's chances of success, just so you can have an ego trip and then fail, dragging them down with you! Do we understand each other?"

Seifer eyed her coldly, his eyes holding a maliciously fierce glint, his cocky air having been replaced by one of malevolence and hate. If there was one thing Seifer hated more than the thought of not taking the role of an authority figure it was having to listen to one.

"Perfectly," he said with a forced smile.

There was silence once more then, yet it was not calm. I just stared ahead of me, looking at the reason for the trouble in the first place. I absently heard Quistis trying to calm Zell, telling him to just ignore Seifer, to focus on the exam, etc, etc. I should have been listening, I should have been studying…but for some reason I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from the irate man in front of me. I couldn't look away as he sat slouched in his seat, his fisted hand crushed into his mouth as his eyes smouldered dangerously. Then suddenly, completely without warning, he looked up, catching me staring right into his eyes, and he frowned. Any other person would have looked away, tried to hide the fact that they'd been staring…but I'm not any other person. I don't mean that as a boast, simply as the truth, these sorts of things don't really bother me because I don't become embarrassed easily. I've never really understood the reaction myself, all it does is show weakness.

Seifer didn't say a word, only returned my stare with his glinting gaze and a frown. It was almost as if, when he'd seen me looking, that he'd accepted a challenge I hadn't even laid down; but then that was Seifer, always seeing everything as a challenge, as a threat to his supposed leadership and authority. I didn't break the stare out, but then I didn't see it as a confrontation and so I didn't see myself as even part of this little ego trip Seifer was having. I suddenly became dimly aware that Xu was staring at us both, looking back and forth between us with a worried and tense look on her face. Quistis and Zell had also stopped talking and were also staring at us, their looks more confused than anxious. Yet it was absently that I noted these facts, Seifer holding my attention as he leaned forwards in his chair as he narrowed his eyes and rested his hands on his knees. I tensed, ready for anything he might do. It was always best to be prepared around people like Seifer Almasy, considering their unpredictably violent nature. What he did so however I was not prepared for. The ghost of a smile played at the sides of his mouth, vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. If he hadn't been leaning so close to me I think I would have missed it completely. I doubted very much whether the others saw it.

"Didn't I give you an order" he said softly, adding in a louder voice, "Squall?"

"Of course," I said standing, suppressing my frown as I headed for the hatchway.

Once outside, the door closed securely, I let my mask slip and leaned back against the wall. What the hell had all that been about? I mean Seifer had…smiled. I had been staring at him as if he was the single most captivating thing since the first time I had seen my first gunblade, and Seifer, well he had smiled! It was all he needed to do to make me feel suspicious and confused.

-_Why…am I acting like this? I think that…no, I need to focus_.-

I mulled it over as I headed up the small metal staircase and opened the hatch that led out onto the deck of the transport. I tried to dismiss it; I couldn't let it cloud my mind when I was supposed to be thinking about the exam. I started going over Galbadian armour weaknesses instead. Yet, even as my minor inner turmoil occupied my mind, I found myself staring up at the sky from the hatchway. It was quite a sight. The moon was huge and full, harvest time not far away, against a violet tinted sky. Even the SeeD jets, their vapour trails leaving smoky scars across the pure white orb, could not detract my attention from the natural beauty of the scene. It was quite perfect, the hint of evening in the sky, the moon out in full, the blast of sea air against my face as I raised myself over the rail to get a proper look at our destination.

As soon as I spied it however, all other thoughts fled my mind in shock.

The normally peaceful harbour town of Dollet, with its almost sleepy postcard atmosphere, was erupting in flames and destruction. There were boats sinking and thrashing in the water like they were drowning, buildings scattering their bricks like leaves in the wind as the bombs from the enemy fighters fell. The roaring of our own fighter jets as they flew down to intercept the enemy was incredible and I bent down instinctively, covering my ears so as not to be deafened. I took a quick glance at the report sheet, its slim plastic covering flitting violently in the wind as I tried to check if anything major or important had been destroyed in the town. Then I felt it, that unfamiliar boost in power, the stomach lurching change in gear as all of the transports powered up to attack velocity and slipped into attack formation. I felt the ship lurching under my feet as the waves crashed violently against the hull, throwing me thankfully towards the hatchway. I grabbed hold of the slim handle and yanked it open, only being able to hold it open slightly from my awkward position on the floor, before slithering through it and falling onto the staircase bellow. I held onto the rails as I felt a particularly large crash against the transport, freeing my hands just long enough t be ale to secure the hatchway before we were suddenly and unexpectedly in the air. I felt my stomach turn and that peculiarly enjoyable giddiness that comes from sudden almost weightlessness. I just held on to the hatchway clamp for dear life, waiting for the vessel to slam into the water again.

-_Trust Seifer to have already given me a stupid order_, - was all I could think before we hit the water once more and sped off towards Dollet Harbour Beach.

AN: WOW! A REVIEW! Thank you blessedsilence hee hee. In all honesty I kind of gave up on this story when I saw I wasn't getting any reviews and focussed more on my other fic's. Now that I've got one however, I can write it again, yay -! You think the dialogue was better than the game, hee hee bows low so that beard sweeps the ground Hmm, well maybe I'll forget the beard, but thank you! And I've always thought the garden looks like a big beached jellyfish, glad someone else sees - none of my friends do .-

I actually have the whole story planned out, I just have to write it up (err hopefully a bit faster than I have been already, sorry about the delays!) and then it will be done phew. But anyways, thanks again for the review and as always, please R&R!


	5. When things go wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters or situations therein, but that doesn't mean I don't get to mess with them ne? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk…

**Chapter 5**

****

**When things go wrong…**

****

The SeeD flagship thudded back into the water at tremendous speed sending huge waves shuddering in all directions. Instructor Xu Katsuragi did, to all intents and purposes, have a bit of flair for the dramatic and she believed this was her place to let it shine.

The ships had formed a tight triangle formation as they skimmed the water and raced for the beach.

"READY..!" Xu yelled as the sand began to drag on the bottom of the transport.

There was a terrific scraping sound as the boat beached itself and then shuddered violently as the engines strained against the land. Then all was still.

"…GO!" the instructor yelled at the top of her lungs, jumping up from her seat and pointing dramatically at the hatchway to the beach.

The cargo bay doors slid open teasingly slowly and the prospective SeeD's tensed and moved forward, waiting anxiously for there to be enough room to squeeze through the doors and into the exam. Seifer was the first one out, leaping onto the golden sand and barrelling through the SeeD judges and back-up that were waiting there. He didn't even give his team a second glance.

Despite the dark grey clouds of smoke and the sounds of battle, it was a gouriously sunny day in Dollet. Though the moon was out in full the sun was still shining her pleasant beams down onto the golden beach and the harbour. The small buildings of the town were baking in the heat, radiating heat waves off into the air and making the clouds shimmer. It was a sad juxtaposition Zell thought as he stepped out onto the sand.

"Squall!" Quistis's urgent call stopped the brunette in his tracks as he too raced along the sand, Zell at his heels, "don't forget to junction! Seifer needs to be junctioned with one of your GF's. I didn't think that you'd be willing to give up Quetzacotl so take this instead."

She threw him a small disc (1) which glinted in the sun, landing neatly in his outstretched palm. Squall nodded a curt thanks before turning and running off again towards where Seifer stood impatiently. Zell just grinned and gave the instructor a quick thumbs up before running off after the man that he truly believed was leader of their motley group.

-As if Seifer even has a plan, - Zell snorted as he thought of the taller boys complete ineptitude when it came to thinking of anyone but himself, - at least Squall knows who we're fighting, unlike somebody I could mention!-

"Will you two stop lagging!?" Seifer shouted irritably to them over the sounds of battle, "If you're going to be serving under me you're going to have to keep up."

Squall noted the fact that Seifer was staring right into his eyes when he said this but dismissed it. He also dismissed the seriously sly and creepy smile Seifer was giving him; it was just too much to think about right now. Instead he focused on the exam, on exactly what he had to do to stop Seifer from fucking this up for all of them. To Seifer's remark he did as little as to raise an eyebrow before continuing as normal, handing the small disc Quistis had thrown him to Seifer. He then pulled a similar disc from his belt and handed it to Zell. The two blondes quickly junctioned the two GF's, Seifer with Shiva and Zell with Ifrit. Zell felt his mind twist a little as the great fire GF touched his psyche with its own, their compatibility rate not exactly anything special. The GF seemed a little reluctant to leave the relevant safety of Squall's mind in favour of his own, but at last it was coerced. He let out a sigh as it settled deep within his mind, ready to come forth when summoned, and set about junctioning all his magic and abilities within his GF.

Seifer seemed to have no problem with Shiva, slipping the relevant data disc into his belt pouch and smirking derisively at the younger blonde. Zell just shook it off before turning to Squall. Squall of course was having no trouble, having his own GF never leaving his mind and so not needing any time to prepare. Sometimes Squall had, in his quieter moments when he couldn't bring the effort of will into play enough to visit the training centre, taken to wondering about the great thunder god. For some inexplicable reason Squall and Quetzacotl had always had a very high compatibility rate, ranging from seven hundred and fifty to the nine hundreds, sometimes even spilling over the thousand mark. Supposedly, so he had been told, it was the highest ever recorded compatibility in the world, yet Squall didn't really care for records, only for efficiency. He and the GF had been together for as long as he could remember and they worked very well together; that was what mattered most.

So with everything set just right, spirits pumped to the max and Seifer looking impatiently at his watch the trio set out at a run towards the city centre.

The main street was entirely empty, only the sound of far off gunfire and warfare echoing the dull walls. Squall wasn't really scared, a little worried perhaps, but that was only because of Seifer. Squall guessed that the best explanation for his lack of fear was the fact that there was very little time to worry about it; he just didn't allow the thought to enter his head.

He stopped a moment as he reached an abandoned car, checking the alleyways to each side for prospective enemies. Zell stopped with him and checked the opposite side of the street. It was bog standard SeeD protocol, to make sure that no enemies were left within the city under SeeD protection, and of course Seifer rushed straight ahead and ignored it. Squall just sighed and continued his search until he was satisfied that there was no threat. When he returned Zell gave him a thumbs up from the other side of the street and Squall nodded slightly.

Seifer was waiting impatiently at the end of the street, tapping his long gunblade on the ground and sighing. To both his comrades' surprise there were two dead Galbadian soldiers at his feet.

"Where..?" Zell started.

"On the bridge moron," Seifer shook his head as he lifted Hyperion and pointed it towards the bridge above his head, "not the alleyway, the bridge."

"Hey who you calling a..!" Zell began but was once more interrupted by the imperturbable blonde.

"Having fun yet?" Seifer smirked at Squall as the brunette stood one hand on hip, "Don't get too complacent…you never know, something really exciting might happen. In a million years…"

"Are we going or what?" Zell danced around like a little kid, his scowl not ebbing one bit as he eyed the dead soldiers at Seifer's feet.

"Hmph. The central square is at the end of this street," Seifer told them both, and then turning towards the barren street he raised his gunblade in front of him and balled, "Hey all you Galbadian cowards out there, come out and fight me, show me what you've got!"

With those words of wisdom he ran off again towards the centre of the small town of Dollet. Squall stared after him and blinked; Zell gritted his teeth and kicked at the ground irritably.

"…Idiot," he ground out finally.

"Just ignore him," Squall said flatly before running off after their squad leader.

Zell huffed but followed Squall all the same. He wasn't about to fail this exam for Seifer's sake, _especially_ not to satisfy Seifer's ego and DEFINITELY not just because Seifer was bored. This was far too important, this was what he'd worked all his life for and he wasn't going to let some egotistical punk ruin it for him…and not just him. He wouldn't let Squall be failed because of Seifer's bad leadership qualities either. Zell still couldn't figure out why Instructor Xu would sanely have put him in charge. Sure he had more experience than either Zell or Squall, heck they had never even been in a real battle before, but still it would have made more sense to the young blond if Squall had been put in charge. Or if Seifer just wasn't allowed to take the SeeD exam ever again…but for some reason he was allowed to come back again and again every year.

The two Galbadian soldiers in the central square never even saw the SeeD candidates coming before they were bearing down on them. Seifer easily dispatched the first, tearing through the mans ribcage as he futilely tried to raise his weapon to defend himself. The other, given warning only by his comrades blood choked scream was able to let off a few shots at Zell but the young blond danced nimbly out of danger and Squall came in for the kill. In two quick strokes he had effectively slit the man's throat and then impaled him on his gunblade, the once pure silver blade now running with gore. There was a soft silence, filled only with the sound of far off shells falling and guns firing. Zell stiffened and tried his hardest not to vomit as Squall placed his boot on the soldier and pushed him from the blade accompanied by a blood curdling, scraping, crunching sound. Even Seifer seemed to flinch at the other boys seeming coldness, his expression never seeming to change as he watched the soldier fall from his weapon. Squall turned to face them and frowned to see that the colour had drained from Zell's face and that Seifer wasn't bragging.

"What?" he asked them both.

"N-nothing," Zell shook his head and turned away from the brunette, "just a little…"

"Grossed out," Seifer chuckled, his composure finally re-attained as he smirked at Zell, "should have expected that from you."

Zell, usually so defensive when it came to Seifer, just flicked another quick look at Squall as he wiped his blade clean and shivered. He only vaguely noted the fact that Seifer was talking to Squall, telling him something about never impaling an enemy in the middle of a fight just in case there are more enemies about.

"Then you find yourself without a weapon soldier-boy."

He heard Squall's silence in reply, the only sound being that of him re-sheathing the Revolver. A cloud passed over the sun and it suddenly became very cold in the small square, the small breeze becoming chilling instead of comforting. Yet it did not last, and Zell felt clichéd as he wondered as to the clouds timing. He began to pace back and forward, just to give himself something to do.

-God, - he thought, -oh god…I knew it would be like this, but…so cold, Squall that was cold. How could he not be shaking like a leaf after gutting that guy! Hell I'm trembling and I only saw it!-

"I think that's all of them," Squall's flat tone cut through Zell's thoughts, but he did not look at him.

He didn't want to see that dead look in his eyes, that unfeeling wall that existed just behind those frosty orbs, blocking the real Squall from view.

-At least I know he's back there, the real him, I know he is, - Zell thought as he continued to wear down the pavement, a small dog wandering up to him and looking up at him mournfully, -probably spewing his guts out!-

"Well then," Seifer sighed, leaning back up against a wall and pulling out a packet of cigarettes, "we're on standby till the enemy comes."

He sheathed his gunblade, still covered in blood, and cupped his hands around his mouth as he lit the cigarette. Taking a long draw from the small stick Seifer closed his eyes and savoured the strong thick smoke before letting it seep out through his nostrils.

"Standby…" he grumbled, "…how boring."

Squall scouted around the square one last time as Seifer flicked his ash in a neat pile on a concrete post. The wind stirred it softly, spilling it onto the head of the small dog that had set up shop next to Zell. The dog whined quietly and shifted closer to the young blond as he stopped in his pacing and plonked himself down on the floor. He didn't want to just sit here, even though he really didn't want to have to kill anyone either…well, not in the way Squall had anyway.

"God this is boring," Zell muttered sweeping the ash from the dogs head.

"…Nothing. I can't even hear the guns anymore," Squall whispered, more to himself than anyone else, as he stared out towards the mountains beyond the town.

"…The HELL! Man, now this is what I call boring!" Zell sprang from the ground sending the dog scurrying, "This ain't right. I mean call me stupid…"

"Stupid," Seifer interrupted him flicking his quickly finished cigarette into the fountain.

Zell shot him a look and continued, "…but in an exam aren't we supposed to do things we can be assessed on?"

"You would think so wouldn't you?" Seifer dug his hand into his jacket again for his cigarettes, "Yet still they keep us waiting, I think they enjoy it. Damn it this is shit! This must be the worst one yet…"

Zell just ignored Seifer's irritation, shifting on his feet nimbly as he went through a couple of well versed moves. Squall just stood beside the fountain, staring into the water in complete silence. Zell really had to wonder what was going on in the brunettes mind, wishing he would just spill his feelings instead of locking it all up inside of himself. Zell was sure that too much brooding had to be bad for a person. Yet he turned away once more, knowing it was a fruitless train of thought, looking to Seifer once more as he lit up another cigarette.

"That's a dirty habit," Zell sneered at Seifer as he boxed the air.

"Who are _you_ to lecture _me_," Seifer said over dramatically waving his hands in the air, before adding "chicken."

"I didn't even know you smoked," Squall said quickly before Zell could react.

"Yeah well blame that on the Gardens wonderful no smoking policy," Seifer snorted derisively, "so I only get these little wonderful moments alone with my nicotine filled friends."

"Hn, why bother? It won't do you any good," Squall said, wondering straight after why exactly he had said it at all.

-Did I just give Seifer advice? – Squall tried not to frown at the thought.

"Well," Seifer continued as if he hadn't noticed the strangeness of Squall's words, "life's too damn short. If you ask me, I'd say that you really can't wait around to be told that it's okay to do a thing, you have to reach out and grab it before the chance passes you by."

"Even if that thing is harmful?" Squall asked, never one to back down from a challenge.

"Hell yeah," Seifer grinned, "especially that. Heck Squall you're one to talk. I mean, if you're talking about avoiding things that are harmful for your health then what the hell are you doing here than, huh?"

Squall just glared at him, making Seifer snigger a little. He was about to spout some sort of derisive comment at Seifer but, as if on cue, the small dog that had been forgotten in the heat of the moment began to howl at the top of its lungs.

"Whoa!" Zell started, holding his hand to his heart in fright, "gees that was loud!"

"This is ludicrous," Seifer muttered as he shook his head and scowled, "is this some sort of dog training school or an exam? Some times I have to wonder…"

The dog continued to howl however, stopping only to bear its teeth and growl. It suddenly leapt forward, running towards the fountain where Squall stood, the water splashing against its chocolate coloured coat and glistening in the sunshine. Seifer just chuckled at the little mutt, taking another long drag from his cigarette. Yet, Zell wasn't as wholly dismissive as his team mate. He walked over to the distressed dog, following its anxious gaze down a seemingly abandoned street. Something just wasn't right about this whole situation. Squall seemed to pick up on the small blondes worry, taking up position beside him to look down the street too. There was a pause then, an anxious wait during which Zell shivered in anticipation. Then, just as both boys began to think that perhaps the dog was just crazy and that they were severely wasting time, a flash of blue appeared at the end of the street.

"Someone's coming," Squall hissed, pulling Zell back from the fountain and lowering into a crouch.

"Really, fantastic," Seifer grinned as he unsheathed Hyperion, throwing his cigarette to the ground and once more and readying himself, "let them come!"

"No," Squall told him, "get down!"

Seifer frowned. He wasn't one to take orders, especially from subordinates and VERY especially when it meant getting in the way of some serious playtime. Yet, there was something in the brunette's gaze, something very sincere yet not pleading. Seifer just sighed and complied, hiding down beside Squall just as the enemy rounded the corner of the street and stepped out into the square. He was a young looking soldier, from what could be seen of his face under the large helmet he wore and he seemed rather nervous as he scanned the area with his gun raised. He was clearly, from the yellow pads on his shoulders, of engineer class, not your average battle soldier. When he rounded the fountain and came face to face with the dog which, of course, started barking like crazy, he jumped about three feet into the air before yelping and letting off a few surprised rounds at the poor dog. The shot went wide due to the young soldiers fright and the dog scampered of whimpering. The soldier let out a long sigh, shaking his head and letting his shoulders slump as he muttered to himself. However, as the onlookers watched, the soldier's interest turned from the dog and the square itself back to down the street from where he had come. He made an obscure whistling sound which was returned a moment later. Then, suddenly, a long line of engineer class soldiers filed down the street and meet up with the first scout. The last to meet them was the chief engineer, clearly discernable due to his bright red uniform and heavy set armour.

"What on earth are engineer's doing in the middle of the battle field?" Squall mused quietly.

Squall heard Seifer shift as he sat crouched behind him, wishing the blonde would just stay still in case he jeopardised their position. Seifer however could not see through the back of Squall's head, which he was getting quite a good view of right now, and needed to see what was going on. He then decided, in all wicked innocence, that he was being forced into moving forwards. Of course he had to move closer to be able to see…

Squall tensed instantly as he felt Seifer's hand come to rest on his right shoulder and the taller boy's body slide against his back. He didn't move however, he couldn't without exposing his position to the enemy, not even when he felt Seifer's breath tickle his cheek as the blonde leaned his head on his shoulder and said;

"What do they think they're up to?"

Squall felt his pulse quicken as Seifer moved closer, their backs parallel, Seifer's other hand resting on Squall's thigh to keep balance. The brunette tried his hardest not to flinch as that hand pressed harder against his leg as Seifer moved once more, but his instincts pushed him forward and he moved away from Seifer as silently as he could.

Seifer just smiled at Squall's tense back, having to use all his willpower not to laugh at the stoic soldier. He couldn't ignore, however, that his pulse was pumping like a piston in a racing bike. He felt a little giddy just from being that close to Squall; he hadn't been that close to him, well, ever! The only time the ever really had physical contact was when they fought and they weren't exactly the most amiable of times. His blood seemed to be pulsing double quick through his veins, the fleeting feeling of Squall's incalculably soft hair still ghosting against his cheek. He couldn't help but think incredibly wicked thoughts; he was only human after all.

-I really am sick, - Seifer shook his head and tried his hardest to calm himself.

Doing that so close to Squall however was not exactly easy. Just then, as Seifer began to take control, the whispering soldiers in the square began to move off to the right of the square, forcing Squall back from his slightly exposed position. As he moved back however, further and further, he found himself right in Seifer's lap. The blonde could hardly restrain himself as the brunette was forced to sit right back against him. However, no matter how much he was definitely not complaining about the current situation, he moved back. He could feel, stirring deep within him, a reaction which he would most certainly not be able to explain away if Squall discovered it. It was all fine teasing, but if he let slip that he was that attracted to the younger boy then, well, there were some things you just couldn't deny.

As if in consolation however, Seifer could feel a glaring gaze cutting deep into his back. As he turned to look he could hardly restrain a laugh as he saw Zell glaring daggers at him. He knew that he only teased Squall about his ineptitude to feel, yet he had always thought that only a complete dolt wouldn't notice the fact that someone was all over them. Zell was so all over Squall that Seifer was surprised that even the stoic soldier hadn't noticed…but Seifer had. It was only an added bonus to the blonde to make Zell incalculably jealous as he made comment after comment, touch after touch and received more and more reaction from Squall every time. As he looked over to the smaller boy who was hiding behind the pillar Seifer had been using as an ash tray earlier he smirked to see he was entirely right. Seifer had always suspected that what Zell felt for his team mate was more than just professional, but over the past few months he had only proved Seifer's suspicions to be correct.

IT was quite amusing however to Seifer, Zell's gaze could have melted glass. He was about to look away when, to Seifer's surprise Zell mouthed something to him; one single word that threw down the gauntlet, challenging Seifer for the man who watched the Galbadian soldiers, completely oblivious to the dealings going on behind his back.

"Mine."

Seifer hid his surprise at the younger boy's blunt possessiveness behind a cocky smirk and mouthed his own reply.

"Want to bet?"

The challenge had been accepted, and if there was one thing that Seifer loved, it was a good challenge.

(1) Hmmm, I have never really been too sure as to how the GF's are actually junctioned so I made up the little data discs. I thought that maybe if someone had the information on the GF then they could call it up, but it was just a crappy idea to try and explain something the game never really did !

AN: Well, I thought that, considering Seifer never seemed like the patient type, that he would probably get started on his plan right away mwooahaha! Hmm, is it all a little too forward though, I couldn't tell -! Anyhoo, please R&R, and thank you so much for reviewing!! Hee hee, I had really given up hope for this story but now I think I will finish it. Now, writing the next chapter, err um…


	6. When things go wrong part II

Disclaimer: I don't own FF blardy, blardy, blar!! Hee hee, you know what I mean!

Key: Denotes POV__

-Denotes thoughts-

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**Chapter 6**

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**When things go wrong II**

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Squall

-Oh Hyne, - I thought as I felt Seifer's hand on my shoulder, - will you please keep still dammit? Damn it Seifer! -

Yet he didn't comply with my inner wishes, opting instead to continue jeopardising our position by being an asshole. Then, suddenly, I felt his back sliding against my own, his body radiating heat and making me shiver involuntarily. I shied away a little as I felt his breath on my cheek as he muttered into my ear.

-What the hell..? – I asked myself as Seifer continued to peer over my shoulder, "he's a little close…"

My thoughts were instantly cut off however as Seifer's other wondering hand found its way onto my thigh. I inhaled sharply, berating myself silently for reacting so strongly. Yet still, my heart was racing all of a sudden and I found it hard to breathe slowly as he leaned in just that little closer…but I couldn't take it, what was I doing!? I quickly moved out of his strange hold, reluctantly putting my closer to the edge of the wall and the view of the enemy. I just preyed that they wouldn't see me and continued to watch them whispering, trying desperately to focus on the task at hand.

Easier said than done.

It may be an understatement to say that Seifer's behaviour was breaking my concentration and jumbling my usually calm logical mind. He'd been acting too strangely to be ignored recently, and it was starting to really unnerve me. Yet, it wasn't just Seifer's actions that were troubling me…it was my own reactions also. As Seifer made contact with my body I felt a strange surge of feelings into my mind, and also physically, it was like mini electric shocks coursing between our bodies. The thoughts that flew through my mind, to fast to take track of, drowning the logical side of my mind and replacing it with…well, I don't know what! Something else, something strange and I didn't know what it meant. My emotional problem could wait however, but my physical one was a little more immediate. On contact, considering my mind was so jumbled and the situation so tense and unpredictable, I felt a familiar throb between my legs and mentally cursed.

-Not now for Hynes sakes! – I pleaded with my hormonally charged teenage body, but it wouldn't listen.

I could feel my cheeks beginning to burn, damn this was embarrassing! Seifer was just trying to look over my shoulder and I was getting all excited and he was my worst rival and I don't know what I'm supposed to be thinking anymore. I mean this was Seifer here dammit!

-Snap out of it! – I shouted inside my head, -What are you thinking? Do you know how much Seifer would kill you if he sees you like this? Or how much you will have to kill yourself to spare yourself the embarrassment?-

So before, when I said that nothing really bothers me, makes me embarrassed, well this is one of the few things that does. Well, it is embarrassing and slightly…revealing, and it's the epitome of all the annoying things the body can do. I guess I hate the lack of control it makes me feel as well, but that's really beside the point and right then, I was more interested in making it go away than moralising over its links to my personality defects.

Just then the enemy stopped whispering. I focused as they began to move but then winced as I realised just how far out from behind the wall I was after moving away from Seifer. I had to move back, I had no choice. Don't misunderstand me, my embarrassment and discomfort did not hinder me in performing my duty…but that didn't make it any easier to sit myself in Seifer's lap.

-What am I doing..? – I asked myself, my cheeks flaring like alarm signals, trying my hardest not to touch him, -just move back Seifer, please you asshole…-

As if reading my mind Seifer slowly slid back until he was once again crouched behind me. I let out the breath I didn't even notice I had been holding, hoping Seifer didn't notice either, and then scalded myself for caring what he thought at all. This was ridiculous; I was acting like I was actually scared if Seifer disapproved of me…like I really gave a damn…and this was Seifer for Hyne's sakes!

Yet again I felt him close in to look over my shoulder as the enemy left and I kept my eyes on the soldiers, not really caring anymore what he did. I just tensed, ready to move as soon as the enemy was gone from sight…and only because there was no time to be wasted of course, nothing to do with Seifer at all. The Galbadian's moved excruciatingly slowly, damn it was like they had the entire army shacked up behind the fountain.

-Damn it, hurry up already! What's taking so long…- I couldn't help but get impatient, -damn if this isn't the most ludicrous situation…-

Then they were gone; it was almost as if they had never even been there the square was suddenly so quiet, and I took my chance to get away from Seifer.

"They must be headed for that structure on the summit," Zell's voice barely registered in my brain as I tried to calm myself.

I nodded shortly, closing my eyes in thanks as I slipped out of my…little embarrassing episode, and could safely turn and face my team mates with a purely passive gaze. I tried my hardest not to look at Seifer, but I just wanted to see…

"Y'know something Squall?" he said shaking his head and sighing, "You make a much better wall than a window."

…it wasn't intentional, none of it…good. I wasn't eve sure why I was worrying about it all the time, why I cared if Seifer was making advances towards me. It wouldn't have made any difference to me, none at all, other than I would have had to get his head checked out because he must have hit it hard.

As I continued to think, I realised that Seifer was still looking at me. I tried not to look back. As I evaded his eyes I tried not to look suspicious…but why was I caring again? I could look anywhere I wanted…Seifer gave me one last look; something sparkled in his eyes, I could have sworn he looked almost…feral. The battle, had to be the battle, what else could it be? Yet he didn't stop staring at me, didn't stop making me feel more uncomfortable than I had in a long time, and I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I didn't look away, I didn't make any sort of comment, I…but finally he looked away, turning to look up towards the mountains beyond the town.

"What is that up there anyway?" I heard Zell ask, but did not look at him, fixing my eyes on the fountain instead, letting the calm of the bubbling water sort out my mind, helping me relax.

I turned finally to look at the structure along with the others after I was sure I was fine, back to my old self.

"Well?" Zell's voice sounded closer, but I was too caught up in trying to remember what the structure was from the tactical maps to notice.

Only when I felt a hand on my arm was I jolted from my thoughts. I turned to face the confused looking Zell and silently chided myself for not paying more attention. I hadn't even noticed Zell was questioning me, too caught up in feeling relieved about avoiding embarrassment and now I'd only attracted more attention to myself.

"Are you okay?" the young blonde's tone was concerned, his hand still on my arm.

"Fine," I replied flatly, making my tone as flat as possible, and folded my arms so as to force him to remove his hand.

I hated when people touched me. They always seemed to think that being allowed to touch a person means that they like and care for you, that they don't mind being around you, that they'd like you to be around them more. With me, that sounded a little like my worst nightmare. I hated that look of concern in Zell's eyes too…why did he care anyway? He should be worrying about the exam, not concerning himself with my own perturbations.

Zell took the hint and moved back from me, letting his arms fall to his sides, fixing his eyes on the fountain as I had done moments before. I heard a snort from behind me and watched in silent interest as Zell's eyes, once calm and reserved, blazed with sudden fire as he looked at Seifer. It never ceased to amaze me how everything Seifer did reiled Zell up until he exploded…which usually didn't take long.

"If you two lovers are finished," Seifer smirked as he tapped the tip of his gunblade absently on the ground, "I think the enemy is getting away."

Zell skipped getting angry this time, opting instead for a look of confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown, meriting a sly grin from Seifer.

"Wait, you're…not saying," Zell snorted dubiously, but then seeing Seifer's seriousness his features adored a look of disbelief, "we can't follow them!"

"Weren't you just telling me five minutes ago how terminally bored you were?" Seifer spread his hands to the younger boy and blinked innocently.

"But…but it's against our orders!" Zell protested, shaking his head.

I have to say that he did look genuinely worried by Seifer's statement, and I knew why. Seifer was a rouge, he hated orders most of all because he always thought that _he_ knew the best course of action to take, and at the moment he was in his most dangerous state…bored.

"Squall!" Zell turned to me with pleading eyes, begging me silently to stand with him against Seifer's risky decision.

I knew that staying in the square until further orders arrived was the right thing to do, I knew that I should back Zell up and persuade Seifer that this was the wrong course of action to take…but I couldn't. I wanted to do something, I wanted to test my skills, I wanted to know why the Galbadian's were interested in the mountaintop structure. Zell and Seifer weren't the only bored ones, and anyway Seifer's option sounded much more appealing than staying here.

Turning back to Zell's pleading face and Seifer's expectant look I slowly drew in a breath before deciding to jeopardise my felid exam for a reason I wasn't quite clear on.

"I stand by the captain's decision," I said, the title I graced Seifer with was out of my mouth before I could stop it; I wasn't quite sure why I called him captain, but I knew that Seifer wouldn't let me just get away with saying it without thinking up some sort of comment first.

"…Captain's decision?" Seifer's incredulous tone betrayed his shock as he walked up to stand beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder and shaking me, "you want to wreak some havoc too, don't you soldier boy? And by the way, if you're going to give me an authoritative title, I should let you know that I prefer "master"."

"It's nothing to do with that," I said defensively, pulling away from his touch, "this is my chance to test myself. I haven't trained all these years for nothing, I need a chance to see what I have accomplished. I'm not like you Seifer, I don't want to wreak havoc."

"But Squall..!" Zell's voice was almost a whine as he tried to speak, but Seifer cut him off.

"Oh you and I aren't so very different," he said slowly, looking me right in the eyes.

"I wouldn't say that," I answered him, trying not to get lost in his penetrating stare, trying not to let it stir that odd feeling I my stomach again, "thanks to your "teachings" I feel like I could take on anyone in the world…even if they are all dirty fighter like you. Yet that doesn't mean we are alike; I don't believe in mindless destruction."

"s that all I can take credit for?" Seifer shook his head and smirked, "Releasing your primal hatred? Come on Squall, give me a little more acknowledgment than that. And since when am I a dirty fighter? I think I'm just too good at getting you to let your guard down."

"Yes, well I'll not make that mistake again," I said with a raise of my eyebrow.

"We'll see," Seifer leaned his head back and surveyed me through drooped eyes, "you'll thank me for what I've done when the time comes."

"Hey!" Zell's outrage was barely contained as he stormed up to us and glared at Seifer, "What is this, a conspiracy!? I thought that you guys hated each others guts, and now you're all buddy-buddy!? Listen to me, this isn't just any old assessment, this isn't just another battle, this is our field exam and it's the most important thing we're ever going to have to do! I won't let you ruin this for us!"

"For "us" eh?" Seifer leaned back on his gunblade as he scrutinized Zell under his stare, "becoming all protective are we Dincht? Squall's a big boy now, I think that he can make decisions for himself."

"I'm telling you we have to stick to orders!" Zell yelled at the unresponsive blonde, "Quistis was right," he added, seeing that he was defeated.

"What was that?" Seifer demanded, eyes narrowing.

"She said that you would ruin this exam for the chance at an ego trip12 Zell spat back, "I still don't get why Squall isn't in charge, that Xu must have a brain defect or something!"

"Well it you think that I'm such a bad leader," Seifer said, cocking his head and stalking towards Zell to stop only a few paces form the younger boy, "then why don't you just stay here and become your own leader."

"I won't let you ruin Squall's chances!" Zell shouted in Seifer's face.

"He's coming with me, that's not up to you," Seifer replied, surprising me with their possessiveness, "you can just stay here however, I really couldn't care less. I don't need any tag along boy scouts."

"What was that!?" Zell finally exploded.

"Enough!" I broke the argument successfully in half, two sets of astonished eyes fixing on me, "don't take him seriously Zell, you're losing your focus."

Zell nodded quickly but gave Seifer one last sharp glare before calming completely.

"Seifer," the older boy looked at me with interest, "if we're going to do this then let's do it quickly. I don't want anything completely jeopardised, and I do know an order when I see one, so let's hurry."

"Fine," Seifer nodded slightly, "the enemy is headed for the summit facility and we, Squad B, are to secure that summit. Move out!"

"Alright," I nodded my agreement and then looked expectantly at Zell, hoping he would just acquiescent as I knew I couldn't just leave him behind.

He looked up at me finally, a strange light lambent in his eyes.

"Tch…fine," he muttered, shaking his head as he kicked at the ground dejectedly.

As soon as Zell had affirmed his involvement Seifer was off at a run. I turned to follow him, unsheathing my own gunblade as I ran and readying myself for any eventuality that could come at the mountains top.

AN: Hmm, I know I just repeated a little of the last chapter at the start, but I thought you might like to see what was going on in little Squally's head, tee hee! As ever please R&R! And thank you to Slipper for the reviews and the email, their much appreciated -!

Ro xx


	7. Surprise!

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8, but Seifer's just too irresistible to play with!

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**Chapter 7**

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**Surprise!**

I hope they are doing alright," Quistis fretted as she paced around the ships small control cabin, "Seifer seemed too confident, again…"

"Don't worry so much!" Xu grinned, placing a reassuring hand on her friends shoulder, "it's out of your hands now, all we can do is wish for the best."

"You know best I guess," Quistis gave a watery smile, "I really don't know how you can put up with this you know Xu, year after year. I can't imagine having to go through this sort of stress and tension again and not having a coronary."

"Yeah well, put it this way," Xu said casually walking over to a chair and flopping down into it, "it never does get any easier. You just have to adjust yourself to the scenario, never the scenario to yourself."

"How reassuring," Quistis smiled humorously.

The blonde instructor turned back to the computer simulation of Dollet Dukedom and sighed. She almost couldn't stand not being able to take part in the action, being forced to watch the little red and blue dots advance and retreat and disappear on the computer instead of seeing the real battle. She sighed, letting her shoulders slump as she thought about how bad she would feel if Squall or the others ever got hurt. Just then, as if set off by her very thoughts, the little screen in front of her began to flash. Quistis stared at it in shock as an emergency signal was patched through over the video-comm link.

"What the hell!?" Xu scowled.

Xu was out of her chair in a second and at the screen, waiting impatiently for the computer to link up.

-should have touched wood I guess, - Quistis thought wryly as the screen blinked from unintelligible fuzz to live feed from the video-comm; the man on the other end was shaky but coherent.

"All SeeD vessels retreat, I repeat all SeeD vessels retreat! This is an official order to withdraw, all SeeD personnel and SeeD candidates are to be brought back to their transports and evacuated immediately," the man shouted, the sounds of gunfire and bomb blasts ringing in the back ground, "this is an order directly from Headmaster Cid, all personnel retreat!"

Xu stared at the comm screen for a moment in complete shock.

"What in the world..?" she whispered, but regained her wits enough to grab the comm phone and blare down it, "Holland!?"

"Xu? Is that you?" the man's face shifted from business to recognition in an instant.

"Yes," the instructor replied, "give me your status report!"

"It's the Galbadian's Xu," the man replied, "they had reinforcements hidden in the mountains behind the town. We drove them into the valley and…we didn't even see them coming Xu before they cut us off! Damn sneaky bastards had us cornered! We barely managed to fight our way out of it and back down to the town, we've got a lot of wounded here, we've been hit bad!"

"Get your people back here now! I'll send back up."

"Right," Holland replied, his face looking a little more relieved than it had been before, "hurry and get everyone out! I don't know how long we can hold them back!"

Quistis just looked on helplessly as Xu and Holland shouted at each other over the sounds of bombs and gunfire. She, for once in her life, didn't know what to do.

"What's going on?" she asked her friend anxiously.

"Galbadian fuckwit's!" Xu cursed vehemently, shocking Quistis, "they must want this town badly to have planned this so meticulously! But why!?"    

"I…don't know," Quistis shook her head in defeat as Xu flipped switches and pressed buttons on the control panel in front of her, opening the comm link to all SeeD personnel.

"All SeeD personnel this is instructor Xu Katsuragi. I want you to fid your assigned group and give the order to withdraw. I repeat, find your assigned group and give the order to withdraw. This is urgent!"

Xu stepped away from the console then, staring at the little simulation as Quistis had done moments before, yet there was more horror and anger brewing in her eyes than Quistis had even seen.

"Why?" Xu muttered to herself.

"Dollet is of no military importance, it's not in a strategically favoured position," Quistis mused, "why would Galbadia send such a large force to capture such a seemingly worthless prize?"

"It makes no sense," Xu agreed, "yet the Galbadian's aren't stupid, they may be assholes but they're not stupid. There must be a damn good reason to…"

"Instructor Xu!?" the intercom in Xu's had sprang into life, interrupting the two instructors thoughts.

Again Xu was back to business in a flash, the intercom readied and patched through before Quistis could even blink.

"Xu here!" she bellowed authoritatively.

"Instructor, it's Caelen, I've reached the city square, but Squad B aren't here! They're not at their appointed site!"

At the mention of Squad b Xu's eyes narrowed and a vein seemed to become dangerously prominent on her neck. Her hands clenched in anger and she had to restrain herself before she broke the comm. The orders she relayed to the SeeD on the other end of the line were given in a very dangerous tone, not one to be argued with.

"Listen Caelen, I neeed you to send a messenger out to find them," Xu said quickly, "send someone from Squad A, someone reliable. They were closest to Squad B's last known position."

"But Instructor, shouldn't I..?" the SeeD started.

"Don't argue," Xu shouted, "I can't afford to send you errand running! After finding a messenger I want you to assist Captain Holland in his retreat. Is that clear?"

"yes maam!" came the reply.

As soon as the link was broken, just s the static buzzed off, Xu let out a blood curdling cry of rage that reverberated around the small cabin. Quistis started badly, at her friends side in a moment to comfort her. The adrenaline rush that the emergency had inspired was making her, she noticed, move twice as fast as usual. Not exactly a bad thing.

"Xu, calm down!" she said sternly yet gently, "you need to stay focused, you can't lose it now!"

Xu stopped shaking then, her clouded eyes clearing a little as she gradually raised her chin from where it had fallen against her chest. She stared at the panel in silent fury and said the only thing that was on her mind.

"Damn you Seifer!"

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"Don't be absurd!" the Galbadian soldier said to his fellow soldier as they stood outside the door to the summit structure, "SeeD'll never think to come up here. Their too busy protecting the town and fending off our second wave," his enthusiasm was clear.

"Yeah, I guess," his friends tone was much more dubious, "but still, what if..?"

"Then we crush 'em!" the first soldier grinned nastily as his friend sighed.

"Y'know, sometimes you…" but the soldier wasn't allowed to finish his more than impolite observation as the doorway they were guarding slowly slid open to reveal one of the engineer's Squad B had followed to the summit.

""The generator is up and running!" he declared victoriously.

"No problem's with the boosters then? That's surprising…" the dubious guard asked sceptically.

"None," the engineer replied cockily, "Captain Biggs was able to fix them no probs!"

"Ah you and your Captain Biggs," the enthusiastic soldier moaned, "it's always Captain Bigg's this and Captain Bigg's that. Why don't you two just get it over with and get married?"

"Cool it!" his friend stopped him, turning back to the man who had interrupted them, "how's the cable Wedge?"

"Cable connection is confirmed, sir!" Wedge said proudly, "We're beginning the exchange process!"

"Good, then it won't be long now," the dubious soldier said.

"We should go up and help," the enthusiastic soldier suggested, adding sarcastically "since there aren't any SeeD around, y'know?"

"Oh quit it!" the dubious soldier snapped, "alright we'll go up and help, but if there's any trouble then it's coming out of your wages!"

"Wanna bet? I think…" their voices were abruptly cut off as the doors slid shut behind them, hiding the rest of their conversation from the three SeeD's who listened intently from the cliff edge high above.

-----------------------

"…The hell they doing/" Seifer frowned as he watched the soldiers retreat into the building.

"Repairs?" Squall offered as he stood up from behind the bush that he'd used to conceal himself.

For some unknown reason which made Squall flinch with his lack of control, Squall held out his hand to Seifer to help him up. He hadn't even thought about it as he moved his arm out in the simple gesture, and that was what worried him the most. He just swallowed and tried to make it look completely natural.

Seifer eyed him curiously, humour sparkling in his green eyes, but he did not decline the offer. Instead he grasped Squall's offered hand and pulled himself quickly up to stand in front of the brunette. As soon as he was on his feet he released his hold, yet he stared into Squall's eyes a moment longer, that same humour still sparkling there. There was a strange silence during which Squall wondered why he was still looking into his arch rival eyes.

"Hchrm!" Zell fake coughed, breaking the moment into a million pieces.

Seifer just smirked and turned back to look down at the doorway. Squall lowered his head to hide the confusion raging in his eyes.

"Whatever their doing, I don't care," Seifer informed his team mates, "I say we go down there and stop their little secret operation!"

"Shouldn't we gather more information first? Zell interjected but Seifer just snorted.

"I knew you'd be scared to just go in and do it," he sneered a the younger boy, then turning to Squall he added, "this must be your first real battle. Are you scared?"

Squall shied from what he regarded as a very personal question, but did not decline an answer.

"I don't know…" he said truthfully, shaking his head, "I try not to think about it. Fear clouds judgement thus jeopardising success."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you don't still feel it," Seifer countered as he kicked at the ground, "now me? I love battles, and the only reason I love them is because I have no fear; I fear nothing, full stop."

"You'd like to have us think that wouldn't you?" Zell spat in disgust at Seifer's lack of modesty.

Seifer didn't even look at him, keeping his eyes solely on Squall as he continued.

"The way I see it, if you fear then you take away from the effort and the education of the battle."

"The only education I can see coming from battle," squall said with a raise of his eyebrow, "is perfection of technique."

"Hmm, but that's no fun Leonhart," Seifer smiled, "as I see it, battle doesn't only educate your skill, every one brings you closer to fulfilling your dream."

Squall's head snapped up at that comment, his eyes once more locking with the blondes. There was an enthusiasm in him that Seifer had never seen before…

"What did you say?" he breathed, retaining his composure as he spoke, "Your dream?"

"Yeah," Seifer said swinging his gunblade onto his shoulder, "you have one to don't you? I can tell you know."

The light I Squall's eyes dimmed but didn't go out.

"…Sorry, but I'm going to pass on that subject."

Seifer grinned and tapped his foot on the ground. He knew that he shouldn't have said it, but he just needed to know, know if it was that same sleep plaguing dream that had been haunting him for the last ever.

"You know that if you can come here…" he whispered, just loud enough for only Squall to hear.

Squall's eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened in shock.

"I can find you?" Squall repeated the next line as if it was learned off by heart, "How did you..?" he started, but was never allowed to finish as Zell finally piped up.

Seifer ground his teeth and tried not to gut the little annoying brat right there and then.

"Hey you guys," he said, his tone almost whiney, "let me in on this dream thing too!"

"Mind your own business chicken," Seifer said coldly, still looking at Squall's now averted face.

"Stop it Seifer," squall said defensively, surprising both blondes for the second time that day, "both of you just stop it, we need to focus here."

"Well yessir' Squall sir!" Seifer said pulling a mock salute and then snorted, "I don't know about you but I'm bored already. Let's go!"

With that Seifer turned and ran off before Squall could stop him, running down the path that led to the facility. Squall sighed and walked up to stand beside Zell as the younger blonde stared maliciously after Seifer's retreating form.

"You shouldn't let him get to you," he said in as friendly a manner as he could muster.

"I know," Zell sighed, his shoulders slumping, "but he's just so damn egotistical and annoying and…"

"Zell!" Squall snapped the blonde out of the rant he was slipping into, "please try to focus."

"Oh, uh, sorry!" Zell blushed.

Squall was about to suggest that they follow Seifer to the complex when a shadow suddenly descended over the two teens. Then a sunny voice descended over them both.

"There you are!" it said, accompanied by the sounds of falling rocks.

"Huh?" Zell spun around only to have a tumbling form flatten him to the ground.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" the girl scrambled quickly off Zell and got to her feet, pulling the dazed Zell up after her, "I just kind of slipped! Hey, wait a minute, aren't you the guy who showed me around this morning?"

"Uh, yeah," Zell nodded as he brushed down his uniform, flashing a friendly grin as he scratched the back of his head, "Uh, Selphie was it?"

"Yay! You remembered! People don't usually remember me!" she squeaked I joy.

"I find that hard to believe," Squall muttered, but no one heard him, adding more loudly, "what do you want?"

"Oh, right!" her playful mannerisms suddenly disappearing to be replaced by a serious business like tone, "I'm Selphie from Squad A. I have a message for your Squad leader, Seifer. Where is he?"

Squall turned from the little brunette and looked down over the cliff. She frowned but followed his gaze nevertheless. As she watched she saw Seifer run into view and stare back up at them. Noticing Selphie he frowned, but decided to shout up anyway.

"Hey Squall," he yelled up at the brunette, "remind me on of these days to tell you about my ROMANTIC dream!"

Selphie blushed and Zell gritted his teeth. Squall just sighed and shook his head as Seifer disappeared into the structure

"Oh no!" Selphie yelled, "Squad B leader! Wait!"

With that final cry she launched herself over the cliffs edge and ran bounded to the ground, landing with a thump and running to the doors. Zell just gaped at her in shock and gasped.

"Did she just..?" he goggled.

"Seems so," Squall raised an eyebrow and nodded, "come on Zell, let's hurry."

The two students opted for the safer route down and ran down the path at top speed. They found Selphie waiting for them at the structures entrance looking very impatient.

"Gees it would have been quicker if you'd just followed me!" she huffed.

"And jump off a cliff!?" Zell retorted in disbelief, "Are you crazy!?"

"It is a little dangerous," Squall agreed.

"Damn right!" Zell said shaking his head.

"Well, never mind that!" Selphie protested, "We have to get to the Squad b leader and then get out of here!"

"What do you mean?" squall asked, intrigued by the brunettes urgent tone and choice of words.

"You don't get it do you?" Selphie said putting her hands on her hips, "I'm your messenger. It's the order to withdraw!"

AN: Hee hee, Selphie's the best! She's so mental sigh. I would so jump off that cliff every time if it didn't put your SeeD rank down! But yeah, please R&R and tell me what you think.


	8. And I never even got to tell you

Disclaimer: I don't own FF eight, but I wish I did so that I could have Squall all to myself, maybe cheer him up a bit!

Squall - folds arms and scowls I /am/ cheery

Ro – Hmm, I don't know about that dear, you're scowling right now

Squall - still scowling Am not.

Ro – Are to!

Squall – Am not!

Seifer – Gees, what are you guys in, first year?

Ro Squall – Be quiet!

Seifer - grumbles

Ro – Anyway, I need to write this chapter so will you two stop bothering me and get back into your places.

Squall – But you started it!

Ro – No buts! Just get back in there and be confused like a good little bishounen!

Squall - sulks

Ro – And Seifer, go and make him happy!

Seifer – grins with pleasure!

Ro – That's better. Now, on with the story…

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**Chapter 8**

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**And I never even got to tell you**

"Is that everyone back Instructor?"

"Not yet Holland, I need more time!" Xu urged the SeeD captain as she desperately tried to contact any members of Squad B or the messenger from Squad A.

The no.2 transport sat lonely and vulnerable on the Dollet shore as the town continued to shake and rumble. Xu had refused to leave, rejecting the order to withdraw, adamant that she wasn't going to run away and leave her students in the arms of the enemy. She /wouldn't/ let that happen.

"We can't hold them forever Xu!" the dark haired captain shouted back over the comm., the picture going fuzzy as the video link died and only sound was left active, "if you're going to have any chance of getting out of here alive then I'll give you a deadline of 1400 hours. After that I'm pulling my people out and your on your own! I'm sorry Xu, I can't hold it any longer than that!"

"That gives us twenty minutes, it'll be enough," Xu yelled back over the link before shutting the comm down and leaning against the panel heavily, "we're leaving in twenty."

Quistis didn't even seem to hear her. She sat at the little table in the middle of the cabin with her back to the defeated looking woman, trying vainly to reach her friends over their personal comm's.

"Squall, this is Quistis do you copy?"

Static.

"I repeat, Squall do you copy?"

White noise was all that echoed back out of the little black box.

"They're too far out of range for those," Xu's voice was bitter and strained as she spoke, "…those pieces of crap only have a range of two hundred metres before they become inoperable. Their useless for this type of mission. Dammit! This is shit!"

"Seifer, this is Quistis, do you copy?" Quistis continued, undaunted by her fellow instructor's pessimism.

Again there was nothing, no reply…but she wasn't about to give them up to the Galbadian's. Not a chance in hell. With a determined breath she once again clicked the small black button down on the radio transmitter, opening the link.

"Zell, this is Quistis do you copy?"

More static.

The blonde sighed heavily, feeling her nerves at there last strand. She couldn't believe this, this couldn't be happening. She felt so helpless, she just wanted to run out and find them herself. She needed to see they were alright, needed to help them with her own hands. She needed to move or she was going to go crazy. She tried not to let the urgency slip into her voice as she asked with waning hope;

"Zell, do you..?"

"….Qu...is!?" stuttered the faint reply.

"Zell!!?" Quistis yelled back at the top of her voice down the transceiver, her heart bursting at the sound of her friends voice, her finger pushing down on the button so hard that it hurt, "do you copy!?"

"Yes baby!" came Zell's exuberant, relieved and somewhat out of breath reply from the radio, "Loud and clear!"

"Zell, confirm your position," Quistis continued urgently, putting her relief aside as she focused on getting her friends back safely.

"we're on the bridge leading to the main square," Zell's voice crackled, "had a run in with some new piece of Galbadian military tech. A sort of mobile A.I. artillery unit."

"I am ordering you to ignore the threat! Get back here now!" Quistis felt Xu lean over he shoulder then and, done with what she had to say, she covered her ears in preparation for what was to come.

"LET ME SPEAK TO SEIFER NOW!!!" XU yelled at the poor innocent blonde as he continued to breathe heavily over the comm., obviously running to obey the order.

"Whoa!" Zell's exclamation sounded far off, as if he had pulled the receiver away from his head in surprise, "damn, I can't y'know! He ran off ahead before we encountered the threat. He should be with you soon…ah SHIT!"

"Zell? Quistis was instantly back on the line on hearing the surprise and fear in the younger boy's voice, "What's wrong?"

"Ahhh! Shit," the radio crackled and sounds of gunfire and the squealing of machinery sounded loudly before fading out again, "dammit Squall…lookout!"

"Zell report! Zell!" Quistis had completely lost her composure but she no longer cared.

"Thought we'd gotten rid of it!" Zell shouted over the sounds of Squall's Revolver firing its special ammo.

"No we just disabled it!" Squall's voice was distant but even Quitis could sense the worry and the tension in his usually calm demeanour.

This was not a good sign. Just then Squall let out another cry.

"Zell get dow..!"

The radio link went dead.

Nothing but white noise.

Quistis just swallowed and pulled her finger from the black button controlling the output signal. The ship seemed deathly silent in comparison to the sounds of death and destruction that had filled it moments before. Xu just stared out of the back of the ship, up the beach to the town, waiting for her students to come running. They would, she just knew it…they had to. Lost in her own worries, Xu failed to see the fire growing in Quistis's eyes. She only noticed how furious Quistis was when she spoke in a low voice from behind Xu.

"As soon as Seifer gets here I want him back out there helping /his/ team safely back," Quistis said coldly as she stared at the mute box with vehemence.

--------------------------

Where the hell was that boy? I had only run ahead a little way, where were they all?

"They'd better hurry up," I grumbled, "I'm not sure how long Xu will wait for them on my orders."

The thought of ordering Xu to do anything made me smile; as if she would ever listen to me. Yet, as I ran down the beach I suddenly felt this…feeling. I wasn't sure what it was, this feeling in my gut, like the one you get when you're sure you've left something behind or forgotten to do something but you can't remember what it is. I just ignored it, kept running, just hoping that I wasn't to late to stop them leaving without us.

"Hey!" I yelled, a little panicked by the fact that the engines were running but I didn't let it show, "Wait up!"

"Seifer!"

I stopped short, wavering inside the entrance to the cabin as I came up against the angriest Xu I have ever seen.

"Err, yeah?" I smiled, trying out my innocent act.

"Where," she asked slowly, her head looking like it was about to blow off the top of her neck, "is the rest of your team?"

"The rest of my team?" I scratched the back of my head.

There was an extremely dangerous moment of silence then during which Quistis made her even angrier presence known. This wasn't going to be my day. Then suddenly I heard a high pitched yell careen from the stairs leading down to the beach.

"Waaaaaaaait on uuuuuuus!!" it said.

"I think that's them now," I shrugged, turning to look towards the stairs, glad that they'd finally turned up.

I saw that the little brunette was still with them, glad that at least they hadn't done something stupid like leave her behind. Then Zell ran into view, pity they hadn't left him behind. Then Squall, good all there. I was even more surprised however when yet another member of their party showed itself.

"Who invited the ten foot tall killing machine?" I whispered in desperate humour.

--------------------------

"Shit this thing won't give up!" Zell shouted to no one in particular as the automated death machine once again rose from the ground, its circuits repairing themselves as the SeeD candidates ran.

"Don't look back! Just keep running!" Zell heard Squall shout from the back of the team, "almost there…" he added, more to himself than anyone else.

"No qualms about…jumpin' that right?" Selphie panted as they ran full pelt towards the stairs leading down to the beach.

Zell didn't even bother to answer as he focused on running his sorry ass off. His legs burned with the tension and his muscles ached. His hands were bleeding and charred from ripping at the primary circuits of the lumbering mechanical beast that chased them tirelessly. He could see the boat now, see the engines purring into life sending jets of water onto the tranquil dry sand.

He wanted to be there, he wanted to be safe…he wanted to fall over. Without even giving it a second thought he ran towards the edge of the stairs; jumping down to the beach was the last of his worries. Then, just as his foot pressed against the corner of the stone he felt a heavy weight barrel into him, knocking him off course and sending him to the sand below. He scrambled to his feet without a second thought, his mind solely focused on getting to the transport and to safety. Only one thing stopped him, one thing that made his blood freeze in his veins. All his actions, all his solely focused thoughts of running, breathing, staying alive stopped…

Squall cried out in pain.

The young blonde skidded to a halt and turned, not metres from the inviting safety of the transport and his breath caught in his throat at what he saw. Squall was lying face down in the sand, futilely trying to push himself up on his right arm, the left now torn and bloody.

The hulking beast lay dormant behind him, having jarred its system in the fall and having to reboot. Zell didn't care how dead it looked, he'd seen it rise from the ashes four times already and he knew that it was only a matter of time until it did so again.

"Squall! Get up!" he shouted futilely.

Squall jerked his head up at the sound of his name, pushing up into a sitting position and then a standing one. With every move Zell became more and more relieved, his heart racing in his chest.

-Get up get up get up-

He was staggering.

-Run god damn it!-

He was running. Zell nearly jumped with relief. He had been very close to running back out and pulling Squall off the ground himself. Zell could see the adrenaline rushing through Squall's body as he rocketed over the sand…but it wasn't fast enough.

As the brunette launched from the ground the A.I. killing machine sprang back into life, its spider eye like generators glowing red once more and its motion trackers centring on Squall as the teenager ran towards the safety of the boat.

"Zell hurry!" Selphie's voice reminded Zell that he too still wasn't on the boat and the blonde leapt onto the sand caked metal runway with ease before turning again to Squall. He was almost there…

Then the boat began to move. Zell panicked. He saw Squall's widen in fear. The machine loomed up over Squall's seemingly small form.

"NO!" Zell screamed as he saw Squall's eyes flash in pain, "C'mon Squall jump!"

---------------------------

The brunette could feel the heat of the machinery surrounding him, the smell of ionised air burning in his nostrils as he ran, ran desperately, then he jumped and he could feel his legs give up underneath him as the strength left his body and his arm screamed out pain into his system and he could smell the blood and see stars and it was right there on top of him.

Then there was only a searing pain, the smell of blood and a strong pair of arms around him.

AN: Yay I just hit my first 100,000 words! does a little dance So this is my celebratory chapter hee hee, not very celebratory I know considering I'm hurting poor Squall but never mind!

Well I would like to thank all my reviewers first SMOOCH for helping me work so hard tee hee, and for the support! Love ya! Second I would like to thank my spanking new computer kisses computer for being lovely and black and never crashing on me! Yay!

Okay gonna stop rambling now. Hmmm, hyper much? Hee hee, have a good one!

Ro xx


	9. And I never even got to tell you part II

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8, grrr….

**Chapter 9**

**And I never even got to tell you - part II**

****

****

Zell braced himself against the slick metal floor as Squall barrelled into him at full speed with limbs flailing and knocked them both to the deck. It had all happened so fast that things were a blur, waning fast before even his patient eyes. The world was spinning, tumbling and all he could do was hold on tight and hope that he was enough to stop the destruction that was sure to come. He curled himself protectively around Squall and just waited for the maniacal machine to make contact with the boat.

-I guess this is it…- he thought with a strange lack of fear, -…and I never even got to tell you…-

Yet, as he lay there, wandering to himself absently about the stale air around him, the smell of blood and salt and the smell of Squall's hair in his face, Zell couldn't understand the calm. He was going to…what? Sacrifice himself? But…well, this had never been his number one plan.

-…I…-

Then there was silence.

A silence so loud that it almost broke the fragile calm he had built around himself.

It shouldn't have been there, he decided. It was completely out of place. Almost a cliché, a calm before the storm.

Yet never a truer word was thought.

Then, shattering like glass, the silence was smashed into by the sound of squealing gears, of grinding metal and roaring gunfire. Zell just scrunched his eyes shut against the tearing metal and the hot blast of air that enveloped them. The ship shook with thunderous power, rocking from side to side as if trapped in a tempest, the waves splashed onto the deck and soaking the passengers. He held Squall tighter to him, determined not to let anything happen to him when he could stop it.

-Get us out of here, - he begged silently.

The boat rocked, the monster screamed, Squall groaned in pain as he and Zell were lifted and then thrown back into the floor as a tremendous splash shook what seemed like the whole world.

-Hyne! Just stop! Stop it!-

Zell almost didn't even notice when it had stopped, the silence that followed being just as loud as when the impromptu break had shown itself during the fight. It was only when he saw the shadows pulling up over his head, sliding and slinking across the control panels and the deck as the doors slid closed, only as he noticed that the ringing I his ears wasn't gunfire but the rumbling of the engine and the crash of waves against the hull.

-It's…alright.-

Then it registered.

-We're alright!!!!-

Zell danced for joy…

…Or he would have danced for joy had his body would have permitted it, but, considering it didn't, he did one I his head instead. For what seemed like an eternity Zell just lay there on top of Squall, hugging him to death, panting like a dog and just savouring being alive. Slowly things began to come alive around him, the sound of Selphie slowing her ragged breathing, the sound of Xu asking if everyone was alright, the sound of Quistis laying into Seifer like there was no tomorrow. It took a lot of effort, but he managed to somehow call up the strength to push up on shaky arms and roll from Squall's battered body. Zell just lay there, feeling his aching muscles sigh as the ship vibrated against him. He felt his head beginning to pound, the adrenaline oozing from his blood and leaving him even more drained than he had felt originally. Then, as he lay there against the cool, sloppy deck listening to the rumble of the water churning outside, he realised that there was something very much missing from this picture. He could hear Selphie, Quistis, Xu, he could hear the sea, he could hear the engines ad her could hear splashing footsteps on the wet deck…but there was n sound from Squall.

The Xu gasped.

Then Squall made a sound.

"Zell," he croaked painfully, "…help…"

Zell was on his feet in a flash and kneeling beside Squall. He ignored his raw, ragged muscles as they screamed at him for the movement, he fought the wave of nausea and giddiness as his world span at the head rush. All he could see was Squall, Squall needed his help, that was all that mattered. He didn't even notice the sudden rush of feet and the  flitting shadows as the others gathered round the brunette in concern.

Squall's face twisted in pain as he was rolled onto his back, holding his injured arm close to his chest.

"…No," Squall groaned softly, his eyes flickering wildly.

"God," Zell couldn't help but let it slip as he pried Squall's torn arm away from his body, wincing at the gouges and the blood…so much blood, "where's it all coming from? It can't just be from just his arm…"

"Shit!" Seifer's tone was what Zell could only describe as scared.

-What the..?- Zell wondered absently, just before a long grey arm snaked out ad pushed him tumbling back.

"Get back!" he shouted authoritatively.

"Seifer! It's not that bad, will you please restrain yourself…" Quistis began, but she was cut short as she was pushed back just as Zell had been, "Gah! What are you doing!?"

"I said everyone back! Everyone get back from him now!" Seifer ranted as he continued to push people away from the injured boy on the floor.

Zell had never seen Seifer act like this before and, despite his anger at being treated the way he had been, he was intrigued as to why Seifer would act like this. He wanted nothing more, at that precise moment, than to punch Seifer's lights out and get his grubby hands off of Squall…but he wanted to know what he was up to. There had to be some good reason…surely…

The blonde knelt beside Squall, the space around him sufficiently vacated and gently lifted the brunettes arm out of the way. Zell tensed, ready for anything that might happen, ready to bowl Seifer over as soon as this was all over. Then there was a silence as Zell crawled back over to Squall and peered at the area Seifer had exposed.

Only Selphie gasped as Seifer bypassed Squall's bleeding arm and pulled back the brunette's SeeD trainee jacket. The large gory gouge oozed blood by the pint, the blood now becoming apparent around his side now that it'd had time to accumulate.

"Oh god," Zell breathed, still in shock at seeing the deep hole, so deep in Squall's chest, "the machine…must've been a stray shot…as he jumped…no…"

Then all of a sudden the silence erupted as everyone began talking and moving at once. Half baked solutions were babbled here, cure spells summoned there and it was chaos. Squall blinked hazily up at them all, his vision blurring as the blood loss began to drain him, his mind slipping into unconsciousness. You could have lit fire crackers off of the fire burning in Seifer's eyes as he watched the futile scene before him. However, it was Zell this time who took control.

"Shut up!!" he bellowed into the fray.

Everyone went quiet and stared at him in surprise, even Seifer.

"Can't you see that the cure spells aren't enough?" he said fervently, "Can't you see? Not one hundred cure spells would close that wound!"

"But we have to do something!" Quistis retorted, her face pale with worry, "we can't just let him bleed to death!"

"No," Zell shivered involuntarily at the use of the word, "Seifer, what have you got?"

Quistis blinked at Zell's cryptic statement and was even more confused when Seifer sighed heavily in reply.

"It might not work," he said tersely, his face barely containing his anger, "the spell wasn't checked."

"But it's powerful right?" ell urged, "Like everything else you've been using? [1]

"What are you two talking about!?" Quistis interrupted impatiently, "if you can do something then do it Seifer."

"I can't!" Seifer's voice seemed to hitch and his eyes blazed.

Yet Zell wasn't deterred, nothing could deter him in his mission to save Squall.

"It's Cura right?" he asked seriously.

"Cura?" Xu breathed out into the silence that had followed Zell's surprising question, "But that's forbidden to low level students…"

"Right, so I got it through dirty dealings okay?" Seifer spat at the instructor, flinching as Squall coughed violently, "but it's not been screened."

Selphie had been confused from the outset of this conversation. The only one thing she did know was that Squall was seriously injured and if someone didn't help him he was going too die right here in front of all of them. She also recognised the high level spell when it was mentioned. It was enough to tip her silence.

"Use it! What are you waiting for?" Selphie suddenly bawled out incredulously, her own worry evident as she surveyed Squall's pale face, "He'll die!"

"You idiot!" Seifer barked back, holding Squall down by the shoulders as he coughed again, "it's not been screened, it's not reliable. It might kill him!"

Selphie let another gasp escape her lips as Seifer uttered those words with barely disguised contempt. Xu explained while yet another silence wracked the innards of the SeeD transport.

"When a spell is rouge, not checked that is, it can be dangerous. Extremely powerful Healing spells are the worst. When not screened, they can have the opposite effect…drain the life right out of you. There's a very thin line between Drain and Cure…"

"Squall couldn't handle that kind of blow in his current condition," Seifer stated as he checked Squall's appallingly sluggish pulse, "but, he can just hang on…"

"Get real Seifer!" Zell shouted, his patience finally worn through, slamming his fist onto the deck in frustration, "He won't last half way like this and you know it!"

"I can't use it…"

"Use the fucking spell!"

"I'll kill him!"

"He's going to die if you don't!"

Zell's reasoning struck home and Seifer suddenly fell silent an let his head hang a little. The other passengers just watched the battle of wills before them, worried and dumbfounded.

"Please Seifer, please you're his only hope, you have to…"

"Everyone back," Seifer said suddenly, cutting off Zell's pleas, his hands tensing on Squall's jacket, "…the effects of the spell are determined by proximity."

Zell nodded, not wasting any time in backing away, dragging Selphie with him as the girl gulped. Quistis also backed away, following them to the other side of the cabin, her eyes filled with pain and angst. Xu looked on, dilemma written all over her face as she looked to Seifer, to Squall and back to Seifer. She was responsible for this student, she couldn't let him die, but then she couldn't let such a dangerous act as the one Zell proposed, take place. Seifer wasn't even supposed to have that level of spell, he hadn't been taught all the techniques needed to master rouge spells, he couldn't…but then Seifer's forest green eyes shot up to meet hers. The message was clear. She nodded her silent agreement, sliding reluctantly away to join the others.

Seifer took a moment to clear his thoughts, his mind rushing double quick at the thought of what he was about to do. He…couldn't do this, it was so different than calling on elemental magic, healing it was…different. And this wasn't just any old trial any more, any quick ego trip to prove to himself that he was better than everyone else because he could break the rules.

It was Squall's life. It was…his life. He couldn't…

"I can do this," he whispered for himself alone, "I can…"

-Focus,- he thought calmly, breathing deeply once before leaning down to place his lips at Squall's ear.

"Squall," he hissed, "can you hear me?"

"…mmm, Sei…Sei," Squall gargled through the blood in his throat, coughing and spattering the thick red liquid onto his pale skin and lips.

"Listen to me," Seifer warned, "you're going to have to trust me if this is going to work. I'm going to heal you so don't fight it. If you do I won't be able to control it and you will die. Understand?"

"…y..es."

"Good."

"…trus…t you," Squall feebly wheezed out.

"Shhh, don't talk fool," Seifer shook his head but smiled despite himself.

-Hmmm perhaps hysteria is setting in?- he thought idly, -no I have to focus, focus…clear my mind-

-Now is the time of truth, if ever there was one, - he thought absently before focusing solely on the spell junctioned deep within himself.

As his power levels slowly began to rise he shivered involuntarily. The hairs began to prick up on the back of his neck, the air became charged. He could feel it…all of it. The ship was rumbling, the waves were crashing against the hull, the gulls were crying as they swooped outside, the air itself was moving constantly shifting in currents and streams around his head, but he ignored it all. His awareness suddenly doubled as he junctioned his (hitherto hidden) high class spells to Shiva and felt the power surge through his body at the joining. It was enough, he knew he could do it, he just had to keep saying it to make it real. Squall was going to be alright. He was, there was no other way, it was just going to happen.

He slowly performed the practiced movement, pushing his hands round and out in front of his body as he called on the spell that would make or destroy his life.

-Cura!-

Slowly, at the meeting point Seifer focus, a small, seemingly insignificant at first, green dot began to glow. It hovered uncertainly over the brunette's chest as Seifer scrunched his eyes and reinforced his concentration. It seemed to dance there for a moment, as if testing the air, growing as it moved into a larger and larger ball of pure white energy. It was as if the spell really was restless as it hopped about in the air, wishing nothing more than to turn into the feared Drain spell, the one thing that would spell doom for the one lying in front of him in a pool of blood and water and sand.

Everyone held their breath as the small ball of energy finally began to unravel itself, lazy tendrils of green slipping out from its depths and winding their way through the air towards Squall's chest wound. Gracefully they twirled and danced to the torn gashes in his arm and more serious wounds in his chest, making the tragic scene look and feel all that more devastating for their sluggish movement. Yet Seifer was no master in healing magic and he was having to use all his strength to stop the spell from turning, never mind making the spell work faster.

Zell could do nothing but look on in awe and fear and worry, swallowing as he heard Squall mutter some incoherent phrase before trying to shift, Seifer's hands slipping down to hold him still. This afforded Zell a good look at Seifer's face, his back having been turned to them throughout the whole process. What he saw there did not bode well for Squall's safety. When he looked at the strained muscles, the tensely closed eyes and the fine sheen of sweat lying on Seifer's brow he suddenly felt the pit of his stomach drop out. He knew it wasn't going to happen, he knew it because Seifer had been so unsure himself and he had pushed it and now it would be all his fault if Squall died because he forced him into this but he just didn't know what else there was to do oh god oh god ho god…Squall.

"It's working," he heard Selphie breathe out beside him, his feeling of doom not even slightly relieved by her awed optimism.

He watched with a detached fascination as Squall's arm began to heal, skin knitting itself back together over freshly re-sewn ligament and muscle. The blood had stopped flowing now, a very, very good sign. Yet Zell still couldn't shake his feeling of dread.

"Unbelievable," Xu whispered, leaning forward to get a better look at the spell as it started on closing up the chest wound.

Seifer twitched. Zell blinked as every single one of the swirling white and green tendrils twitched with him.

-No, - Seifer thought without being able to stop himself, -no, no, NO, NO!-

In the blink of an eye Zell watched Seifer's face turn from concentrated to horror struck. Zell just thought exactly what Seifer had. Xu's wonder turned to dismay as the once life giving tendrils began to decay, their swirling masses dissolving into a hideously noxious shade of red.

"Drain," Zell gasped, shaking his head, "god it's…"

Seifer began to quake under the strain of the spell as he felt the last of the green converting against his will, the red tentacles suddenly not only focusing on Squall. They very quickly began to latch onto Seifer as he finally lost control of the spell, crying out in pain as the life was slowly drained from him, his power over the spell lessening with every ounce of strength that was pulled kicking and screaming from his body.

"Oh shit, no!" Zell cried as he watched Squall's wound burst open with brutal clarity, Seifer falling back onto his hands in his weakness.

"Seifer," Xu called out to him, but the words fell on deaf ears "please Seifer!"

"Oh no, what's going to happen?" Selphie squeaked, "Zell. Zell? What..?"

She didn't have to ask again as Zell took hold of her chin and turned her face to look towards the two tragic teens in front of them. She gasped as she saw the red tendrils of the Drain spell twitching and feeling the air as the felt out their surroundings for more life. Their life.

"We've gotta do something!" Zell said in a panicked voice, "or they'll both die! And so will we…"

"There's nothing we can do," Quistis closed her eyes, "Seifer's lost control. No…"

"We can't just give up!" Zell shook his head wildly as Selphie cowered away from the red tentacles as they advanced toward them.

"I'm going to cast," Xu said then, suddenly serious as she strengthened her resolve, "sleep, I'll send him to sleep, I know I can do it."

"Yes," Quistis said with a hand on her friends shoulder.

"NO!" Zell interrupted them, astonishing both the women, "you can't! We have to get that Cura spell back, don't you get it? Squall needs it! It's his only chance to survive!"

"Zell, that Drain spell is rouge, it could seriously damage all of us, perhaps even kill!" Xu shoo off his protest as the drain became to close for comfort.

"I won't let you!" Zell cried out, "I won't let you let him just die!"

Zell didn't even think. It was pure emotion fuelled adrenaline that pushed him forwards towards the Drain spell, towards Seifer, towards Squall. He could do it, he could help, he knew he could.

-That technique, - was the only thing that was going round and round in his mind as the Drain spell latched itself onto his offered body, -from the occult fan…-

He dropped down onto his knees, ignoring the cries of his Instructors, of Selphie, as he remembered that one obscure, barely practiced technique he had always thought was so cool…

-Through touch, - he said as a mantra, -send it…send the power…-

He lifted his arms so slowly, they felt like leaden weights so suddenly, the Drain having a serious effect. Seifer's power was almost gone, but Shiva was still holding out. Zell just tore off his fighting gloves and grabbed hold of his face. His skin was clammy and cold with sweat and pain. He heard Quistis cry out something but it sounded far off and sluggish. He hadn't really even known why this technique had popped into his head, but he had forgotten it until now. Just good that he was a magazine fan, was all that Zell could think as he followed the procedure in his head, sending out his junctioned power to touch Seifer's own. He had never felt so sure he could do something in his life however, and he knew it, he just knew this had to work!

It was like putting your soaking wet hand into the mains. Zell screamed, only now understanding why this technique was so rare…it hurt like fucking god knows what! He could feel his Ifrit GF merging with Shiva, the Drain spell quivering under the sudden surge of power. Zell could only wonder at Seifer's accompanying cry as green sparks exploded before their eyes.

The last thing he remembered, before he blacked out completely from the pain and shock, was the sound of Selphie's voice calling out to him and the faint beating of footsteps.

Then all was black.

AN: Hey, me again! Thank you so much for all the reviews! They're really great,and I'm so glad that people are taking an interest in this story. I have to warn you now though, it's going to be a biggy! I have plans for this story travelling though the whole game and after! Hope you can stick with me that long! But don't worry I'll keep you busy hee hee -.

But yeah, I don't know what you think of the spell idea, I don't know if it really works. I know that you only affect the person that you cast a spell on and not others (or yourself, duh me!) but I thought if it was an out of control spell then it could have that effect. Hmm, just made it all up didn't I, heh heh, never mind, you can tell me if you think its stupid.

Oh and Zell D, I hope that Zell was better for you in this chapter. I know he seemed a bit whiny in the others but I was just trying to follow the lines in the game. Don't worry, I have big plans for little Zell, even if you probably wont like them to much – 


	10. Drugs, hugs and desicions part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or situations or plotline. I do however have a large share in Seifer's soft side hee hee!

Key: -Denotes thought or inner speech-

        -Denotes flashback or memory-

Ps: I decided to do the next chapter as a trilogy instead of the originally written single chapter, hence the title! So don't be too confused hee hee, it doesn't make sense I know, but it does if you're me!

**Chapter 10**

****

**The drugs, hugs and decisions Trilogy:**

****

**Part 1 - Drugs**

Light, there was this light in my eyes.

It was like a spec in the darkness, progressing to a glowing orb of painfully bright fluorescence.

Was I dead?

Was this it?

Please, not this, it's such a cliché. Light at the end of the tunnel eh?

-…Can you…hear me?-

Who? I can hear?

-…Gotta check…won't take long.-

I'm…alive?

-Open…eyes for me?-

Then some kind person opened them for me when I did not, or more precisely could not comply. The light bypassed my eyelids and attacked my pupils full on making me desperately try to blink. It was as if the light was stabbing right into my brain, a dagger that barely avoided causing the headache it really should have.

The voices continued to talk in the background, more to each other than to me. I almost wasn't so sure if I really was alive when I finally managed to open my blurry eyes of my own volition, the voices whispering to each other in concerned tones. It was all white before me, light emanating from some unknown source, people whispering, I felt like I must have been dead. Only the afterlife could have followed such a formula. Yet, as my eyes began to clear, the filmy veil lifting from my vision, I managed to make out some more recognisable shapes; namely the Balamb Garden symbol which was stuck right above my head.

Somehow I just knew that I was alive after that. I really doubted that there was a whole section of the afterlife owned by Balamb Garden. No matter how much funding they received, that was just ridiculous.

"…Uhh…" I managed to croak out after realising that I could now manage to talk and look at the same time without my head splitting in two with pain.

"Oh, hey you're awake at last," the voice said in a relieved tone, my head too jumbled to even thin about looking to the left to identify the speaker, "sorry bud, but I was just checking you pupil dilation response. You feelin' okay?"

"I'm…alive," I croaked out in a breathy voice.

"Well, uhh, I noticed that one," the same voice said again, my eyes still refusing to risk looking left, "but how do you feel? Anything serious? Anything you might need seen to that we haven't noticed?"

"…No," I replied unceremoniously.

"Hmm," a second voice said sceptically from the background, "I highly doubt that, but if you say so Squall. Yet I have to say, after that, I'm just relieved to see you conscious."

"Yeah man! When that spell began to go," I finally took the plunge and looked over to the source of the voice only to see Zell talking animatedly to my left, "I thought that we were all goners! It's good to have you back, I'm glad you're okay."

"…Where am I?" I asked more confidently, finding my voice in amongst my tumultuous mind.

"Still on board the transport," said the second voice which, when I looked up, I noted belonged to Instructor Trepe, "we're almost back at Balamb, E.T.A. about another ten fifteen minutes. There will be a medical transport waiting for you there to take you back to Garden."

I just nodded shallowly once. I could feel my vision finally clearing of all fogginess, feeling the strength returning to my inert limbs. I could feel the blood flowing through my veins, down my legs, the lack of wounds on my arm, the closed hole in my chest…I ignored these facts for now, just glad that they were facts and nothing more for the moment.

I decided, as I lay there on what must have been the med-unit's bed in the med-bay, that I housed sufficient strength to at least sit up. The odd angle at which I was talking to the other occupants of the room was disconcerting and threatening to upset the fragile balance my mind was holding over a severe headache and throwing up. So I decided to sit up, show my instructor that there was no need to be glad that I was only awake, because I was fine. I could sit up, I could deal with this, I could deal with anything on my own. I didn't need anyone's help. I needed her to know that, to know that I didn't need her help.

I just needed myself.

My defiance of my pain and circumstance and my need to prove my individual strength overrode my logic in that split second. I heard Zell's urgent command as he told me not to move, that I was in no condition to be going anywhere, but it was all too late by then. As I managed to get up onto my elbows and lift my head I suddenly felt the bile shooting up my throat as my head sang from the unwanted and far too vigorous movement. My eyes blurred once more, throwing the fuzzy picture of Zell onto a slant as I felt my arms weaken. My insides decided at that moment to turn in on themselves and make a neat little knot while pushing their contents further into my throat. Zell moved to help me back onto the bed, but the movement of his hands in front of my face was just too much. I tried to hold it in but it was too late; I lurched forwards and threw up into his lap.

"Aw shit!" I heard him curse as he jumped up from his crouch beside my bed, "I told ya not to move."

"Zell," I heard Quistis say as I stared blearily at the floor wavering before my face, "you go and get cleaned up. I'll finish things here."

"Right, okay Instructor," Zell sighed, and I could feel his eyes come to rest on me as I kept my eyes on the floor, resting on my elbows, "glad you're okay Squall, really."

With that he left. Even though I had just spewed my guts all over the man he was still concerned about me. For gods sakes…what did it take? Would he ever just…get angry at me, hit me, ignore me even? Sometimes I just couldn't figure him out and it really played on my nerves that he was such an enigma. Yet, I had no time to worry about these trivial matters as Instructor Trepe spoke up, interrupting my thoughts.

"You know you're really very lucky," she said, her black boots filling my vision, then her pink clad knees as she crouched down beside me to clean up the sick, "you should be thanking Zell not throwing up on him."

Her tone was laced with humour, yet there was a hint of seriousness accompanying it. I swallowed, grimacing at the taste of sick in my mouth.

"Some water," I asked cautiously.

Quistis just stood, not even a sigh from her at my bluntness as she usually did, and fetched me a glass. I took it from her carefully, cautious so as not to upset my touchy stomach again. The cool liquid danced and rippled in front of my eyes, condensation puffing out from my warm hand against the cold glass. I just sipped it slowly, glad to have the taste banished from my mouth. I felt something drop into my hand, looking down to see two red pills resting there. Painkillers, just like the ones Dr. Kadowaki had tried to make me take that very morning, yet a little different, a little bit darker. I tried to protest, yet in my weakened state there wasn't much I could do when I felt Quistis grab my hand and push the pills into my mouth, then taking the water and pushing that into my mouth as well. I could have very well just spat the little pills right back into her ever so kind hand, yet I really didn't have the strength of will to do so. I just swallowed them instead, ignoring them as they tried to stick in my throat.

I hadn't looked up at her as I had taken the water, yet I could picture that almost motherly disapproving look on Quistis' face. I blinked against the thought, focusing on the situation at hand. What had happened?

"I was hit," I said flatly, more to myself than my Instructor.

"Yes you were," Quistis' voice sounded more relaxed, yet I could still sense the tension in her tone, that slight tightness that indicated there was something she needed to talk about, "and badly. For a moment I honestly didn't think you were walking away from this one Leonhart."

I definitely didn't have to look now to know that her face was moulded into that critical look. Her use of my second name said it all; but what was she so disapproving of? What had I done?

-Was it because I agreed to go with Seifer? – I thought absently as I continued to just stay stable on the edge of the bed, -Seifer…where was he? No, cancel that thought and focus.-

"What do you remember?" she asked in a kind voice.

"I remember…Zell," I said slowly, focusing on the hem of her skirt to keep my mind and my balance steady, "and then everyone above me, moving…then it's rather distorted after that."

"You almost blacked out," Quistis explained, "your right lung had been punctured from what I could tell from your breathing and you had broken ribs, sever blood loss, a deep laceration in you chest and left arm plus a sprained wrist on top of that. I think your body was putting you into some sort of shut down mode just so you could deal with the pain."

"I feel fine," I said flatly and rather out of place, slightly annoyed that she felt it necessary to point out my weakness once more.

"I'm proud of you," Quistis replied just as cryptically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as I slowly took the necessary movements to sit back against the wall and take the weight off of my arms.

"Not many people would have coped so well with such a sever injury," Quistis said as she took hold of my shoulders, helping me to relax back as she continued, "you kept your logic about you and used your training to cope with your situation, and as your instructor I'm proud of you."

"…Thank you," I said after a little hesitation, closing my eyes as I said it; I didn't like being praised, it made me decidedly uncomfortable.

"…But," she continued, her voice holding an odd note; I opened my eyes back up to survey her face, taking in her calm expression and the shine in her eyes, "I'm also proud of you as a friend. Xu told me that she saw you push Zell to safety during your retreat from the Galbadian threat. That was how you injured your arm." [1]

I closed my eyes again but made no further movement, no further sound. I tried very hard not to think about Quistis's praise, I didn't deserve it but then…I didn't deserve much. So I had pushed Zell out of the way of the blade tipped arm of the Galbadian droid, it had been an instinctual pulse. I hadn't really even had time to think about why I was doing it let alone moralize over it and accept praise for it. Didn't you have to have reason for doing something before you could accept praise over the consequence? I can't even really explain why I did it now.

-That's why I don't want to think about it, - I reminded myself sternly, quickly locking the strange feelings and dangerous thoughts away in a dark corner of my mind. My arm was tingling at the memory of the searing blade cutting through flesh, tendon, bone…I shuddered despite my safety.

-I wonder how all this will affect the exam results? – I thought absently, shaking my head once more as I realised I was getting off track, -focus.-

"So how was I cured?" I asked, shifting to make myself more comfortable, vague memories plaguing me, shadows, whispers, but nothing solid.

_-…trust…you…-_

I frowned at the rouge memory, my hoarse voice choking on blood as I tried to confess that single most dangerous of confessions.

Who had I said it to? Why had I said it? I…didn't trust anyone with, well, anything.

I blinked to clear the thoughts and memories from my mind, noticing only then that Quistis was speaking.

"Squall?" she asked, concern evident in her tone as well as her expression, "Are you alright?"

"Continue," I said flatly, as if nothing had happened, blinking again as I ignored her sigh at my blunt evasiveness.

"It was Seifer that discovered your chest wound," I shivered just at the mention of his name, but I did not want to interrupt again and so trained my thoughts solely to her explanation, "and it was also Seifer who attempted to cure you, after some persuasion from Zell."

-He needed persuasion? - I was hurt a little, yet I couldn't quite explain why. Seifer and I had fought that very morning, viscously scarring each other for life and now I was hurt when he didn't leap to my aid?

"Yes he did," Quistis said in answer to what I had thought had been a silent thought but, from the Instructors response, I had clearly spoken out loud by accident. I sighed again at my lack of control.

"But it was only because the spell he was going to use to cure you with was rouge, unchecked and potentially life threatening, that he hesitated," Quistis fidgeted as she explained, but I merely filed this little detail away with all my other thoughts and continued to exert my energy on the facts and not my own speculation, "he was scared that he might kill you."

"Scared," I couldn't help but snort unbelievingly.

"Yes," Quistis replied seriously, her eyes glazed a little as she adopted a far-off look, remembering what she had seen, "I must admit that if I hadn't been so preoccupied with your injury I would have shown more shock at Seifer's behaviour. Scared is all I can describe it as, and helplessness…but he did try."

"You keep saying "try" and "attempt"," I frowned lightly, not wishing to aggravate my still churning head, "yet I am cured so he must have been successful."

"Yes well that's where you have to thank Zell as I'm sure Seifer's too proud to do it," Quistis said as she stood, placing one arm round her waist and resting the other on top of it, her eyes never loosing that look of remembrance, "Seifer, even though he's more experienced in the field, is no master of magic. He seems to have been, according to his "confession", acquiring high level spells from an unknown source for an unknown reason."

"Some confession," I sighed, linking this information in with my own memories of the day I was given my scar; it explained a lot of things.

"Well, I'm just afraid it's the most we can expect out of him," Quistis said as she shook her head in disapproval, "Zell convinced him to use one of the rouge Cura spells he had acquired, but due to a lack of skill and bad situation he lost control and it deteriorated at an astonishing rate."

"Drain…" I winced at the memory, sudden flashes of noxious red clouding my vision accompanied by a sickening sucking feeling, wounds splitting open, blood flowing…

"Yes and it was powerful," Quistis' calm voice pulled me back to reality, "but thankfully Zell seems to have a more extensive knowledge of the workings of magic than Seifer. He used a rare technique that momentarily bonded Seifer's magic ability to his own and also combined the power of their junctioned GF's. It seems that it was enough too turn the spell completely back to Cura and cure all three of you simultaneously. It really was quite…astounding."

I stayed quiet as I assimilated the information my instructor had given me. I tried, albeit slowly, to slot the facts together, sort of like a large, jumbled jigsaw puzzle. Yet, as I fumbled due to my fatigue and nausea, I couldn't make the pieces fit…I quickly gave up as I felt the edge of a migraine nip at my skull. I could figure this all out later, right now I needed rest. Zell, Quistis, Selphie, Xu…they could all wait until my head stopped spinning. I almost cringed at the thought of the amount of emotional baggage that was going to come with this mission that I just really didn't need, didn't want to deal with, didn't…Seifer…

"Where's Seifer," I asked impulsively, as soon as the thought entered itself into my jumbled mind.

Quistis stopped at the sound of my voice, having taken my silence as a cue to leave. She eyed me curiously for a moment before answering.

"He's in the cargo bay," the instructor's voice spoke the volumes that her words did not, "Xu's turned it into a temporary brig until we get back to shore."

"What are the charges?" I asked, trying my best to sound disinterested.

"He's being charged with black market dealing, disobeying orders and putting his team in danger with severe consequences. He'll face his charges when he gets back to Garden."

I felt a pang in my chest at the mention of punishment but…well, Hyne knows why! I mean, I should have been charging Seifer with malcontent for hacking at my face, yet I never did! And now he had caused me more harm, almost fatal and I was feeling unhappy that he was finally going to be dealt some well deserved retribution!?

"May I see him?" I asked softly, ignoring my mind as it raged at me for suggesting such a thing after what it had just been thinking.

"Why?" Quistis cocked her head to the side and looked at me quizzically, her eyes creasing with interest.

"I…want to thank him," I explained blandly, "for saving my life."

"Oh," Quistis' head drooped a little at my statement and I knew what I had to say to stop her worrying.

"I'll talk to Zell later," I told her, noticing the brightening of her eyes as I spoke before she expertly hid her feelings and simply nodded to me.

"Only for a little while," she said, "we'll be home soon anyway, and Xu doesn't exactly have Seifer on her list of people to give favours at the moment; but I'll see what I can do."

I nodded slightly, careful not to jar myself out of the relative calm I had found myself in after talking with Quistis. Once again I closed my eyes as Quistis exited the med bay, with a slight but not unnoticeable smile on her face, and waited for Seifer.

I was…going to thank him.

Thank him.

Why? Why was I doing this to myself?

-_...trust…you…_-

Again the cryptic memory assailed me and sent shivers down my spine.

"I don't trust anybody," I murmured instinctively at the thought of the memory.

-Yet I'm going to thank him…thank him for saving me…thank him for letting me rely on him…rely on his strength…-

"Ah!" I exclaimed as I pounded the bed with my hand, sighing as the tension that had been building up ever since Seifer's name had come up was relieved, "What's happening to me?"

[1] – Remember Zell fell when he was going to jump from the stairs in chapter 8? Well it was Squall who pushed him to safety, aww!

AN: Well, this chapter isn't quite finished and I did have more to put in but…well I don't want to give you all the juicy bits at once now do I, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! As ever feedback is welcome please R&R!

Ps: To Slipper – Don't worry, there's going to be tonnes more fluffy SxS and ZxS!! What do you think I am hee hee -!! Just wait for the next couple of chapter's and remember they're not home yet! But look out for the angst argh!

      To Zell D – Yay, I'm glad my Zell's shaping up for you, I really didn't mean to make him seem like a wuss honest!

      To Bloodhazard – Well hopefully, because everyone's okay, you won't hold me responsible and send Griever to come and maul me!

      To Libra – Thanks, I'm glad you think my writing is improving! But you think I should get a Beta? That would be cool because I don't always have the patience to read my chapters over before I post them but I really wouldn't know how to go about getting one. I've never tried before so if you have any advice please tell me -

Hee hee, hope you enjoy the next two chapters, their going to be fun =! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and sorry if I didn't include you in my responses, what can I say, I have a sieve for a brain -'  

Ro x


	11. Drugs, hugs and desicions part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or situations or plotline. I do however have a large share in Seifer's soft side hee hee!

Key: -Denotes thought or inner speech-

        -_Denotes flashback or memory_-

        Denotes GF speak

Ps: I decided to do the next three chapters as a trilogy instead of the originally written single chapter, hence the title! So don't be too confused hee hee; it doesn't make sense I know, but it does if you're me!

**Chapter 11**

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**The drugs, hugs and decisions Trilogy:**

****

**Part 2 – Decisions **

-Damn. Damn damnity damn damn damn, - Seifer hated this, -you save someone's life and they throw you in the brig for it.-

The room was small, in fact no it was more than small. It was claustrophobic. Not that Seifer suffered from this ailment of course, but still sitting in a small grey room mostly taken up with one long chair and a table was enough to turn anyone.

The "brig" was only about nine feet long and five wide, most of the room being taken up by the seat and the table. There was no window to the outside and the rolling ocean to pass the time or even dim the sense of the room's boxiness. It was as if he really was I prison, the stale air of the little used storage space or whatever it was, reminding him of something he couldn't quite place. Yet, he had never been to prison before, and the Garden's detention facility was much more amiable than this temporary holding bay. So, he decided, he must just really be claustrophobic or something like that, because his head wasn't really agreeing with being this closely confined.

-Gees, I really am some sort of wuss amn't I? The rooms big enough for six me's…-

"Ah hell," Seifer sighed, stretching back to lie out flat on the long cushioned seat, "I'm never gonna pass this exam…"

But that's not the real reason you are feeling this way, is it?

Seifer started, annoyed at the interruption. The Ifrit GF's voice was calm and kind, a stark contrast to its outward appearance. Seifer scrunched up his face, never happy to have his junctioned weapons popping up into his consciousness to say hello. In fact, it really pissed him off…

"Oh yeah? Who asked you?" he said back sourly, throwing his arm up over his eyes to shield them from the stark ceiling light, "you're expert area is pulverising not psychology, so give it a rest."

I can see your mind, I can read your feelings,the GF continued, a detached voice floating through his psyche, you feel for him do you not?

"I am so NOT having this conversation with you," Seifer groaned out loud, rolling onto his side as if to hide himself from the GF's probing.

I am merely observi…

"Ah!" Seifer warned, holding up a finger to the cracked ceiling as if he were pointing to the real GF to silence him, "what did I just say?"

……

"Thank you, thank you very much," Seifer groused, shaking his head to settle his thoughts once more, the GF having distorted his natural train of thought.

Seifer hated the fact that they could talk to him, wishing more than anything that he had a nice low level GF t contend with. The GF's, once junctioned, were usually content to remain quiet and discreet, surfacing only when called upon. However, in times of stress and fatigue a GF can surface into its host's conscious mind, sometimes against its own will. This is usually just a side effect of the host's willpower to keep the GF in place and the creature will normally just wait until its host has calmed down and regained their strength of will to keep it down at the subconscious level. However, stronger GF's, such as those attained whilst on the SeeD final year assessment, tend to be more sentient, aware and knowledgeable than the low level GF's and can therefore speak to their hosts. Sometimes, it has been reported, and as in Seifer's case, GF's of a high enough intelligence can even try to comfort their hosts themselves so as to be able to return to their junctioned state more quickly. Seifer, however, was in no mood to be comforted.

He turned over onto his back once more, wriggling against the cushions to get comfortable. The cushion however had other plans, staying as rigid as possible wile Seifer tried his hardest to mould it to his body. It didn't comply, becoming lumpy and uncomfortable instead. Seifer groaned, sitting back up once more and snorting in anger. They could have at least given him a comfy seat. Yet, in the bigger scale of things, the comfort of his ride home was the least of Seifer's worries. Number one on his list, well, I'll give you three guesses. He's about five eight, eyes made of mini-glaciers and his conversations consist mostly of "whatever". The thought just made Seifer groan even more, his reprimand from Garden suddenly seeming like a molehill compared to the mountain of crap that he was in with Squall. Before he could finish his thought however the bulky grey door flew open with the ease of plywood and grated against the wall noisily. The reason for its seeming mistreatment was revealed under the harsh light; Xu.

"He wants to see you, and don't ask me why because I don't know. You have five minutes with him and if you do anything AT ALL I will be bearing down on you like a Grendel with bloodlust fever. Do we understand each other?"

Seifer just sat up and blinked, more than a little confused by Xu's seemingly (considering the circumstances) generous behaviour. She just glared at him from the doorway, the large recess framing her deceptively delicate frame. Her eyes blazed as he kept on staring, the hands on her hips tightening into the fabric.

"Didn't you hear me Almasy, are you deaf?" she spat, thrusting her shoulder's forward and bulking up her height in aggravation, "Don't try me, I asked you a question. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Seifer replied whilst swinging himself gracefully from the makeshift bed.

"Good," Xu snapped, "now get the hell out of here before I change my mind."

Seifer stood, walking slowly towards the doorway and out into the blessedly dimmer corridor, wanting nothing more than to get in one last quip, one measly sarcastic comment. However, the blonde wasn't that dumb. Xu would change her mind alright, probably to a scenario that contained Seifer and the emergency escape hatch and a swift introduction of the two. Seifer did enjoy biting the had that fed him, but when it offered up such a special treat he tended to make exceptions…

-And so he's a treat now is he? – Seifer mused s he walked towards the dull grey door of the med bay, matching the dull grey corridor, -well, I guess in some ways…-

…In some ways the GF had been right. Seifer has been trying to forget his feelings. The when that didn't work he'd tried to destroy them, first with hatred, then with lust…but neither had worked. He'd thought that maybe…maybe if he hurt Squall, hurt him badly enough, coldly, maliciously enough, that Squall would hate him beyond repair. Yet, it just hadn't worked out the way he had planned it. Squall just…stayed the same as he had always been, seemingly brushing it off as a fight that went to far and nothing more. He may well have been cursing Seifer's name to Hyne underneath that cool exterior, but Seifer was none the wiser to it. The brunette still…liked him; this mission had shown that well enough. It was both a revelation and a remembrance of past pain to Seifer. It conjured up hazy memories, memories that Seifer, however desperate he was to remember them, had the distinct feeling should be left alone.

Squall…talked to him, he looked at him with more than just ice and disinterest in his eyes, he shared things with him that Seifer was sure that he would share with no one else…like it was meant to be that way. His hazy memories continued to back up his desperate theory whilst playing over in his mind.

-_Friends?-_

_-Is that what you want to be?-_

That damned dream still haunting him! Hell, it was just living bloody testimony to the feelings he couldn't rid himself of.

The violence, now that his dream had entered the equation again, had probably been going on for quite a long time. Seifer had been being unnecessarily mean and superior to Squall since, well, before any of them could remember clearly. He knew about his own thoughts and feelings in the present (or at least that's what he kept telling himself) but what had they been back then? Had they been more complicated? Could he use the past as a justification when he didn't even know the motives behind his actions? Seifer just sighed, disheartened that his mind had chosen this time of all times to run off while he wasn't looking. Well, one thing he could figure out without use of higher mental powers…the violence hadn't worked. Squall wasn't dismissing him, wasn't pushing him away just as the plan said he should have been. So he had decided to change the rules and use a less impressively tactile weapon against his feelings than raw rage.

Lust.

He'd thought, just maybe there was the slight chance, that if he thought of Squall like that, like nothing but an attractive figure, that he could cheapen what he felt for him. This plan had also backfired miserably. Every time the blonde pictured himself in more than compromising situations with the brunette he found it impossible to summon up that detachment he so prided himself on. Seifer had always found detachment a handy tool when premeditating a ne night stand, or dealing with feelings that had no right to be within one hundred feet of his person. Yet, with Squall, this particularly handy aspect of his personality seemed to up and hop it; just like his mind had done to him not too long ago. Whenever he imagined himself and Squall together the caresses were tender, not lustful, and the kisses deep and passionate, not needful…he just…couldn't tarnish it; that wonderful bane of a feeling. Yet that was love was it not? Like a precious metal that refused to melt under the heat of anger or tarnish from the pollution of lust…just great.

Seifer shrugged off his feelings as he reached slowly out for the door handle, which had promptly found itself before him, as if it were going to bite him. This, he decided, was not the way to start a completely brash and unconcerned entrance. He needed to be himself, or more precisely be the individual that he had led Squall to believe he was.

As Seifer turned the door handle, he wondered how long he'd been fooling himself that he was that individual, as well as Squall.

AN: Whee, okay that took longer than usual but then I always find it hard to write from Seifer's point of view. He's a bit of a weirdo if you ask me…

Seifer – HEY!

Ro – Well honey, it's not your fault I'm sure…

Squall – Oh it is, don't you worry about that. He practices in front of the mirror every morning.

Seifer – I do not puberty boy!

Ro – Whoa, okay slow down on the insults boys! You're ruining my romantic mood!

Seifer – Good! Who'd want to have such an angst filled romantic mood with _him_ anyway..?grumbles

Ro – Well you obviously, but I won't go into that now, you're going to spoil the story if you carry on like that!

Seifer – Good, then maybe I can get out of here and go snog Rinoa and be done with it.

Ro - gasps in horror

Seifer - grins Ha ha, gotcha! You're so easy!

PS: I have nothing personal against the character of Rinoa I any way but, for the purposes of my story and my evil mind, she must be bashed over the head with a large fish.

Rinoa – Thanks very much glares

Ro – Hey you're not in the story yet, get back to Timber and practice being bratty! Hmm, I do like to ramble don't I? Well, next chapter should be up soon, please R&R!


	12. Drug,hugs and decisions part 3

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or situations or plotline. I do however have a large share in Seifer's soft side hee hee!

Key: -Denotes thought or inner speech-

-_Denotes flashback or memory_-

Denotes GF speak

Ps: I decided to do the next three chapters as a trilogy instead of the originally written single chapter, hence the title! So don't be too confused hee hee; it doesn't make sense I know, but it does if you're me!

**Chapter 11**

**The drugs, hugs and decisions Trilogy:**

**Part 3 - Hugs**

"So you're awake?" Seifer decided on a big entrance so as to hide his concern for the dark haired teen sprawled elegantly on the bed in front of him.

Squall just groaned, his arm flying (or more like moving as fast as his aching body would permit) over his eyes to shield them from the sudden influx of light. Seifer noted, absently, that the room was very dimly lit, the side lamp having been turned right down to almost nothing.

"...Just," Squall finally ground out through clenched teeth.

-Squall must have one killer headache- Seifer thought sympathetically, closing the door much more silently than someone who "didn't care" would have.

The pooling light from the doorway was cut off with a soft click, shrouding the taller boy in darkness as he stayed standing by the door. There was something comfortingly familiar about this scene, something that Seifer couldn't quite place, but then he wasn't entirely focused. He decided, as he sat down softly next to the injured teen, that he was more concerned with the present than the past right now.

"Oh," Seifer replied nodding his head.

"Oh?" Squall inquired in a gravely voice.

"Headache," Seifer informed him as if Squall wasn't aware of the pain splitting his head in half like cleaver through a melon, "side effect."

Squall didn't even grace him with an answer, it would have been too sore to curse at that moment.

Seifer just scratched the back of his head, at a loss as to what to do in a situation like this. He felt like he should really be annoying the other teen more, making him want to get up and hit him so that Seifer could watch him fall over and then laugh at him for being weak. Yeah, that would have been the normal run of things...but then the normal run of things had been running too fast for him to catch recently; too often he'd been left lagging behind with the weird situation that he didn't even know had entered the race.

Seifer sat down in the chair beside Squalls bed; inside his mind he could see the weird situation jog past him and give him a funny look, letting the truly bizarre one creep up on him from behind. Silence descended; just what was one to say in a situation like this..?

"Do you have something to say?" Squall's voice was gravely and faltering, yet the growl was still discernable.

"Ha," Seifer shook his head, glad that the other boy had his eyes closed and couldn't see his bemused look, "no thanks, looking's just fine."

"That interesting am I?"

"You have no idea," the blonde smirked as the brunette's anger flared at the sarcasm in his voice.

"Seifer," he said without preamble, the anger still evident in his tone, "I want to thank you."

Well...that was an odd approach to an insult. It took Seifer's mind, already working on his come back to Squall's insult, a minute to figure out that it wasn't an insult at all. The bizarre situation walked past Seifer, now lying prostrate in his mind and let the impossible crawl up to meet him.

-No...way...- was all he could stutter.

"Uh," he said dumbly, "no...no need."

"Yes, well," Squall said tightly, his tone in no way matching his words, "you risked your life to save mine."

Then Squall opened his eyes, albeit slowly, and looked straight into Seifer's own confused green ones. The stormy grey held no hint of deception, even if it did look like they were raging and on the verge of shooting lightening bolts. Seifer's hackles rose, even in the face of Squall's words.

"What are you getting angry at me for?" he snarled.

"Who's getting angry?" Squall frowned softly, grimacing at the pain the slight movement caused, "I'm thanking you, you moron."

"Well hell, don't keep up the compliments too long do you?" Seifer smirked nastily.

"Yeah, well, I like to think you'd do the same for me," Squall sighed out, a small sardonic smile hinted on his lips.

"Yeah well, ditto," Seifer said before he could stop himself.

Squall looked at him slowly, his frown deepening.

"What are you...that doesn't make any sense," the brunette snorted, then his face twisted in understanding, "you meant...you mean about saving my life?"

Seifer just sighed and ran his hand over his face roughly, trying to make the image before him disappear. Maybe it would work like a reality etch-a-sketch, if he just waved his hand in front of his eyes enough times it would all go back to the beginning and he could start again.

-Huh, I should be so lucky...- Seifer groaned internally.

"Hn," Squall grunted, placing his arm back protectively back over his eyes once more, "well, if it had been me, I would hardly just have watched you bleed to death."

Seifer snorted in disbelief as, in his mind, the impossible situation actually sat on him. This was getting way too out of hand. I mean, hell what did you have to do to this guy!? Insult him, shout at him, cut him open, nearly kill him!? Nothing worked. But hell, what had he come in here for in the first place, it wasn't to fight, it was to ...

...to make peace? Would that ever happen? I mean, he had planned this little peace offering and before he could even get out two ingratiating words he was back into the old bully routine. Would liking each other ever work? I mean, heck, he wasn't even sure if not hating each other would work yet...

...but then he had no time to think about that because there was a slight rustling and Squall was sitting up. He heard the muffle groans from the younger boy as he hid his pain, the creak of joints and the panting of breath. Seifer saw Squall's eyes close tightly with discomfort and clench his teeth. His hand went out automatically as he saw the other teen falter a little, the situation reminding him of earlier that day when Squall had helped him to his feet...both were just as odd and out of character as each other. Yet this time Squall was in no position to complain or make comment in any way. Seifer was glad of this; he felt that he could be riled too easily by Squall at the moment. If the boy had spoken he felt like he would just take his head off at the first opportunity and be done with it; not such a great way to start a friendship.

Squall's back was warm under his hand from lying on the bed, his breathing calmed once more as he sat upright at last, Seifer's hand ghosting at his back. Then, just as Seifer felt himself relax, Squall moved so quickly he took Seifer completely by surprise. He had been so careful in his movements up until then, moving inch at a time into his tenuous position that seemed agony in itself just to maintain. And then suddenly there he was, swinging his legs off of the bed like some sort of gymnast who'd just drank one too many Hyper's. Seifer thought that he was hallucinating before he heard the cry of pain and his arms were instinctively reaching out as Squall bowled forwards towards the floor. He felt his dead weight barrel into him but kept his balance, shifting his feet on the cold metal of the floor to stay upright. Squall was heavy as he panted against Seifer's ear, his arms clutching feebly at the blondes trench coat as he was lifted awkwardly back to the bed. It was too hard to put him down completely so Seifer decided, after a hurried internal debate, just to let Squall rest against him for a moment while he caught his breath and let Squall catch his too.

There was a silence, only filled with the light panting of breath and the humid heat of the closeness of bodies. Seifer unknowing held his breath as Squall calmed his breathing to a normal pace, sighing softly onto Seifer's neck as his head rested on his shoulder. Seifer's arms were loosely around his back while Squall's rested on Seifer's legs, his own slipping in between the older boys making a lacing pattern...

..and he wasn't moving from it.

The impossible situation that had been sitting on him earlier in his mind, Seifer mused absently as he let his surrounding sink in, had looked oddly like this.

The painkillers Quistis had forced down his throat were starting to kick in and Squall was glad of it. Seifer was giving him the headache he never knew he could have...and then this had happened. I mean, did Seifer have any more opportunity to gloat and throw him to the ground than he did now?

-_It would be better to just get the pain over with I thought, better than crawling round like an invalid I thought,-_ Squall berated himself sarcastically, -_well a lot bloody better this is isn't it Leonhart!?-_

Seifer was going to tear into him for this, he was going to punch him hard in the stomach and insult him until he was dead from it...that was what was going to happen...any time soon, any time right...about...now...

.......nothing.

"You're going to have to take it easy," Seifer mumbled softly, his breath warm against the skin around my ear, "recovering from a high level spell doesn't just happen in a couple of minute you know, it takes time. Stop being such hot shot and just...take it easy."

Silence.

"Mmm," was all Squall could finally summon up from the large barrage of insults, statements and questions that were clamouring to get out of his mouth at the same time.

Squall felt the dizziness subside, the sparks and stars before his eyes finding better things to do than annoy him. Yet, even once he felt good enough to move again...he didn't. Why? He wasn't quite sure, and he wasn't sure he could ever really explain that moment...unless you wanted to blame it on Quistis's drugs, that was the safe option. Squall could live with that, he could accept that.

-I'll move in a minute,- Squall told himself as he closed his eyes, -this is just...well, it's just...I don't know what it's just but it's just what it's just.-

Squall's mind reeled at his last thought and he decided to just stop thinking altogether.

Seifer tried not to react as Squall closed his eyes and his long lashes swept over his skin. It was like the touch of a dove feather against his sensitive neck, the feeling sending bolts of sensation up and down his spine. He shivered, his heart quickening sickeningly. Why was he reacting so badly to this? He could handle this!

"Listen," he said, building up his courage to say what he'd been meaning to say for a long time now.

He faltered.

"Hmm?" Squall's query hummed in his throat and vibrated against Seifer's shoulder.

The older boy shuddered slightly.

"Uh," he started professionally, "I wanted to say, uh, well, can we just...about this morning, it was...a mistake."

"Mistake?" Squall mumbled, unconvinced, "you were aiming to take off my head."

"I wasn't!" Seifer retorted, sighing when he heard Squall groan from the effect of his voice on his headache, "Look, it wasn't intentional and I'm...sorry, alright. I just wish it had never happened."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't mean it that's why."

"I can hardly forget it Seifer, you wrote it into my face."

"Yeah well, ditto."

"....."

"Well hell, then can we just forget what I thought it meant then?"

"What you thought it meant? What did you think it meant?"

"Uhh," Seifer hated when this happened, when Squall managed to get him so riled that he ended up digging himself a big hole and usually ended the conversation by throwing himself into it, "well, you know, that we, well, that we..."

"Hated each other?" Squall slurred out sleepily, stifling a yawn by pressing his head into Seifer's overcoat.

"...Yes," Seifer nodded, glad that Squall had said it for him; stuttering wasn't in his vocabulary and this conversation wasn't making it easy for him to keep it out.

"Well, I guess I can forget that then," Squall murmured, sighing a little as he rested, "to be honest I wasn't quite sure what you meant by it anyway. Thought you were just being an asshole as usual."

"Oh, thanks for that," Seifer said sarcastically, grunting out the tiniest of laughs into Squall's hair.

Seifer felt the boat shifting under his feet, felt a slight queasiness in his stomach as the transport slowed. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as the hum of the engines slowly decreased, the light rumble in the air, the splash of the water outside becoming ever more prominent. Squall shifted restlessly, his eyes threatening to slip closed permanently as he blinked. He looked like he was going to pass out, all the energy he'd shown before seeming to have drifted away while the time passed.

"Then," he started quietly but urgently, fearing that any moment Xu would come bursting in and steal this moment away from him, "can you..?"

"Yes," squall said leaning back suddenly, Seifer helping him carefully.

"Uhh...did you even know what I was going to say..?"

"To forget it," Squall yawned, "and yes I an. It doesn't really matter in the long run. No sense in dwelling in the past..." squall murmured, his hands being held a little by Seifer, the only thing that was stopping him from falling back against the wall.

"Yeah...I guess," Seifer said with little conviction, not exactly the answer he'd been looking for.

"And you can give me your forgetfulness in return," Squall's slatted eyes levelled on Seifer's blearily, shaking his hands as much as he could to indicate their contact "for this."

"Right..." Seifer nodded, letting his hands drop away, "of course."

Of course this was entirely the wrong thing to do. A soon as Seifer let go of Squall, Squall fell asleep. His heavy body just tumbled backwards out of Seifer's reach and the blonde could only watch in dismay as he tumbled off the bed and to the floor. He stood quickly to help him up, but had to cringe even further though as the door opened with a soft sigh and Xu stepped into the room. There was a dangerous silence, Xu just watching Seifer standing over Squall who was sprawled on the floor.

"Seifer..." she said slowly, her hands balling into fists.

The only thing the other members of Squad B could think on hearing the deafeningly bloody roar that Xu let out was that Seifer was probably going to have two black eyes the next time they saw him. Selphie on the other hand, her time with instructor Xu having been quite limited, was the first to pull out her shinobu and look around wildly for attacking beasts.

AN: Argh, I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry! I've been kinda naughty and was focusing on my WK fic to much; Gomen Nasai! I'm such a bonehead. Lots of apologies to Ria for making you wait and not updating sooner, if I'd known you were waiting then I would have updated sooner honest! Okay, I'll stop now...(gets down on knees) but I promise I'll update, I promiseeeeeeee!

Seifer: Oh pleeeeease will you get up.

Squall; Yeah, I mean this is just embarrassing.

Ro: Oh shut up you two, or I'll put you both in a nasty sex scene with Headmaster Cid, I mean it.

Seifer-Squall: gulp

Ro: That's better. So yeah, please R&R! Feedback welcome!


	13. Fushou

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or situations or plotline….grrrrr….

Key: -Denotes thought or inner speech-

-_Denotes flashback or memory_-

**Chapter 12**

****

**Fushou**

"The Galbadian troops started their offensive strike on the Dollet Dukedom from the mountains to the north of the town at eleven hundred forty five hours. It was a standard attack pattern, infantry with a back up of mobile turrets, heavy artillery and controlled robot attack forces."

I don't think I've ever been so happy just to se someone open their eyes before.

"Instructor Xu and myself co-ordinated the SeeD cadets attack formations and monitored their progress with the S.A.R.U. (1) while Captain Holland and his squad, Lieutenant Xavier, Lieutenant Traven and Instructor Garea moved in to neutralise the incoming threat from the mountains. At twelve hundred hours the enemy was reported retreating back into the valley leading away from Dollet Dukedom to the Malgo Penn. Captain Holland's troops gave chase."

I mean, that something so simple could give so much joy. I thought that, as Zell and I sat and watched Squall on that bed, barely breathing, that he was never going to open his eyes again.

"At twelve hundred thirty hours Captain Holland reported that Galbadian forces had ambushed them in the valley leading to the retreat into the mountains. At twelve hundred thirty two hours we were given the order to withdraw."

I was glad I hadn't been alone. I was glad Zell had known what to do. I hadn't…at that time, as Squall had lain there bleeding on the deck, I would have ended up getting him killed. Seifer and Zell saved him, not me.

"During their second offensive the Galbadian's seem to have used, according to data received after the battle, some sort of jamming device that damaged our short term radio transmitters and made the S.A.R.U. inoperative. All squads except squads B and one member of Squad A had vacated Dollet Dukedom by twelve hundred forty seven hours. The members of Squad B being Squad Leader Seifer Almasy, Zell Dincht and Squall Leonhart; the member of Squad A was Selphie Tilmitt."

I didn't want to think about that really, that…inadequacy. I became an instructor to be able to better my students, to be able to make them harder, stronger, cleverer more adept in every situation. Yet even I couldn't do things for myself…how was I supposed to show them what to do when I froze up during the most important of disasters?

"Squad B was finally contacted at twelve hundred fifty hours and reported being given chase by an unknown and advanced piece of Galbadian A.I. weaponry. They reached the transport at twelve hundred fifty two hours with the unknown weapon still in pursuit."

It was strange, only half listening to myself as I spoke these strange impersonal words about something so personal. Squall was one of my oldest friends, one of the people I remembered the furthest back. That one memory, that one smile, rare and precious…I don't think that I'd ever let it go, no matter what.

"SeeD cadets Seifer Almasy, Zell Dincht and Selphie Tilmitt made it to the transport with minimum damage, but cadet Leonhart had suffered near fatal wounding to the chest and arm caused by one of the Galbadian weapons fire arms."

No matter how long I fought.

"The Galbadian A.I. weapon was dispatched of before leaving Dollet Dukedom for Garden at thirteen hundred hours."

I would always remain myself…even if that's all I could be in the end.

"Thank you Instructor Trepe," the headmaster's voice was calm and thoughtful as he sat in the chair behind his desk, "that was very informative. Yet, I still feel that your report on the events between thirteen hundred hours and your arrival at Balamb Harbour are what matter the most about this mission."

"Do not misunderstand me of course," he added hastily as Xu's brow knit in anger, "Seifer's behaviour has been duly noted too and will not go unpunished. A Squad Leader should never lead his subordinates into danger against orders, never mind abandon them during an order to withdraw. However, I would like the details of cadet Squall Leonhart's miraculous rescue from death, if you would Instructor Xu."

I just thanked whoever needed to be thanked that he had not asked me. I couldn't have talked about it, not the way Xu was doing. With that look of utter sincerity and boldness, with that tone of detachment and complete lack of sentimentality. Yet I didn't really want to listen to it either, trying my best to block it out while taking in as much as I could incase I was asked any questions. I tried to focus on something, anything other than the thought of my friend lying in that pool of blood and seawater and sand, gasping and cringing and dying at my feet.

I looked to the window behind the Headmaster's desk as Xu continued, looking out over the plains of Balamb and off towards the tall mountains to the east. The sun was casting the plains into darkness, the shadow of the garden a monstrous misshapen thing that stretched out and swallowed everything it touched. The Headmasters office itself was shadowy and still despite the subtle lights along the walls. The thick carpets and luxurious furniture seemed rather dowdy and frail in this light, the paintings and pictures indistinct and hidden.

-What should I do?- I asked myself futilely, -I don't have any of the answers, I don't know anything. Do I need to rely on someone else for this too? Do I need someone's help…just to be me?-

I noted absently that Xu had stopped talking and the Headmaster was talking back softly to her. His glasses were shinning in the darkness so that his face was cast into obscurity by his posture, the effect both disturbing and concealing.

"Well, I think that the best course of action is to postpone the exam results for now, none of the students need any more stress…" the Headmaster started, leaning forwards into the light of his desk lamp.

"With all due respect Headmaster," I started on impulse, "I feel that delaying the release of the results will only add to the stress and pressure that the students are feeling. Even those who have failed will surely feel better knowing rather than pacing themselves into the ground worrying about it."

"…Yes," Cid sighed out, slumping back into his chair wearily, "you are right of course Instructor Trepe. Would you and Instructor Xu please go and inform today's candidates of their results?"

"Of course Headmaster," Quistis nodded, turning to go; she was stopped in her tracks by Xu's frustrated voice.

"Headmaster," she said, her tone tight and aggravated, "what about Seifer?"

The pause was rather eerie really. I suppose there was silence, and then there was this; uncomfortable and foreboding. Cid sighed again before answering, this one weary and almost sad. I had always believed that Headmaster Cid was a fair man, too lenient in some cases, Seifer's case being one of those. He had given the blonde so many chances that he had managed to take the SeeD exam four times, each failure uncovering a new chance at success. Cid always seemed willing to give Seifer a chance to redeem himself, to make something of his life…yet he had never repaid this kindness with anything of use, only ever with sorrow and wasted effort. Yet…

…yet today, well, Seifer had acted differently. He had acted with selflessness, thinking of another before himself. It seemed heartless to say this but I couldn't ever remember Seifer doing such a thing before. It was rather eye opening, for me anyway; and it must have been especially so, I thought, for Squall. I mean, they were deadly rivals, always had been since I could remember. Now here we were and Seifer was saving Squall at the risk of his own life.

-I had given up hope a long time ago that Seifer's mask of bravado was a mask at all,- I thought a with a wry smirk, - but maybe now he's allowed himself to see that there's more to life than himself…well, maybe things will be different. Maybe this time he really does deserve another chance.-

"I think that failing the exam for the fourth time in a row is a bad enough blow for any student to take," he said slowly and carefully, adding as he saw Xu's jaw clench menacingly, "yet Seifer's actions are not to go unpunished. Smuggling magic to and from students is a serious matter, as is his abandonment of his squad during such a serious situation. I think that suspension, a long two weeks in detention with no privileges plus extra duties should bring him round."

"But Headmaster, it's never worked before, why should Seifer listen this time?" Xu argued justifiably.

"Give him the benefit of the doubt Xu," the Headmaster said with a kind smile, dropping the honorific titles and talking to her as a person not an Instructor, "this incident isn't like all the others."

"Your right, its worse," Xu almost growled.

"Xu, please, would you go with Quistis to hand out the results?"

The statement left no room for argument or even reply. Xu just sighed stiffly through her nose and nodded, turning swiftly and pulling me to the elevator in her wake. I wondered absently, as I followed her quick angry steps, if Cid had seen the change in Seifer that I had seen.

I just hoped, in my agitated state of mind, that there really had been a change and I wasn't just going delirious.

(1) S.A.R.U. - Signal Automated Response Unit. Sorry, crapy name I know, but couldn't think of anything else! And plus it means "monkey" in Japanese, so that kinda gave me a laugh...well it made me laugh anyway eh heh heh...

An: Okay, not sure what this chapters for really, but well I thought that the other characters were needing some airtime. Just a quick reflection! As always please R&R, feedback welcome.

Ps: Thanks to Ria for your prompt review hehe. Don't worry about making me feel guilty, I was glad you kicked my ass into gear with this story because I was enjoying writing it, I just got distracted! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ro x


	14. Return and back again

Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or situations or plotline or the Garden or Squall's twisted mind he hee he.

Key: -Denotes thought or inner speech-

-_Denotes flashback or memory_-

Denotes GF speak

**Chapter 14**

**Return and back again**

Struggling. That was how it started, with struggling. It was hard to make anything out, anything apart from the struggling against something, pushing and gasping in the darkness. Yes, it could have been dark, but then it also could have just been because the dream was always out of focus and gloomy. Then…

"Wait…please"

"No, no more waiting."

That voice…and then silence.

"Pay your debts," the voice was deep and menacing.

Then it would skip, there was pain and shouting and then light, blinding light in my eyes and the pressure was gone and then…

…and then, as always,I woke with a start, cold with sweat and panting like I had run a mile.

The pale evening light of the medical room washed over the plain white walls, settling on the desk on the far side of the room, on the soft bedcovers that lay twisted over my legs. I could never quite tell whether the wetness on my face was sweat or tears. I never took enough time to check. I wiped my cheeks quickly with the coverlet and checked around before sniffing loudly. The world seemed very stark, almost overly real compared to that out of focus dreamscape. I wished I could call it back, I wished I could remember it…but then…

Stupid dream, stupid nightmare. I hated it, I hated even the thought of it. I wasn't even sure where it had come from. It just appeared one night, pulling itself from my subconscious like some ravenous beast hell bent on destroying my sleep pattern. Clouded in mist, that was what the memory of it seemed like when I woke, and I had only been able to piece together the bulk of it over a couple of weeks of waking, always the same, with sweat and adrenaline and…fear. Yet even once I had started to write down the parts I remembered, piecing them together fervently, trying desperately to find out what on earth this was all about, it still made no sense. I screwed up my face as I tried to remember, clawing my hands together and scrunching the fingers until they cracked, finally letting out a cry as I punched the bed in sheer aggravation.

_-My god, I'm losing it amn't I?-_ I shook my head fractionally, -_this is as bad as that dream about that little boy and Sis…whoever that is…_-

I covered my face ashamedly as I realised how out of control I was being, letting my hands black out my vision, letting the darkness calm me. I sighed through my fingers. The breeze from the open window behind me ran up my back to play with my hair. I shivered despite the thin t-shirt I was still wearing, laying back down to trap the heat under the thin coverlet. The ceiling greeted my vision, lending a very unhelpful hand to helping me figure out any part of my dream. I snorted, trying not to think about it, but still my mind wandered back to it again and again.

It was best not to think about it; that was the thought that I always returned to. It seemed safe and almost habitual to come back to that phrase, _best not to think about it_…I thought that it summed up the conclusion to almost every single one of my musings for as long as I could remember. The thought would have made me laugh, if I was the type to laugh at something so trivial, even while I was alone. If I was the type to laugh at all…

_-I thought I wasn't going to dwell?-_ I said sarcastically to his traitorous mind.

I sighed and decided to let my mind wonder. Rolling my head back further I managed to receive an upside down picture of the setting sun, or the edge of the sunset anyway. The highest peak of the sky was crested with early stars, twinkling and fading and strengthening again. The soft purple faded into pink, then the clouds blazoned with gold fell away into the shining sun, sinking down through the base of the world.

I tried to think about something else, about the exam, yes that was something to take my mind off my dream, the exam. We should be getting our results soon if the sky was anything to go by. I wondered what my score would be, what rank I would be coming out of the best part of my life with; what would I be honoured with for giving sweat and blood and silence to the last eight years? Would following Seifer's orders, would that end up counting against me? I had made good decisions…hadn't I? I had saved my team, that was sure to count for something, but then…but then I couldn't even save myself; and I had been…

…scared.

Scared when I felt that blade cut through my arm, scared when I jumped for the escaping transport…terrified when I felt the blast against my back bursting through my chest. I had thought I was going to die, actually die, gone, forever.

I always said that nothing scared me because I thought logically. I didn't believe in ghosts, I didn't fear disease or old age. I didn't fear life. Death was different however. We don't know enough about it to form any real opinions. I believe that when you die that you are gone completely, body and mind. That is the thought that sends my heart pumping fast, to be gone, forgotten…

-Do not dwell!- I shook myself mentally, grinding my teeth for not being able to follow such a simple order.

But…On my first real mission, it had to be on my first real mission that I was going to die. The shame that teetered at the edge of my mind was taunting and reminiscent and I found it hard to ignore in this brooding silence. I would have died, that was assured from what Quistis told me afterwards about my wounds. Yet I had escaped it, but had I escaped it with no scars? Not physical ones I mean but scars on my record. Had it counted against me in the exam? Had this lack of self preservation deducted marks from me? Would all of the points I had worked up in my favour count for nothing because, to all intents and purposes, I would have died if I was on my own? If I hadn't had someone to…rely on?

Rely on.

I had put them in danger hadn't I. When Seifer used that spell to save me, it had nearly turned for good and killed everyone on board. I would have saved them just to get them killed again, all for my sake. Idiots. Fools! What were they thinking!? Trying to save one life when so many others were at risk! What made them think I was worth that? Was it pity, benevolence, humanity…fear? Fear like I had felt as my life blood rushed out of my veins and into the salt water on the deck while I tried to blank out the pain and try not to cry out, try not to look weak. No, no it can't have been, I was rambling now, rambling in my own head. I must be going mad.

-_Well,- _I concluded to myself, -_if I am going mad it must be cabin fever from this stupid place. Can't believe that I've been in here twice in one day. What a weakling, can't even look after yourself can you?-_

So much for not dwelling.

I supposed it was all just logic, that was the way my mind really worked. Pure logic, fighting to push down the insanity of emotion that threatened to rise when I was alone. It was rare that I would ever have an out burst while there was someone else in the room with me, or in the vicinity of hearing. I tended to keep those moments to myself, somewhere I could control them. Keep them to myself, just like I did most things. Scrub that, just like I keep all things. Right inside my head, where they're safe and inconsequential. Yet, there was still a downside to this…this failed plan of a logical mind. I snorted and smiled weakly to myself. Failed, that was what it always came back to wasn't it? Failed; the fact that when I was finally alone, completely and utterly, with no one bothering me at all, I would brood. Then things would come back to me from long, long ago, things that I would rather not remember, things that I didn't understand. Probably wouldn't ever understand. I was in no position to work it out, the evidence on my side to little and I had no one to help me.

Not that I needed it; never have, never will. Not ever again.

The curtains flapped above my head like birds settling, and I noticed barely that I could no longer see the sun. In its wake it had left a great red scar across the sky, swallowing the stars with reckless abandon and spitting them out to the heady peak of the sky. The purple had deepened like a bruise, thick and sickly. I felt that…wait, wait a moment…

Bruise.

Bruise, that made me think of…

-_Oh come on what! What did it make me think of!? Bruise, bruise…sitting at, a window? Yes the window, but it had been sunny then, not dusk. Bruise though, what bruise?-_

Why had sparked that part of the memory again..?

-_Right, the sunset_, _the purple_,- I nodded against the covers, turning over onto my side, -_I'm thinking too hard, I've lost it now. I must be losing my mind, well that's the simple way to think of it anyway.-_

I growled.

"Think of something else!" I spat out to no one in particular, not even myself, "Think of something else or you'll go mad."

Seifer. It was the first thing to spring to mind. Why? Don't ask me, ask my twisted subconscious.

Idiot; that was the second thing to automatically spring to mind. I laughed at that, quietly to myself while scrubbing my hand over my face.

Enemy; the third thing stopped my laughter. I stopped rubbing my eyes and just let my hand stay where it was, covering my eyes from the world…or perhaps the world from my eyes.

Saviour; I pressed my hand into my eyes at that thought. The darkness that had swooped down onto my sight began to sparkle and twist as I applied more and more pressure.

Friend;………………there was nowhere to go with this, nowhere that I hadn't been already. Everywhere dead ends; my dream, my personality, my acquaintances…

I was a dead end.

The doors swished open.

I didn't remove my hand, just lay there like a corpse and listened intently for familiar footsteps so I could identify the newcomer. I tried to persuade myself that this was just so I could pretend I was asleep, so I could convince whoever it was to go away and leave me in peace. It was nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with fear at all; or the stinging in my eyes for that matter. Heavy boot tread coming closer helped me to calm down my strange feelings, making me feel foolish and confused. They sounded closer and closer, filing their way around the neat desk and the partition wall, stopping suddenly to leave the air still and silent. My finger twitched uneasily as the silence lingered, not even the hint of breath tingeing the air to lessen that dull roar in my ears. The blood pounded in my chest and rushed through veins so fast that it sounded like I was at the Oceanside with that rushing filling my ears. Outside, far in the distance, gulls were crying to each other, their voices hauntingly echoic through my dulled senses.

"How are you feeling?"

The voice that spoke was very soft, softer than usual. In fact I don't think I have ever heard him sound so timid, so sedate or even that worried. Not that he wasn't the sort of person to worry, but even then, he never really showed it openly. I had known him long enough to be able to tell the nuances in his character, but still he seemed a mystery to me. Most people did.

"Better," I said back without moving my hand.

"Good," he said back quickly, "that's good. Um…I brought you, y'know, your marks, I mean results…"

What the hell was this all about? Why on earth was he acting so bloody jittery? This was strange…so strange that I couldn't help but lift my hand and peek my eyes open to look at him. He was standing a metre or so from the bottom of my bed, the light from the window reflecting off of his blonde hair making it dazzle and separate into thousands of individual strands of gold. In his hand I could see the data pad and additional sheets of whatever the hell they gave you when you…

…Passed. Had I..? Or were they his? No, he said he was bringing me _my_ results…

So I had done it. Thank god for that because I was sure to hell that I didn't want to go through that all over again. I just let out the breath I didn't even notice I had been holding, watching as he stiffened slightly at the disturbance of the quiet. He was still wearing his battered SeeD trainee jacket but had changed his shirt and trousers. He looked tired. I vaguely wondered why he wasn't in here too after what he had done.

"Zell?" I said after another moments waiting, "Are you going to give them to me or keep them for yourself?"

"Oh!" he started, jumping forwards almost guiltily but regaining a little of his lost vigour for the humour on my part, "right, sorry. Kinda drifted off there."

His grin was sheepish as he walked up to the side of the medical bed, the breeze from the window ruffling his hair, and held out my results with one hand while scratching the back of his head with other. I took them slowly, suspiciously, as if they were going to burn me or bite me…or tell me I had failed. Even though in my mind I knew that Zell would be looking more unhappy if I had failed (don't ask me why, he's just like that) I still felt an uncertain lump settle in the pit of my stomach at the very thought of the word. It actually didn't bear thinking about to be perfectly honest. I concentrated hard to make sure that my hands weren't shaking as I took the pad and sheets from him, his eyes focused on the paragon of beauty the sky had become. The purple and fading red reflected more strongly on his tanned skin making stripes down his face and shirt. His gaze was a little apprehensive but I didn't really have time to linger on it. If I didn't take the pad now and stop staring I think that he would start asking questions…and so would I.

The pad was small and flat, rimmed in silver with a small screen blazoned onto the front which read;

BALAMB GARDEN

SeeD Exam Results

Headmasters Message

That was all it said. The headings were in small almost transparent blue boxes on a light blue background. After getting over the initial panic that this was actually my future I was holding in my hands I even took the time to notice that there was a faint picture of Garden in the background. I just let my hand tighten slightly on the pad, trying to push up on the bad with my other hand and failing miserably in my state of disrepair to even lift measurably from the bed. Zell noticed this, not that it would have been hard with all the effort I was making, and quickly helped my whether I liked it or not. His hands, I noticed, were cold when he helped haul me up and even pulled up my pillow for me to lean against. I shifted around a little, a little uncomfortable at being touched like that without my permission and also that I had to have looked so weak in front of his for Zell to be compelled to help me in the first place. I shivered, not really sure whether it was the breeze, my discomfort…or even perhaps the way Zell was watching me not surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye. I just looked back down to the pad in my hands, lifting a finger to press the heading "SeeD Exam Results" whilst holding my breath involuntarily. As soon as I had touched it the small screen shifted, the other headings and words drifted from the screen and two small subheadings appeared underneath "SeeD Exam Results". One read "Internal and Written Exams" and the other read "Field Exam". I breathed out through my nose, aware that Zell was now watching both myself and the pad blatantly. I pressed the "Field Exam" heading quickly, skimming over the Internal and felt like growling when another two headings appeared. Did they do this to make it harder, did they do this to make you want to smash the pad into tiny pieces rather than read the damned thing!? I was in a state enough as it was without this sort of hassle.

FIELD EXAM

Results

Results Breakdown

That was what the two new headings read. Something told me that, no matter how much I suddenly wanted there to be another two bloody headings when I pressed the "Results" heading, that this would be it. I braced myself, snorted, told myself I was being stupid for even worrying because whatever the heck my result was it wasn't going to change from me worrying or from me bracing myself. I pushed the button with as much arrogant indifference as I could muster and felt the bottom drop out of my stomach as the small results started popping onto the screen.

-Oh god no…a grade 1!?-

But then my heart froze and then decided to leap into my throat. I couldn't help the gasp that strained from my throat, the one that made Zell stand in closer to me, his hand coming down over my own one holding the pad, moving it around to see it better.

"Holy shit," he said in a low voice that was dangerously close to my ear.

I looked up then to see that he was bending down so that his face was right next to mine. We were so close that when I turned my nose bumped his cheek and I had to back away before I didn't feel like punching him right in the face for being so close to me; it was a while before I began to feel any sort of personal space again. I had felt my own breath drifting back against my face as it had rebounded off of Zell's own. It had felt…strange; not entirely the most articulate of descriptions but then, well, I wasn't the most articulate of states. Zell's hand suddenly seemed increasingly tight and warm over my own and I couldn't seem to get far enough away from him without still feeling a little panicked. I couldn't move his hand either though, it was…odd. His face showed he was oblivious to my discomfort however, even to my leaning back against the headboard while he leaned closer to the pad, studying it intensely. His face slipped then from that astonished semi-gape to a wide shining grin. He turned to me with his eyes twinkling and beamed, his whole stance radiating happiness to the world at large.

"Grade TEN!? You lucky son of a bitch!"

Before I knew what was happening the room shot sideways and I was suddenly covered in Zell. His laughter was loud in my ear and his breath warm on my throat while his arms were constricting and his grip (not surprisingly) very strong. I struggled instantly, placing my free hand on his chest to push him away with all the strength I had gathered from lying here. I have to say that considering the sheer suffocating fear that had flashed into my head when he had made his gesture, flashes of memory or dreams or nightmares flicking unexpectedly through my brain at Zell's gesture, I made a pretty good show of looking completely calm and in control. His other hand was still over my own and it was starting to really…I don't know. It wasn't annoying but I sure as hell didn't want it there.

"Zell, get off me," I said in my most dangerous deadpan voice.

"Oh, hey look I'm sorry man," he was still smiling and unashamedly squashing my hand under his, "but that's amazing! That's one of the highest scores I've ever seen!"

"Yes," I said in a uncommitted tone, glaring at his hand for all I was worth and hoping he would take the hint.

"I knew you could do it buddy," he was shaking his head and still grinning like a maniac, his eyes disturbingly sentimental, "if anyone could it was you."

"…Thank you Zell," I said suddenly, feeling my mind race and suddenly start screaming at me to stop what I was doing; I suddenly remembered what I had told Quistis on the transport earlier that day.

"_I'll thank Zell later."_

"Hey that's okay," he waved it off, not really seeming to notice he still had his hand on mine, or my sudden brooding.

"No, you don't understand," I decided to adopt that same anger that I had done with Seifer when I had been thanking him so that I could get through it in the same way, "I mean for…everything."

Hell why was I doing this? I guess if I didn't do it now I never would, I knew that much. If opportunity knocks…

"Everything..?" he echoed, his face taking on an innocently confused look instead of maniacal grinning.

"I mean about saving my life," I said as softly as I could, really not sure how you were supposed to act in these sorts of situations, my eyes feeling fuzzy and out of focus as I locked them with his.

"Ohh," he said as he registered my comment, unable to stop his eyes widening at my gratitude, the one thing I was famous for not having, "hey, that's okay y'know? No need to thank me or anything."

"There is," I said, gaining confidence now that Zell had lowered his eyes and a slight blush was hovering on his cheeks; it was odd to me how no one wanted to take responsibility for saving me.

There was a silence then, one where I felt I could keep up staring at Zell forever even though he wasn't watching me anymore just because he was acting so strangely. I just slowly began to slide back to where I had been before, even though Zell was still uncomfortably close. I guess I was trying to show that I wasn't afraid, even though my chest seemed to tighten and the muscles in my arm constrict as I closed the distance between us. Zell was still studying the bed cover intently, his hand feeling clammy against my own.

"No, that's alright," he looked up into my eyes suddenly and his gaze was so…sincere, "really."

I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to say to that. I had never really had any experience in this field, this idea of gratitude and returning it and getting all mixed up and being embarrassed. It never made any sense to me so I didn't explore it. I just thought that glaring the other person into submission (which usually meant leaving me the hell alone) avoided any of that sort of confusion.

"Your score though," he said, suddenly changing the subject; Zell's subtlety never was his strong point, "Do you think it could be the highest?"

"Don't be ridiculous Zell…" I started, but was cut off by a voice that I was sure was definitely not supposed to be there.

"It was actually," it drawled, the badly hidden vicious element to the tine making me turn my head and take in Seifer as he stood there, his arms folded and his eyes narrowed as he surveyed both Zell and myself, "the highest Garden has ever seen. Fancy that."

I hadn't eve heard the door open and I was very surprised at that. Usually I notice any sort of intrusion, perhaps instinct, perhaps habit. Whatever it was I had obviously been sufficiently preoccupied if I wasn't noticing Seifer of all people walking into the room. I just glared back at him, realising vaguely that my hand felt suddenly cold and rather damp. Zell was glaring too and his hands were now balled at his sides as they usually were when Seifer was in close proximity. I put the data pad down and slowly slid myself up, using my arms to haul my heavy and slightly stiff legs out from under the sheets so I could sit up properly. Seifer was still semi-glare/semi-smirking in our direction and it was, to put it nicely, pissing me off.

"What are you doing here?" Zell asked reproachfully.

"I could ask you the same thing," Seifer said back with a slow tilt of his head.

"I came to give Squall his results," Zell snorted back.

"Oh right, of course," Seifer nodded, adding in the least sincere voice I had ever heard, "nice excuse."

"Why don't you shut your mouth!?" Zell shot back, anger flaring suddenly and seemingly from nowhere as it always did with Zell.

"Hey, hey this is supposed to be a medical bay," Seifer said with a patronising smile, "keep it down why don't you?"

"When did you get here?" I asked Seifer neutrally, cutting Zell off before the argument could become fully fledged; it wasn't that I really cared whether they fought or not, it was just that I was in no state to escape them.

"Just a second ago," he said, his face softening a little, "thought I had better see you were alright. I came by earlier but you were still asleep. I would have woken you up but, well, Dr. Kadowaki is rather endearing in her methods of getting you to leave when not wanted."

"So you've seen, he's alright," Zell cut in with a smirk as he folded his arms and leaned back a little, "now you can go."

"Don't be so pushy Wuss," Seifer snorted, "when did you get off ordering _me_ around?"

"Why you..!" Zell started but thankfully wasn't allowed to finish.

Quistis had just strode into the room, looking very much like she had done that morning when she had come to pick me up, only dirtier and more tired looking. She looked surprised to see Seifer standing there and her glasses slipped down her nose when she almost walked right into him and had to stop suddenly to avoid doing so. She folded her hands round her stomach in a habitual gesture and surveyed the scene with a keen eye. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on though; Zell's face was red and Seifer was smirking.

"Seifer," she said with a slight tilt of her head and a scrutinising gaze, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the enchanting conversation," Seifer drawled with a sarcastic smile, "I need to speak to Squall of course."

"Of course," Quistis nodded back, the smile on her face barely hiding its smugness, "but then that would be disobeying Xu's orders then wouldn't it?"

"Well not that she has much right to say who I can and cannot talk to," Seifer said back shortly, tilting his head back haughtily, smirking at his last words, "but yes, it would."  
"Then I suggest that you remove yourself from the room immediately before I have to call the Garden Faculty," Quistis's smile was overly pleasant as she spoke.

"And why would that bother me exactly?" Seifer said raising an eyebrow in feigned interest; but if she had been watching him more closely she would have seen that smirk die a little.

"Just go Seifer," Quistis said with a sigh and a shake of her head that sent Seifer's spine rigid in a second; if there was one thing Seifer hated I knew it was being patronised.

"Alright," he said slowly, noticeably not looking at Zell who had the smuggest look in the history of the world on his face, although his back was still as taut as a bowstring, "but I'll speak to you later."

His eyes, focused intently on me when he said this, told me that this was no idle threat. I shivered involuntarily and then berated myself for shivering again at nothing for the second time that day. His boots heels clicked loudly as he turned on his heel and left the room, the silence that followed not awkward but…strangely empty. I looked down to the pad sitting on the lump of covers at my knee and didn't say a thing.

"I just came to say congratulations," Quistis's voice couldn't have exuded any more pride and happiness if she had just been made the Headmistress of Garden, "I couldn't have hoped for better for you. It's more than anyone expected considering the situation and it just goes to show you how well you performed under such pressure."

For once moment I wasn't sure whether this was a complement or not. I just nodded my head, muttering a thank you and watched my hand stroke the covers intently. Zell shifted to my left but I didn't look up. It was a surprise when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes shining with concern.

"Fine," I said monotonously, brushing off his hand with complete apathy.

Well at least that was some consolation. I could keep up any façade I wanted even under pressure. Ha, how ironic I was mirroring Quistis's praise while praising something she hated about me. I really had the knack of getting under peoples skin didn't I? Either that or I just did a damn good job of getting them not to notice me. Either way worked fine in my opinion. At this moment in time however I think I was doing the only other thing I seemed able to do in social situations; make people feel sorry for me or worried about me. Great, my own most despicable talent. Quistis's eyes were still glinting in joy but they held a sympathetic and worried glint and it was the same with blonde to my left. He was holding his hand like I had hit him or something.

_-For god's sakes, I don't have to take this ridiculousness!-_

With a quick and unstoppable lift of my arms and swing of my legs, unfortunately for the other people in the room who I was sure would rather I stayed in bed for another week just to make sure I was alright, I had my feet on the floor. There was a sudden but not unexpected rush of hurried concerns and hands trying to make me stay on the mattress in this lonely little room where I couldn't even be alone properly when I wanted to. I waved them off, ignoring Quistis and focussing on Zell because I knew, as always, he couldn't say no.

"Help me up Zell," I said slowly.

He hesitated, looking to Quistis as if for instruction on such a small thing even as helping me up; sometimes I wondered if Zell had any confidence at all even with all the confidence he broadcast whenever you were around him.

But no, that wasn't what I thought at all. Zell was confident, he was one of the most confident people I knew. Yet, over the last couple of days I had seen him losing it, perhaps that was it; yes, that was it. He was becoming timid and conservative, especially around Seifer, and even a little around myself. Well, I say being conservative around Seifer in the lightest sense of the word; he was, at times, being even more aggressive towards Seifer than usual. Oh hell, this was all too confusing right now, I was in no state to tackle my own personal madness never mind other peoples.

Quistis was sighing and nodding her head to Zell whilst keeping her arms around her middle. He put out his arms and helped haul me to my feet still with a look of concern on his face.

"I thought I should let you know that the Headmaster is postponing the moving of rooms and the SeeD graduation ball until tomorrow night considering the circumstances," she informed me with small kind smile.

"Don't feel you need to do anything on my behalf," I said brushing Zell off once I had made sure I could stay standing on my own; I had regained my strength surprisingly easily, "I wasn't planning on going anyway."

Two pairs of surprised eyes focused on me.

"Not go!?" Zell exclaimed in what can only be described as dismay; now that was more the old Zell I knew, "but how could you think of not going!? It's your SeeD graduation ball, you only get one you know!"

"Whatever," I shook my head and walked slowly past the blonde as he struggled with his words.

"Squall please," Quistis was saying as I retrieved my jacket and slipped it on effortlessly, "I think you should go, even for a little while. It would be good for you to at least meet the other people who have passed with you, meet the other instructors on a less professional level."  
"I see no real need," I said with my back to her, looking down to see Revolver in its case sitting behind a chair; I silently thanked whoever had been kind enough to put my gunblade away, there were so many things in the medical bay that could stain it and take weeks to scrub off.

"Squall we want you to come though!" Zell pleaded, "It wouldn't be the same with someone missing."

"Zell there will be over an hundred people there," I commented as I picked up the case from the floor and finally turned to regard them both over my shoulder, "I doubt you'll miss my enchanting company."

"But…" he trailed off, looking defeated and a little…annoyed, "…but you'll miss it, miss everything. Dammit Squall your not getting out of this one! Uh uh, we'll get you to come whether you like it or not! You'll enjoy it once you're there, I promise you will."

"I can't wait," I said dryly, turning and heading for the door.

I didn't look back as I heard the door swish open and then hum closed behind me. I put the case over my shoulder so I could hold it hanging down my back. The garden was dim to my eyes even though the lights were still on. The water trickled peacefully around the moat like mock river and I savoured the smell of the greenery and fresh air around me. I closed my eyes slowly, hoping to clear my mind with a little darkness. When I opened them however the world looked exactly the same.

Typical.

I started off for my rooms, ignoring the voices floating mutedly from the medical bay, no doubt discussing my future date with the SeeD graduation ball dance floor.

AN: Yeah okay I haven't been updating very well with this story because to tell the truth I became a little stuck at a plot-crossroads for a moment. However I've finally figure out where I'm going with it he he and so this one's a little longer than usual! As ever please R&R!

To Slipper: That sucks about your cable connection, but I haven't written anything new until now because I'm lazy! There's me being modest ha ha! Oh well, hope this chapter is satisfactory!


	15. For mine enemy, my brother

Disclaimer: Don't own FF or any of its yummy contents.

_Indicates flashback_

****

**Chapter 15**

**For mine enemy, my brother**

I had spent most of my day trying to unsuccessfully avoid confrontation with anyone. First of all it had been Quistis and Zell, constantly checking up on me as if I was going to keel over before their eyes or suffer some terrible delayed side effect that no one had yet discovered. I just brushed them off, telling them that I had somewhere else to be, yet thankfully never having to disclose quite where that somewhere was.

Next it was Selphie, that small brunette girl who had ended up teaming up with us on our exam mission. She seemed alright, but then her boundless energy made me somewhat unnerved. She never seemed able to stop moving, or talking for that matter. And for some reason she thought that I would be perfect to help her out with this "Garden fair" thing or whatever it was. I managed to use the same excuse on her too, although it was infinitely more difficult to get away from her than from the others.

Then there was Nida. Give him his due he wasn't hounding me, he only talked to me once. If you could call it that really.

"_Are you Squall?" he said not very boldly considering the boldness of his statement._

_There was apause, where I just eyed this young, slim brunette before me. He seemed to have come from no where, but then I hadn't really been looking where I was going; just walking rather aimlessly along the corridors of Garden as I sometimes do to clear my head._

_He was wearing a SeeD uniform yet I had never seen him before. I decided he must have been a trainee like me. Yet, like me, none of the trainees had donned their uniforms today, were going to leave it until after the SeeD ball I suppose. This man however, helooked like the sort who would have been itching to put it on as soon as he had passed._

"_What of it?" I said finally when he looked like he was about to just turn and walk away in embarrassment. _

"_Oh, uh, it was just," he started, watching me a little closely as I narrowed my eyes and shifted my stance at his fumbling, "I just wanted to say, you know, congratulations on your pass grade. It's, uh, the talk of Garden. I passed with you, well at the same time as you anyway, but we've never met."_

"_Right," I said, my tone revealing absolutely nothing._

"_And, um, thanksfor helping Selphie out," he added quietly, "she was from my Squad, I hope she wasn't too much trouble."_

_From this boys group hmm? Fair enough. Passed with me did he? Wait I didn't even know his…_

"_What's your name?" I asked in my best monotone. _

"_N-Nida," he said in surprise, his face brightening a little, repeating himselfwithout the stutter,"my names Nida."_

"_I gathered that," I said with a frown, turning away to walk down the corridor._

"_It was nice to meet you!" he called after me._

_I didn't reply. What was the point?_

And now I was holed up in the training centre, testing my regained strength just to make sure that I wasn't fooling myself and being arrogant when I thought that I had fully recovered. A nights sleep in my own bed had worked wonders, my arm felt significantly better, the scar hardly visible, and my side no longer held that persistent dull ache. Yet something told me, in the back of my mind, that this was all just wishful thinking on my part, or due to the fact that I hadn't actually tested my healed wounds capacity for pain. That was how I ended up in the Training Centre, alone as usual, with no one else in the entire place. Yet this did make sense to meconsidering this had been decreed more a rest day than anything else considering the exam.

I also managed to get in some training while I was testing myself, finally being able to perfect one of my new techniques. It was a long time since I had even come up with the rough sketches for it, of thrusts and lunges and slashes and twists and patterns merged and singular. It spawned originally from watching the tried and tested techniquesone ofmy old SeeD instructors who was no longer here, Hymore his name was, and how he handled his blade.His had been no blade like Revolver of course; his Fragion was much slimmer and longer without the gun attachment andthus much easier to handle. I hadn't let that hinderance deter me when taking on thisventure however, but then it was rare that anything did. I had been working on this techniquefor the past year and a half, devoting my all my energy, all my spare time to perfecting it in every sense of its being. And now, of all times, Ihad decided to try its finished version; now of all times I thought I was in the right state to do so.

The Ochu's had been no sport for it, falling before I had even had the chance to manoeuvre to the second stage of the attack. Yes, I needed something bigger, something more substantial. There was of course only one there creature in the training centre that fit that description. Of course that had been another big mistake.

The T-Rexaur stumbled and roared in pain as I let my blade arc up, the power surging around my form as I leapt and twirled, sinking blade into flesh and firing simultaneously. The beast was too slow to follow my movements and I was glad of this. At least I had picked a suitably slow opponent to practice on while I was still just testing. That was what I had thought; thought when I was sure I had defeated the monster, sliding my blade in through its back and tearing right down through muscle and bone into the creature's tail. The roar had been deafening, even managing to permeate the buzz of adrenaline that was rushing through my veins and clouding my senses. I had never before managed to perform all the moves in a singular attack, never before managing the technique there was no name for because I had never given it one. I was still flying through the air, not yet having landed from my final jump, and still I was able to look down over the body of my foe.

As for the T-Rexaur, I had defeated it. Its lifeless form lay twitching on the grassy bank where we had fought, the steam rising from its wounds into the air like the souls of those it had once devoured. And my technique was almost completed, all I had to have now was a smooth landing. I moved one foot forwards as I sailed towards the ground, crouching slightly and manoeuvring my other foot backwards to support the rest of my body weight. Yet, as most still in testing techniques are, it was all good in theory. I knew something was wrong as soon as the sole of my boot touched the grass. The shock of the impact shot through my leg, twisting up through my pelvis, shoving bone against bone, impacting muscle against freshly repaired blood vessels and ligaments. I felt something tearing inside my body as the rest of my foot connected with the ground, somewhere indiscernible in my side. I stumbled to the ground, rolling head over heel, grating to a halt with my arm and shoulder submerged in water and the pain coursing through my body both evenly and effectively. I tried to make my mind work as fast as I could, I couldn't be caught tying here by some monster, I would be easy fodder. I forced myself to sit up, ignoring the blood coughed onto my lips or the searing pain shooting directly from my side to my right temple and blacking out part of my vision. I searched wildly yet methodically for my blade, cursing with abandon as I spied it, Revolver shimmering deep in the depths of the pool by which I had landed. Then I heard something that made me curse even louder. Groaning and scraping from the beast I had felled mot a moment before. I watched in severe shock as it stumbled to its feet, shaking its mighty head, blood pouring down its side and exposing large sections of its innards. I could see in its eyes when it focused them on me that it was running on nothing but the last of its life now. They were crazed and manic as it opened its ruined mouth to roar in my face, the beast not twenty feet from me. Its blood spattered across my useless body. It was then, as I saw it tense to run in my direction, that I realised that I didn't know what to do. I was entirely helpless. What had I been thinking? What had possibly been going through my supposedly logical mind when I had decided to come in here alone?

I threw a grenade, one of the two I owned, and it settled thankfully into the beast's mouth, making it falter in pain and stop momentarily. I managed to scramble into a crouch while it was distracted, poised to throw myself into the water and try to get to my Revolver back before this was all over. But I just doubled over again, it was entirely useless. I found myself on my back, blood dribbling down my chin and my vision swimming as I looked up into the gaping hole that the T-Rexaur's mouth had become. Its breath was abominable, there were whole chunks of mouth blasted or torn away, yet still it owned enough teeth to turn me into tiny little pieces easy enough to digest. I brought my hand round my back and into my pocket, feeling the hard metal of my last grenade in my palm, waiting for the opportune moment to throw it. I knew that even the most well aimed of my best spells would have no effect now. A sleep spell, which was always the most effective in theses situations, would be useless now it had gone so berserk. The only thing left was the small explosive orb in my hand, it was my only chance. There wasn't much of the creature left; it would take only one good shot for me to bring it down once more…

…But then, just as I was about to pull out the grenade, just as the beast opened its jaws and lunged forwards, I found myself blinded. A terrifically bright green light had erupted to my side, a light so bright that it made me drop the grenade and cover my eyes in pain. I heard the T-Rexaur roar once more, the mightiness of its voice cut into a strangely gargled sound of pain.It would be thelast thing it ever did.

I managed to pull my hands away from my eyes then, looking to the beast as I watched with bated breath the stranger who had stopped it in its tracks. The attack itself made the person look like a streak of silver sliding its way through space and time themselves, moving so fast it was hard to follow it, especially in my state. There was a howling of a blade tearing the air itself in half as it moved through the thick atmosphere of the Training Centre, the green light burning brightly and feverishly as I watched the beast fall and flail as the silver streak leapt into the air to deliver what I could only guess was the final blow. I risked diverting my eyes, casting a good few of my best Cure spells on myself while I had the chance. I felt the torn part inside me healing, the splintered muscles forming once more into one. I would have savoured the moment longer, the sudden lack of pain, but there were more pressing matters on my mind at that moment. I stood fluidly, shirking off my jacket in one well practiced movement, and took a running dive into the water without looking back once. The water was cold against my sin, the shock of it on my face hard to ignore. The silence it brought was another strange change to the scenery. The sudden lack of roaring or the haunting howling of that blade was oddly calming to my senses. It made it easier to focus, easier to ignore the fact that I may well have died back there if it wasn't for that...whoeevr it was. Of course, these wre the sorts of thoughts that i kept to the back of my mind at all times, safely hiden away where they wouldn't disturb my everyday thoughts.

Thankfully the pool was clear of beasts and pollution or algae. It was easy to locate my Revolver, glinting like a large silver fish at the bottom of the distorted waters as it lay between a large stone and small patch of silently flowing weeds. I wrapped my hand around its hilt, feeling infinitely safer as I could now hold it again. With the dead weight of my gunblade in my grasp I pushed from the bottom of the pool, striking out with my booted feet heavily, and broke the waters surface with a splash and a deep inhale. I took no time to survey the steaming pile of flesh that was now the T-Rexaur, instead focusing on pulling myself to shore through the sinking waters and then pulling my bedraggled form from them. I was soaked to the skin, not surprisingly, and water poured from my body in rivers, slowing as gravity finally took its course and the water shivered its way back to the pool from which it had come. I shivered slightly myselfbefore looking up.

Oh.

"Can't leave you alone for one minute can I?" he said.

"I wish you would," I said back without a moment's hesitation.

However I couldn't deny that his technique had been highly impressive. With his long silver grey trench coat and Hyperion's long sleek design he had looked like nothing more than a spike of silver as he dealt a severe overkill to what was left of the creature. I think he knew as well as I did that there had been no need to use such a move on the creature considering its state, but then when did Seifer ever pass up a chance to show off? It was either that or he had been here long enough to see my own new technique and now he felt he needed to prove he could do better.

"Well that's gratitude for you," he huffed humorously, "bloody hell you're soaked."

I felt like throwing a good fire spell at him for that one; the statement was so obvious it hurt. I could feel the wet fabric, now annoyingly see through, sticking to my chest and back slickly. My trousers felt heavy and cold, the belts surrounding them not helping in any way. Just the same as the fact that Seifer raking his eyes up and down my body with a smirk plastered to his face didn't help any. It was a little…unsettling, although I wasn't quite sure why.

I shook myself thoroughly, feeling to all intents and purposes like a wet dog, and managed to flick off most of the water from my body and leave my hair a particularly spiky mess. I looked back up to see Seifer wiping his face with slow movements, his eyes closed in annoyance. He opened them again to glare at me, his trench coat spattered with small dark grey dots of moisture. I felt like smiling but instead kept my own cold glare and impassive visage in place. I just placed Revolver back in its holster at my side and picked up my jacket. I was vaguely glad that my dive in the pool had washed away the blood around my mouth so that it was hidden from Seifer as I walked past him nonchalantly. It would have been the last thing I needed, to have Seifer lecture me while I was cold and dripping onto the grass and in very bad need of a bath. I didn't want to talk to him right now, not after that display of weakness, and so was glad to be able to leave.

Or so I thought.

The sudden steely grip on my arm told a different story. I looked down to Seifer's black gloved hand wrapped around my still wet arm and hoped that the glare would remove it; it didn't of course but then one could always hope.

"I said earlier that I needed to talk to you," he said with a hard look on his face, that annoyingly arrogant down tilt to the edges of his mouth thoroughly in place, "and after that little display, now seems as good a time as any."

"I need to dry off," I said back, matching his cold green eyes with my own, looking straight into his face which sat only five inches from my own, "and I don't see what there is to talk about."

"Oh you don't do you? Well I think that drying off can wait then," he said swinging me round to face him properly, ignoring the look of purely furious indignation that lit up my eyes at the movement, "until you understand a few things."

"Let go of me," I said quietly and dangerously.  
"What?" he asked, obviously missing my almost mumbled words.

"I said let go of me," I said little louder, not letting the dangerous element slip out of my voice.

"No," he said back, his face hardening even more, "no, I won't because you know what? It doesn't matter; what does it matter if I have a hold of your arm Squall? Because I know that you can't do anything about it, not with that side of yours. I can't believe you, and I thought I was the arrogant one."

"What the hell are you talking about," I growled out.

"What am I talking about? Well, let me see," he smirked at this, leaning back slightly and letting his grip loosen a little, "it could just have something to do with the fact that when I was finishing off a little monster up on that cliff top over there that I happened to spy you, swinging that oversized hunk of metal you call a gunblade around like a maniac and then falling over in a crumpled heap on the ground while a big dirty T-Rexaur thought you might look good for lunch. A T-Rexaur that you had failed to defeat I might add."

A lot of things went through my head at those words. Shock, hatred, righteous anger, fear, shame…too many to count I suppose. It was too much all at once, I couldn't handle it, too many emotions scratching and clawing at my brain. I didn't know what to think, there were too many replies trying to force their way out of my mouth and too many thoughts trying to get me to keep my mouth shut at the same time. Too many feelings making me want to strike out while others tried to keep me stock still and ignore Seifer completely. I couldn't handle it…but I had to. I couldn't lose it not in front of him…please…

"Ah," I managed out in a soft groan as I lifted my hand slowly, so as not to arouse suspicion, and massaged my right temple, "just…get off me."

"Why the hell should I huh?" Seifer continued, blissfully ignorant to my inner turmoil, "I want you to tell me what the hell you thought you were doing. I just want an answer dammit, and you're going to give me one."

"I'll give you nothing," I choked out, glaring back as I tried to get away from him,forcing myself tocalm down considerably before i did something stupid, "unless you let go of my arm. Now."

He opened his mouth to retort but then seemed to think better of it. Slowly, very slowly and reluctantly, I felt the grip on my arm loosen and then finally disappear. His eyes were still fixed on my own however, their bright emerald shine demanding answers, and hiding more questions. I just took as step backwards and let my heart go back to its normal rhythm, letting the turmoil leak out of my mind. Then I decided that, no matter how much I wanted to leave this place, that I was never going to get out of here without Seifer stopping me or following me around until he dragged an answer form me. This was ludicrous…

"I'm fine," was all I said, albeit very sharply and with all the stress on the "fine".

"Ah! Oh I see you're _fine_, oh know I understand, how stupid of me," his mocking didn't help my indignation any, and his sarcasm sent the hairs on the back of my neck on end, "that would be why you were clutching your side in pain and almost getting turned into tiny bite size Squall chunks. Of course."

"Whatever," I managed to squeeze out past the constricting anger in my throat.

"No, don't you dare try and brush me off with that "whatever" shit!" his rebuke was harsh and straight to the point, "I don't want to hear it! You come out here, on your own after hardly ten hours of healing and decide that it would be fun to take on a T-Rexaur huh? Well isn't that nice!"

I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at. I had never before seen the look that he was giving me; of course I had seen the anger before, that look was not alien to Seifer by any means of the imagination, but that…

…that shine that was almost like worry. It couldn't be, but yet it was unmistakable. I just, I wasn't sure what was going on anymore and it was annoying the hell out of me. All I had wanted to do was to come to the Training Centre, work on my technique, test myself out a bit, work off some frustration and thoughts of the SeeD graduation ball. But no! Obviously that wasn't in accordance to everyone else's wishes so it wasn't to be. Well I was sick fed up of it, good intentions or not.

"Whatever's bothering you today Seifer," I said back menacingly, "I suggest you go take it out on someone else."

"Someone else, that would be good for you wouldn't it?" he said with as sneer, "To be able to run away from your problems? To be allowed to forget everyone elsein the whole world and just think about you, only you?"

"What I think is none of your business," I said back evenly, shaking outmy jacket and sliding it slickly over my still wet t-shirt so as to try and warm up a little.

"Well it is when it's obviously driving you to destroy all my good work," he said back, making me frown in confusion, "do you think I saved your life just so I could watch you throw it away as soon as we got back to Garden?"

-_Oh. Oh, now I see...-_

"So," I said, standing back into my usual pose, hand on hip, "you think that because you saved my life that now I have to live my life according to your rules? I knew you were arrogant Seifer but this is taking it too far."

"You idiot," he snarled back, stepping towards me his fists clenched, "that's not what I meant! I just don't want to see you doing anything stupid because your hideously oversized ego won't let you do any less!"

"_My_ ego," I snorted back, "that's rich."

"Don't push me Leonhart," he said back with a twist to his mouth and a shake of his head, his hand coming up to point a finger at me for emphasis, "I mean it, not after everything that happened yesterday, don't push me."

"Who's pushing?" I said back with a lift of one eyebrow, "You're the one coming to shout at me."

"Coming to save your sorry ass more like it!" he shouted back, his eyes flaring, "After everything we talked about and it still comes down to this…"

Of course, in situations like this, there is always something that manages a proper rescue for me. I would have believed that it was my guardian angel who always happens to make sure something calls me away from these sorts of situations; unfortunately for that theory however, I don't believe in angels.

"ATTENTION PLEASE, COULD SQUALL LEONHART PLEASE REPORT TO THE HEADMASTERS OFFICE, I REPEAT, COULD…"

The tanoy announcement was straight from heaven. I just looked at Seifer with an amused look of apathy as he looked wildly around, his face fuming and his mouth a tight line that looked like it was about to explode at any moment. It was my own fault of course for looking smug. If I hadn't then perhaps what happened next wouldn't have happened at all.

"ATTENTION PLEASE, COULD SEIFER ALMASY PLEASE REPORT TO THE HEADMASTERS OFFICE, I REPEAT…"

Of course it would have happened anyway because it was entirely logical to assume that the Headmaster had notcalled Seifer to his officeout of spite for my own smugness. However, my mind was obviously in a particularly vicious mood today and was laughing at me fr trying my luck. Seifer's look of sheer satisfaction did not help of course. I had never seen him look more pleased with himself when he settled his eyes back onto level with my own, the little green emeralds glinting wildly in their sockets. It was a moment before he moved, but when he finally said what he said I don't know how I managed to stop myself from punching his lights out. With a dramatic sweep of one arm he gestured past me towards the small sliding gate of the Training Centre.

"Shall we?"

AN: Hmm, not sure about this chapter, it doesn't seem finished. However I do know what is going to happen next so perhaps it feels unfinished because I haven't written the next part. I was going to write them as one whole part but then I decided not to because I thought it would be too long as a chapter. Soooo, there you have it, hehe. Totally pointless ramblings from yours truly! As ever please R&R!

Ps: Thanks to Slipper for the very prompt review he he! Domo arigato gozaimasu!


	16. Difference in Solitude

Disclaimer: Do not own anything Squaresoft except my own deluded ramblings, a figurine of Squall and also the Lionheart in my cupboard (for reasons not yet or ever likely to be disclosed).

Warnings: Err, lots of drunken swearing...

**Chapter 16**

**Difference in Solitude**

The cool night air was a stark yet pleasant contrast to the heat of the party. The stars were out, the night sky was pitch in hue and seemed thick and heavy, as if the stars were simply floating inside of it. The Gardens central tier was glowing with its usual calm tranquillity and the breeze was cool. The effervescence of the room behind me seemed blissfully far away and I sighed in relief.

_God, I thought I was never getting out of there_,- I thought a little wearily as a bout of clapping erupted from behind the partly closed doors of the balcony I had escaped onto.

I thought that if I just stood completely still and inconspicuous against the wall no one would bother me. Of course Zell and Selphie were a given when it came to talking to me, but then I could stand them just enough to not walk straight out the door. I think, in the back of my mind, I knew well fine that they would just follow me and try and persuade me to return to the party anyway. I could hardly stand having to be in such a noisy, crowded, hot room never mind the thought of escaping only to be hassled even more. The thought was almost depressing. And then suddenly, as my mind had wondered the dreariness of the foreseeable failure of my escape strategies, my eyes had fallen on hers.

_Shit_,- was all I could think as she smiled at me, her dark hair dancing about her face as she raised her hand invitingly, inviting me onto the dance floor with her eyes alone.

I tried to look the other way, more than a little captivated by her eyes, a little more than I found myself comfortable with. She was, to put it bluntly, very beautiful. Her strapless cream dress accentuated her lithe, attractive figure and made her legs seem very long and enticing. I sighed as I heard her tall cream heels clicking towards me across the well polished floor.

Of course I had tried refusing, which I hadn't thought would work but was always worth a try; then I had tried the "I can't dance tactic", which again failed miserably. I was about to try leaving completely when all of a sudden she asked that one question.

"Let me guess," her eyes narrowed in amusement, her lips turning into a smile, "you only dance with someone you like?"

She couldn't have been more wrong, I never dance with anyone. Yet her words weren't what stopped me, it was something in the way she looked at me, something in her face as she talked, as she swirled her hand before my eyes and chanted again and again that I was going to like her…it seemed, like I did.

I did like her.

But don't ask me to explain why.

I suppose that's why I let her drag me onto the dance floor, suddenly realising that, hell, I really was about to have to dance with someone. I think my mind raced a little at that, stumbling as she pulled me, absently bending down to place my glass of champagne on the dance floor before I was on my feet once more and right up close to this unknown girl with dark sparkling eyes. Yes, I was right, I did like her, I liked that look in her eyes…

…but I didn't want to dance with her.

I ended up having to though. I thought if I pretended that I really couldn't dance that she would let me go, find someone else to throw around the polished wood, but to no avail. She was persistent and unfortunately, from the look in her eyes, as she smiled girlishly and gripped my hand tightly, I could see she liked me too.

Now I was out here, alone thankfully. We had finished our dance, she had gone off to join her friends, leaving me with one last lingering look before skipping off through the dancers, weaving expertly as the fireworks overhead cast her white dress into a paragon of elegance. I think I must have been staring, well I knew I was because it was only when another dancing couple rammed into the back of me that I realised I was still on the dance floor.

I started a little as a bird flew overhead, trilling out into the beckoning darkness before swooping down to the shadowy trees below. I could feel the cold of the concrete balustrade soaking into the warmth of my palms, my fingers becoming sweaty with the change in temperature. I shivered involuntarily, my SeeD uniform suddenly seeming a little too thin with only my t-shirt underneath. I longed for the padded warmth of my bomber jacket and pulled my hands from the railing, searching my pockets before finding what I was looking for. I was glad that I had just thrust my black gloves into my pockets, not really much of pockets considering this uniform was mainly for show, but they were enough to hold the slim pair of padded leather fighting gloves. Their warmth was much appreciated, sending another shiver down my spine as warmth began to invade my fingers once more.

"That was a very impressive dance," the voice almost set me jumping out of my skin, not that I showed it of course.

I didn't have to turn around to know that Instructor Trepe was behind me, I recognised her voice instantly. I just placed my hands back onto the railing and continued to stare out over the vast expanse of the Garden. When the silence continued however, when she didn't reply, I felt I had to say something more out of sheer politeness than an actual need to answer. But then when had I ever worried about being polite?

"…Thank you," I said in my flattest monotone.

She didn't reply. I could feel her gaze on my back, I knew she was staring at me, I knew that she had that look on her face…I knew what she was going to say even before she said it, but then that was always the way with Quistis and I. An odd thing considering conversation has never been my strong point.

"Is there something you want?" I asked, turning slightly to look at her over my shoulder.

She was half silhouetted in the light of the doorway, casting her face into a stark paleness and her hair in the same manner. Her arms were folded around her middle and she looked faintly amused, although I could see the pain in her eyes. I didn't want to see that, it had nothing to do with me…well, not nothing, but I still didn't care. She had changed out of her SeeD uniform since I had last seen her during the early stages of the party and changed back into her usual attire, the slim pink dress like top, leggings and gloves. I just continued to look at her, my face stony and silent. She just shook her head, letting her arms unfold and the right splay out from her side as she looked at me questioningly.

"So you'll dance with someone you've never met before but you can't even stand talking to me?" her voice was wistful yet not really, oddly enough, sad, "Can't you even turn around?"

"…It's different," I said finally, not deeming it a good idea to turn around, "you are my instructor, I'm your pupil. It's not exactly comfortable when you don't say anything. "

"Yes," her voice held her sigh at bay and I heard her shift uncomfortably even though she let out a small laugh into the silence, "and I guess that can be used to my advantage. I'm here to give you and order."

Now that made me turn round, albeit slowly. There was nothing I did better than an order.

* * *

It was really late, and I mean like really, really late, but I loved this place, best place in the entire world. Of course it was found by me in my first year, was the only safe place I could find in Garden, especially at times like these. It was a small secluded area shut off from the main walkway area; you could find it through a small passage and a "locked" door at the back of the Training Centre. It was nothing more than the small roof area of the air conditioning unit for the Training Centre, but it was most definitely the quietest and most private place, well usually. Of course, being a curfew night, there were all those little rebels hanging around who thought it was so cool to stay out and sit on a roof top snuggling one an other. It was a good thing I brought Hyperion with me; on seeing it at my side they hadn't stayed long enough to even hear my threats. 

This place, it's always been just right for me, especially when I'm in a mood. Considering I had been a bad boy and gone and failed my exam for the fourth time, or whatever the hell the tally was now, I guessed that I really should be behaving more. Sneaking out after curfew and drinking overly strong, gotten-through-dirty-dealings alcohol probably wasn't the best way to start a new regime. I should really get back to my room drink fifty pints of water and then go to bed.

Nah.

I took another long swig from the deep green bottle, laughing around the bottle neck as I felt my head swim with the fumes floating through my throat and probably directly into the bloodstream. The view was nice from up here usually, you could see right out into the centre of the Garden, the central tower of light spearing the sky and glittering while the silent walkway sprawled beneath it, its multi armed tiers spreading away though the Garden Faculty guarded doorways. However I was thoroughly smashed so I couldn't really see everything that clearly at that distance. At the moment the tower of light was more like a really big sea cucumber trying to fly through a doughnut. God knows what the rest of it was, porridge or something I don't know.

What was I drinking again? Oh right, FH Whiskey, that's Fisherman's Horizon for your information; 70 proof. Good stuff, just nice for drowning yourself in. Mind you, it is made by fisherman and they do spend their days out on bloody boats in the bloody freezing cold so it makes sense that it sets you on bloody fire when you drink it. Takes off layers of skin with every swallow, just right.

The scenery swam before my eyes giddily once more. I held onto the rail tightly and pulled forwards as I felt myself tilt back, not sure what was happening to my feet because I couldn't distinctly feel them any more. They could have been doing the can-can for all I knew. I managed to slump forwards though, the cold rail pushing against my chest and I vaguely felt the slosh of whiskey on my hand. I looked around blearily and noticed that I was holing the bottle at a 45o angle and it was dribbling slowly over my fingers and down into the darkness below me. It took a couple of seconds before I realised what was going on, cursing roughly and pulling the bottle back once I registered my problem. God I was drunk, hadn't been this drunk in a long time. Wait, correct that, I hadn't been this drunk _alone_ in a long time. Don't get me wrong now I can drink anyone under the table five times over; however I always seem to manage to drink myself five times over my limit and end up under the table myself. Tonight was no different, yet at least I had a proper excuse this time. It wasn't frivolity, it was necessity I tell you.

A ten.

A grade TEN!

That fucking bastard! And how dare he stand up for me after that! How dare he! I had fucking failed, like I always did, and that was easy. It was easy to fail and try again and again and again. But to have someone else succeed so magnificently right in your face? Well that took the biscuit it really fucking did! And then have that same person stick up for you? And then have them dance with someone else right in your face too? Bastard, no bloody feelings for anyone else. If I'm babbling, just tell me…I've had a lot to drink. Just check the already previously drunk bottle of whiskey at my feet to confirm that one.

I'm probably not making any sense, not that that's a surprise really, but let me at least try and elaborate. When we were called to the headmaster's office, well, you know what it was about. It was about that, you know…_that._ Talking about the scars, plus the insubordination and the shimmering praise for Squall and the despairing scourge for poor old Seifer. It was as it always was, except now I had to put up with Squall's indifference to his praise at the same time as his shinning example standing next to my sorry ass. But then, NO! No, I wouldn't self deprecate myself because of him, because he was so damn perfect and so damn loved by the headmaster, I mean who gives a shit? At least I have fun, at least I live my life to the full, the way I want to! What does he get out of it? A lot of scowling and a pat on the back that it seems like he never really wants? That's no way to live. But I digress, yeah, so he was talking about _that_, about the wound, about the healing, and everything that happened on the transport and then WHAT DOES HE DO? He finally opens his mouth to say more than two words, his eyes seeming to focus more than usual which I found a little disturbing considering how focused he is normally, and he stands up for me, right there beside me, the shinning example! Did he think I wasn't used to it, did he think that I needed his god damned pity? Did he think that I was going to get chucked out of this sorry piece of shit Garden if he didn't at least put in a good word for me?

Asshole…fucking asshole! Bastard, bastard, bastard!

Wait, where was I? Right, yes! And yes then how dare he go and dance in front of me with that bimbo after being all nicey nicey before. What the hell was that all about huh? Playing with my head, that's what it's all about. I wish he could have just told the headmaster I was a stupid shit and I should be expelled like I thought he would. No, but then Squall would never say that. When Squall decides he wants to speak his mind he always says what he's thinking. Heck, the man might be a jail for thoughts but at least he was honest when he let some of them out on parole. Wow, did you see that? How did I manage that metaphor this drunk? I'm good, SeeD or not I can't deny my own genius.

Oh god…I feel sick. Shouldn't have drunk that extra half bottle. Or that Balamb Best Vodka either I suppose. Ah, to hell with it! I can drink whatever the hell I want! I'm a fucking genius!

"Genius!" I roared suddenly, my eyes twirling around strangely and my face feeling hot and flushed as I pulled my top half over the rail, "You hear me you Faculty bastards? GENIUS!"

Then I decided it would be best to let go of the rail and just fall back onto the concrete roof. Oh SHIT that hurt! Whose bright idea was that? Oh, right, my own, ha ha. Oh god this was pitiable. Look at me, drunk and bleary and a big fat failure who can't even talk his way out of retribution anymore without the help of my number one rival/new found friend/walking wet dream. Oh what? There's no point in trying to say he's not down right sexy, cause that would just be a horrendous lie. Oh man I'm pissed.

And what was with that girl huh? Rinoa right? Waltzing in there and flirting with him right under my nose while I had to watch him actually crack a smile and laugh at her jokes? Do you have any idea how long it's taken me to get Squall to do that? Bloody years that's what! And she thinks she can just twirl her hands and spin him away across the dance floor and then have him look longingly after her as she prematurely exits the dance just for more effect. I mean cooome ooon! It's the oldest trick in the book! Always leave them wanting more. I mean I don't think she even told him her name by the looks of it and so that would make him all curious and he wouldn't stop thinking about her and…goddamn it why couldn't I stop myself from caring?

Well? I mean, is it so much to ask? Just one simple thing…one little tiny thing. Just to have him look at me without a look of either complete indifference or instant suspiciousness on his face. I know he said we could forget being rivals, or well I think that's what he meant anyway. Whatever, he said we could forget the scar incident and that's good enough for me. Yet, what was this we had now? Was it friendship? Was that what this was? But there weren't any of the usual things happening that friendship usually comprised of, like talking to each other or hanging around each other or, well, anything really. He was just the same old Squall, but now we didn't even share the bond of rivalry that got us talking in the first place! Now it's just a nod of the head to me in the corridor like that's supposed to mean something! Bastard, absolute bastard. He's so far back in the fucking closet he's in bloody Narnia!

"Seifer?"

Oh great and now I'm hearing things, fan-fucking-tastic. You know when your mind play's tricks on you, pulling up previous conversations and shit like that just to piss you off when you're thinking about something important or something that really fucks you off? Well that always happens to me when I'm drunk, my mind will talk to me like I'm a raving schizophrenic, pulling up weird half remembered memories and stuff just to torment me with. That was why, when I heard my name called out that dim and drunken night, I was positive it was in my head.

When it wasn't.

It was coming from Squall who happened to be standing over me, his hands held a little strangely at his sides, like he didn't know where to put them. Either that or I was just too drunk to really notice and my perspective had gone daft. Wouldn't surprise me. What did surprise me however was that Squall was suddenly standing over me with his arms by his sides all weird like he didn't know where to put them! When did that happen; was I having deja-vu? Am I drunk? Oh yeah, the whiskey…the vodka…

"Seifer are you alright?"

The voice had become louder and I opened my eyes to look up again. This was a little strange because, you see, I didn't even remember closing my eyes. And Squall was suddenly very big, his eyes all strange and slightly concerned looking, his hands moving at unnaturally slow speeds as they moved over my face and continued moving until they had hold of me. I felt like my brain was slowing down. I wanted to warn him that I was going to be sick but then I couldn't because my brain wasn't moving fast enough.

How I managed to have the piece of mind, while completely out of my box on whiskey, not to throw up all over Squall when he pulled me upright is very much beyond me. I was just glad that I didn't because I might have found myself back on the concrete and sleeping out in the cold for that one.

"Squall, be careful, he doesn't look too well…" I didn't recognise the voice straight away and found myself looking blearily up as Squall hauled me to my feet, making out the dim shape of Quistis Trepe standing near the doorway.

Wait. Wait a minute, what the hell were they doing here? I would have thought that Quistis was never one to leave a party "unattended" and Squall, if leaving the party, surely he would have just gone straight to his favourite place in the Garden besides the Training Centre: his dormitory. But then, wait a minute, wasn't this the Training Centre? Wait, weren't they supposed to be at the SeeD ball? Was Squall really wearing his fighting gloves with that SeeD dress jacket?

Am I drunk?

AN: Well hello! Okay, sorry this has taken so immensely long to churn out but I have been rather busy. I've been moving house for what seems like the past ever and it completely did me in! I've only just managed to get out this chapter, oh the hardship, oh the toil! Okay, I'm severely over dramatising that there, but I hope this is satisfactory enough considering the wait! As ever please R&R!


	17. Start it with this

Disclaimer: Don't own it!

**Chapter 17**

**Start it with this**

The dormitories seemed so far out of reach, like some cheap mirage on the horizon. It wasn't really that it would have taken long to drag someone there under normal circumstances, even if they were as blind drunk as Seifer now was, but there were now factors building up against me that were slowing my progress. First of all, Quistis was still here. I was really quite ready, in all honesty, to just sling Seifer over my shoulder and carry him back in full view of the Garden Faculties to his room where I would dump him on his bed and leave him to sleep off the entire drinks cabinet he seemed to have consumed. However, when I had finally pulled him onto his feet, his alcohol heavy breath mumbling on my neck, Quistis had suddenly taken the liberty of sliding underneath his other arm to support him. I suppose I shouldn't have been so blunt, but I guess I wasn't really having the best of nights and so can't be blamed for anything in particular.

"What do you think you're doing?"

She had blinked innocently and kind of startled at that question. She had just looked over to me, through Seifer's ruffled blonde hair, and smiled slightly. I could feel the hairs going up on the back of my neck as she continued to stare at me, Seifer's weight becoming more and more apparent on my left shoulder, and was about to just start walking when she finally opened her mouth and spoke.

"Just giving you a hand," she said, trying to restrain her laugh as I looked affronted and glared at her.

"I don't need a hand," I said back icily, suddenly starting to feel very tired of this situation, "let go of him, I can carry him on my own."

"Yes, I know that Squall," she said and, although she probably didn't mean it, it came out patronisingly, "but you can't just carry him past all those Garden Faculties in plain sight of the entire Garden, you wouldn't take two steps before you were apprehended and then…"

"Who said that I cared about that?" I growled back, trying to shift Seifer from her grip to no avail, feeling angrier and angrier as she continued to just smile and Seifer continued to become even closer to unconsciousness.

"Don't Squall, you've already let that one slip," she shook her head infuriatingly and let a small laugh slip as my glare intensified, "or you would just be leaving him here, am I right?"

"Right about what?" I growled out dangerously, becoming closer and closer to simply grabbing Seifer and storming off and further and further away from the odd polite streak I had taken earlier.

"Oh Squall," she just laughed again, her eyes dancing, "nothing, nothing."

I could have killed her, god knows what made me stop that time. All of the factors seemed to be against me tonight, being forced to come to the party by constant nagging was only the first of many painful steps leading towards this moment. It wasn't really as if, deep down, everything had gone wrong, but more like everything had gone out of its way to annoy me. From Zell and Selphie having the seemingly infinite patience with me when it came to trying to get me enjoy myself, to having that girl literally confuse the hell out of me, to Quistis's laugh to Seifer's deep, sleepy breathing on my neck that was becoming increasingly distracting. I just felt all of it welling up inside of me, building up to bursting point, too close to bursting point for comfort. I could feel my hands clenching into Seifer's trench coat, my gaze surely becoming unbearable to hold. My body seemed entirely rigid even though I knew that, on the outside, I still looked that picture of nonchalance and cool tempered control. Yet, for that ne moment, I had never felt so out of control, not that I could remember. My mind was raging, dangerously raging, filled with events and half formed thoughts and even half formed memories; it took a hell of a lot of will power and self constraint to simply breathe in deeply, calm myself enough to take Seifer's arm from over my head, hardly noticing as Quistis struggled a little under the dead weight I left her holding, and focused on simply walking towards the doorway.

"Squall!" she shouted after me, her voice not really pleading so much as scolding, "For god's sakes Squall will you give me a hand?"

"You obviously know what you want to do with him," I said monotonously, keeping my eyes on the bright doorway, not taking any notice of her hesitant steps, of Seifer's continued mumbles, just focusing on keeping my calm and resolution in place, "you handle it."

"Squall wait, Squall!" she called after me, her voice becoming tinted with anger, "Don't make me pull rank on you!"

I stopped. It was petty, petty and not exactly a useful trick considering there would have been no one here to see my insubordination anyway; and also because…

"Considering we're both SeeD's now," I said without turning around, hearing her startled gasp at realising that I knew she'd been demoted, feeling my hands still clenched into fists at my sides and forcing myself to relax, "I don't think that pulling rank will have much effect."

I just let the silence beyond that statement linger, feeling the resigned look in her eyes, the anger that had been extinguished there, and I didn't care. It was her problem, and I knew well fine, as soon as she had given me my order, that she was bringing me here to offload her problems onto me. She hadn't even given me time to change my clothes, just dragged me off to this disused roof, this place where people came to be alone. An odd place really, a symbol of Garden's small community of misfits, of people who the Garden Faculty didn't even seem to acknowledge apart from when it affected the average grades for the Garden. I myself, even though probably easily grouped in with them, had never been here before, not even once. I continued to think about it as I walked out of the door, leaving the silence behind me, glad to be able to smell the Training Centre instead of that stale air, glad to be able to shred the flesh of a few beasts, climb over the fallen tree and splash through the water before finally feeling my feet hit the metal walkway. I was glad that I wasn't back there on that roof with all of those emotions and feelings trying to urge their way out of my body, force their way out into the air and into Quistis's ears. I was glad that I hadn't lost control, glad that I jut didn't have to think about it anymore.

Wasn't glad that I had left Seifer with her. I stopped just before the final exit from the Training Centre onto the marble walkway, my feet hesitating as my subdued anger continued to urge them faster, urge them to move at all. Why? Why was I hesitating? I knew what I wanted and that was to get as far away from everyone ad everything as I could get; that meant my room. However, I couldn't seem to help it, just the same sort of feelings, the same lack of control as I had felt only moments before. That single thought, it thought made me stop and wait, it made me stop and shuffle over to the wall where it made me lean there, arms folded tightly together and eyes still overflowing with whatever the hell it was that I was using all my power to subdue. However, it was really quite simple.

I was mad, angry, furious.

The emotion itself was hideously simple, overly primitive and entirely understandable in its regularity. It was one thing I had always been able to understand, anger, hatred just as I could always understand sorrow and sadness; I could understand them well enough, why someone would feel that way, why people felt the need to express these feelings, tears, striking out, hollow, fear, killing. I see the things behind them, the underlying emotions to the outward action, see right into the petty deeds, right through the hidden feelings, I know it.

What I didn't understand was peoples need to make others listen to why. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to know why they broke up with their boyfriend or how they felt when they killed their enemies, how it felt when they were told their mother had died, how it felt to fuck a woman for the first time. It was a selfish privation, breeding misery and jealousy, and it was a cheap way to show off, to brag, to share your sorrow, to offload onto someone else. To share yourself with someone else is regarded as a virtue in society, the heart of a relationship, and to keep the other standing you must sacrifice everything you have built up for yourself. Its nobility, but it's a way of life that's livid with vulnerability. Trusting someone so implicitly that you would risk your own livelihood, your own feelings, your own sanity, on their consideration and love. What do you do when one day they turn around and look at you just that little bit differently, when that love is suddenly gone and they're leaving you, when they go and take half of you with them? What do you have once that support is gone except for your memories tainted with nothing but regret and sadness and finally anger. To hold yourself open like that, even to just one person, is a risk that I've never been willing to take. The thought of losing someone that close, who you had given so much, who held you in their hands, has always brought up feelings in me so intense that, to be frank, they actually scare me. I've never known why it makes me feel that way; like when I think about it too long it makes me feel like curling up into a ball and just never coming back out again, sends shivers down my spine, makes my eyes feel like closing forever. I could never understand that.

Just like I couldn't understand why I was waiting here, watching the floor with feigned interest, watching the way the flickering light brought out the muddy footprints hurriedly washed away, trying not to listen to the scraping and hindered footsteps dragging themselves towards me. I don't know what was stopping me just leaving, simple as that, simple as it has always been. I had no real reason to stay, nothing that was keeping me here; that would have called for an attachment which I knew I didn't have simply because I knew I wasn't capable of it.

Yet here I was. There wasn't really any arguing with that, no matter how long I stood here procrastinating.

Two pairs of feet were filling my view, forcing my eyes to rise, still storming, to look into her own. The blue was cold, yet not angry, and gave no indication of what was hiding behind them. She had pulled herself back down, past those shining eyes, to somewhere that no one could see. It was different, I decided, from what I did to protect myself. I hid behind a mask, whereas Quistis hid behind herself. Yet, even as she lifted Seifer's arm over head, offering it to me, I didn't care. I couldn't make myself care. I took the half asleep murmuring man and hoisted him up into my arms. Quistis just nodded, her guarded features walking off with her, even if they left an impression where she had stood. The impression she left on me was quickly washed away, the same routine I followed every time.

* * *

I hadn't really been that unconscious. Hmm, "that unconscious", I'm sure that doesn't make any sense but…well, I could still hear anyway, I could still comprehend vaguely my surroundings and what was happening. I kept my eyes closed, or at the least to slits, so that my head would stop spinning. The rush I gained from being pulled into a standing position had reaffirmed the fact that I really had cracked my head off of the ground pretty hard when I fell. The swelling throbbed and ached and I could vaguely hear myself mumbling that it hurt, mumbling that if they would just lay me back on the ground that would be really helpful right now. I knew that I wasn't making any sense though, so it was no surprise that they didn't comply.

I felt sick. I could feel people on both sides of me, my arms raised and held and my head lolling forwards. I tried to speak, distinctly hearing Squall's voice above me as my head fell to the right, landing against something soft that cupped my forehead. I could feel his voice thrumming against my temple, thinking absently that I must be leaning against his throat.

Then time seemed to shift. I knew that I was feeling better, well a little, tiny smidgen better at least, but I was still completely out of my head. I remembered stumbling a little, feeling like I was floating, and then the world turned on its side. Then I was walking, albeit slowly, and I could hear water splashing somewhere far away. Then I remember the sound of footsteps and the feeling under my feet changing, becoming harder. Then I was slung up, feeling my stomach turn at the movement, and I murmured something that even I didn't catch entirely before I felt my body relaxing, slipping away into some semblance of sleep. My head stopped hurting, the feeling of the rough material against my face became softer, smoother, the smell of the blood on my top became more prominent. I found it strange, that I didn't even remember the blood getting there, but then…then I think I started to feel it; something slipping. My mind had opened up, just little, and something was working its way out through the cracks. I don't know why but there was something oddly comforting in the way I was being held, in the way that I was close to a softly beating heart and warmth was all around me and I could feel their footsteps reverberating up through their body and into my own. It stirred up some fleeting memory in my head, something dull and dark that I could hardly touch, but I knew it was there. I felt mall and weak, I felt cold, I felt like my cheeks were burning from too many tears.

I hardly felt it when I finally stopped, dropped and felt the warmth dissipating, something pulling at me roughly. The sudden rush of cold to my skin was a seeming shock to my system and I shivered, trying feebly to push this person away with a shove and a grunt. I was over powered easily due to my state and shoved back down into what I could only guess, from the familiar comforting smell and feel to the place, was my bed. Then I heard a voice, reaching out into the darkness behind my closed eyelids and permeating my brain.

"Go to sleep Seifer," it said sternly.

I shook my head to the left, shoving it into the pillow roughly as I tried to drown it out. The voice seemed to be echoing in my mind, rolling around and around and around and making me want to slam my head off of the wall. It was so familiar, so coldly familiar, and I knew that I didn't want to hear it. My head felt split down the middle, the back of my skull beginning to sting and I was sure that it was bleeding. Was that where the blood had come from? No, but no that wasn't right, it had come from…

Go to sleep Seifer,-

Stop! STOP IT!

Good boy.-

I want her back, please, I want her back!

Let go of me.-

Please…

"Seifer let go of me now."

"Don't…"

"I mean it!"

"…go."

It came out as nothing but a muffled whisper. I could feel the world slipping away, taking my thoughts back down within myself as it went, wanting nothing more than to curl up and stay there forever. I think I could feel my hand grasping something, something soft and smooth that was struggling faintly beneath my oddly firm grip. I could feel something rolling from the side of my eyes and into the pillow there; it was wet and warm and I think I knew why I was crying, because I had been crying and they were telling me to stop, even though I couldn't. My face stung with salt stained redness and I couldn't stop even when the sobs stopped and I was only left with the continual flow of tears. I wanted them to stay, please, I didn't want you to go. This isn't where I'm supposed to be, please, please…

Please don't take her away from me…

* * *

"Let go of me," I was going to punch him in the face, drunk and incapacitated or no, I was going to rip his hand off if he didn't let go of my hand right now.

He mumbled something, his face scrunching up as if in pain before softening once more. I sighed roughly through my nose and again tried futilely to release myself from the death grip Seifer had on my hand. It was useless, his hand seemed to have moulded itself around my fingers, the long slim digits curling around and digging into my gloves very effectively.

"Seifer let go of me now," my voice as low and menacing as I could make it, my face was straining with trying to stay calm and I was going to lose it if he wasn't careful, I was going to chop his goddamned hand off and…

"Don't…"

"I mean it!" I shouted back, acting more on instinctual reaction than anything else.

"…go."

I didn't catch the last word and, to all intents and purposes, it threw me. I stopped short, grinding my teeth in frustration and suppression, suddenly wondering just what it was Seifer had uttered instead of wondering hw I could turn his hand into and interesting pencil holder. I fumed silently as I watched him, slowly bringing myself back under control, breathing deeply and marvelling at my lack of self possession over the last few hours. I know I've said it already but I really have never remembered being this out of control for a long time and I really can't understand why.

But…wait, no. No I can remember the last time I felt this out of control, and it wasn't that long ago at all. In fact it was approximately eighteen hours ago on a small rock plateau not to far from here. When Seifer's blade cut its mark onto my face I don't think I've ever felt such a rush of pure adrenaline before. It was like pure liquid fire was suddenly being pumped through my veins instead of blood, as if my entire body was filled to the brim with the need to simply act and think about it all later, or never for that matter. The thought, _any_ thought at all never entered my mind. I just remembered being outraged, furious, only being able to focus on the fact that I knew for a fact that if Seifer could reach me with Hyperion then Revolver could reach hi. That was all that mattered in those split few seconds from when I saw my blood stain the rock to when I saw the blood pouring down through Seifer's fingers as he clutched at his face. It was pure instinct, the need to fight back, and after it, when I thought back, I'd really had no control over my actions at all. That's not to excuse them however, I take responsibility, but I was just procrastinating once more; that was the only time I remembered being as out of control as I was sporadically feeling tonight. It was like my primal side was seeping down into my psyche, taking away rational thought and replacing it with the need for instant action to get instant results; for example, if a dog wants you to back away it will growl at you instinctively, or it will snap or bark at you and these instinctual actions will receive an immediate effect: the person will back off. It's the same with humans, if you shout at someone or lash out then you will receive the immediate effect of having that person back away from you, more than likely frightened. It is only self control, will power if you will, that stops a human from doing these things all the time, only this which makes them stay calm and try to resolve the situation in other manners. Seifer was that sort of person, one who relies on his instincts to give him instant results, relies on fear and being overbearing and other people's reactions to his own actions. But…but well, to overuse a word, I'm procrastinating yet again. What I'm trying to say, straight down the line, is that it is not like me at all to behave like this. I do not behave, in any manner, like Seifer Almasy and that is just the way things are. You could almost call us polar opposites when it comes to personality, yet here I was, acting lie a spoilt child and feeling like nothing would be better in the world than to be able to just let go for once and let some other lower, primal part of my brain do the thinking for me.

I was acting like Seifer, and the thought made me cringe inside. I didn't want to be like him, rouge, wild, someone you couldn't rely on. There was always that element to Seifer that radiated the fact that he had no master, he was his own man and no one on Earth could tell him what he could and couldn't do. He would his life his way and no one else's, even if it meant fighting to the bitter end for it…which I guess, in all truth, was why he had been called to the Headmaster's office with me after our argument. It wasn't really his lack of leadership ability, Seifer knew how to manage a team and he knew how to win because his overriding sense of competitiveness would never let him fail, but it was his lack of discipline that always let him down. He just couldn't accept that someone else's idea could possibly be better than his own, something that even a good leader needs to be able to do from time to time. He let his emotions rule him and he always finds it hard to control them. Just like the way he lets his anger rule his actions when it comes to the indignance he feels when given an order. A good example of this would be, "Stay in your quarters Seifer and don't leave them until tomorrow 0800 hours."

That was the order Headmaster Cid had given Seifer when we had been in his office, standing together like the damned and the saint, and what had he done? Drunk himself into a stupor well outside his jurisdiction which finally required the action of a third party to see him safely through the Training Centre of all places. I mean for gods sakes he could have been attacked on his way back, a T-Rexaur could have easily picked him off and…

Oh hell. I'm, I can't believe I'm…

I noticed, as I slumped down against the side of Seifer's messy bed, his soft snores reaffirming my suspicion that he had fallen asleep, that he had let go of my hand a long time ago. The thing was that we were still holding together because I hadn't yet let go of his hand. I had become so lost in my own thoughts, in rambling off on a brood of epic proportions, that I hadn't noticed that he'd stopped gripping my hand as if his life depended on it. I let go promptly, noticing the coldness creeping back into my hands as his fingers slipped from the smooth leather. I pressed them together as I sat, my back to the bed and legs out in front of me, my eyes misty from fatigue and too much brooding. I looked back over my shoulder to his look at his face, now relaxed in sleep, and wondered to myself why moments before it had seemed so wrought with pain. Perhaps it was just the alcohol, some nightmare…the large lump on the back of his head seemed a likely candidate however. He must have fallen, the idiot, probably after he became steaming drunk and…

…and…shit, I guess…I guess I should check it, just in case. I sighed as I knelt up, my elbows coming into level with the bed, and slowly and carefully rolled his head to the side. I found myself being able to do nothing but shake my head and sigh when I realised that he was bleeding, even if only from a small cut, onto the pillow. The blonde hair around the wound was matted slightly and sticky, a small patch forming on the white pillow. I let his head roll back haphazardly as I stood, once more annoyed and having to work to control my frustration, and stalked out of the door and towards his small shared bathroom. I shrugged my jacket of as I made my way there through the dark shared area, the tight fit of it beginning to make me feel constrained and inhibited, and slung it loosely over a stray chair as I passed it. I felt my arm hair rising as it was touched by the chill night air, but was glad that I could finally breathe and move freely instead f feeling like some wrapped up corpse. I was so focused on other things that I didn't even notice that there was light coming out from under the doorway to the bathroom until I had opened the door and walled into the small white room, not really big enough for two people to stand in unless squashed tightly together. Which is the way that both Seifer's "room mate" and I quite quickly became.

"Ugh!" was the first thing that he said, mostly because he had a mouthful of toothpaste at the time.

I didn't really say anything, but then I was only momentarily startled. He was looking at me sort of wide eyed, his thick black hair standing in all directions as he stood with his back to the small stainless steel sink and faced me in his pyjamas and slippers. I actually, in my odd state, felt like laughing. Instead however I simply decided to act myself and at least keep some semblance of character. So I stepped forwards, pushing him hurriedly back tightly against the sink, and leaned round him to the medicine cabinet behind his head. I could feel him almost shaking nervously as I pressed up against him to retrieve the anti-septic and the bandages and safety pins before leaning back again, giving him as cold a glare as I could muster and stalking back off again. I had to force myself not to take one last look at his entirely comical face as I returned to Seifer's room, hearing only a mild splutter as he presumably emptied his mouth into the sink and then recovered himself from his bleary eyed shock. I just pushed it all to the back of my mind, it didn't really matter anyway, it wasn't as if he thought I was staying here anyway, he probably thought he was still asleep from the look in his eyes, and I'd be going soon anyway…

Seifer hadn't moved an inch from where I'd left him, half rolled in his duvet, lying partly on his side with his head on his pillow. I decided to turn the main light off and leave the lamp on, just to make it easier for sleep. I dabbed wound with the anti-septic, placing a small pad of mezzanine over it before wrapping it in a thin gauze strip. It really, in all honesty, didn't require such attention, but then…well, I suppose I was using this practiced technique, this easy set of movements to just take my mind off things. If I was focusing on something then I didn't have to think about anything else. I had been thinking to much lately, and it was never a good thing for me to do because I sometimes led myself into ludicrous fantasies about certain things simply because I had thought too long about them. Just like…

_No, no I'm not going to think about it any more.- _

I sat back down again the bed after pining Seifer's bandage off, his blonde hair crumpling slightly around the edge of the bandage. It made me smirk slightly to think that he was wearing the same type of bandage I had been made to wear when he cut my face open the previous day. He had even mocked me for it, and now he was lying there completely unaware that he was in the same position. I snorted out a small laugh to myself, bringing my knees up to my chest as I shook my head, yawning loudly as I covered my mouth, resting my forehead on my forearm and breathing in deeply. The soft light of the room was really quite soothing and…and Seifer's breathing was too, if I focused on it, almost the same hypnotic rhythm as ocean waves or rain falling…and I tried to open my eyes but found that they were too heavy and, well, I thought if I just rested them for a moment then…

I was asleep before I could even think about all the reasons why that would be a very bad idea.

AN: Okay, big chapter, didn't know how to split it up so just delivered it in one big chunky piece! Sorry again for the long waiting coming back to this story, I've been trying to keep my fic's evenly updated but my WK fic kind of took over, and then I was moving house and it all went mad. But anyhoo, enough excuses! I hope this chapter's okay, Squall's becoming a little introspective, but if you think he's doing it too much just tell me and I'll slap him about a bit for you. As ever please R&R, much appreciated!


	18. Mistake: Part 1

Disclaimer: All characters and original story attributed to Squaresoft and Hironobu Sakaguchi (the genius!)

**Chapter 18**

**Mistake**

Mmmm. Cold.

Hard bed.

Wait…no, not bed. Floor? Was I on the floor? Fallen out of bed?

Oh god, great, just get up, you'll have backache if you sleep like this.

No, no don't open your eyes because you know you'll never get back to sleep otherwise. Just crawl under the covers, forget about clothes; well, maybe wriggle out of the belts, don't want bruises.

God, can't believe I fell out of bed, how old am I, six?

Mmmm. Warm.

Gghh, dammit, don't remember the wall being this close before! No room, move! Stupid Squall, stupid; wall's don't move. But still, hell this was one warm wall…oh for gods sakes shut up and go to sleep.

Right. Sleep.

Good idea.

Gah, I just wish the stupid wall would stop moving!

No, stop, your dreaming, hallucinating! Just sleep.

Okay.

Hnnn.

Mmph.

Stupid chain, digging in my chest. Roll over, there, that's better.

Seriously don't remember the lumps in my bed being this big. No, never mind, not important. Think about it in the morning.

Sleep.

Yeah, sleep.

Why is the wall breathing on me?

Gees Squall, sound insane yet? Your dreaming, try going with it and getting back to sleep instead of rambling in your own head.

God, who was I talking to? Right.

Sleep.

MMMNNN!

Light in my eyes!

Argh, just pull the covers over your head.

Ah, there. Darkness.

Peaceful.

Sleep.

Finally.

AN: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops. That's all I can really say on Squall's behalf there! I know it's short but I tried carrying it on into the next chapter I'm writing and I couldn't make it fit properly so I thought I'd just put it out on its own, so there! Right, ummmm, so next chapter should be up soon and might actually have some real proper warnings (not the crappy fake one's I was trying to make it interesting with earlier) for the next one (shock bleedin' horror!) depending on how it turns out. As ever please R&R, I love to know the opinion as always!

Ps: To Eternal Darkness: Woo! I still have a reviewer, yay! Heh heh, thanks for the review, I was beginning to think I'd left the story too long and no one was reading (can you tell I'm paranoid?) You like my drunk Seifer? He he, yeah he's fun to write but yu let him in your house and he's crashing out on you couch night after night, I mean really….


	19. Mistake: Part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words baby, nothing! Copyright all to Squaresoft, all to Hironobu Sakaguchi, all the way!

**Chapter 19**

**Mistake: Part 2**

God this was hopeless.

"Have you seen Squall? Hey Selphie, snap out of it, I'm asking you a question here!"

"Oh Zelly! Come on, you knew that he was gonna escape at some point! Just let him go and mope, it's no use hounding him _all_ night."

-Yes, it is,- I thought completely soberly, -but I'm not going to tell you that if I want it to remain a secret.-

The short brunette giggled as she downed the last of her champagne, her outrageous curls dancing as she bobbed uncertainly on one foot. Her eyes were slightly misted as she looked back to me, smiling brightly, and unceremoniously chucked the glass over her shoulder. I started at the sound of tinkling glass as the champagne flute shattered into a million tiny shards all over the laminate flooring. Several women near to the crash site yelped, others jumping out of the way of the, still whole, spinning glass bottom. I just shook my head. I mean I know that, even after only half a day, I was already used to Selphie's out of the ordinary over the top hyper attitude, but Selphie drunk…it was just a hundred times worse. All the inhibitions she seemed to be just sane enough to keep were completely lost as soon as she let the bubbles go to her brain.

"Or are you worried about him?" she asked with a sly smile, her eyes narrowing and a smirk forming lopsidedly on her face.

"Oh look Selphie, I told you already," I was almost whining but I wasn't quite there yet, "I've been asked by Xu to find him and tell him where his new room is gonna be, that's all. If I don't he'll be sleeping out in the cold because someone's already moved into his old room and all his stuff's been moved too and…oh look, it' doesn't matter, I'll find him on my own!"

Selphie had drifted off half way through my rant. Her eyes, which had originally been focused on me with a strange intensity, had now become bored and decided to wander up to the ceiling, then to the dance floor, then to stare unabashedly at some passing guys ass. I gave up, thinking that I would probably have a better chance of keeping my sanity if I left Selphie's company right now. She didn't even seem to notice as I grunted a goodbye and walked stiffly away towards the exit. I heard her humming loudly and the tapping of her shoes but wasn't interested (or perhaps was too scared) to turn round and look.

The corridor was surprisingly chill after leaving the heat of the Ballroom. As soon as the door slid closed behind me the music was significantly dulled, enough eve for me to hear the quiet chirruping of the crickets in the bushes by the windows lining the hallway. I sighed, breathing the fresh air deep into my lungs and savouring the lack of sweat and sweet spilt alcohol. I let the breath out slowly, flexing my fists as I stared up the well lit corridor in front of me, the windows starkly dark in comparison, like black holes into nothing. The fresh growth of the as yet untrimmed bushes crept into the hallway like nightmarish fingers; I brushed my hand absently through the bush through the window to my right, staring out into the dark, the water of the Garden's moat pulsing beneath the shrouding shadows.

"This is ridiculous," I said to myself.

I mean, I know that Squall is the master of giving people the slip, but still, he usually isn't very good at hiding. Well, I mean, there aren't actually that many places in the Garden that he can stand to be for an extended period of time. He likes three places exclusively, if my memory serves, and they are the Training Centre, his Dormitory and the mostly deserted night time corridors of Garden. But then this was a curfew night, because of the ball, so he wouldn't be able to wander freely around the Garden, so that couldn't account for his invisible act. I had checked his dormitory room too, I mean that wasn't hard, it was small enough for one person only and there was no hiding in it, not even under the bed. So he wasn't there. In fact, the other guy had already moved in, what was his name again..? I forget, but yeah, all Squall's stuff had been up and moved to his new room which I was supposed to tell him about…

…if I could find him.

And no, he wasn't in the Training Centre either, just incase you thought I'd missed something there. I had checked everywhere, even had to end up legging it from a ravenous T-Rexaur, on my own, because I really didn't want to get my ass chewed off without giving Squall a damn good thwack about the head for putting me through all this! Cuh, well I guess it's not _all_ his fault, that damn Xu was just as bad.

"Oh Zell, if you're not busy, could you perhaps find Squall and tell him his new room number thanks bye!" I impersonated Xu rather unflatteringly as I began picking the leaves off the bush in agitation and dropping them to the pristine walkway, "Heck woman, this is _my_ graduation night, of course I'm busy!"

The vision of Squall having to spend his night out in the corridor just because he couldn't find his stupid bed was starting to become ever more appealing. However, even as I huffed and moaned about it, I knew that it wasn't really an option in the long run. As a first point, I probably would have let Squall have my bed rather than let him sleep out on the cold corridor floor, and was a second I as sure that if Squall found someone else using his old dorm room he would probably just pull rank and kick them out and take their bed…well, if he was in a foul enough mood after the SeeD ball that is.

-So,- I thought miserably, stopping in my destruction of the bush and letting my hand ball into a fist at my sides as I set my mind on my task, -still no further forwards after that little rant. Ggh, where the hell are you?-

It was plain that there was no use in staying here staring at the end of the well lit corridor and, even though I despaired at the thought of having to search the Garden all night for the one person who was trying to avoid me, I just sighed deeply and trudged off towards the main rotund of the Garden.

The night sky was a velvety black, ringed by the serene aura of the Garden's brilliant halogen night lights. The stars were unusually bright, twinkling fiercely even when obscured by the smog of the lights. The calm trickling of water and the faint chirruping of a bird somewhere in the distance belayed the churning feeling of disquiet in my stomach. There was, even though I know that I've just been ranting on about how Squall was avoiding me anyway and the fact that he'd wanted to escape the Ball, something not quite right about this situation. I mean, where the hell else _could_ Squall have gone except his usual haunts? I couldn't find him anywhere and I know he's good at hiding himself but, crap, I'm usually good at finding him! I had to admit that, and it seemed to sting me more that I would have liked, that I really had no idea where else he would go for sanctuary.

I stopped just short of the ramp that led to the Cafeteria, now doused in shadows, backing up to lean against the low wall as the Garden Faculty guarding the ramp gave me an appraising look. I just looked the other way, back towards the entrance stairs at the far end of the rotund, the main elevator shaft dominating the left side of my vision. I stepped agitatedly from foot to foot, patting my hands n the wall and frowning. I could feel the Garden Faculty staring at me now, more than likely glaring and waiting for me to do something out of order so that he could reprimand me and then send me away. I didn't really care however and was too busy trying to think about who else might have seen where Squall went when, as if by the power of my thoughts, Quistis Trepe rounded the far side of the rotund, heading towards me from the entrance hall. She was walking slowly, her hands behind her back and clasped together. She was minus her glasses and, I noticed absently, her SeeD uniform which had been replaced with her normal attire. She was staring down at the floor as she walked, seemingly lost in her own little world, so lost that she managed to walk within three feet of me without even noticing I was there. I blinked at her unusual behaviour, more used to having Quistis be so astute and attentive that it could almost start to get on your nerves.

"Uh…Instructor?" I asked slowly, just as she reached the Garden Faculty.

She jumped, seemingly broken from her inner reverie, and stared a little wildly around at the Garden Faculty who she seemed to believe had spoken to her. He seemed to glare back for a second but then, after noticing the strained look in Quistis's eyes, he seemed to shrink back a little, his eyes shifting from side t side between the two of us, his gaze suspicious.

"Instructor Trepe?" I said helpfully as I pushed up from the wall and walked towards her, watching as she turned, once more startled, to look at me.

"Oh!" she said, smiling a little as she recognised me at last, her hands falling from their clasp behind her back and swinging into the familiar crossed arms that she usually adopted, "Zell, you startled me."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I smiled back, continuing t walk as she simply turned again and walked on with me, both of us glad to be away from the glaring Garden Faculty, "you seemed in your own world there."

"Yes, I suppose I was," she nodded, her heels clicking echoingly around the deserted dome.

"Um, Instructor," I asked after a moment's silence, hoping I wasn't being too brash, "are you alright? You seem a little, uh, I don't know…"

"Oh, don't worry about it Zell," she shook her head, her eyes not on me as she instead bowed her head once more and watched her feet tapping along the floor, "I just wanted to get out of the party, it's too noisy and hot for me to be able to stand it for long. Took a walk to clear my head, I guess I just got lost in a memory, nothing to worry about."

"Oh," I said back, looking up as we passed the grey lined walkway leading to the Dormitories, reminding me instantly of why I had stopped Instructor Trepe in the first place, "say, Instructor, you haven't seen Squall anywhere have you?"

The effect was instantaneous; her face tightened slightly, she looked over the wall to the water below as if suddenly fascinated by it and then, just as instantly, it disappeared and she was looking right at me, her face passive. I just blinked once more at her out of character behaviour, still not wanting to press the matter after she had told me not to worry, but not being able to stop my curiosity despite myself.

"Not for a while," she said calmly.

"Right," I acknowledged, not sure that I wanted to question her further about Squall considering her reaction, but not really sure where else to turn, "well, where did you see him last? It's just that, well, Xu told me to give him his new room number and if he doesn't get it then he'll not know where to go and he'll be out all night and…"

I suddenly noticed that I was rambling out my excuse, not that I really should have given it in the first place considering Quistis hadn't asked me for it, and she was now eyeing me with slight humour and curiosity.

-Well,- I thought with a little hope, -at least she doesn't look so sad now.-

"Well, he was leaving the Training Centre last time I saw him," Quistis said to me softly as we moved around towards the library walkway, brushing her hand through a stray fern as she talked, "and I think he was heading to the dormitories…"

"No, I've already checked there," I said gloomily, shaking my head and wincing as Quistis smiled coyly at me, "…what is it?"

"Well, it's just that I take it you've only searched for him at his old dorm room?" she asked as if this was obviously the wrong course of action.

"Well, yeah," I said, a little confused, stopping as Quistis stopped and eyed me shrewdly for a moment before speaking again.

Her eyes were inquisitive and piercing, unnerving me as I stood in front of her trying not to fidget. She looked as if, behind those cool blue eyes, she was trying to decide something important; what that was, however, I had no idea.

"Zell," she said after another moment, seeming to have resolved her inner dilemma, "can I ask you a question?"

"Well, yeah sure," I nodded quickly, confused but just glad that she wasn't staring at me anymore, or more like _through_ me.

"What does Squall mean to you?"

And can you believe, in my compliant frame of mind, that I almost just opened my mouth and told her? I had to do a rewind, blink, try and look as nonchalant as possible while my heart tried to slam it's way out of my chest and my mind raced with a million possibilities of how badly this conversation could turn out.

I swallowed.

"M-mean to me?" I winced internally at my stutter, "What do you mean?"

"It's just, well," she sighed, her left hand going to her hip while the other played out to her right, palm face up, "I mean, I was just asking. He seems very distant at the moment and, well, I was just wondering about the Garden and…I'm rambling aren't I?" she smiled at me before continuing, "The thing is that I was walking around the corridors after leaving Squall and the thought just popped into my head. I thought that I'd ask you since your arrival was so impeccable but it's not really my place to ask…"

"No, no that's okay, you just," I swallowed again, feeling my heart rate slow considerably at this near miss, but my head was still dizzy with the abruptness of it all, "you just caught me off guard that's all."

"Oh right, sorry," she said, continuing slowly on once more, her feet falling one in front of the other as she watched them once again; I wondered absently, as I fell into step with her, if she'd had too much champagne, I'd never seen her act like this before..."and Squall, yes well, you might be able t find him in Seifer's dorm…"

"Seifer?" I interjected, my instant anger barely hidden, making Quistis look up at me in amusement, "why would he be there?"

"Well, you see, I asked Squall to come with me to the Training Centre after he was done dancing," I felt my head rush again at that statement, but kept quiet; Squall had danced with someone, how the hell did I miss that? "and we went to the small after curfew area where everyone goes on nights like this…"

"What were you going there for?" I asked with a frown, looking at Quistis suspiciously.

"That's not important," she said with an air of finality, "what is important is that we found Seifer there, blind drunk, and we had to end up helping him back to his dorm."

I could tell she was hiding something from me but I didn't press it just yet, I was too busy being confused and angry; Seifer, he just has to ruin everything for everyone, typical!

"So where did Squall go after he dropped Seifer in his room? (_hopefully on the floor_)" I added to myself.

"Oh, I don't know," Quistis said with an annoying shake of her head, her hair dancing around her pale face, "I didn't help him all the way back, Squall dropped Seifer off n his own and I thought, considering I hadn't seen him on my travels since then, that he's probably still there."

"What? I don't get it!" I said petulantly, my brow furrowing with a deep frown, "What would he wanna hang around there for?"

"Oh, I'm not sure," Quistis said too airily, checking her nails and smiling slightly as she avoided my eyes, "why don't you go and check and then you can ask him yourself?"

"Yeah," I said tightly, a nagging feeling that something was being hidden from me preying on my mind, "I think I'll do just that."

I realised, as I stopped, that we had managed to walk around the entire walkway and end up back in front of the Dormitories grey lined ramp once more.

-Well, that was more than lucky,- I thought to myself, -time to figure all this out.-

I nodded briefly to Quistis, muttering a quick thanks, and turned to walk briskly towards the dark archway. My shoes echoed startlingly through the dome but that didn't deter me from keeping up my pace. I was stopped, however, by Quistis's voice, a little tentative as she shouted after me.

"Zell!" she called out, my shoes squeaking a little as I did an emergency stop and turned to look at her with barely masked impatience, "You didn't answer my question."

For a moment I felt like telling her to shove her question and mind her own business, even if she had been helpful in the long run. What Squall meant to me was for me alone and, hopefully, Squall if he ever even bothered to look at me for more than five seconds. However, perhaps it was just my suddenly possessive mood, perhaps my slight adrenaline rush at the thought of facing Seifer, well whatever it was it made me breathe deeply and answer her in a clear, steady voice. I wasn't sure whether she was expecting the answer I gave her, or if it even helped her but, in the end, I found that I could only tell her the truth.

"A lot," I said finally, "he means a lot to me."

With that I turned and walked away, not looking back as I disappeared under the dark archway and hurried towards the small stairs leading to the dorms.

AN: I know it's a SHIT title! I know, you don't have to say it! I'm crap at them, I know, they always come in parts ha ha. If anyone can suggest anything better I'd be more than happy to swap it! Anyway, please excuse the lateness of this update I know I've been very bad with this fic and I hope that I can get back into this story and start updating faster. As ever please R&R it is very much appreciated!

Ps: To Lyaeon – Thank you so much for the review! Shucks, you sure know how to compliment me, hee hee, and I'm glad you like it so much. Trust to go wonky just as I start writing again, sigh, oh well, I hope like this chapter anyway and I hope it meets up to previous standards ;)


	20. Confusing Dreams, Bitter Reality

Disclaimer: Don't own any FF characters or situations, only the ability to indeterminably dirty/naughty/nasty with them when I put my mind to it…

Key//………../ words in forward slashes denote disembodied voices and I'm afraid it's up to you guys to figure out just who they belong to! Hope I haven't done too badly with their characterisation or no one will get it, woops…

**Chapter 20**

**Confusing Dreams, Bitter Reality**

The rain was beating hard onto my face, driving into my eyes making them water and blur. It was hard to tell exactly where I was because I couldn't rightly _see_ anything. Still, one thing I knew for sure as I frowned and turned my back slowly to the howling rain, none of my dreams had ever started like this before.

With the driving rain out of my eyes I took the moment to bring my palm to my face, scrubbing roughly at my waterlogged eyelashes and brows. My long fringe dripped onto my nose and he felt the distinct urge to sneeze. It was only as I shivered for the first time since the dream had begun that I noticed how utterly soaking I was. The t-shit I seemed to be wearing was plastered to my back and chest, cold and clammy, my leather pants heavy and swollen with the moisture. My familiar red belts glimmered briefly in the rather vague light that seemed to have no source. I looked up to the sky to try and distinguish it but only received a face full of water for my efforts. I decided, rather miserably, that I would be better trying to find shelter first than figure anything out just yet. I was still amazed by the intensity of the dream, the disconcerting way I could definitely "feel" the raindrops thundering against my skin, felt the shivers of discomfort at the cold as if I really were cold. It was so real in fact that I felt that I really had to find shelter because of it! Absurd of course, as this was a dream, and it wasn't memories I was calling up this time because I was sure I had never been this wet before in my life without physically throwing myself in the ocean.

As I started to tread carefully forwards, I also realised the large amount of control I was being given over my dream. Usually I was just a participant in my dreams, a sideliner even to myself, as I watched forgotten pasts or uncertain futures play out around me and was simply given my lines to say and then told by my subconscious "don't call us…". Well, just like in real life, my subconscious never did call me, or explain whatever the hell was going on in my twisted mind. Hell I never even know what my life is all about half the time, and I'm sure as hell that my dreams can't help me with that. True I may want to understand them better, but I was still respectably sceptical about such things and, considering how fucked up the rest of me is, I wasn't really jumping at the idea of delving into my subconscious; that place was probably scarier than Selphie on cocaine. I shivered at the thought but then, glancing up suddenly at the change in the feeling of my constantly battered form, I realised that I was no longer being pounded by the rain. My eyes stung a little from the rain water but I managed to make out the outlines of dense leaves above me, a dark trunk ahead of me, and realised I'd walked underneath a large, seemingly ancient tree. I was about to turn around, get a better look at where I was and try and gain some clue as to what the bloody hell was going on, when a voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Took you long enough."

I knew that voice, yet, for some reason, I wasn't quite sure I could place it just then. I narrowed my eyes, squinting into the darkness as I took another few hesitant steps under the boughs of the tree. I only seemed to realise just how dark it was however when a sudden burst of light made me gasp and cover my eyes. I panted a little, trying to calm my suddenly rapidly beating heart while I shielded my eyes from the bright flickering light with upraised arms. Slowly, carefully, I lowered them down, practically peeping out from behind them to inspect the source of the light and the earlier voice which was now illuminated.

The fire danced softly in front of me, about three metres from my feet, just close enough to give some tantalising semblance of warmth and just far enough away to seem cold and fierce. The man sitting beyond it was sitting cross legged, broad shoulders slumped forwards slightly as he rested his head on his hand, his elbow on his knee. The other hand played absently with a stick that was shoved mindlessly into the fire which was burning steadily and greedily over the bark. It was odd, I knew this man, I was sure of it yet…just as with his voice, for I was sure it was he who had spoken, I couldn't call him to mind. It was almost as if I could see him, but not exactly focus on him, as if I were too distracted to notice the finer details that would have given me the vital clue I needed. The silence between us drew out, thinning and stretching until I thought that it would snap, just like the white hot twigs in the fire.

"You'll burn the tree," was all I could summon the sense to say, shivering and dripping onto the cold, dry grass.

The cold flames danced over his features as he smirked almost playfully, shaking the stick in his hand making the fire dance and fall a little in a flurry of sparks. His green eyes flickered intensely, lambent just like the flames themselves.

"So what if I do?"

"Then we'll be wet again," I said almost petulantly, feeling dejected that when I was finally given control over what I said in my dream everything came out banal and unimportant.

"That doesn't matter, at least we'll be warm."

"Only until the tree is gone," I argued with a frown, taking three more unsteady steps towards him until I was only a metre from the fire, shivering in pleasure as it began instantly to dry my clothes and skin.

"You always think so logically," he huffed, the trace work of fire seeming to drip its way up towards his perfect, tanned fingers along the branch.

"You're going to burn yourself," I said warily, "let it go."

"No."

"I said let go of it."

"You're not the leader here. You never were."

"Listen Seifer I'm not going to tell you again!"

/Don't bother with him Squall, it's not as if he ever listens to anyone anyway./

I jerked around in surprise at the sudden sound of another voice. All was dark behind me, the incessant rain dripping and pattering onto the leaves above in a soothing yet slightly nauseating manner. I squinted into the darkness, trying to ferret out the source of the voice that I was so sure I knew…

/You don't need to worry about him/ another voice said to my left, soft and mature, sounding close enough to have been whispered in my ear; I started badly and whirled round once more but again there was no one there.

/It's not like he's ever cared for anyone but himself/ another voice, this one above me, in the branches, the voice light and girlish but eminently sad//he can't return it to you Squall, stop searching here for what you can never find./

"What..?" I asked uncertainly, turning to look at the man by the fire again, wondering if it was perhaps he who had spoken after all and I was just going crazy; but then this was a dream…

However he was still sitting impassively upon the lightly browned grass around the fire, his eyes once more distant and dreamy like moss upon a stone. I shivered involuntarily, confused by the outburst of voices, annoyed that I couldn't place them just as I couldn't remember just who the man in front of me was.

"Who…who are you?" I asked hesitantly, feeling foolish but still keeping up my mask of cool aloofness.

I was standing in front of him now, and suddenly he was standing too, brandishing the branch like a sword in front of him. And as I looked at it, realising with a dull horror that the flames were licking around his fingers scorching them, it seemed to transform beneath my gaze. Sputtering bark became the glittering edge of a blade, licking flames became the stylised writing on the cold silver surface of Hyperion.

"You always were pushy, you little brat."

"So what, you're going to kill me now? After all this?"

/God Squall he tried to murder you, you just gonna let that slip? Are you out of your mind/

"That's what you want isn't it?"

"I'm not sure what I want anymore…what do you want here?"

/Don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to./

"That should be painfully obvious."

"Should it?" I put my hand to my hip, the other to the end of his blade, sliding it between my fingers and lowering it slightly away from my chest.

/I can't stand to see you like this, are you alright Squall? Come with me and talk about it, it'll be alright./

"Uh huh," he smirked once more, moving forwards so that the blade slid effortlessly between my fingers all the way to the hilt, splitting them apart as I let my palm glide over the small barrel and further until it was resting over his own; I absently realised I was wearing my fighting gloves and that his skin was warm under my exposed fingers.

"What do you want here?" I repeated slightly breathlessly, feeling as if I were loosing control of myself, like I was slipping back into one of my older dreams where I was simply swept along.

/Don't go near him Squall, he's not worth your effort! Slimy asshole, he doesn't care about you, not like the rest of us/

"You really are dense, aren't you Leonhart?"

His eyes were like emerald fire from some terrible mythical beast, some terrible dragon in its cave high in the mountains, looking down arrogantly on its domain. I felt myself trembling once more, but this time not from the cold. Hyperion made a dull thump as it fell to the ground from Seifer's hand, his fingers cold as he slid them across the bare patches of skin showing at my sides, round to the small of my back, his intense eyes boring into my own, advancing, advancing, and there were voices shouting in the background, screaming at me to move, to push him away, to cry out with them, but his face was still growing closer until I thought he would swallow me whole and then, closer, his eyes holding some unknown emotion, his smirk now more a smile, the voices clamouring to be heard but now nothing but a background noise as I started at him transfixed, the roar of the rain becoming deafening and so loud that it sounded like ocean waves crashing into sand, his breath on my face like hot mist, clammy and, god his lips were close enough to…

I started awake so badly that I fell right out of bed and onto the waiting cold, hard floor. I scrambled up onto my knees, flailing a little as I tried to calculate my bearings, where I was, what was going on. My mind was a whirlpool of confusion, spitting ideas and thoughts up to the surface only to suck them away again irritatingly. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to think of the most important thing of them all, the one that needed sorting out first.

-Not my room,- was all I could muster once my eyes finally focused.

I blinked in surprise, my face exasperatingly blank as I sat on the cold floor and felt the warmth of the bed seeping out of my skin. In my still half asleep state I could almost believe that it was the warmth of the fire that was disappearing, and that the sweat running down my back was simply the remnants of the rain. But then since when was I one to be so unrealistic when fully awake? No, I was in control of my senses now, no more of this idiocy, I was in control.

I stood up slowly, ignoring the slight cramp in my leg and the feeling of creases running trace work patterns over my cheek from my pillow. Yet, wait, this wasn't my room so it wasn't my pillow…which meant that it wasn't my…bed. Oh…

-Don't look Leonhart, whatever you do don't look at the bed!- my subconscious, for some reason unbeknownst to me, always addressed me by my second name; not that I ever heeded it of course.

"Oh…you have got to be…" my eyes were like saucers, my mouth was gaping open and I was so very, very glad that the occupant of the bed was not awake to see me in this state, he'd never let me live it down, "…kidding me."

I felt the wall press up against my back without even registering that I had moved, pressing myself back up against the cold surface out of pure instinct. My mind was racing, trying desperately to figure out just how this had all come about and coming up blank every time. I felt my pulse quickening and my fingers clenching and unclenching rhythmically, a habit that I'm not sure where I picked up but it definitely helps when I'm stressed. My eyes were darting about the room like ping pong balls on strings, heartily ignoring my brains incessant yells to calm down and get the hell out of here before anything terrible happens. Like Seifer waking up for example. Because of course it was Seifer in the bed, sleeping happily with his face turned half into the pillow on which I had been lying moments before. His hair was rumpled and half hidden beneath a ruffled bandage that was looped around his head. His arms were lying out to his left, laying softly over the indent in the mattress where I had been lying…wait, had he had his arm around me? No, of course not, stupid, oh fuck what the hell am I doing here?

I shook myself in agitation, finding it easier to become coldly angry than become absurdly frantic. I tried calmly to clear my head and try to focus on the one task at hand instead of all the other questions clamouring at me for answers, and quietly as I could I headed for the door. Of course, being me and this being a bad predicament, I would of course have to trip over the three rather familiar red belts lying in a heap on the floor as I walked calmly towards the door. Not only that of course but I would have to get my feet horrendously tangled and them, sway like a bowling pin and then fall directly onto the one thing I'd been trying to avoid in the first place. There was that terrible silence, the kind that only comes before something terribly inevitable like watching the football you've just kicked sailing towards that fragile looking greenhouse on just the right trajectory…time slows down. Of course slowing down time doesn't mean that you can stop the inevitable, only delay it, it still has to happen; and it's when you realise that fact, that time speeds up again.

"Gahhmphh!" was all Seifer was really in a fit state to say as he received a full portion of hair for his breakfast.

"Ouch, dammit Seifer!" I yelled back without thinking, pulling myself up from a rather squashed Seifer and glaring down at him, not really seeming to notice the fact that I was practically lying on the man, feet hanging of his bed and I'd just smashed my head into his mouth.

After saying it however, I was very suddenly aware of my predicament. In fact I was so at a loss for words that I didn't say much else after that so perhaps that evens things out a little; maybe…

"Squ…Squall?" he said blearily, his hand squirming its way out from under the covers to check his teeth as he stared at me in utter confusion, "What the fuck..?"

"Uhh, I…" I stalled, trying to pull away but catching myself on every rumple available on the bedcovers and falling again, "goddamit…"

"Did you…come to wake me up?" he said unsteadily, groaning as he pushed up into a sitting position which, unfortunately put his stomach right at my forehead, "Because if that's your wake up call…remind me not to request it again?"

I pulled away quickly, sliding down the covers like some ridiculous lizard and turning myself over so that I was sitting on the bottom of the bed. It was quite a handy position for two reasons; one, I could reach my feet and disentangle them and two, I could hide my furious blush from Seifer with ease. Oh for Hyne's sakes it was only Seifer, god damn it and I _had_ fallen on him before, albeit during training when we usually trying to gut each other but still! Heck…why was I blushing? This is ludicrous, really ridiculous and I don't even really remember how the hell this all happened! Wait, what _did_ happen last night..? No, no I would have remembered _that_, but…

-Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,- my mind said rather unhelpfully as scraps of the night before began to invade my bleary memory, -shit, shit, shit and double shit…-

"Squall, you alright?" Seifer asked, his voice still drowsy and slightly groggy from his ineluctable hangover.

"Yes," I lied unconvincingly, finally pulling the last of my belts from around my feet and realising that I'd been so focused that I'd been holding my breath while doing it; I sucked in a lungful of air and choked gruffly.

"Ummm, yeah," Seifer said with obvious doubts on my reliability of my answer, "Look, my head's feeling a little…like, well something pretty nasty is living in it and I'm a little confused right now so could you help me out here..?"

"I'm late, I have a mission," I said quickly , standing and lacing my belts quickly and efficiently around my hips as I distracted him; I had meant it purely as a diversion but as I said it I realised that I was right, I did have a mission, "shit!"

"Squall, wait, hey!" Seifer shouted as I shot out of the room like a bat out of hell, nimbly slipping around the table and chairs and the jacket on the floor and ignoring him effectively.

-My jacket?- I thought to myself, making a quick stop and u-turn to grab the rumpled object off the floor, dusting it down before chucking it over my arm.

"Squall!" he shouted again, now from the doorway as I made my hasty retreat, and I was almost there when he stopped me in my tracks, "You haven't got any shoes on!"

I stopped so suddenly that I practically made grooves in the floor. I blinked once more, gazing at the door longingly before I tipped my head and looked down at my feet with a sigh. He was right, of course, and two aggravating socked feet stared up at me bemusedly. I sighed hotly, straightening myself up, still with my back to him and tried to look as respectable as possible. Of course I had been acting like a manic, idiotic blustering fool under a Confusion charm for the last five minutes so changing my attitude now wasn't really going to make that much difference. However I did have a reputation to keep up and I'd be damned before I let Seifer of all people send my running and screaming like big girl out his room! Of course it wasn't really Seifer who was doing it, well not the one in the room anyway…the one in my head was scary enough.

I walked past him with a cold stare directed just over his head, just to make it clear that he was not important enough to merit my gaze at all. I pushed past him and surveyed the room quickly, finding the laces of my boots peeking out from under the bed. I could feel him moving behind me and stiffened just a little, bending down to pick up my boots, feeling myself calm as the remnants of my dream began to fade into obscurity, slipping away and dissolving; for once I let them go, this was not a dream I'd be trying to remember. I sat on my heels and dragged my boots out from the dark recess created by the half fallen covers. Then, just to show my subconscious once and for all that I could damn well handle myself, I sat on the edge of the bed to put my shoes on. The patch was still warm from where I had lain and I snorted softly to myself, finally beginning to understand why my subconscious called me Leonhart and worried about me a lot; if it had been given a voice, it would have sounded a lot like Quistis.

"Right," the voice was slightly startling me as I had been lost in a haze of thoughts, "you on the bed, I want to know just what the fuck is going on here and I want to know now."

His voice wasn't menacing or bitter or even angry, yet it still managed to send a slight shiver down my spine with every word. Not that I let it show of course, instead simply tuning my head up to look at him with a cold and neutral glare as I finished lacing up my right boot.

"I would have thought it was obvious," I said in my best flat monotone, standing up and feeling grateful for the extra half inch that my boots gave me in height; I always had childishly resented Seifer for his extra two inches on me, "I'm leaving."

"Oh is that so," he said in a tone that made it clear that it was not a question; his eyes seemed to scorch into my skin and his face was a panoply of cold resentment, "I think I might have something to say to that."

I sent him my iciest stare which he returned with ease, his green eyes flashing cool emerald. His arms were folded and, despite the fact that he had to use the wall behind him as support, he still managed to maintain that confidently arrogant stance which always set me on edge. I felt my hands ball into fists at my sides and forced myself to relax; it was only Seifer, he's just trying to wind you up like he always does, but more so now because he found you in his room and you were Hyne be damned _sleeping in his bed_ not that he knows that, thank Hyne, and if he ever find out my intestines are going to be exiting my body faster than you can say "I told you so."

Heck, I'm rambling, really badly, what the hell is wrong with me?

I snatched my coat from the bed where I had dropped it, pulling it on with slow ease, just to annoy him. His eyes narrowed as he watched me, almost but not entirely breaking through my frozen exterior with his blazing stare. I snorted and shook my head, straightening out the pockets of my rumpled jacket…wait.

-What is that…?- I frowned a little, pulling my clenched hand slowly out of my pocket.

I unfurled the fingers slowly, ignoring Seifer as he pushed heavily off the wall and started towards me, muttering under his breath. In the palm of my hand sat a small crumpled piece of paper, the sort of thing that I definitely wouldn't leave lying around in my pockets, especially considering I've never worn this jacket before last night either.

-Oh well, someone either thought I was a bin,- I tried not to smirk at the though, considering I'd been standing so still at the Ball last night it wouldn't have surprised me if someone did mistake me for a bin, -or, well, I don't know what else…-

"Hey you're not even listening! Dammit, give me that!" the paper was snatched roughly away from me but I didn't resist, why should I?

"I'm late Seifer, go and vent on Tressman or something," I snorted, pulling at my jacket shoulders while Seifer shot me stony looks and unfurled the paper secretively, "that's what you usually do."

"Huh, well if you just can't read my mind Leonhart," he said with a nasty smirk, eyes flicking back to the paper held between his fingers; his smirk faded and was replaced by a frown, "what the? You write in code or something?"

"What are you talking about?" I snorted out, becoming more agitated as he flicked his eyes from the paper to me, me to the paper.

"GF RM202?" he said with a raised eyebrow; he began to smirk as I frowned darkly, "Taking down room numbers Leonhart, and here I thought that you really _hadn't_ started puberty yet."

"Whatever," I muttered, confused but not really feeling that the feeling was really that exceptional this morning.

-But…what the heck is this all about, is it a conspiracy or something? Seifer's bed, room numbers! For Hyne's sake…-

"Well, guess I can't let this one slip as easily as you'd probably like me to Puberty Boy," Seifer was smirking and grinning at the same time, very disturbing, "I have to see who this mystery girl is, or _is_ it a girl Squally?"

"Go and die," I said darkly, my eyes clouding over like a sudden thunderstorm, my mask bulkheads coming into place.

"Oh, witty till the end," Seifer said dramatically, waving his hands and snorting, "come on then, since you're going to be so "late" I guess I can come with you and keep back any distractions."

"You are not coming with me Seifer, go back to sleep," I growled, making for the door determinedly.

"Like if I was that easy to shake off you'd still have ended up in my bed last night."

I froze mid step.

-Oh for Hyne's sake, how..?-

"You wish Seifer," I said with grim perseverance past the lump in my throat, still with my back to him, "please leave me out of your twisted fantasies."

"Oh please Puberty Boy," he drawled, making my fists clench involuntarily, "I think you can give me more credit, I do have an imagination and it's not that sick or that desperate thank you. I'd rather take that Chicken Wuss…"

I didn't give him the chance to finish. I don't know what it was, honestly I couldn't tell you what made me do it but the feeling in my stomach as I turned to face him reminded me of something from the night before. When I had been standing in the hallway waiting for Quistis and Seifer, pondering on life and brooding about what I did and didn't understand…I'd realised that out of all the feelings I understood hatred perfectly well, even if I felt it rarely. However, having felt something means I can simulate it well, I'm good at producing what others expect of me; another of my useless talents.

So when Seifer laughed nastily at his own joke and I turned round to face him, he didn't seem to notice that I was striding darkly towards him, mainly because I managed to close the distance between us in two strides. I had my hands around his collar and his back crunching against the wall behind him before he could even choke in another breath. Yes I could do it, I was good at emulating when I needed to, and Seifer's face was utterly priceless; but then…I realised as I stared into his eyes only inches from my own that he hadn't been expecting this from me at all and…well, that was my reason for doing it…

It was as I stared into his eyes, clouded momentarily by sheer shock, his mouth hanging slightly open as I practically snarled at him and burnt eyeholes through his skull, that I realised I wasn't emulating anything. This feeling, it was real, proper, top notch furious anger pouring out of my eyes, cracking my knuckles white around Seifer's coat, rendering him speechless.

I would have gasped if I hadn't been in the state I was in. I tried to backtrack quickly, tried to discover what it was exactly that had set me off but couldn't come to any proper conclusion because my logical mind was being completely overthrown by angry hoards raging in from my subconscious. In the end, after my seemingly insane attempt to throw Seifer through the side of the Garden and my futile attempts at understanding why, all I could grind out in a thunderously dark voice was:

"Watch your mouth."

So very anticlimactic. Or it would have been, if I had managed to finish my sentence; in the end I only managed to say "Watc…".

It hadn't been planned, any of this, it was a serious of random events leading to a very confusing, embarrassing end. That fact only made it seem more ludicrous than it already was. Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as fate, or whether we just stumble blindly into things like this, like walking in on someone on the toilet, or two people having sex, or a private party. I mean, who would have such a sick sense of humour to actually engineer things like that for people? But does that mean that this is my own fault then, that I have brought this upon myself? I couldn't really comprehend that kind of self deprecation being my style, or that I would punish myself like this. I especially couldn't believe that I would have had Seifer stop my stupid statement with an equally rash and stupid action.

The only thing I could think, as I felt his hot breath swarm over my mouth, was that I could feel the same anticipation cloud my eyes and sent shivers through my stomach as I did in my dream the night before; and that his lips were soft and dry over my own when he kissed me. Oddly enough the first thing I felt wasn't shock, it was more like relief, relief that someone else was doing something even more fucking stupid than I could ever hope to today. Then, as I realised that my hands had relaxed, probably from the shock that was now sinking slowly through my brain like ink through water, falling down against his collar bones, warm flesh under my fingertips, only then did I push away.

Albeit slower than I would have liked. My eyes were riveted to his as I stepped back, like there was some sort of invisible chain linking around our throats, holding me in place. His hands were on my sides and I could feel his fingers on my exposed skin where my shirt had ridden up. I shivered involuntarily, my eyes seeming to loose their mist like film, Seifer's face shifting into stark contrast, eyes too close, mouth slightly open hair ruffled…

Oh what the hell am I, twelve? I was most definitely in control when I levered my right arm back, measuring my weight on my right foot and then swinging back round to crack him one right in the jaw. The resounding smack seemed to echo in the quiet room and my knuckles tingled from the blow. Seifer fell gracelessly to the side, sliding along the wall before stumbling over his gunblade case and falling half onto his unmade bed. I wiped my mouth contemptuously on the back of my hand, watching his eyes viciously as he pushed blearily up from the bed, stumbling back against the wall, his black shirt open down over his chest from falling. His eyes were blazing, though with what exactly I wasn't really sure, nor did I care. I set myself in as stony a pose as I could, glared right into his eyes and said again what I had meant to say moments before, though I thought it might have little more relevance now.

"Watch your mouth Seifer," I growled out.

Then, suddenly feeling decidedly stupid and slightly exposed even though Seifer was hobbled over in front of me glaring like I had just killed his puppy, I left.

Just where the hell had that note come from anyway?

AN: Oh dear, I'm dory this is so appallingly late, I hope this goes down well ; ) ! I thought that I really was teasing my two boys too much not to give them just a little action heh heh, even if Squall is still in De Nile, that's why he's so wet! And I know the endings crap so you don't have to tell me, I just couldn't wrap it up properly. Oh well, back to Zell next chapter and things get a little tricky! I've had a brainstorm recently, hence the finally finished chapter, so I should be working faster on this one! As ever please review it's very much appreciated!

To Jicky: Yeah I went back and looked at the mission parts after that and I hadn't noticed just how long it was he he, but I still like it! Well, as if I would be able to resist not getting my little bishies together! Though you might have to wait a while for Squall to get over himself first, and I can't guarantee who it will be between either, I mean that would just be telling now wouldn't it….


	21. The night before or Mistake Part III

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, it's all Squaresoft's honest!

Warnings: Umm, thoughts of meagre violence...

**The Night Before – Mistake Part III**

(Back to the night of the SeeD ball…)

I hated to admit it, but on the night of the SeeD ball, on the way to find Squall who was reportedly in Seifer Almasy's room, I was dragging my feet. It was as if, after being so energetic all night as I usually am, my limbs were slowly shutting down, turning to lead. Each footstep felt as if I were lifting ten tonnes from the ground only to crash it back down a few feet away. Well, okay, a slight over exaggeration there but I felt it was justified.

Champagne does funny things to me. Okay so it does the usual stuff like making my mouth feel like a dry sock after drinking too much of it and also giving me a horrendous hangover the next day, but it has other side effects too. Like making me abnormally paranoid over the smallest of things. Someone can walk past me in the corridor and look at me just out of instinct and I'll take it the wrong way, letting the seed of paranoia build in my brain from that one glance until I'm ready to lock myself in my room and hide there until it's gone. Pretty harsh I know, but hell I've never been able to hold my drink, and I usually steer clear of champagne…well that is if Selphie isn't pouring down you're throat like she's filling an empty car with petrol. Well I was pretty far into my easily paranoid stage by now. I wasn't really drunk because the cool air and my walk had sobered me up, but I was still rather anxious. So, anyway, well as you can imagine, as anything could send me into flights of paranoid delusion at the drop of a hat, the thought of Squall still being in Seifer's room after all this time was sending me a little frantic. Frantic enough to drag my feet along the well polished corridor floors while trying hastily to dismiss every ludicrous yet, in my state, easily believable outcomes.

The hallway lights shone brightly onto the floor making an odd parody of daylight in juxtaposition to the pitch darkness outside the windows. A soft breeze blew from one dark hole in the wall to another, ruffling my hair but not shifting the uneasiness growing in my mind. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and ground my teeth, wishing to all hell that I didn't have to be the one to do this. God, look at me, I had been so eager five minutes ago to find him and now I was wishing that I could just crawl back to my own corridor, into my room and under the covers. I wanted to go to sleep more than anything, what with my sudden lethargy and my need to rid myself of this horrible paranoia. However sleep wasn't the cure for that, it never was, I only had nightmares if I slept in this state. What I needed was to unfound my claims, show myself that I was being stupid, idiotic in thinking whatever absurd thing I was thinking.

And this was where I would do that.

I looked up at the bland grey door that held two names in black writing on white board. Almasy, Seifer and Tressman, Jay. I could feel my fingers twisting round themselves in anxiousness, grabbing at the silky lining of my pockets and picking at it meanly, shifting my feet and biting my lip. I blinked as another suspicion driven scene flicked into my mind only to flit away again. The air I heaved into my lungs was suddenly bitingly cold and the proximity of the door was too close. I closed my eyes and told myself to shut up and stop being stupid, but the drink had other ideas. It took all of my slowly dwindling willpower to reach out and press the buzzer in the middle of the door panel.

-I mean Squall and Seifer hate each other,- I reassured myself as another delusion tried to take hold of my train of thought, -everyone knows it, they always show it off, always arguing…hell even if they can work together civilly when it's necessary that doesn't mean a thing!-

Nothing was happening. I didn't hear footsteps or the opening of the inner doors to answer my call. Perhaps Quistis was wrong and he had already left, I mean it was possible, but then where would he have gone? I mean shit it was half past one in the morning, trust Xu to have left this to the last minute to arrange. But, well, I mean he could still be here I guess, maybe…better safe than sorry. I rang the buzzer again, a little more forcefully this time, and was relieved to hear the sound of movement from within, the grumpy sound of a door opening followed by groggy footsteps. I wasn't at all sure who exactly was going to answer the door so I stood up straight, pulled my hands out my pockets and tried to look reasonable, but then if it was Seifer who answered then I would want t look angry so I scowled, but if it was Squall then…

…hell, what would I do?

Thankfully it was neither Squall nor Seifer but the dilapidated face of Jay Tressman, Seifer's roommate. His short dark hair was mussed the beginnings of bags forming under his misted eyes. He was wearing his standard issue pyjamas and a half thrown on white terry towel dressing gown.

"Oh, uh," I stalled, scratching the back of my head while I tried to scrape out something appropriate, "Sorry Jay, I thought you'd still be out at the party."

"Oh, Zell, hey," he said a little huffily despite his words, "that's alright, I wasn't asleep anyway. What do you want?"

"Uh, well, I was wondering if you had seen Squall? Quistis said that…"

"Yeah I know where he is," Tressman cut me off, a strange look in his eyes, "that stupid bastard scared the shit out of me, sneaking up on me like that."

I felt my eyes narrow almost instinctually at Tressman's words but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't here for a fight, I was here to find Squall, deliver my message and get the hell out of here.

"So…" I started after a slight pause, my eyes looking anywhere but at Tressman; however he already knew what I was going to ask it seemed as he cut me off once more.

"He's in Seifer's room," he said shortly, turning from the doorway and slumping back through the dark shared area towards his own door, waving lazily to me over his shoulder, "and if you're here to take Squall away somewhere I'd ask you to please hurry up about. I can't sleep with those couple of filthy faggots next door."

Now, I know that I'm hardly fames for my self control, so it really was a miracle that I didn't run an leap over that little table sitting between us, hit Tressman at the pressure spot exposed at the top of his spine and send him straight to La La Land for a couple of hours. It was mostly a mix of sudden anger and sheer shock at what he'd said, combined with my revamped paranoia feeding desperately from his statement. Instead I just glared open mouthed at his closing door, pushing all of my excess energy into striding towards the other rather ominously closed door. As I walked swiftly toward it I knocked one of the chairs sitting at the table, dislodging what looked like a jacket which fell into a heap at my feet. I bent instinctively to pick it up, even in my fervour, but froze as I brought it up tin o the faint light and realized what it was. Squall's SeeD jacket, he'd left it out here…

I dropped it back onto the chair, shoving my hand ruthlessly into my abused pocket and pulling out the small scrap of paper I had scribbled Squall's new room number onto. I shoved it into one of the pockets of Squall's jacket and dropped it languidly over the back of the chair once more.

I could leave now. I had delivered my message, I could leave now. But no, of course not, my insane sense of curiosity and need to destroy this stupid thought in my head…

Of course after I'd opened the door I wished I had never even gone near it in the first place. I wished I had never even thought about coming here, that letting Squall freeze out in the corridors would have been a much better idea than coming here. Of course, Squall wasn't going to freeze out in the corridors, that wasn't really and option. I stared at the bed for a whole shocked five seconds before turning on my heel, again knocking the jacket to the floor in my hurry to leave, and didn't stop running until I was back at the SeeD ball with several drinks in my hand and several more down my throat.

AN: Hey again people, I'm sorry this took so long and that I'm not updating as fast as I'd hoped. I'm finding that I don't have that much spare time at the moment, and that I have things needing done that are pilling slowly up on top of me; soon I won't be able to reach the keyboard to type for the mountain of stuff needing done! However, hopefully this will satisfy you until I get the next one out, sorry again for the wait.

This chapter is really just a small explanation of what happened between the last two chapters, and I hope it all fits okay and that it makes sense! Right, now, I'm off to write some more, hopefully…see you next chapter, and please R&R!


	22. Bitter Reality, Confusing Thoughts

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy so there, nyah.

**Chapter 22**

**Bitter Reality, Confusing Thoughts**

Squall put it purely down to shock that he managed to make it all the way back to his room before coming to a complete standstill in the corridor. He had managed to stride purposefully the entire way, his mind only focused on getting to his room and getting ready for his mission, and he had managed to hold out until he reached the cold grey of his door. Then he found that he couldn't think what to do next. He felt as if he stopped thinking solely about getting to his room that he would simply start thinking about what had just happened between himself and Seifer moments before. His right hand still throbbed slightly from where he had punched the blonde, and his head was still spinning from having practically run all the way to his room whilst hardly breathing.

Only then did he realise that he'd almost stopped again. Squall sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head in frustration as he steadied against the wall next to his room, planting his right hand firmly over his eyes and sighing. This seriously was not happening to him, it just couldn't be. This was upside down, all back to front, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out how it had all happened. This wasn't the natural order of things, this wasn't the way things were meant to play out. He realised, vaguely, that having chosen early on in his life not to become too involved in other peoples affairs wasn't exactly as clever as he'd believed it to be; it meant that he had very little control over what they thought and did concerning him. Remnant of the dream he had experienced before waking slowly leaked into his train of thought, but considering he had become so distracted after waking the events were harder to grasp, the dream faces and words distorted and unrecognisable. Everything seemed to be melting together inside of his mind and for a moment, leaning against the cold wall on that winter morning, Squall decided that he would simply have to follow his old routine if he was going to make it to his mission at all.

He would simply ignore it, it didn't happen, it was not worth thinking about. That would sort it for now until it reared its ugly head again later, which he was sure it would. Events like this had a very large half-life, they were hard to eradicate and tended to stick the memory, degrading very, very slowly.

The world was quiet this morning, even the sound of birds chattering, or water flowing seemed to reach his ears. It was as if the world had suddenly stopped, natural order confused by the sudden unbalance in Squall's world. However, being melodramatic wasn't really going to solve anything, so Squall decided to stop his brooding chain of thought and try and focus on what to do next. Suddenly, just as he had become entirely adjusted to the quiet, the sound of footsteps echoed towards him from the end of the corridor. No one had passed him this morning other than a few "morning people" up for a jog and some of the younger cadets who had failed their SeeD exam heading for the training centre with forlorn faces. Squall had ignored them too, as he could almost pride himself on his skills of complete apathy, yet it was hard to ignore these footsteps when he realised that they'd stopped right beside him. Squall slowly opened his eyes, still hidden behind his hand, and then lowered his fingers until they fell heavily from the bottom of his face. Rather surprised and concerned brown eyes met his, a small frown covering a smooth pale forehead framed by a bob of blonde hair, her apprehension shown by the lip held between pearly white teeth. Squall had never before seen the girl who stood before him now, her torso covered by the large box she held in her hands, her outfit designating her as a trainee. Squall blinked slowly at her, wondering suddenly why she had stopped here, why she was looking at him at all…did he really as lost as he felt?

"Are you alright?" she finally asked, her voice light and girlish yet tinged with curiosity.

At first Squall decided not to respond, just simply staring into her eyes as menacingly as he could muster, and hoping that she would take the hint and go away. Unfortunately he must not have been in good form that morning because his glare only seemed to make him look more lost.

"It's just that, well, uh, you kinda look," she smiled a little nervously, shifting the box in her arms, "well, lost. Are you new here?"

"…No," Squall managed out, finally looking away from her eyes, his stare falling down towards the jacket held bunched in his left hand.

"Oh…well, um do you need any help?" she asked slowly, "it's just you don't seem very well, you look pale. You should go see Dr. Kadowaki, do you want me to take you?"

Her voice was becoming halting, as if she were running out of things to say but couldn't help but stay with him until she found out what was wrong. Squall groaned internally, trying to figure out if she was just overly nosey or genuinely nice. Both were just as bad as each other, and he decided to just get into his room and escape.

"I'm fine," he said pushing up from the wall and turning to the control panel beside it, pushing in the code.

"Uh, what are you doing?" the girl blurted out anxiously as the panel beeped red and told Squall that the pass code he'd typed in was wrong.

"This is my room," Squall ground out, trying the code again and having to use all his will power just to stop himself from snapping at her.

"Uh, no, it's mine, I was assigned here this morning," she said softly, her eyes betraying her slight worry despite the tone of her words, "Instructor Xu gave me this."

Squall simply stared at her in disbelief as she placed the box onto the floor and removed a slip of paper that was tucked down the side. She held it out to Squall, her hand insistent, and he took it from her slowly. His eyes read the words but he couldn't seem to process them, his mind was still a little fuzzy from lack of sleep. He shook his head, reading it over again and realizing that the girl wasn't lying. Xu had signed the paper, an official letter of transfer, stating his room number. Squall frowned, wondering why he hadn't received one himself if his room was to be handed over. He handed it back to her and nodded softly, trying to quickly calculate what to do next. Fragments of the fight that morning leaked into his tumultuous thoughts and he ground his teeth in exasperation, forcing them back. The girl in front of him looked genuinely worried at his expression as he glared at somewhere just over her shoulder, picking up her box again and staring at the door intently.

"It's real, you know, I'm not lying," she said moving from foot to foot anxiously, eyeing the control panel for the door.

"Whatever," Squall said with a shake of his head, turning and walking away from the stunned trainee who quickly keyed in her new pass code and slipped inside the door before he could turn back and hassle her again.

It was only as Squall reached the end of the corridor that the memory of the scrap of paper with the room number scrawled on it came back to him. It clicked instantly, that this was its real meaning, but he was confused as to why someone would surreptitiously slip something like that into his pocket without telling him. It wasn't exactly helpful when he was running late as it was, in desperate need of a shower and just somewhere to be alone for five minutes. However when he looked down at his watch he found that only quarter of an hour had passed since he'd stormed out of Seifer's room giving him more time than he'd thought. He blinked disconcertedly, wondering why the fight suddenly seemed to him to have taken place so long ago. Only fifteen minutes? It had almost begun to feel like the argument between them had really been nothing but a dream but Squall forced himself to separate his memories of the dream and the fight. He needed his head straight and his facts sorted if he was going to get anywhere. With a quick check of his memory he assured himself of the room number Seifer had told him in his disbelieving tone and set off down the quiet hall, mind set and concentrating hard on his upcoming mission.

Even then, he could not dispel the sight of those emerald eyes from his thoughts.

* * *

Squall's skin felt clean and soft, his hair still dripping as he pulled himself into his leather trousers unsteadily. He could feel the collar of his t-shirt clinging to his skin as his hair slowly soaked his fresh clothes but he didn't care. After putting his belts back on for the second time that morning he grabbed the dark blue towel from his new bed and dried his hair roughly. He could feel the towel catching the silky brown strands and snapping them but he didn't care, in too much of a hurry to worry about his appearance. The towel was dropped back to the bed once more, stormy grey eyes roaming over his new room. His things had been piled neatly into the available floor space, his clothes and text books stacked onto the lone grey desk in the corner and his gunblade set against the wall under the large lone window. The bathroom was slightly larger and en-suite which suited him fine. Yet even though it was all his own now, Squall thought to himself, it was still the same four bland white walls, nothing would change that.

He slipped his watch onto his wrist, sighing thankfully as he realised that it was only twenty past seven and he still had ten minutes to make it to the rendezvous point at the entrance to Garden. Slipping his fur trimmed bomber jacket on he quickly grabbed his gunblade from its case and strapped it to its holster along his right leg. It was a reassuring weight against his thigh and he found himself feeling better as he strapped it in all the way down to his knee to make sure it didn't swing out of place.

The day was bright but cold, the winter chill still hanging in the air, and everyone seemed to be hurrying along the walkways to keep the cold at bay. Squall wasn't that bothered by it, he didn't mind the air cold as long as it was dry, he hated rain or moist air that clung and drenched you in seconds. Yet he still felt the chill on his damp hair, wishing he had been given enough time to dry it properly. The events of that morning seemed distant now, so good was Squall at distancing himself from undesirable situations, seeming to have been washed and faded with the shower he had taken. Squall was sure, as he walked along the plant adorned walkway that lead to the turnstiles near the entrance, that he could quite easily forget about that morning completely.

Of course, thinking something so arrogantly unbecoming of him would of course have side effects. He hadn't even noticed the heavy boot tread walking up behind him as he was so determined to reach his destination as quickly as possible. Of course he couldn't miss the heavy hand thumping down against his shoulder and spinning him round, almost loosing his footing as he spun angrily on his assailant. Frosty blue eyes met his and, for a split second, Squall could have sworn that he saw someone else in those eyes. He could have sworn that he saw Seifer's anger from that morning blazoned into those blue depths, even though it was Zell's face that he was looking into now.

"Zell," Squall said rather uselessly, shaking his shoulder from the other teens grip, "what?"

"Where were you last night?" the blonde said in a tight voice, his face forced into an uncharacteristically blank look.

"What do you mean?" Squall asked, his eyes narrowing as he folded his arms instinctively over his chest.

"I had to give you your room number," Zell said, a hint of bitterness lacing its way into his tone even though his eyes betrayed nothing, "but I couldn't find you. Quistis said she saw you with Seifer."

"Did she," Squall said neutrally, "…and?"

Zell's mouth twitched and his brow furrowed angrily as he noticed Squall's damp hair.

"…I take it you got to your room ok then?" Zell said changing the subject as he unceremoniously barged past Squall.

"What?" Squall said in irritation before realising there was no reason to get angry; he brushed off Zell's comment as easily as that mornings events as he let his scowl drop, simply falling into step behind Zell.

Squall could easily tell something was wrong, but then you would have to have been blind and deaf not to realise Zell was having a hard time just holding his blank mask in place. The teen looked ready to burst and Squall wasn't exactly overjoyed at the thought of having to try and calm him down. Of course as Squad Leader it was his duty to pacify his team mate, he couldn't have Zell this emotional while on a mission. Squall mused silently as to the reasons for Zell's distemper, his boots tapping absently in time with the irritated footsteps of the blond in front of him. Finally they found themselves on the long walkway leading to the gates of Garden, the soft winter breeze sending chills down Squall's spine as he pulled his jacket tighter around him. The sun seemed paler somehow once they were properly outside, casting short stubby shadows around the group of people at the other end of the walkway lined with dark green hedges. Quistis was dressed in her usual attire, looking impatient as always; Selphie stood at her side wearing nothing but a small yellow summer dress and a light brown suede jacket, bobbing from side to side in what could have been taken as an effort to stay warm, but Squall knew that it was probably just from excitement. He opened his mouth to try and get Zell's attention, deciding that it would be more prudent to question him before they joined the group, but stopped himself as the sound of running feet echoed from the archway behind them.

"Hey!"

Squall groaned out loud this time, closing his eyes and having to resist the urge to once more cover his eyes with his hand. He had known that he was being too cocky in thinking that it would be easy to dismiss someone like Seifer that easily, and Squall simply thought himself lucky that Seifer hadn't come barging into his knew room while he was getting dressed. Even after he had done such a good job of forgetting that morning, here it was coming back to grab him, literally. Squall once more had to brush off the angry blue eyes and the heavy hand on his shoulder as Seifer stalled him in his departure.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Seifer growled angrily, seeming quite happy to ignore the rest of the group and Zell who had stopped on hearing Seifer's yell.

"What are you doing here?" Squall said back with a scowl, not able to ignore the glare that Zell was throwing their way.

"That's what I'm asking you, don't avoid the question!" Seifer hissed, his eyes narrowing as he took a step towards Squall.

"I told you, I have a mission," Squall said back, not intimidated by Seifer's stockier build even as it shadowed his own lithe frame, "not that it's any of your business."

"And you think that's going to satisfy me?" Seifer growled back under his breath, the words sending a shiver up Squall's spine that he tried to ignore, "You think I was going to just let you waltz out of here after this!"

Squall blinked, looking back to Seifer's face as the taller blonde pointed to his cheek with a scowl. There, on his right cheek, was a quickly blossoming bruise which Squall stared at a little detachedly. Thinking about the bruise only brought memories of the reason for it, and Squall had almost brought himself to never think of it again. This wasn't helping, Seifer wasn't helping. He had t get rid of him before he made a scene, just what Squall didn't need, especially with a Garden Faculty near by. He kept quiet as he thought, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watched Seifer seethe.

"Well, nothing to say huh?" Seifer spat, his anger flaring characteristically, his hand swiping through the air angrily.

Squall stayed silent, his eyes never wavering from Seifer's face even as he heard Zell's purposeful steps walking up behind him. He was eager to end this conversation, but at the same time he didn't want Seifer to misunderstand his message. He had to speak quickly, keep to the point and remain unambiguous. Three words came handily to mind…

"…You deserved it," Squall said in a low voice, his eyes hard as stone as he turned away from a stunned Seifer.

"E-excuse me?" Seifer said in a hiss, his tone was entirely taken aback, "at least I'm not the coward here!"

"Be quiet!" Squall barked out, feeling a flush form across his cheeks, angry at himself for showing such emotion.

"What the fuck do you want?" came a voice from Squall's left, undeniably Zell's.

Squall turned in surprise at the young blond standing rigidly beside him, staring at Seifer with that same blank expression he'd used on Squall moments before. The brunette forced himself to calm down, trying hastily to clear his face of emotion, of the blush that shouldn't be there. He just needed to get this mission started, get himself out of here and everything would be fine; Seifer would be left back here, Zell and Seifer would be separated, everything would be fine. That's if he could accomplish that however.

"What the fuck's it got to do with you chicken?" Seifer snarled back at Zell's strangely imposing form.

"We have to leave now Squall," Zell said, ignoring Seifer's question which only riled the older teen more, "Quistis'll be mad if we don't hurry."

Squall suddenly felt like a middleman, feeling the tension straining between Zell and Seifer. He felt out of place, as if he were involved in this but without his knowledge, as if everything he thought was going wrong was actually only on the surface. There was a deep undercurrent of hate running between the two teens and Squall was mildly curious as to why. However, separating the two was now a much higher priority on his list. There was a Garden Faculty standing watchfully over with the two girls, all three watching the argument with interest.

"Yes, let's go," Squall ground out, fully turning his back on Seifer and walking forwards…only to be grabbed painfully by the arm.

"Seifer let me go…!" Squall managed out, feeling both outraged and slightly panicked by the warm hard fingers digging into his skin, and also of Seifer's body pressed so suddenly against his own.

What happened next however was not what he'd expected, although in all truth it didn't really surprise him that much. One moment Zell was at Squall's side, the next he was bowling into Seifer with an outraged snarl, toppling the larger boy easily due to his surprise. But of course Seifer had still been holding Squall's arm when Zell knocked him to the ground. Squall was sent flying to the ground as well, landing awkwardly on his elbow.

"Zell!" he heard Quistis shout in alarm, the sound of both her and Selphie's running footsteps accompanied by the heavy tread of the Garden Faculty started towards them.

Squall tried desperately, while struggling to his feet, to find something good or useful about this entire situation. As he tried to get a hold on Zell's collar, Seifer's trench coat, anything of either of them, he realised that there wasn't a single thing good about it. In fact, it all sucked.

"Don't you touch him! You hear me, don't ever lay a hand on him again..!" Zell was yelling in between grunts and huffs of breath as he wrestled on the floor with Seifer.

"Shut your mouth chicken, just shut your fucking mouth!" Seifer yelled back, snarling as Squall tried to latch his hand around Seifer's wrist.

Finally Squall managed to grab a hand full of Zell's bulky jacket, pulling him off balance just as he roughly pushed Seifer face first onto the solid walkway. The younger blonde struggled against Squall's hold, trying frantically to rush forwards and continue his assault. But Squall wasn't letting him go; instead he held on with an iron grip and pulled the boy closer to hiss in his ear.

"If you don't stop now you won't be coming with us."

The struggling stopped almost instantly as Squall's words sank in through the veil of Zell's anger. The tense atmosphere was now filled solely by ragged breathing and the righteous sound of Quistis's voice as she reprimanded Zell and Seifer. Zell shook off Squall's grasp, turning away moodily and refusing to look the other teen in the eye. Selphie had helped Seifer back to his feet and Squall was distracted by the fact that he'd let her help him at all. A fleeting memory of the SeeD exam came back to him, Seifer's hand had been warm in his on top of that cliff. A heavy weight seemed to form in the pit of his stomach as he watched Selphie release Seifer's hand and stand back, but Squall ignored it, just like he was trying to do to everything else at the moment.

Squall registered that Quistis was demanding to know what had happened, standing in front of them all like a disappointed mother, but Squall wasn't sure what to tell her. The Garden Faculty looming ominously at her side was making things difficult, things that would have been easier to explain had it been simply he and Quistis alone together. Well, perhaps not easier per se, but still less awkward.

"Cadet number 0674!" the Garden Faculty bellowed at Seifer as the teen wiped blood from his split lip, "You should not be here, you should have reported to the detention facility at 0700 hours! You will report to your commanding officer immediately after the Headmaster arrives!"

Seifer snorted, spitting out a well of blood onto the creamy white floor, Quistis chiding him instantly while Selphie eyed it with distaste. Zell's eyes were still fixed on the floor, but Squall couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Seifer's. In a flash he remembered how close those eyes had been to his in that dream, how close they had been after that kiss…No! No, this wasn't happening, he wasn't thinking about it!

"And SeeD number 1034!" The Faculty member said rounding on Zell, "You are released from duty at the present time until further investigation has been carried out. You will be detained here until the Headmaster arrives!"

Squall felt the pooling heat in his stomach replaced at once by a heavy feeling of dismay. He had only been awake for three quarters of an hour and already his entire day was ruined. His mission party was due to leave now, right now, and he was sure that his mission target would not be happy when they turned up late. That was if they turned up at all.

"Sir," Squall managed to finally grind out, "our mission is due to start now. We will be late if we do not leave…"

"There is nothing to argue about or bargin for here SeeD, the matter is closed," the Faculty seemed all the more foreboding as he turned his unseeing gaze onto Squall, his heavily clothed form making him seem taller and more bulky than was natural, "this is out of your jurisdiction. Open violence will not be tolerated in Balamb Garden."

"And I'm sure that the clients of Balamb Garden will not tolerate tardiness," Squall replied softly, trying his best not to incite the Faculty's wrath while trying simply to extricate them all from this horrible mess, "especially when they are paying a daily fee for our services."

"Squall!" Selphie hissed, looking slightly nervous at his seeming audacity.

"Hmph, I do not appreciate your cheek boy," the faculty said back slowly, his voice deep and yet haughty all at the same time, "and I'll have you know that this particular case has been taken on Pro Bono, we are not receiving pay for this…mission. Therefore the client will wait as long as they have to, we will not pander to their needs any more than need be, considering the circumstances."

Pro Bono? Squall was momentarily taken aback by this news, enough to stop him in his negotiations. Of course it had been a fruitless task from the beginning anyway, everyone knew that there was no way to change the decision of a Garden Faculty once it's mind was made up. And yet this was certainly news to Squall, he hadn't even known that Garden did charity work. Who was this client, why were they receiving special attention from the Headmaster? Why had he agreed to help them without a settlement of money? Yet, still more importantly than that, how on earth were they going to get to Timber to find out at all? Already they were one party member short.

Somehow Squall, even with his mind in turmoil, with his day falling part at the seams, with the threat of loosing his first real mission hanging over him, found his eyes sliding back towards the tall blonde standing arrogantly opposite him. He was staring ahead conceitedly, his arms folded across his chest, leaning slightly on his left leg while he smirked with tight lips at the now seemingly dejected form of Zell to Squall's left. A small rivulet of blood had escaped the cut on his lower lip and was tracing its way down his chin through the slight stubble there. Squall felt a strange urge to reach over and wipe it off, wondering absently what Seifer's kiss would have tasted like had it been tainted with blood.

He had not just thought that.

No, he hadn't.

Good, then that was settled, he hadn't thought it at all.

Good.

Great.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Squall found himself rubbing the bridge of his nose rather violently to relieve the intense pressure building behind his now closed eyes. Thus he managed to miss Seifer's amused gaze shift from Zell to him, his eyes taking on a rather different light as the sound of the Headmaster's footsteps echoed along the pathway towards them.

AN: Right, not a very good ending I thought but I wasn't really sure how to round this one up. This is where I'm going to properly start to change the story, although I have been leaving Elone out so far as well but she will turn up later. I will make it fit, I will! Bwahaha! Right, anyway, poor little confused in denial Squall. Never mind, he'll figure it out sooner or later…hopefully sooner though for the sake of all you readers. As ever reviews are much appreciated, see you next chapter!


	23. Family

Disclaimer: FFVIII is not mine, obviously, or the game would never have ended with Squall and Rinoa together, I mean come on...

Warning: Mild swearing, umm, angst and perhaps a slightly disjointed chapter as it has been written over many lunchtimes!

**Chapter 23**

**Family**

I shouldn't have left him there. It wasn't a gut feeling per se, more a nagging at the back of my mind, something irritating, like stone in your shoe. The scenery rushed by the window in a green blur, the train exceeding its launch speed perimeters and preparing to enter the underwater tunnel. Then we would reach Timber and everything would be back on track.

Excuse the pun, it was not intended. You should know by now I don't do jokes. Especially when I'm feeling edgy, well not edgy, more anxious. Something wasn't right, and considering all that had happened in the last couple of days I guess you could count that as one of my many understatements. Yet, this seemed worse than that, worse somehow than almost dying, than my unusual behaviour, than Seifer, well...being Seifer. This didn't fit somehow, this was out of its place and, to all intents and purposes, it was worrying me.

Great.

It was the fact that Zell had been removed from the team by the Headmaster after the incident between him and Seifer that was bothering me. In all honesty I couldn't blame Cid for doing it. Sending someone on a mission in a clearly charged emotional state, someone willing to turn that emotion into physical violence, wasn't rational...but still, it didn't feel right leaving him behind. Don't get me wrong I'm not getting emotional about it, it's just, well, I don't think Zell will take it well. He's prone to being rash, in actions and words, and somehow I don't think that simply confining him to the detention area for a couple of hours in the morning would stop him from doing something stupid. I wouldn't discount the idea of stepping onto the Timber platform and seeing him standing there waiting for us. He was really excited when he received his first SeeD mission after all...

Have to stop thinking about things I can't do anything about. Perhaps I should try getting some sleep? No, that wouldn't be a good idea, I don't want to be half asleep when we get to Timber. The train ride shouldn't take too long, half an hour at the most I estimate, and then I can get this mission over and done with and get back to Garden and...

...and what? My usual? Hide in my dorm room and try and pretend this is all some sort of insane nightmare or twisted joke on Seifer's part? I wouldn't put it past him to pull something this low but...but somehow, even more disturbingly, I don't think he was joking. The look in his eyes was perfectly serious, perfectly sane (or as sane as Seifer can look) and it scared me.

No, that's not right, I am **not** scared of Seifer Almasy. I never have been and never will be. Not ever.

The cabin's florescent lights winked on suddenly, throwing the cabin into an overly bright glare before a small chime sounded, informing us of the approaching tunnel. The sudden absence of natural light was oddly disorientating and I wondered if it was such a privilege for the SeeD cabin to have windows. I blinked and then shook my head to clear it of the slight pressure increase as we entered the tunnel. My ears popped satisfyingly just as the door to the cabin opened to reveal someone that my mind was trying to convince me shouldn't be here.

I didn't know that much about Nida Nomura, other than he seemed rather overly reserved to the point of seeming shy, and that he'd passed with almost as high a score as myself; 7.5 if I remember correctly, impressive. High tactical score, and intelligence tests were prodigy worthy. Pity there were no instructors at Garden willing to take on prodigy's these days, not since my first Gunblade teacher.

But then I wasn't the only one that Professor Halloren taught.

And of course Seifer had asked for a custom made blade with a slimmer barrel and stock for easier grip and the ability to use it one handed, instead of the bulkier training blade I still treasured.

Oh Hyne, stick to the point, I'm sidetracking. Right, Nida.

The Headmaster had chosen him to replace Zell at short notice. Not a wayward choice, in fact it was perfectly reasonable, but I still felt that he shouldn't be here all the same. I almost found myself missing Zell's useless enthusiasm...almost.

I hauled myself back to the present. I could hear Selphie outside in the corridor humming to herself, tapping on the window and watching the holographic projection of countryside that was emblazoned onto the windows now that we were underground. Her tuneless singing was cut off however as Nida let the door slide shut behind him, his feet making no distinguishable sound on the thick carpet as he entered the room. I watched him subtly. Dark hair, hazel eyes, pretty face and a pair of deadly curved daggers strapped to his sides; that was perhaps a more succinct way to sum Nida up. I was told he also has a large array of poisons, chemicals and throwing daggers at his disposal, more a stealth man than an upfront fighter. Perhaps I would have said that before the exam, but now I cannot dispute his prowess in battle. I just hope that...

"Squad leader," Nida nodded politely, interrupting my thoughts as he padded across the carpeted floor and took a seat on the opposite end of the long L-shaped couch where I sat.

"Just Squall will do," I said flatly; I hated formal titles.

"Oh...alright," he didn't seem too phased by my attitude, perhaps a good thing, and instead shot me a shy smile before studying the room intently.

The bunk-beds in the far corner were beginning to look really rather inviting now. I could feel my eyes drooping involuntarily, my head jerking with the slight rock and sway of the train as I tried to stay awake. This wasn't like me, usually I could go for almost three days without sleep before collapsing from exhaustion. I should know, I'd tried it, perhaps not the sanest of things to try but then every SeeD must know their limits. I shook my head for the nth time that day and berated myself silently.

This wasn't like me.

* * *

The Chicken was looking at me again.

I couldn't see him doing it because he was sitting right behind me, I just knew he was friggin doing it. It made my hackles rise and my muscles tense until I couldn't help but spin round in my chair and glare back. Then the little shit had the gall to keep on looking when I confronted him, just keep on staring until _I_ get shouted at to sit facing front and stop intimidating people!

Bastard. He's the reason I'm in here! Well...okay not the whole reason, but he's the reason I'm stuck in here an extra two days over my initial punishment. And what does he get? Half a day, and he's only in _here_ for a couple of hours!

Ha, of course I did have the satisfaction of knowing that, because he used physical violence, he'd have to see the doctor and talk about his "problems". I'd love to be there to watch you try and explain your way out of this one chicken meat, you are so very much busted. Especially with all those witnesses in the corridor, listening to everything you shouted at me about your precious Squall.

-_And don't think I don't know what your problem is,- _I though to myself as I glared holes into the screen in front of me, trying to ignore the feeling of being watched, -_I know...cause it's mine too_.-

And boy was it ever my problem. Squall wasn't the happiest bunny in the hill at the moment, that was for sure, and I'm most certainly in the dog house. Shit, what's with all the animal metaphors all of a sudden? Never mind, it's still true, he is extremely pissed at me. Of course, it's not like I really expected anything different but...maybe I had hope just a tiny bit that it would be different, that he would have reacted differently. Not that I had a snowballs chance in hell of that happening but one can always hope and dream.

Of course when it came down to it hopes and dreams could be nothing more than they were; intangible and useless.

However, when we were standing on the walkway after our little scuffle, waiting for the Headmaster to turn up and pass sentence, I could have sworn that he was looking at me. I know what you're thinking, it was the glare-o-death right? Wrong, he wasn't glaring at me per se, and whatever was on his mind it certainly wasn't death, unless you mean _the little death_. Ha, I crack myself up, and at the most inconvenient of times too.

"Something funny Cadet Almasy," came the monotone voice of the Garden Faculty from his post at the front of the detention cell, "perhaps you'd like to share it with us?"

"No sir," I smirked back, "nothing at all, just inhaled some dust that's all. Don't you guys fund our cleaning bills as well as our armoury?"

"Silence cadet," the monotone persisted, emotionless, "any more cheek out of you and you'll be here in this filthy room on a permanent basis."

That shut me up. I just snorted, really tempted to test that threat, but still not stupid enough to try a Garden Faculty, especially a moody one. Damn, what the hell am I saying? They're all moody.

I wonder how long the Headmaster would keep me in this detention cell if I busted out right now and went to Timber? Heh, he'd probably throw away the key. Still, maybe it would be worth it...maybe. Squall wouldn't be best impressed I knew that but he'd just have to deal with it and anyway, I think he needs my help on this one. That girl, that Rinoa Heartily, she's the client on this mission of his, or so the Headmaster told me. She seems a bit too, hmm, too innocent for her own good should we say? In other words she's no innocent, and even though Squall is a stone cold killer he's still an innocent when it comes to sexual manipulation. Hell, don't ask me how I know because I just do alright, it's like a sixth sense for me. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, 'you pervert Seifer, we always knew this is what really runs through that head of yours'. Well you'd be right.

"Dincht," the sound of the Garden Faculties deep monitone snapped me out of my daze and I looked up to watch him as he stood at the front of the detention cell, "your two hours are up, report to Doctor Kadowaki immediately."

That time already huh? Doesn't time fly when you're stuck in a white room with your worst enemy with only a Garden Faculty for company? Hell no, felt like I'd been here for days.

I listened to the rustle of fabric behind me, then the heavy boots clunking down the isle past my seat. Had to try extremely hard not to stick my foot right out and watch as he fell satisfyingly on his stupid face. Or simply punch him right in the guts. Of course, I may be rash but I'm not stupid, I didn't want to extend my time in this hospitable place for any longer than it need be.

So instead I just smirked at him as he walked past, and of course he couldn't help but look down and see it as I'd hoped he would, and...

-_Hey! Did he just smirk back at me?-_

I fumed as I followed his bandy chicken legs out the door and crossed my arms in what I really hoped wasn't a sulk.

_He_ smirked at _me_? That's just not right! What the hell is the world coming to? I mean I thought I could at least unsettle him before his little chat with the doctor, make him jumpy and insecure, heck maybe even make him spill a few beans to the Doc but no he had to go and...wait.

Wait a minute. To most people who'd seen that expression on Zell Dincht's face when looking at me they would probably think he was sneering. I however I am a master of all insulting expressions and so know the difference between a sneer and a smirk. Also when I smirk about things it's for only one reason, I'm planning something. I had to wonder at what was running through that tiny brain of his when he decided to smirk back at me. Yeah.

I wonder.

* * *

What an idiot you are Zell Dincht. I mean, heck, I'd never go as far as to say I was a composed person but...I thought I might have more control than that. Jumping on Seifer in the middle of the entrance walkway and shouting my head off, couldn't ask for anything more obvious.

Squall's face when he hauled me off Seifer, hell...he's gonna hate me now. I screwed up our first mission, and we never even got out the door! I'm not surprised that he disputed having me thrown in detention but, well, I'm not stupid enough to think it's because he was desperate that I come along.

He just didn't want to be late to meet the client, that's all.

Shit, that's real cold when I think about it like that. Still, not like I don't deserve it, I am completely useless after all.

My footsteps echoed along the empty Garden corridors like water dripping in a vast cavern, small and insignificant. Just like how I felt. Might sound melodramatic to you but believe me it's not an overstatement. I'm a SeeD now, if I can't even work with my designated team and keep my feelings in check then what kind of use am I at all? What kind of use is that to a Squad Leader who demands perfection? Huh, well of course, that would be right if Squall actually demanded _anything_ of us at all. Maybe that's the worst part, realising you've been trying so hard to prove yourself to someone who isn't even asking you to, doesn't even care.

The elevator was smooth as usual, didn't even notice I was falling at all. I silently watched the sprawl of the Garden entranceway ahead of me, through the glass distorted. It shimmered and swirled under my gaze, water splashing happily along the moat like trench, plants swaying soporifically in the morning breeze. I felt something welling up in my throat, like guilt but not quite the same. It felt more like rejection, like being dismissed from a world I grew up in. How can I put it so that it makes sense? It's like...

...It's like, Squall's always been there y'know? I don't remember growing up all that well, in fact sometimes I can't remember anything at all but...I always remember him being there. I always remember his face, it sticks in my mind like a splinter under my skin. I can't let go of him, because he's all I have really. I know I'll always have my mother, even though I'm adopted, and she'll always be there for me but it's different than what I have here in Garden. It's...home here. Squall and Quistis and shit even _Seifer_, they're my family; and Squall most of all, something about him, I just can't let him go.

That's why I can't just sit around here and mope about losing everything I've spent my life building. I can't just walk along to the medical wing and spill my heart out to Doctor Kadowaki because she wouldn't understand the way I feel, no one really will except perhaps Quistis. Even Squall won't understand, but I don't need him to for once. I just need him to accept me, that's all...

..and maybe even be happy to see me when I meet him in Timber. Hmm, perhaps that's asking too much.

The doors slid open soundlessly and I walked out into the main rotund of the Garden and down the steps to the main walkway. A pair of small birds were having a bath in one of the many small pools placed along the moat, chirping happily and ruffling their feathers. I smiled at them as I walked past, continuing down the marble walkway and straight on towards the entrance gates. It didn't take much to sneak past the guard there and I was just glad that I had put my wallet in my pocket instead of keeping it in my bag. Squall had been nice enough to give me my share of the combined "earned" cash back as he was going to be keeping it safe as Squad Leader for the mission; idiot, he's practically asking me to follow him. I smiled at that thought. As always I kept my fighting gloves in my pocket, always ready and that was all that I needed.

The sunlight smarted my eyes as I walked down onto the warm tarmac and off towards Balamb.

AN: Wow, that took a long time. I am very sorry I haven't been posting for months now but my computer is broken. I'm writing stuff at work at the moment, naughty little me, and we have internet access so I can use it to upload, yay! Of course, even though my boss is really nice and lets me do it, I still have to work so I can only really write on lunchtimes, and I do have to eat too! Unless you want emaciated writing lol. Still, I am sorry for making people wait for this chapter (if you haven't already given up on me sniff ) and I hope I can keep using this connection at work until I work out what's wrong with my computer and get it fixed. And I hope this chapter is acceptable, it's seems a little odd to me but I like it really. Well, hope you enjoyed it and please review! Hopefully update again soon.

Maiko


	24. The Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FFVIII, but I do own one lovely lap top! Yay.

Warnings: Angst I guess...

**Chapter 24**

**The Beginning of the End**

Settling.

It's not an easy thing to do. Especially when you are different from everyone around you, when you feel, no you _know_ that everyone is watching you. I've never felt a time when I'm not being watched, and it's not effortless to slide into place; not that I've ever really had a place.

But then let's not dwell on that right now.

Focusing on now is really what I need to do, considering I am either being one of two things right at this very moment. Incredibly inventive, fearless and clever or extremely presumptuous, stupid and in deep, deep shit. Right, well...

...maybe we won't dwell on that either.

Right. Well, perhaps you should know what's going on first, so you can come to your own conclusions as to my sanity. Right, never have been very good at explaining myself, have never felt the need to do it. I'm not sure if I even can entirely explain my actions, but I'll try, I will. Perhaps I'd better start at the beginning, yes, to the start of the day.

Well, so I finally did it. I finally showed Squall how I feel, in the most inescapable way, by kissing him. Not really any talking your way out of that is there. That would be why he punched me, right in the face, and then stormed out. But of course I wasn't going to let that go, I mean who the hell would? So I followed him, and kind of wasn't thinking about who I was in front of when I was shouting and clinging to him and, well, yeah, you know all that. So when I finally managed to get myself into a raging fight with that idiot Zell, then get myself busted by the Garden faculty _and_ the headmaster I had thought that my life was officially on a down turn.

However...

Well, my first sign of new trouble was when that Chicken Wuss had smirked at me. I just knew that he was up to something, so I had been on my guard. Of course, when, fifteen minutes later, a SeeD medical trainee had turned up in the detention centre asking if SeeD Zell was going to be sent down to the medical bay I knew something was definitely up. The little bastard had skipped out on us and damn it all to heck if it wasn't exactly what I would have done. In a small corner of my mind, where I kept all the other things no one else is ever going to know about, I was secretly proud. It didn't last long, don't worry, and soon I was coming up with my own plan to counteract this blatant rebellion.

I would simply do what any self respecting member of the disciplinary committee does when someone comes up with a better idea than their own. I stole it; although my plan contained a whole lot less tact, and a lot more brute force. So I had now broken my way out of the detention centre, hot wired a car and pummelled it out of the security locked gates, floored it all the way to Balamb and only just managed to buy an extremely over priced ticket and hop on the train to Timber before the entire army of Garden (surely led by Xu) came down on my like a raging T-Rexaur.

So, again, now that you have all the facts you can decide. Am I fearless and inventive or simply in the shit?

Yeah. That's what I thought too.

* * *

I think that the only thing I really hate more than training children, is training children who are high off their minds on sugar. 

"Calm down Alicia it's only a little cut, look I'll get you a plaster and then we can stop crying ok, ROBERT PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR! Now look Alicia I wasn't shouting at you will you please stop crying? Gregor don't' swing on that it's dangerous, please get down. AMY! No don't put that in Robert's eye! Give it to me!"

Yup, that about sums it up I think. So here I was, ex-instructor of SeeD's finest recruits reduced to day-care because the usual nanny was holed up in the medical bay with the flu. Xu can be an extremely persuasive person, in lots of ways, and strangely enough she's better at the Puppy Dog Eyes than the Battle Axe persona. So she managed to persuade me, but now...well, now I'm having a great time doing my favourite pastimes: mopping up after twenty brats while trying to teach them something vaguely understandable from my vast knowledge of Guardian Forces, battle tactics, magical properties and weapons construction.

Lots to choose from yes? Well, the saying 'water, water all around but not a drop to drink' comes to mind.

"Miss Trepe Robert's hitting me!" Genna, a tall brunette girl, cried out.

"I am not!" squealed the aforementioned small ginger boy with a ruddy complexion, "Miss Genna's a liar!"

I sighed and tried not to scream as I turned on my sympathetic face and wished to all Hyne that someone would walk through the door and save me. I wished it all the way over to the other side of the room until I separated the two squabbling children. Still, even as I told the boy to go sit in the corner and think about what he had done, and tried my best to comfort the sniffing girl, no one came to my rescue. It was then that three separate incidents, involving a large box of sand, a water pipe and an unstable chair, all happened at once. I simply stared at the room, took a step back and sighed. I decided to sit in my chair and let the mayhem (that was seemingly unstoppable in a class of eight and nine year olds) take place around me.

But of course, as soon as I sit down and try to ignore what's going on around me, that only makes me think of what happened earlier today; and that's not helpful when trying to de-stress.

The situation before me now, in all its chaotic, impromptu glory, was probably easier to understand and control that what was going on between Squall, Seifer and Zell. If I think about it properly, very hard, then I can understand parts of it. Like, for instance, that the problem between Seifer and Zell is an easy one. Seifer can't resist teasing Zell because he's an easy target, he does most of the work for Seifer because he gets worked up so easily. Also Seifer is more than likely threatened by Zell's friendly outgoing manner, even though he'd never admit it. Seifer doesn't have that sort of personality, he's more of a get things done the way you want them or not at all. He's not exactly down on tact and also he doesn't like to use friendship to get what he wants. Seifer's brazen attitude and bluntness are what get to Zell who just can't comprehend Seifer's rudeness and lack of respect. And when Zell can't understand something, he gets angry I guess, just a natural reaction. Zell is practically his opposite, I can see why they fight.

On another note I can see why Seifer and Squall don't get along. Seifer is, as I've said, a man who likes to get things done the way he wants them to be done, and in all honesty I think that being friends with Squall is one of the things he's always had on his to do list. I'm not sure why, I mean Seifer doesn't really seem up on friends, apart from Raijin and Fujin, but I guess Squall just caught his eye. Perhaps it was the challenge of it, considering Squall ignores everyone else and doesn't have any real friends of his own, and Seifer saw it as a test to see if he could do it before anyone else. I wouldn't put it past his competitive nature. However when Seifer tried to befriend Squall and was rebuked time and time again he took umbrage pretty quickly. Seifer doesn't like to lose, he hates it more than a lot of things, and so that want to befriend turned to a need to intimidate and antagonise to the point of physical violence. And the reason Squall doesn't get along with Seifer is...well.

Well the same reason Squall doesn't get along with anyone. What that is though, is anyone's guess. He doesn't open up to any kind of communication, he's solely focused on his job as a SeeD, he doesn't have time for people, even those who go out of their way to try and accommodate his unaccommodating behaviour and he doesn't understand the need or the workings of human relationships. Well, that's the only reasons I can think of at the moment.

Hmm, maybe I just answered my own question, I think I've been procrastinating over this far too much.

"Quistis? Are you in here?"

The sudden intrusion made me jump, quickly standing and trying to make myself look presentable, and thoroughly ignored the madness happening in the background. Just then, Xu's dark eyes peeked around the corner of the door and looked at me. Oh thank Hyne!

"Hello Xu," I waved, trying to smile, "did you want to see me?"

I watched as her eyes slowly moved from my face to the insanity moving around behind me in the room, one more moving back to me and quickly flicking to the right indicating for me to follow her outside. Then she disappeared, the door closing quietly behind her. I took a quick glance over my shoulder, saw a struggling boy buried in a cone of wet sand in the middle of the room as his friends dusted off their hands and looked satisfied with themselves, and quickly followed Xu out the door.

When I stepped out into the quiet of the corridor I mentally sighed in relief. I looked to my left to see Xu standing with another young woman that I didn't recognise , her sort blonde hair shining in the strong sunlight glancing through the glass skylights. She smiled at me warily, but I couldn't tell if it was from the fact that she didn't know me, or because she'd heard some of the chaos when I'd opened the door.

"Quistis this is Mara," Xu sighed, scrubbing her hand through her dark hair in a stressed manner, "she'll be relieving you of your class for the time being, and you shouldn't have to worry about covering again today. Seriously Quistis, remind me to never ask you to babysit."

I laughed a little weakly, gripping my right elbow with my left hand and shrugging. Mara just looked at Xu and then took a little step forwards.

"I think I should go in, I shouldn't leave the children on their own," she said strongly, her voice clear and resounding, just the kind that you need to rule a classroom.

"Yeah sure, thanks again for covering on such short notice Mara," Xu nodded to the woman with a genuine smile.

"Anytime," Mara said back, walking past me with a nod before disappearing into through the classroom door.

I had felt like wishing her good luck but hadn't thought that it would make any difference, considering my luck with children was nothing to be wished on anyone. Instead I just tried to ignore the sounds of screaming children until they were cut off by the closed door.

"Thanks Xu, honestly, I know children aren't my strong point but really..." I raked my hand over my face and would have continued had I not looked up at Xu and seen her expression.

She look haggard, harassed, angry and simply fed up. She gave me her best non committal shrug in response to my questioning look and simply said,

"Don't thank me yet."

The phrase 'out of the frying pan and into the fire' sprang instantly to mind.

* * *

I know that I hadn't been feeling too well since the morning, and that this wasn't exactly a regular day but...when I started to feel dizzy I knew something was very wrong. I tried to shake it off, tried very hard to ignore it and to push it out of my mind and focus but... 

I don't remember much of what happened before I passed out, all I remember was that one minute Selphie was complaining of feeling tired, and the next she was falling forwards into Nida's arms. Then I felt my head swim, properly this time, I tried to stand, tried to get to Selphie but I crumpled to the floor before I could take a step, accompanied by Nida's frantic cries.

Then I had my dream, my really weird dream about a group of complete strangers, one of whom I think had to be mentally ill, running around in Galbadian army uniforms fighting monsters and seducing women (no matter how unbelievable it was to me that he managed it). Once my dream began to fade out however, I felt something else bubble to the surface of my memory before I woke up.

A girl, no, a woman in a white dress. No, it was a white top, and a green skirt, and her hair was chocolate brown and her eyes...were kind, and familiar. She was smiling at me with something akin to wonder, a fond wonder, and then her hand reached out towards my head and she touched my scar.

"You two were always fighting," she said in a melodic yet sad voice, "some things never change, do they Squall?"

"Who..?" I started, but then realised that my voice had no substance to it, there was no sound in this dreamscape when I tried to speak.

"I did miss you, but it was for the best, I always knew that; she couldn't be allowed to find us together," then she smiled at me, "I wish you could have known him Squall."

"S-Sis..?" I ventured mutely, feeling a dreading sickness in the pit of my stomach before her face began to swim and I felt someone holding my hand.

"You have to see it, don't you?"

Then I sprang awake, so fast that I almost smacked my head off of the top bunk.

"Ah!" Selphie squeaked and jumped back against the couch, her eyes wide but thankfully open and alert.

"Squall!" Nida said, quickly hurrying over to my side, kneeling down beside the bed, "How are you feeling? Are you alright?"

I looked at him, blinking as I realised that the lights were once more out and there was sunlight streaming in through the cabin windows. How long had I been out? More importantly, why had I been out? What had happened here?

"I'm fine," I nodded back when the brunette man's face became too expectant and worried for me to handle, "are you two all right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, actually feeling quite refreshed in all honesty," Selphie said back with a smile, "had one heck of a dream through. So, what do you think it was? Did someone attack us?"

"Well," Nida said shrugging, "I'm not sure, I mean I wasn't affected by it if it was some sort of gas or neuro transmitter or drug, so I doubt it was someone trying to sabotage us."

"Even if it was someone trying to attack us in some way," I reasoned out loud, "I don't feel any side effects yet. Selphie's right, I actually feel rested. Looks like the most they would have accomplished is have us miss our stop."

"Maybe that was their plan?" Selphie hazarded with a shrug.

"That's a pretty lame plan," Nida said with a frown.

"Yes," I agreed, "but I don't want you to let your guard down. We can't explain this right now so I don't want you two to waste energy thinking about it. I want you to be fully alert and focus on the mission. Nida, how long till we arrive in Timber?"

"I'd say approximately ten minutes."

"Good, get your things together and make ready to depart as soon as the train has docked."

They both nodded, business faces in place, and set about getting ready for departure. I kept my eye on Selphie, and on Nida just in case whatever affected us just took longer to manifest itself in him, but it ended up being in vain. Nothing happened over the next ten minutes to suggest foul play, and if anyone had wanted to attack us, they would have been better doing it when Selphie and I were out of commission and Nida was alone and vulnerable. I didn't see the logic in our passing out being part of a larger attack scenario, but then...then what had that all been about? The fact that Selphie and I had passed out at the same time was too coincidental to ignore. However, as I had said before, we couldn't explain any of this right now and, in all honesty, I didn't really want to have to think about going back to Garden and saying we didn't accomplish our mission because I fainted, Sir, please don't demote me.

If anything else happened I would have to take it more seriously but, until then, I was going to have to log it as an odd side effect due to pressure change, or something like that.

How unlike me to be covering things up.

**Author's note:**

Alright, hi again everyone! Sorry for the long wait and all but now that I am back underway I am trying to update as fast as possible. Sorry if this isn't much of a continuation of the plot but I'm a little busy at the moment on top of writing so I'm trying my best to get everything in and explained without missing out anything important. Hope it's all still making sense! Thank you all for you kind reviews and encouragement! Especially to QuistisTrepe05, Gillian Sillis, Slipper, Eternal-Darkness2 Jade Almasy, blessedsilence (my first reviewer for this story!) and everyone else who's reviewed and read my story (I really do love you all!). Okay, enough with the sentiment already, yes I know, I'm being soppy. Right, so, please review this chapter if you like it (or not) and tell me what you think.

Domo arigato gozimasu minnasan!

Maiko


	25. If a tree falls in the forest

Disclaimer: I don't own it, so there

**Chapter 25**

**If a tree falls in the forest**

The cold was the first thing I noticed as I stepped off onto the lonely platform, squinting into the morning sun. Behind me I vaguely listened to Selphie and Nida talking to each other, catching snippets of their conversation. I frowned when I heard the name 'Laguna' pass her lips but again ignored it.

She had let it slip as we were waiting for the train to stop earlier and I had, admittedly, started in surprise. However, considering no one was talking to me at the time as I was being my usual sociable self I quickly schooled my face back into its mask and looked out of the small window to watch the station come into view.

'Laguna'

That had been the name of that moron in my dream, I knew it was, I remembered it. I think...I think it must be one of the first dreams I have remembered fully, without wanting to forget any of it. Of course, there was that dream about Seifer...

Okay stopping there. Now, right, Timber.

"Hey Squall, you alright?" Selphie's chipper tone knocked me back to the present and I nodded curtly, continuing out onto the platform before turning to them.

Nida automatically pulled his dark brown leather jacket tighter around his lithe form and shivered from the temperature change. At least, I thought with wonder, his black t-shirt and jeans gave him more protection than Selphie's yellow Summer dress. Exactly how she managed not to even show a single shiver really did boggle the mind...

"Our contact should be around here somewhere," Nida said quietly, scanning the surrounding area with a keen eye, "that's if they haven't left already."  
"The Headmaster said he would try and contact them to let them know of the delay," I said, looking over to a small pet shop, at the small boy there, over to another dilapidated shack...seems like quite a run down area...  
"Yeah," Selphie agreed with scepticism, "but we don't know if he got 'em, he never got back to us. Great, we came all the way here for our first mission and our client's done a runner."  
"Don't assume anything," I said tightly, turning to watch them both, "split up, recon and report back to me in five minutes at the front of that pet store. Nida take the platform, Selphie, scout out the shop fronts, I'm going to cross that bridge and see what's there."  
"Yes Squad Leader," Nida nodded obediently, walking off along the length of the train and making it look as casual as if he were simply admiring the paintwork.  
"Hmm, aren't you the bossy one all of a sudden," Selphie grinned but winked and skipped off down the stairs humming that same annoying 'train song' as she called it.

I shook my head and sighed. Bossy? Great. That's all I need. Focus Squall, focus. Right, the mission. Right.

I looked up at the sky, took a deep breath and then slowly let it slide through my teeth. The air was crisp but warming slowly in the clear atmosphere, there were few clouds, good visibility, moderate wind. I looked back down to earth, slowly walking forwards until I hit the stairs down from the platform, taking them nonchalantly, trying my best to make it look like we came here as tourists...or something, well I mean it's not exactly a tourist town so I did the best I could.

As I hit the bottom step I heard a yelp, a bark, and then running feet. I turned to my right, towards the pet shop, just in time to see a small white and brown spaniel running off with what looked like the remains of a magazine in its mouth. Then came a small boy, his face split into a grin and laughing, calling what I guessed was the dogs name and trying to get it to stop. Then came another person, a man, his faded blue fleece making him sweat as he ran, out of breath, after the dog and its owner.

"Hey wait!" he cried, "That's my magazine, get back here!"  
"Please Sir," came another voice from my left and I looked on with interest as another man ran into view, "just leave it Sir!"  
"But it's mine, I mean you _know_ what it is don't you," the blue fleece man said, stopping finally with hands on his knees to pant while his friend ran up to him and slumped his shoulders, "I don't think that kids mother is gonna be happy when he turns up with a magazine like that at his age..."  
"Oh Sir," the other man, in an orange body warmer, shook his head and sighed, "please try and act more professional."  
"Hey I am, I mean I was until that dog stole my, hey, look I _was_ being professional!" the man argued with his unconvinced partner.

Oh sweet Hyne. Please, oh please tell me these imbeciles are not our contacts. I breathed in through my nose and let it out slowly, looking over to the end of the row of shops to watch Selphie as she made nice with the locals, back up to my right to watch Nida as he slid into view on his way to the other end of the platform. I shook my head almost imperceptibly as I walked over to the two preoccupied men, both still engaged in their fruitless banter, and stood directly behind them while being out of their line of sight.

I waited for a break in their inane chatter and then cleared my throat, loudly.

"Ah!" the more nervous man on the right exclaimed, spinning around.  
"Shit!" the blue fleece man exclaimed, rounding on me with an angry glare, "hey man what's the big idea?"

I stayed quiet, simply looking the two of them over slowly, revelling in the worried shiver that ran through the polite man, and the indignant straightening of the back I pulled out the blue fleece man. Of course the two inches I had on both of them also helped, and the fact that I have been perfecting my intimidating silences for as long as I can remember.

"Hey, I'm talking to you," the blue fleece continued, dark eyes glittering, "this is a private conversation so buzz off.""Uh, Sir..." the polite man tried to but in.  
"And who do you think you are anyway looking at us like that..."  
"Sir please..." I could see the frustration building in his face.  
"...what are you mute or something..?"  
"The forests of Timber sure have changed!" the polite man finally shouted out, over his teammate, his calm demeanour falling for a split second before falling back into place.  
"Uh..." the blue fleece stalled, turning to his friend, "Watts what the hell are you dong!? You can't just go spouting that to any random..."  
"But the Owls are still around," I said the password coldly.  
"...guy," the blue fleece finished weakly, as if he'd just taken a mouthful of helium.

He cleared his throat and smiled weakly, scratching the back of his head nervously. Thankfully, despite their obvious incompetence, the polite one, known as Watts it seemed, could at least take some semblance of authority.

"Please gather your friends and follow me Sir," he said, bowing slightly before grabbing his flustered companion and rushing off to stand by what looked like a broken down rail car, "we're running late."

I nodded in assent, rolling up my right sleeve to expose my watch before pressing a series of buttons to alert Selphie and Nida and have them return to our designated point. I silently thanked the Headmaster for some equipment that was useful for a change, and discreet enough to go unnoticed by others. My two teammates were just getting to the pet shop as I stopped at its front, looking at me expectantly.

"I found them," I said with little enthusiasm, motioning for them to follow.  
"Are they angry that we're late?" Selphie asked as she fell into step on my left.  
"I don't think they feel the need to," I said back with a slight smirk, before realising I was smirking and turning my face back to its usual mask.  
"Hmm, Squall what did you do to them?" she asked with a frown as we walked round a corner and up some stairs towards the two men standing awkwardly by the door to the dilapidated train car.  
"Nothing," I said unconvincingly, hearing Nida's small chuff of laughter as he watched the apprehension in our contacts faces.  
"J-just this way Sir!" Watts stammered before jumping on board.  
"..." the other man just opened his mouth and then shut it, stepping onto the train after his colleague.

Selphie looked mystified in their wake, shrugging. I simply stepped onto the train and tried to ignore the creaking sound it made at the extra weight. The inside was just as shabby as the outside, the carpet, seemingly once blue, now looked a faded grey with dust and grime. The walls were stained and a little worse for wear, and as I walked down the small set of stairs into the main cabin, I was greeted by the faint smell of mould and engine oil. Very pleasant.

The two men, Watts and the other one, were both hovering around the only other door in the compartment. It was as if they were waiting for someone to give them an order, as if they couldn't quite bring themselves to act without fear of doing something wrong. I remembered that feeling...hmm, but if it was an order they wanted...

"What is going on here?" I asked with as much intimidation as I could gather.

Both men practically snapped to attention. Watts was the one to speak, but that didn't surprise me considering the other man was having trouble meeting my gaze.

"Sir, we are ready to commence our mission," he said with a slight tremble in his voice despite his good effort, "but..."  
"But?" I prompted when he didn't continue.  
"Well, the t-thing is..."  
"Aw come on Squall," Selphie suddenly piped up, stepping forwards and making both the men stare at her, "don't be so hard on 'em!"

I turned to look at her and raised my eyebrow, watching as she waited for my assent, but then nodded to her to allow her to take the lead in this interaction. It really wasn't my thing anyway, interaction, unless you wanted someone so shit scared they'd spill anything, even their Grandmother's bank account number, I could do that. Not really appropriate in this situation I suppose, although I think I had been getting into the zone before Selphie took over.

"Right, so boys, we're your SeeD convoy! I'm Selphie, this is Nida and this is Squall, our Squad Leader," she motioned to me and them both smiled weakly.  
"I'm Watts," Watts said, nodding, "and this is Zone. We're the Forest Owls, well, two thirds of the Forest Owls..."  
"Where's your missing third?" Nida asked with a gentle smile, instantly putting Watts at ease.  
"The Princess is in her quarters," Watts said sheepishly, "I don't suppose one of you could..."  
"I'll go get her," Nida said, his smile turning reassuring; I had to marvel at his way with people, glad for the first time that he was assigned to our mission.  
"She's in the last cabin, up those stairs behind you," Watts added helpfully.  
"Squad Leader?" Nida asked turning to me.  
"Alright," I nodded finally, watching them both like a hawk, "however I want it made clear that this is the first and last time, we are not here to run your errands," I turned to Nida as he started up the stairs, "and Nida, please stop calling me Squad Leader."  
"Right," he nodded with what could only be described as a bashful smile, before stepping gracefully up the steps and disappearing down the hallway.

Selphie leaned back against the wall and smiled at me. I frowned, shook my head and started to unbuckle my gunblade from my back. I always kept it in its harness when I travelled, when I was ninety nine point nine percent sure that no confrontations would arise, strapped to my back; it was still as accessible but not as dangerous (of course I had to remove it if I wanted to sit down but then these are the perks of working with a three foot long gunblade with an added one and a half foot stock). My fingers worked quickly over the familiar straps, untying and unhooking them and then lowering the blade and its harness down onto the floor. I brought it around to rest on my knees and then continued to carefully strap it to my left leg, lacing it through a couple of my belts for security, and some custom loops I had put into my leather trousers myself. It fit neatly but still gave me freedom of movement, having looser straps at the knee that allowed it to bend. I had also engineered the straps at the top to loosen as I bent down so that the blade would drop forwards when I crouched, making it parallel to the ground instead of stuck in it. It was a necessary amount of preparation for carrying such a heavy bulky weapon, where as Seifer only needed a slim holster case from waist to knee to carry Hyperion...

"E-excuse me Sir?" Watts' voice pulled me from my wandering thoughts.  
"...Yes?" I said after a pause.  
"Is that a gunblade Sir?" he asked, eager surpassing his uneasiness.  
"Yes."  
"Oh...it's just I've, well, I've never seen one in real life before," his eyes practically sparkled, "you must be very skilled Sir, from what intelligence I have gathered there are only two SeeD at Balamb Garden who can wield a gunblade."  
"Oh, look Squall," Selphie grinned, "you're a celebrity."  
"Quite," I said back.  
"Sorry Watts, don't mind him," she said shrugging, "flattery won't get you anywhere."  
"Selphie," I cautioned.  
"What?" she said back innocently.

Just then I heard footsteps near the end of the hall and motioned for Selphie to stand. She did, her weapon making a pleasant jingling noise as it rattled its chains. I heard Nida's smooth voice speaking to the 'missing third' and then heard a very feminine, almost familiar voice answer...

"Oh!" Selphie said with delight, "A fellow female, thank Hyne. If I had to be stuck here with all of these boys on my own I might have gone crazy!"  
"Selphie," Nida said, his tone however was unlike my own in as much as it was placating, almost brotherly.

I, however, couldn't take my eyes off of the woman standing before us all now. Dark hair down to just past her shoulders, glittering black eyes, rounded love heart face filled with enthusiasm. Her petite body was now adorned in a long ribbed sleeveless blue cardigan, which flowed to her knees, with matching wrist protectors that stretched to her elbows. Underneath she wore a skin tight black body suit with a skirt attachment. It was her, the woman I had danced with at the SeeD ball, what on earth was going on here? I had no idea that she was there to ask us for help, or that she would be here at all...

As I watched her, her dark eyes caught mine and she smiled, making my heart do a strange leap in my chest. I swallowed, chiding myself for my strange behaviour, and then simply nodded back.

"Hi, I'm pleased to meet you all," the woman said, "I'm Rinoa Heartily. I'm so glad you're all here, you don't know how much this means to us that we finally have the support we need to carry out our mission."  
"And what exactly is this mission?" I asked, hand on my hip.  
"Why don't we go into the briefing room!" she suggested, walking backwards towards a door on the left of the staircase, "I'll debrief you there."

Selphie giggled and shook her head, Nida actually blushed a little before following after her, and I just (as usual) ignored the comment completely. I waited until Watts and Zone had disappeared through the door after my team and Miss Heartily.

Something about this all seemed a little too convenient to me. Perhaps it's just my suspicious nature, but in all honesty, two coincidences in one day is far too convenient. First Selphie and myself fainting consecutively, now this Rinoa turning up as leader of the rebel faction we were sent to aid...

Huh, perhaps I am just being paranoid. Still, it's when you're not prepared that they strike.

Whoever _they_ are. I really am beginning to sound paranoid.

AN: Well, that was a fast update if I don't say so myself! I'm trying hard to make up for lost time, I just hope my laptop doesn't explode for overuse! Okay, so I hope you like the chappie and I have another one to add so it should be up very, very soon!

Now I have to thank my reviewers! Wetheril – I hope that the smidgen of Rinoa was enough for you and that you like her so far! Seifer doesn't but then Seifer doesn't like anyone woops.

realdarkangel – Yup Quistis gets along as well with children as I do (although she has the restraint not to just lock them all in a cupboard)

JadeAlmasy –he he I thought Quistis hadn't has bit of focus in a while. Hope you like the updates!

Acorn-ail – of course Seifer is my favourite too! Don't worry I am going to try very hard to update as fast as possible and keep all you reviewers happy! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

Quistis Trepe05 – Thanks so much for the welcome back he he, you're so kind blushes. I'm glad you think the pace is right, and don't worry the ball is already teetering on the edge of the slope and is gonna start rolling pretty soon!

Rosemary's Granddaughter – wow, that has to be the most original review I've ever had...(imagines self on throne as a puppet master) Hmm, nice! Yes I would love some popcorn...hope you like the update!

Please R&R! See you all soon.

Maiko


	26. A butterfly flaps its wings

Disclaimer: I don't own anything it's all SquareEnix now.

Warnings: some nasty language (but then it is Zell and Seifer now people)

**Chapter 26**

**A butterfly flaps its wings**

The train jolted into life just after the doors slid seamlessly shut behind me. I sighed in relief, glad that so far my plan was going to...well, plan I guess. It was all going to plan, yeah...whatever the _plan_ is.

Right I think I should start again.

-_I have already had this discussion with myself_- I thought as I walked down the long sunlit corridor in search of the private SeeD cabin, -_and I'm not going back on my decision now._-

I had decided that I wasn't going to have a plan and I was going to play it ad hoc, straight off the cuff, purely because I worked best when I improvised (please ignore my spectacular display of improvisation on our SeeD exam as an example) but mainly because I also had no idea what I was doing.

Other than trying to find the private SeeD cabin.

The train chugged along noiselessly, only the ever so slight sway to and fro giving away the fact that we were moving at all. I was sure that the idiot that had forced me to come out here in the first place, Zell Chicken Dincht, was on this train. He had to be, I was sure of it, I knew how his mind worked and this is just the kind of thing he'd think was clever. Running off to try and save the day and win back any lost affections because that's the kind of thing he worries about, and this was the most efficient mode of travel to Timber.

The door at the opposite end of the corridor swished open suddenly. The dark clad figure of a train guard entered long slim hallway, walking with his head down as he whistled annoyingly.

-_Ah_- I thought, -_this could be useful..._-

He continued along, not watching where he was going, and thus didn't see me until I was standing right in his face. He let out a startled yelp that was entirely unbecoming of a man in uniform. I simply smiled back predatorily and watched him try and scrape back some semblance of dignity.

"Can I help you?" he asked roughly.

"Why yes," I said amiably, "I'm looking for the private SeeD cabin, someone's waiting for me."

"Oh," he replied a little suspiciously, "is that so? That's a restricted area of the train you know..."

"Yes it is," I said back, pressing the fact that I was at least four inches taller than him by looming over his smaller form, "take it you need some proof?"

"That would help," the train guard relaxed a little, obviously expecting me pull out my ticket; his blood pressure almost doubled however when I simply tore Hyperion from her sheath and pointed it at his throat.

"Good enough for you?" I asked as his mouth dropped open in a silent 'o', "don't make a sound or I'll make sure you can't. Take me to the cabin now."

He just nodded, turning to his left in a mechanical fashion to face the wall I had been walking past only a moment before. I was about to tell him to cut the monkey business because that was a bloody wall when I realised that there was a minute card reader socket placed discretely into the panelling. The guard fumbled with his card keys, finally finding the right one before dropping it from shaking hands and swallowing loudly.

"Could we maybe hurry it up here?" I prompted, pushing Hyperion's sharp point into the soft material of his jacket, forcing a slick ripping noise from the fabric.

"S-sorry s-sir," he managed to stutter, practically leaping on the wayward card before slotting it into the wall with shaking hands.

The door appeared from nowhere. One second there was no door, next second there was a grand overly fanciful door visible in between the wrought steel panels. I whistled low and long, enjoying the tremble it sent through the train guard, and turned to him once more.

"Don't suppose you could open that for me hmm?" I asked with a smile.

"Mmm," he simply hummed and nodded, avoiding my eyes with an almost frantic disposition.

He succinctly typed in a pass key to the panel which had appeared along with the door and the ornate doors slid effortlessly open. I shoved him inside, looked about and then hopped into the room before anyone decided to pass by. The door automatically closed and I sighed in relief.

"P-please," the train guard was stuttering, his face twisted now into an almost maniacal grin, while his eyes filled with tears, "don't k-kill me..."

"Alright," I said, nodding, loving the confusion spreading through his features, "I won't. Now turn around."

He shook as he slowly trundled around on the balls of his feet, whispering to himself that this was the end, he was going to die, blah, blah...as soon as his back was to me I reached out and squeezed the pressure points at the base of his neck and his aorta and he froze, sighed, then slipped gracelessly into an unconscious heap on the floor.

Great, this is all going spectacularly to my plan of not having a plan.

Well, I managed to hold onto that thought until I turned around, wondering why Chicken Wuss wasn't ranting at me yet, wondering if maybe he was asleep or perhaps not even here at all...until I finally located him.

He was just as unconscious as the guard at my feet, laying at a awkward angle in the middle of the floor, breathing evenly. Well, that's unexpected.

-Has he passed out?- I wondered unsurely, wanting to make so many jokes at this moment about his complete idiocy, but finding the whole situation a little too strange, -Or did someone attack him?-

I quickly backed up against the smooth wall of the cabin, watching patiently as the lights of the cabin flickered into life as the train manoeuvred into the underground tunnel. The cabin wasn't very large, holding a long L-shaped couch in one corner and a bunk bed in the opposite corner. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to conceal a person, but then perhaps it was a gas? However I wasn't unconscious yet, so that gave me some time to search.

It was just as I had finished searching the couch and was moving on to the beds that I heard him stir. I swung round, brandishing Hyperion, and was faced with an unsteady, groggy Zell as he pushed up from the floor and stood swaying in front of me. It took a couple of seconds for him to register who I was, but it took less than that for him to strike out. His eyes opened wide in his sockets, like a pearl in an oyster, and he lunged forwards. It was only because he was so unsteady that I was able to dodge his attack, shifting nimbly to the side to allow him to fall past me, grabbing hold of the large black collar of his short jacket and hauling him round into a neck hold, his body pressed flush against my own. He struggled briefly but still seemed weak from whatever it was that had affected him. I brought Hyperion slowly round to his throat, pressing the metal against the bared flesh before speaking softly into his ear.

"Leaving without even saying goodbye? Didn't your mother ever teach you manners?"

"Fuck you Seifer," he spat back, his voice laced with venom, "at least I have a mother! Let me go!"

"Tsk, tsk, then didn't she tell you it isn't clever to antagonise crazed men holding sharp objects to your throat?" I said slowly, enjoying every minute.

"...You'll be expelled for this," he finally hissed back after a pause, his tone holding less recrimination and more hatred now.

"I'm not the only one," I said back, forcing the point home, "I'm not the only bad boy to run away from home today."

"Like you have good reason," he spat back instantly, "why are you here!? If you want to try and force me back..."

"Don't flatter yourself!" I finally shouted, spinning him out of my grip and onto the couch to my right, holding Hyperion out in front of me to stop him from attacking, "You think I'm here because of you? Don't make me laugh."

"Well if you aren't after me then...Oh I see," his said as he pushed up on the plush material, gaze hardening, "you can't win him over this way Seifer, he doesn't want you, I think he made that clear this morning..."

"The only thing made clear this morning is that he doesn't want you on his team any more Dincht," I yelled back.

"That's a lie, he stood up for me, he knew this was all your fault."

"Oh yeah, very mature, play the blame game, that'll get you far," I sneered, "you'd better buck up and accept the truth, stop hanging onto this false reality you've created, because it's all going to cave in around you sooner or later."

"Shut up Seifer!"

"Make me."

I simply stood, glaring defiantly at his sprawled form as he forced himself into a sitting position, his muscles bunched and ready to spring at the least opening in my defences; I didn't let that happen.

"You don't love him," he said finally, shaking his head, "you're so selfish."

"And what would a chicken wuss like you know about love?" I said back scathingly, "You call me selfish when all you can think about is securing him for yourself, not even knowing what you really want, forcing your affections onto him like some hormonally challenged teenager."

"I am a teenager," he yelled back indignantly and childishly.

"Well I'm not," I said back with a glare, "and I know what I want and I know what he wants and I'm not going to let some insignificant brat like you ruin it. Understand?"

"Like hell I do," he smirked back defiantly, "who would understand the workings of a twisted mind like yours?"

"Huh, talk about the pot calling the kettle black," I scoffed, "but really, I didn't come all this way to play toss the insult with the likes of you. I just came to find you so I could get you out of the way."  
"Oh, you make it sound so..." I tensed, sensing the anger in his voice rising and readied myself; he looked up and tried for a sneak attack, launching from the couch to slip under the guard I hadn't even noticed I'd let down.

His right fist slashed up past my face, the wind of it ruffling my hair as I danced back and readied my spell. As he fell into stance, dancing to the right, jabbing with his left hook and trying to trip my with his fancy footwork, I slowly released the Sleep spell I'd been saving for just such an occasion. Zell stumbled, shook his head and glared at me, shook his head again now clutching at his temples, eyes fluttering, closing, knees buckling, limbs loosening, muscles relaxing. For the second time in as many minutes Zell found himself unconscious on the floor of the private SeeD cabin, breathing softly. I sighed and shook my head.

-_Pathetic_- I thought to myself, -_and you think you're worthy of him. Seriously, you looked in a mirror lately Dincht?_-

I walked over to the sofa and sat down, making myself comfortable. So far this had all gone swimmingly. Hmm, maybe passing the SeeD exam was worth it after all, I could get used to this kind of luxury. However, after this stunt, that might not be an option anymore.

Nah, that's too depressing, I don't want to think about that right now.

The train tannoy system bing-bonged, an announcement asking for Steward Hallock to report to car 10 rang out against the silence of the room. I looked down to the unconscious Steward on the floor, sporting a large name badge with Hallock emblazoned on its black lacquered surface, and hoped that I could be off the train and out of here before they began scouting the train for him. This was an express train, faster than the one Squall and Co had taken, should get in about fifteen minutes after theirs...

I hope...I really hope he doesn't kill me when he sees me. I really have more right than him to be angry after all. Still, this is a really freaking stupid plan Seifer Almasy.

What have you gotten yourself into this time?

AN: Told you the update would be fast! Thought I'd be better finishing it tonight while I'm in the writing frame of mind and happen to have free time on my hands.

So yeah I hope you like this chapter too, and please R&R as it does make the updates come faster, and soon Seifer, Squall and Zell are to be reunited mwoohahaha!

Maiko


	27. Outbound Philosophy

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own the FF8 series whatsoever. 

**Chapter 27**

**Outbound Philosophy**

"So, what's the plan now?"

So far they had been accommodating, attentive (as a group of amateurs could be) and had even impressed me a little with their fighting skills. However, as Zell would say, their planning sucked.

"Don't tell me you didn't have a back-up plan."

Silence. I breathed in slowly through my nose, resisting the urge to pinch at the bridge of it to quell the rising pressure I could feel throbbing behind my eyes. The train swayed slightly again as we rounded a long, smooth corner. I simply turned to my left and stared down at their impromptu meeting on the floor.

"Um, well, not really, but then it's not our fault that we didn't get to execute the plan!" Rinoa was now looking much less composed than she had before we left, "We shouldn't have needed a back-up."  
"That's what back-ups are for," Selphie said incredulously, the SeeD in her obviously just as appalled as I was by their lack of planning, "so you don't have to worry about timing. It's one of those niggly little elements that is always mucking things up you see, so you should always have a..."  
"Okay, okay I get your point," the dark haired Forest Owls leader sighed roughly, standing up and motioning for the other men to follow her lead, "but we didn't okay, we have limited resources as it is and, at the moment, you're the best asset we have so we might as well make use of you."  
"Thanks," Nida said automatically, blanching a little at the glare I gave him, "I think?"  
"Well, we need your help, you're strategists right? What do you suggest?" Rinoa asked, hands on hips and eyes stern.

I felt my lips thin into an ominous line. From the second this mission started I had known this was going to be a disaster. In fact, from the moment I got up this morning I had known it would all go hideously wrong. Seifer seemed to be turning into an ill omen for me recently, heralding ill fortune on my part. Waking up in his bed this morning had been the start of my troubles, then because of him Zell had ended up being pulled from the team, and now all his trouble making had caused us to be late which had ruined the feeble plans this band of rebels had thrown together. Of course that meant that now, all because of him, we were meant to save the day and come up with some wonder plan in a matter of minutes that would somehow get us to the location of President Deling, without too much hassle, kidnap him, convince the Galbadian army to release Timber from its stranglehold and let them declare their independence from the subjugating army. Of course.

"And what exactly do you expect us to do?" I ground out, absently watching the trees passing by outside the window, "We are here to help you out, not run your campaign for you."  
"The contract states that you have to help us release Timber, to free Timber and give us back our independence!" Rinoa stated boldly, standing up on the balls of her feet slightly.  
"We're here to follow your instructions..." I tried to argue.  
"Then I'm instructing you to form us a plan!" Rinoa said back with barely concealed victory.

My eyes narrowed and I heard Nida coughing discretely to my right.

"Well then," he said, stepping forward and turning to me, his smile firmly in place, "we'd better get to it then."  
"Sheesh," Selphie rolled her eyes and shrugged, "I'm gonna get that Headmaster Cid when we get back, some first mission this is turning out to be."  
"Quiet, all of you," I snipped out, turning my back on the Forest Owls and indicating to my team to leave the cabin, "we need a moment alone."

Nida looked a little surprised on seeing my gesture, but Selphie just nudged him when he didn't move. The door swished softly as it opened and then closed with a heavy thump behind them. Rinoa eyed me suspiciously. The two men, Zone and Watts, seemed slightly nervous of both of us. They kept looking back and forth between me and her, as if waiting for something terrible to happen.

"Fine," she snorted, throwing up her hands in an overly dramatic fashion, "we should be coming up to Timber Main Station in about fifteen minutes. We'll have to disembark there so that station security don't get suspicious and then hide the coach. You have until then."

I didn't grace her demanding tone with a reply, simply turning and walking after Selphie and Nida back out into the corridor.

Outside the smell of heavy damp once more intensified. I shook my head and tried not to lose the will to live. This was so embarrassing that it was getting to even me, and that had to mean something. Selphie and Nida were looking at me with oddly worried expressions, as if waiting for me to simply tell them we were jumping off the train and running back to Garden.

"Well," I said after another moment filled with the clinking of train buffers and chains, "suggestions."  
"Uh, well," Nida seemed once more taken aback by my unexpected question, "even though we missed his train carriage President Deling will still have arrived at Timber."  
"Yeah, we can catch up with him there," Selphie nodded, pulling out a little computer pad from her pocket and pressing a couple of buttons upon the screen to bring up a map of Timber, "the President has two private station houses in the city. The one he's travelling to is half a mile north of the public station where we'll be stopping."  
"What's in range of that area?" I asked, "Can we guess where he's headed?"  
"Well, there's the pulping mills, the main factory processing plant for creating paper products, the journalism and media H.Q.'s and...wait aha!"  
"What is it?" Nida asked, leaning in to look at her map.

Selphie looked up with a triumphant grin on her face.

"The T.V. signal station," she said suggestively.  
"The signal station..." I said, looking away from her and back towards the window, "why would he be going there when..?"

Then suddenly, as if a gear had suddenly slid into place everything suddenly made sense. The SeeD exam, the Galbadian army laying waste to an insignificant non-military target so that they could reactivate and modify a radio signal tower, the President visiting Timber...yes it all made sense but, at the same time, we still didn't know _why_ it was all happening.

"Alright," I said decisively, "we don't know why the president is so determined to make a public announcement but that doesn't matter. What we need to figure out is if we can still carry out this plan with the added risk. Security in Timber is going to be significantly higher than on the train."  
"Yup, with all the resisters about the Galbadian's won't be taking any chances," Selphie said, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, "still, that doesn't mean that we can't slip through the industrial quarter to get into the back alleys and then use the fire escape route to slip into the station. Security shouldn't be too hard to handle back there hopefully."  
"Right," I said, trying to assimilate this information into something useful, taking Selphie's map to get a better picture in my head, "more than likely he'll be leaving by the front entrance again to get direct access to the road system and get back to the station."  
"That's if he plans on leaving Timber after the broadcast," Nida said thoughtfully.  
"There doesn't seem to be any other reason he would stay," I said with a raise of an eyebrow.  
"But..." the brunette man started.  
"We'll have a minimum time window after the broadcast to apprehend him and slip him out," I said, cutting him off.  
"We can manage," Selphie shrugged

I simply turned and walked back into the trains designated H.Q. and ignored the words Selphie whispered amiably to Nida as the door swished open.

"Don't mind him," she said, "all bark and no bite."  
"There's a bark?" he said back incredulously.

The door slid shut to the sound of Selphie's ringing laughter.

* * *

When I finally reached Timber Main Station, I realised something that hadn't really crossed my mind until now.

I had no idea in hell where Squall and the others would be. I also had no way of finding out, no real way of contacting Garden (not that they would have been very accommodating, I'm sure) and thus no idea where to go. Of course, despite it being a purely industry based town with a meagre population Timber was actually quite a large town. I shook my head and sighed as I walked down the steps onto the long platform. The air was colder than it had been in Balamb, despite the fact that the sun was shining just as brightly here. I pulled my trench coat tighter around me and huffed out a cloud of breath from my lips.

The idiot wuss was still on board, still asleep and hopefully he would stay that way until the train left again, heading back to Balamb. I had felt no remorse leaving him there, sleeping like a baby, on the floor with the guard. I had taken a chance leaving the guard in there with him but, in the end, it was a chance I was willing to take. Better than getting myself caught hauling an unconscious guard around a train surrounded by military police. No, not the best idea in the world.

As I left the platform I noticed two guards standing at the entrance to the main terminal. The man was young, early twenties, and his black and gold uniform seemed somehow too showy for the drab little station. I showed him my ticket when he extended his hand.

"Is there anywhere I can rent a car around here?" I asked the young guard.  
"Yeah sure," he said with an amiable smile, "there's a rental office in the station, just round the corner past the newsagents. Careful though, it might be hard getting about today on the roads."  
"Oh yeah?" I said, curiosity piqued, "Whys that?"

The man looked at me as if I had two heads.

"Because of the Presidential visit," he said slowly, the unmistakable sound of harsh dislike when mentioning the President singling him out as a Timber local, "half the city roads are blocked off with army barricades. You can't even get near the T.V. station because of the broadcast."  
"Oh, right, of course," I smiled absently, nodding to him as I walked farther into the, my smile becoming more genuine as I walked, "of course it is."

I stopped at the newsagents to buy a local paper on the way to the car hire station and then read it as the lady behind the counter processed my details for the hire.

-_President Deling is today to send the first T.V. broadcast in twenty years, and as many Timber citizens hope, declaring peace for the region_- read the front page diatribe, - _however many hope that today's message would be one of mutual benefit to all inhabitants of Timber and the Galbadian forces residing here, yet no one is holding their breath. Today's visit does not demonstrate the willingness of the dictatorial government officials taking heed of the citizens wants, but instead trying to blind them with a showy distraction in the form of a long unused form of propaganda_.-

Obviously I had picked up one of the more, shall we say, nationalistic newspapers. Oh well, it still confirmed the guards story, the president was coming to the T.V. station in Timer alright. Still, I wonder what the hell for? Apparently to declare peace, but I agreed with the paper on that one, it sounded like a cover to me. I mean...wait a minute.

The exam, the radio signal mast, they had been modifying it. I had kinda wondered, considering Dollet wasn't of military importance and they'd gone to all that trouble. They had been planning to use the signal to boost the T.V. output, how far did they want this message to go? This wasn't just for Timber ears and eyes, they wanted the world know about this message. What the hell was that old fool Deling up to now, eh?

"Sir, your car is ready," the counter assistant broke my reverie and I stood up to take the keys from her, leaving the newspaper on the set, "lot seventeen."  
"Thanks," I smiled again, wondering how close I could get to the T.V. station before I had to dump it and hike the rest on foot, "how long a drive to the T.V. station?"  
"Oh, you won't get near that place by road," she said a little sceptically, "you'd have to try round the industrial quarter instead, take the back route. Should only take about five minutes."  
"Great, thanks a lot."

Before leaving for the car lot, I nipped back into the newsagents and bought a map. The last thing I needed to do was get lost at a time like this.

* * *

"This is it," Rinoa said a little too excitedly, staring up past the metal staircase to the large blank screen suspended above it.

The sky was a stunning blue today, no clouds at all.

"Let's get this over with," Selphie said with less enthusiasm than she had when we'd set out initially.

Of course, when you're forced to sneak your way around smelly alleys, disused warehouses and factories, no fighting, no havoc wreaking and generally getting dirty, you ended up with a pissed off Selphie. At least Nida didn't seem too fazed, but then his real skills lay in espionage and stealth so I'm sure he was right at home. His deep brown eyes connected with mine and he frowned.

"Is everything alright Squad Le...I mean Squall?" he corrected.  
"Hn," I grunted, ignoring his slightly confused expression, "let's get going."

The fire escape led up to the billboard like screen suspended from a large scaffold like structure. It would be easily visible to the surrounding area and, judging by the speakers attached to its sides, audible too. It was easily ten feet high, smooth black surface seeming slightly ominous somehow. We clattered up the metal steps, only Rinoa accompanying us as Zone and Watts took care of the coach and our new transport after it was hidden.

"So, once we get inside then we-OH!" Rinoa practically jumped out of her skin as the screen, now directly to our right, burst into life.

We all turned to stare at the screen. The entire surface wriggled with static, the snow effect dizzying at this close range. The initial surge had caused a bang in the speakers as it switched on and now, as it struggled to obtain a picture, it emitted a loud hissing noise. Rinoa was covering her ears, looking in awe at the screen despite the fact that it was soon going to be used by her enemy. I had to admit however, even though they were technically my enemy too, that I was eager to see what a live T.V. broadcast was like. I had never seen one before, the last broadcast having been a year or so before I was born.

"Oooh," Selphie said slowly as the static slowly dissipated, revealing a banner clad podium, microphones hanging into view from the top of the screen, and a young man dressed in a suit looking nervously somewhere just over the camera.  
"Is it ready?" he asked, swallowing as he was told he was live on air in a hissed, urgent voice, "Oh, uh, greetings people of Timber. I am speaking to you now from the main T.V. Signal Station in Timber and this is the first live T.V. broadcast in twenty years. I will now hand you over to the man who wishes to convey his message to you all, President Vinzer Deling."

The man walked off hurriedly, leaving the podium empty. The sound of footfalls was collected by one of the many microphones and distorted slightly. Then, from the right of the screen, the short, tubby visage of Vinzer Deling appeared, wearing a black pinstripe suit and tie, face smiling and deceiving as ever.

"We should hurry and get inside while everyone's distracted," I said, not listening as he began to speak.  
"Shh!" Rinoa said, surprising me as I turned to continue my way up the stairs, "I want to hear what he has to say."  
"Why?" I asked, frowning.  
"Why?" she sounded disbelieving, "because it's important, I want to know what he's announcing."£  
"I thought you didn't care what he thought," I said raising an eyebrow.  
"That's not the point!" she hissed at me.  
"Do you want to see this plan through or not?" I ground out, narrowing my eyes; this spoilt brat routine she was pulling was slowly wearing on my nerves.  
"Of course I do, but I still want to know what he's up to as well," she said with a straining look, "it might be important."

I was going to reply, tell her that she would miss the slim window of opportunity if she didn't hurry, when the speakers surrounding the screen let out a large crash. Selphie jumped, her green eyes riveted to the screen as something fell across the camera and it tipped to the side, crashing into one of the microphone stands. The screen crackled and jumped but managed to hold the picture. There was shouting in the background and the President was looking suddenly worried, his eyes darting to the left as he made to run. He didn't make it a step out of the picture before someone managed to grab the back of his suit jacket and haul him tight against their chest, the heavy, sharp silver bulk of an all too familiar bulk settling against his jugular.

I froze.

"Oh my..." Selphie breathed out, hand to her mouth.  
"Is that...no, he's really..." Nida trailed off, looking up to me as I stood, half way up the stairway leading to the main walkway to the station, "Squall?"

Rinoa's mouth was hanging open, but she snapped it shut tightly as I looked at her. Her eyes seemed to hold a suspicious glint again, as if she was wondering if we were really here to help her or if this was all some elaborate set up. I ground my teeth in frustration at her actions, although I could hardly blame her. A position like hers, you wouldn't trust anyone when presented with suspicious evidence. Rebels didn't make friends, they had allies.

"What's going on?" she asked.  
"..." I didn't say anything, simply looked back up to the screen and again could hardly believe my eyes.

My sign of ill omen, standing there holding Hyperion to Deling's throat, Seifer grinning grimly towards the Galbadian soldiers that surrounded him.

"Heh, looks like you idiots know not to come any closer at least," he said, the sound distorted now that some of the microphones had been dislodged.  
"You won't get away with this," the president was sweating under the lights and the press of metal to his throat, "you..."  
"Shut it old man," Seifer said sternly, "and you'll speak when I tell you to speak, understand. Hey, back off if you don't want to be searching for a new presidential candidate pretty fucking soon!"

The soldiers stalled in their movements, backing off considerably. I felt my fingers clenching and unclenching as the situation finally sank in. Seifer, dropping into the picture out of _nowhere_ and god damn well fucking up my plans! What...what the hell did he think he was doing!? He had been back at Garden, safely detained and now...

"Of all the times," I whispered out the words furiously, raising my voice to the others as I continued, "alright lets go."  
"But Squall," Selphie started.  
"No buts Selphie!" I snapped, "Move it."

* * *

The world came slowly back into focus. There was no sound, just the subtle background noise of people's voices and the train car being disconnected. I blinked, looking round to stare at the carpet, wondering for a whole second what the hell I was doing on the floor before it all came rushing back.

Seifer.

I pushed up groggily with a snarl on my lips, shaking the last of the spell from my sleep fogged mind. That rat bastard, following me here, putting bloody spells on me, he's such a coward! He wouldn't even have left Garden if I hadn't done it first, he was just worried that I would come here and find Squall first. God he was pathetic, really pathetic.

Then I noticed the guard to my left, also sprawled on the floor. I blinked, not remembering a guard having been unconscious in my cabin before I passed out. I was sure this was more of Seifer's handy work, considering he would have had to find some way to get into the SeeD cabin without being a SeeD. Still, no time to think about that now, he had to get the heck off this train before they started moving the coaches and find out where Squall was.

However, as soon as he exited the platform he had his answer. He had tried to show the guard there his ticket but the man was simply gawking at the small screen that hung suspended from the ceiling of the station. Everyone seemed to have stopped, cashiers, mothers with silent children, train staff, all staring at the screen as President Vinzer Deling walked onto the screen.

Zell's jaw dropped open. Was that...was this live!? The man began to talk, praising the city of Timber, saying something about peace and some other rubbish. A live T.V. broadcast, holy heck, he never would've thought he'd see it in his lifetime. But shit, snap out of it damn, I needed to concentrate.

And I was, until suddenly there was a collective gasp that filled the station and one woman screamed.

"Huh?" I said dumbly, looking back up to the screen and sucking in a hissed gasp at what I saw, "Sei...? Holy shit what the fuck!?"

Seifer, with Hyperion out of its sheath and at the throat of the President of Galbadia on live television! Oh sweet Hyne what the fuck was he thinking? When did this become part of his plan? Although, knowing Seifer he didn't have a bloody plan in the first place, which is why this had obviously gone so horribly wrong.

"That...fucking idiot!" I spat out, ignoring the vaguely worried look the guard shot me before turning back the screen once more.

With no time to lose, and no doubt in my mind where I needed to go, I ran out into the street and sprinted across the road in the direction of the industrial quarter. Thankfully I knew Timber pretty well, my Ma used to bring me here all the time on days out when I was a little younger, and I used to sneak off on my own and Xplore. It would only take me ten minutes hopefully at a run.

I just hoped I would get there in time.

AN: Yes I am a very bad person, I know I haven't update for three months and I'm really sorry. I was planning my holiday in Italy, and I've been in Italy for the past two weeks so I kinda got a bit sidetracked! Still, no excuse, and I'm sorry this is so late, so I hope it's length makes up for it, I should have more out soon because I'm finding more free time now that I'm not planning so much yay!

To Quisty05 – he he I love your Seifer flag, I wish I had one, I would wave it all the time! Apart from when he's being an ass, but there you go! I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and I'm sorry I haven't answered your question yet, that's for the next chapter (grins)! And of course you're special, your my reviewer (here, have a cookie)! Hope you liked this chapter too, I've just finished it in an hour and a half at 1:07am so please ignore any mistakes :p. Thanks again, Maiko x

To Cold Drake Queen – Thanks for reviewing, I know it's still very close to the game but it's all about to change. I'm just terrible at skipping sections, I always feel the need to explain everything and can't bring myself to jump too far ahead, so it will all happen next chapter I'm afraid! Still, I'm glad you're liking it and hope you can stick with it long enough to see if you like the twist!

Okay, thanks for reading even if you didn't review, please R&R because it makes me very happy!

Maiko x


	28. Chameleon

**Chapter 28**

**Chameleon**

I decided, as I finally managed to smash through the locked door to the main T.V. control room, that I had never anticipated this happening. Strange, considering I'm usually so very wary of Seifer and the fact that this sort of stunt isn't unusual for him but...well, Zell, I mean it's really not like him.

Not at all.

In fact, I wondered as I took in the scene before me, none of this made real sense to me. Everything had been much more normal this morning, despite the ruckus they caused fighting on the entrance walkway. At least that had made sense, I mean it was Seifer and Zell fighting, nothing new there.

This, however, was something I never thought I'd ever see in my days as Seifer's long suffering instructor. Seifer, surrounded by armed but impotent guards, his face sporting a feral grin as he held the President of Galbadia flush against his chest and pressed Hyperion closer to his exposed throat. Not one of them noticed as I crept further into the room and casually dispatched a guard closest to me, knocking him out with the butt of my gun before training its sights on the three others occupying the room. Then I let everyone know I was here, especially a certain someone.

"Seifer! Just what the hell do you think you're doing!?" I shouted out

I have to say that his shock and his blanching expression at the sound of my voice were both equally satisfying. Not, of course, satisfying enough to let him off with acting like the world's biggest irresponsible asshole but hey, it was a start. The three guards started badly, not having noticed my approach or my dispatching of their teammate, and two of them turned to aim their rifles at me. Seifer, irritatingly, was now smirking at me.

"...Well, well," he said as the initial, almost automatic shock at hearing my voice wore off, "and here I thought they'd send the other one. How'd you get saddled with hunting me down? Owe someone a favour Xu?"  
"So not the time to be pissing me off Seifer," I said with a dark twist to my lips, motioning to the guards to move out of my way, resorting to shouting when they didn't seem to take the hint, "I haven't got all day here, hurry it up!"  
"There's never a time to be pissing you off," he sighed, intently tracking the guard's movements as they begrudgingly moved to make way for me, "it's just a shame that our quality time together always seems to be ruined by one thing or another, eh?"  
"You won't get away with this..." the shaking, sweating president in Seifer's arms suddenly piped up, silencing again with a rough shake from Seifer.  
"Shut it baldy," he warned viciously, "unless you'd like me to cut you a new mouth."  
"Seriously," I shook my head as I sidled round, stepping over cables and avoiding microphone stands laying in disarray as I found a good vantage point on the whole room, "I can't believe this is happening but, since I'm not really one to disbelieve my own eyes, I guess I'll have to suck it up. Seifer, you can't possibly realise the consequences of what you're doing right now. Let the President go and we can salvage this."  
"Listen to her," one of the guards piped up finally, "let him go and we won't hurt you, we can do this the easy way."  
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure," the blonde laughed bitterly, "I'm sure that will solve everything, until I end up somehow magically in prison, no? Or maybe even not so magically dead? Not really my style."  
"That's not going to happen, unless of course you don't listen to me very carefully and follow my instructions," I said tightly, watching his features twist in anger, "if you don't we're going to be in deep trouble, understand me?"  
"It's hard not to," he said flippantly, making me want to simply shoot him and remedy the situation the easy way, "but I still don't follow your logic unfortunately. Sorry and all."  
"Oh you'll be sorry alright," the guard farthest to my left said with a slight growl, "unless you let him go and drop your weapon..."

And that was all he managed to say before he stopped, wavered slightly and then dropped gracelessly to the floor.

"What the..?" the guard beside him gasped out, turning to look to his fallen comrade as the guard to his other side also collapsed, "Galen what..!?"

Then there was only the indistinct thump as he too hit the ground, rifle skittering out across the debris ridden floor. I stared at all three of them, not entirely unhappy about being rid of the extra threat, but still uneasy at the thought of an unseen assailant. Of course, they didn't stay unseen for long.

"Woo, Nida you're then man!" came the girlish shout from my left.  
"Selphie please," Nida said as he stepped cautiously into view from behind a wall to my left, a fresh row of sleeping darts protruding from his fingers as he scanned the area for hidden enemies.  
"The area's clear," I called over to him, watching him look at me in shock for a second before composing himself.

Selphie was now also visible, stepping out from behind a precariously leaning cupboard to my left. Her long shinobu was dangling from her hands, mirroring her shock as she looked to me, her fine curls bobbing around her neck. She was watching us both a little uncertainly, as if she was reassessing in her head how to handle the situation now that I was added into the mix.

"What are you doing here?"

Of course he was as blunt and bloody cold as ever. Squall Leonhart, stepping out from behind the wall to my right along with a dark haired girl in blue, eyed me suspiciously, the gunblade in his hands interestingly free of gore.

"Something tells me it's the same reason as you," I smirked.  
"Huh, well, now that we're all here," Seifer piped up, "perhaps we can all think of something useful?"

All eyes trained on him once more. Nida and Selphie looked a little unsure, I sighed, and Squall, well...fuck knows what he was thinking.

* * *

Asshole. Fucking asshole. It was all I could think

"Here's something for you," I growled out, slipping my hand subconsciously over Revolvers dangerous edge with a gloved palm, "how about you quit interfering and get the hell back where you're supposed to be."  
"Oh come on now, was that meant to be an insult?" Seifer actually seemed calm, which confused me, until his face twisted from scarily serene to sanely angry, "Get with the program and say something freaking useful!"  
"Well exactly what am I supposed to suggest?" I asked dryly, "Don't be such a fucking idiot? Think it's a little late for that."  
"Shit, when did you develop the sarcastic wit?" he spat back.  
"Okay, the words 'really not the time' are so far beneath what I am trying to convey that it's actually not even funny anymore," Xu's face was a fix of outright anger and exasperation, "Seifer, let him go."

I looked at Xu critically, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Seifer was mirroring my actions. Nida and Selphie seemed to stand back a little, looking to me as if for directions. I felt my stomach knot with the added sense of duty and felt like shouting at them to think for themselves. Thankfully, someone interrupted my building frustration before it vented itself.

"Um, something tells me that's not such a good idea," Rinoa's voice was girlish in quality, yet her tone was entirely mature, "If you ask me, then I'd say we'd all better get out of here as quickly as possible. Letting him go at this stage would just add to our problems."  
"And just who are you?" Xu's voice was cold and her gaze hard, her hand visibly tightening on the trigger of her gun.  
"She's with us," I said coolly, not entirely sure why I was taking any personal grudge from the way Rinoa was being treated considering I wasn't being so courteous myself only minutes before, "and I agree. We take him with us."  
"Yeah, well, that's just great but we're forgetting something here!" Seifer's voice was commanding, but I could hear a panicked edge as he shook the President roughly and asked, "Exactly how do we get out of here while towing the baggage?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, taking in his situation and sighing. Deling looked like he was about to pass out, he kept blinking as sweat from his brow rolled into his eyelashes. Hyperion's sharp edged blade was a mere three centimetres from his throat. I had to admit, if I was in his shoes I'd be sweating half my weight too. Still, putting myself in his shoes wasn't really going to do us any good here. Thinking wasn't going to get me anywhere, as thinking would invariably lead me back to trying to figure out why Seifer was even here in the first place; the thought made my stomach flip flop around with the rest of my insides. Quickly, and with as little thinking as possible, I applied my training and tried to adapt.

"Selphie," I said authoritatively, "cut the live feed cable, quickly!"  
"Huh?" she blinked, but recovered promptly, "Oh! Right, got it!"

She ran over to the back wall, jumping over the toppled microphones and began digging behind a large speaker.

"Nida, get the guards secured and out of the way," I said.  
"On it," he nodded.  
"Rinoa..." I stalled, momentarily losing my rhythm as I turned to her and wondered what the hell to do with her, "uh...well, help me with the President. This is what you brought us here for, right?"  
"Well it wasn't quite what I had planned," she said wryly, smiling a little, "you sure have an odd way of getting results."  
"You...you rebels won't get a thing out of me! I'll never surrender to terrorists!" the President's voice was weak with fear, despite his words.

I heard a loud buzzing and a thump, turning to see Selphie with a large cable at her feet giving me the thumbs up. Nida was in the corner, a large length of electrical cable in his hands as he tied the unconscious guards to a duct pipe for the air conditioning. I caught sight of Xu, looking at me with a sour but interested expression.

"Well, well, who woulda thunk it?" she said grudgingly, "you do make a good leader after all."  
"Not that anyone asked if I wanted to," I said back monotonously.  
"So what's the rest of this half formed plan then?" Seifer chimed in.

I walked with Rinoa to the podium, helping her up. I decided that, since we had him where we wanted him, then we should really take advantage of that fact before running for our lives out of here. If Rinoa wanted a good bargaining chip, then the prospect of _not_ having his head sliced off with Hyperion was a pretty good start to negotiations. So, with one last look at Seifer, I turned to her and gestured towards the President of Galbadia in invitation. She looked at me, a little shock in those dark eyes, before her smile turned genuine. I felt my face flush a little, frowning at my reaction, and stepped back. My eyes strayed to Seifer, watching his reaction. My eyes widened a little in surprise; he was staring directly at me, right into my eyes. I blinked and looked away, feeling the small blush creep further up my cheeks. This was ridiculous.

"President Deling," I heard Rinoa say with a subdued anger in her voice, "I'm here to negotiate the release of Timber from Galbadian military occupation. You are coming with us."

Then, for one second, I thought I heard a footstep from directly behind me. Rinoa's next word seemed to get stuck in my ears and I felt like someone had just stuck an icy blade into the base of my spine. I tried to turn, to cry out but found myself frozen to the spot, eyes wide. A fast chill swept over my skin and I watched in panic as my vision blurred. Then a voice spoke, a familiar voice...

"Oh but my dear, now why on earth would I want to do that?"

Then all was dark.

* * *

Shit, dammit, hell. I was in deep trouble.

Xu was gonna kill me when we got back to Garden, actually gut me, take my head as a trophy and stick it on a wall to use as light dinner conversation.

Shit.

This can't be happening. I refuse to become light dinner conversation! But damn...

...Squall was kinda sexy when he got all commanding, heh, yeah. Who _woulda_ thought it, eh Xu? Uh, gees Seifer, there are really more important things going on!

"President Deling," well, I never would have thought that this Rinoa could have sounded so sincere; I couldn't help but eye her with distaste as she stepped up in front of me, eyes trained on my hostage, "I'm here to negotiate the release of Timber from Galbadian military occupation. You are coming with us."

And then I felt it. The room temperature dropped dramatically, the lights seemed to dim and my vision blurred. I shook my head and closed my eyes, tightening my grip on the President before opening them again.

"Oh but my dear, now why on earth would I want to do that?"

What I saw, as I opened my eyes and the room was revealed to me once more, was not exactly what I had expected to see. There, in the middle of the room, stood a tall woman with dark hair. Her dress was simple, white, with a dark green sash draped elegantly over her elbows, looping around her back. Her face was seemingly young and innocent, yet the feeling of power radiating from her lithe form was making my head reel. I stared at her, momentarily lost, before regaining my composure.

"Who...who the hell!? Squall, didn't you hear her come in!?" I shouted at the idiot brunette, instantly regretting complementing him on his commanding, even if he hadn't heard it.

I kept my eyes on the woman and she smiled at me serenely. There was no response.

"Squall this is no time to be ignoring me! Hey...you..." I trailed off as I finally looked at him, "hey...Squall?"

His eyes were vacant, stuck staring straight forwards into my own. He wasn't moving, not even his hair was stirring, not even his mouth was moving with the motion of breathing, he seemed to be under some sort of stop spell. I blinked, feeling a slight irrational anger towards this woman, who I was certain was the cause, for casting anything at all on him. I scanned the others, finding them in the same state, seemingly trapped in time, frozen mid-movement.

"He is perfectly fine."

I shivered, I couldn't help it, her voice was like someone running their cold hands over the nape of my neck. The hairs stood up and I felt compelled to look at her. She was so...familiar somehow...yet...

"I would be worried about myself if I were you," she said magnanimously, "what a lot of trouble you have gotten yourself into Seifer, wouldn't you say? But then you always were the rash one..."  
"Wha...who the hell are you lady?" it was meant to sound commanding, but came out as nothing but a hoarse request.  
"Hmm," she said, stepping forwards to stand at the base of the podium on which I stood, "it looks like you don't remember everything then. Only little parts, is that right?"  
"What...would you know about it? Just who the hell are you?" I felt the distinct need to back away but couldn't move my feet; again she stepped towards me, "Hold it right there! Let them go, or I swear I'll kill him."

I pulled Deling, who seemed to have relaxed since this weirdo had turned up, flush against me and let Hyperion graze his throat. I felt him shiver compulsively and tried to make myself look resolved. The dark haired stranger just smiled kindly at me, almost pityingly. I felt my anger flare in response.

"Oh Seifer, Seifer, always the answer with you is violence," she shook her head, taking one step up the podium and reaching out to me.  
"Stop calling me that, you don't know me," I threatened, letting the blade edge cut into Deling's flesh just enough for show, hearing him whimper, "Back off, I'm warning you."  
"But Seifer, you don't remember me? Surely you do!" she seemed to look sad for a moment, taking another step up, "Do you want to remember, is that it? I can help you, I can help you remember..."

I didn't mean to do it, but my eyes instinctively strayed to Squall as she talked. I tried to look away, but by then it was too late. When I looked back to her she too was looking at Squall, having seen my reaction.

"Ah, of course," she said with a nod and a knowing look, "grown into quite the handsome young man, hasn't he?"  
"Leave him out of this," I growled.  
"It's not you who needs to remember, Seifer, is it?" she said, looking back to me once more, "It's him you want to remember, remember everything about your childhood, is that it? So he won't act so coldly towards you anymore?"  
"Be quiet..." I warned.  
"All you would have to do is come with me Seifer, I could do that for you if you came with me," her voice was honey sweet, sickly almost but so tempting... "if you came with me, then I could help him remember, I can do that for you. Let him remember you, what you shared, and then you could be together, that's what you want isn't it?"

I felt my blood quicken in my veins at her proposal, having to shake myself to stop my tempted will back into submission. I wouldn't listen to her, I didn't even know who the hell she was! Turning up here, casting spells on my team, trying to get me to go away with her Hyne knows where...no, something wasn't right about this. Screw that, _everything_ was wrong with this!

"Look lady, I don't know who you think you are but my love life is the last of your worries!" I pulled the President roughly back by the hair and pressed the blade into his throat harder, "Let them go or I swear I'll slit his throat!"

The effect was instantaneous. She stared at me for a moment in what seemed like shock, then disbelief and then she started to laugh. Only slightly at first, but soon she was letting her mirth spill out loudly into the room. I felt my teeth grind together, partly in frustration at her behaviour, but also a little in fear; if she was laughing about this, then what the hell else was she capable of?

"Oh I haven't had this much fun in a long time!" she wiped her eyes and shook her head, "I don't care if you gut him, string him up and make a trophy out of him! He's served his purpose, I no longer have a use for him."  
"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I frowned, quickly trying to piece everything together, "Are you trying to tell me that it was you who persuaded him to make this broadcast?"  
"Along with a great many other things," she said, "but now I have a question for you SeeD."

The words "I'm not a SeeD" almost tumbled automatically from my mouth. However I stopped just in time. How the hell did she know we were from Garden?! I hadn't said anything to give it away, was she government, is that how she knew? Did she have an informant inside Garden? If so, what was she really here for? She couldn't be here for us, no, definitely not...right? I considered denying knowing anything about SeeD, but knew somehow that it wouldn't do me any good. I felt a new fear scrape at my insides and tried not to let it show. With another involuntary glance at Squall, I focused on the familiar lady's dark eyes and spoke.

"Then ask it" I said cautiously.

She smiled disturbingly.

"Where can I find Cid Kramer?"

**AN**: Hello! Wow, been a while hasn't it? I'm really sorry this took so long to get out, but I hope everyone likes it! It took me a while to get some free time to sit down and go over the finer points of this story, just to make sure everything was going to work out alright. It's just like me to go off and try and write without a plan and then tie myself in knots and things don't fit! Oh well, it's done now!

To Amarissa – You put Squall and Quetzacotl together too!? Wow, I always have fights with my friends about that, no one does it but me, and I think they're so perfect together! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Cold Drake Queen – Well I hope this chapter is worth the wait! Hope you like it!

Realdarkangel – Thanks! I'm glad you think it is good enough to read again, that really means something to me! I hope you are still enjoying it!

Gold Silk – Whoa, Rinoa death request he he! That's some severe dislike there! Well, you never know your biscuits! But I'm not giving too much away. No not even half way through yet, and I can't keep up with my updates, I'm doomed! I'm glad you like it though, and I just love writing Squall as naive, it's too much fun!

Quistis Trepe05 – Aha! More Rinoa hatred! Ha ha, I mean I'm not keen on her that much but you don't like her too? Oh well! Don't worry about it, as if I'd ever dream of letting Squall end up with Rinoa of all people! I hope you like the twist, I have a good idea for some nice changes to the story, I just hope people like them, eek!

Anyway – I'm so glad you like it! I hope that the little love triangle will live up to your expectations! I would email you with my update but you didn't leave me your address, if you posted it for me or put in a signed review so I could send you mail I'd gladly keep you updated!

? – I love your name by the way, so very mysterious and hilarious at the same time. It describes how I feel most mornings...anyway! You like my story that much, thank you! And thanks for thinking I should have more reviews, that's very sweet, and who doesn't love them! I hope the changes I'm making in the game storyline don't put you off, I'll be doing some role reversal, etc, of characters later on but it's still primarily and SxS fic of course so I won't disappoint you there! Thanks again and hope you like it!

Okay, I'm off to write more hopefully! Yay! Maiko x


	29. Declaration of an Ending

**Chapter 29**

**Declaration of an Ending**

I was sure I felt myself stumble, as if my body was completing the movement it had initially wanted to make before I had come under the spells sway. I blinked, stared around me shakily, steadying myself. The world seemed to roar back into life and then snap back into balance, sounds clicking back into life, smells back in the air, light moving in front of my eyes.

I saw the red before my feet but didn't initially register its significance. I looked towards it out of sheer curiosity at first. The next thing I knew, there was the President of Galbadia, dead at my feet, blood pooling in front of his shocked eyes. His throat was gaping open, like the split flesh of a ripe fruit; a clean efficient cut.

"Seifer..." I breathed out, looking up wildly, ignoring the sudden surge of voices, panic, horror, that sprang up around me, "Seifer!"

To my right, Rinoa screamed but it seemed somehow insignificant. Gone. I turned round wildly, searching. He was gone. Not a single trace, even a clue as to his whereabouts was left. If I hadn't seen him with my own eyes before I was put under what I presumed was a stop spell, I would never have believed he had been here at all. But he had been, and he had been holding the President hostage with a foolishly sharp Hyperion to his throat. Being the usual arrogant prick, all brawn no plan, the same old Seifer. But the same old Seifer would never slit a man's throat in cold blood, no, never, not without a damn good reason. And yet now, here, the blood reaching my boot as it widened, coalesced, stained...here was his prisoner, throat slit. There weren't many conclusions to come to, and they all involved the same culprit.

No.

No, he wouldn't...

"Squall," someone's hand was on my arm, but the voice sounded distant, hollow; the hand shook me roughly, "Squall, we have to get out of here, there are reinforcements coming, we can't let them find us here!"

I turned to look at Xu and I think she flinched. Her eyes must have seen more than I intended in my own and I quickly pulled a barrier around my thoughts. I felt reality return, force its way past the shock, through the mire of clamouring questions that flooded my mind. The present...I looked over to my team, Selphie's eyes wide as she ran to my side, Nida trying his best to stay focused and failing. It was then that I heard what Xu had obviously heard. Footsteps running, heavy boot tread.

I turned to Rinoa, her long hair fallen forwards, covering her face, but I could tell her eyes were fixed upon the red, the gore. Was she thinking the same thing? Was she wondering if Seifer was capable of such barbarism? I shook off Xu's arm and grabbed Rinoa by the shoulders, pulling myself together while simultaneously pulling myself apart as I forced myself not to think about him, about where he might be, about why, why, why..?

"We need somewhere to hide," her eyes were glassy with tears and she looked at me, seemingly horrified with my lack of feeling, "do you have somewhere to run to? We need to get to ground and fast, take us somewhere reliable, somewhere you trust."  
"Wha-what? But Seifer, where..?" she started, a hysterical lilt to her shock.  
"There's no time for that, get us out of here, now!" I shook her once, roughly, pulling her out of whatever stupor she'd fallen into, trying to ignore her startled, angry expression.

I tuned to the others. More faces full of disbelief, more looks of shock. Not important, it wasn't important now. What was important was to get out of here safely, regroup, form a plan and get back to Garden. What was important was to ensure the safety of Garden before we worried about one single cadet who had endangered us all in the first place and was now missing, perhaps a fugitive. What was important was...was...

"We're moving out, now, let's go," I said quickly, turning quickly lest anyone notice my turmoil, to see if we could escape the way we entered.  
"Wait! Squall what about Seifer? We can't just leave like this without finding him first, right!?" Selphie had a hold of my arm, hauling me back.

Her eyes were wide and almost fearful. I couldn't seem to find anything to say to them; odd for me, ne? Of course not, I never know what to say in the easiest of situations, never mind one like this. It was hard enough for me to relate a simple feeling to anyone, never mind hold a meaningful conversation, and damn well not when the subject of that conversation was just what I was trying to deny right now. Not now...

A situation like this. Seifer...what the fuck have you gotten yourself into?

"We're leaving Selphie," Xu said, thankfully stepping in; at the flash of anger in Selphie's eyes she quickly added, "We'll have time to look for him after we're all safe. We have to get out of here first, get out of sight."  
"Xu's right Selphie," I added when the brunette still didn't detach herself from my jacket.  
"C'mon Selphie," Nida added, his tone calm but with a hint of urgency slipping through.  
"If we get out through the back," when I followed the source of her voice I found Rinoa was at the back door, holding it open, and her voice drifted through the stagnant air, "I can take us to a friend, she can hide us for now, but we have to hurry."

I nodded, glad that she had calmed down, that she could be of use. We ran, and the corridor was free of guards, odd considering I was sure that Selphie had said to me before that there were car's stationed at the back road behind the building. If any alarm had been raised, surely the troops there would either surround or infiltrate the building. This corridor, and consequently this exit, should now have been swarming with Galbadian blue uniforms.

But there were none. Not a single one. And yet as we pushed out into the heavy sunshine, running along the gangway and trying to ignore the sounds of soldier's yelling and shouting orders before the door slammed shut and cut off the sound completely...that voice.

The voice that had spoken before I was paralysed...I had heard it before, in my dreams. It was always soft, speaking as if to a child, something that it didn't understand, speaking softly and correctly but with...love, I think, but anyway that wasn't really important now. What was important was that there had been another person in the room before Seifer disappeared. I could quite easily assume that this other woman, the voice had definitely been female, was the one to cast the stop spell, but then assuming at a time like this was dangerous. Something was sickeningly wrong with this, _all_ of this.

We made our way back through the bar and, luckily, avoided two Galbadian soldiers who were investigating a burning crate in an alleyway opposite our hiding place. We quickly sneaked into the house to our right, following Rinoa and closing the door quietly behind us.

* * *

"I'm sorry to jump in on you like this," Rinoa's voice was calm and yet hard to ignore in this oddly peaceful room.  
"Don't worry your pretty head," the other woman replied, wiping her hands on her apron and flashing Rinoa a wide smile, "you can stay here as long as you need to, you know that."  
"Thank you," Rinoa said back turning to scan the room, looking to each of us in turn, "we really appreciate it."  
"Well," the woman cocked her head, listening to the continued sound of sirens, shouting and the yelp of dogs outside, "sounds like you're in for a long wait. Better make yourselves at home. There's a room upstairs if you want to rest and I'll make something hot to drink. Sorry, afraid foods short these days so we'll have to ration."  
"Don't worry, we'll try and stay out of your hair," Rinoa said back, and the woman smiled back affectionately.

I hadn't wanted to be rude, it wasn't my intention, but I was the first to head upstairs without having said a word to anyone or even show a word of gratitude to our new host. I knew that I couldn't help losing myself in my own thoughts. Every time I tried to pull myself away from mulling over the far too recent events at the TV station, I started to think about Seifer, about where, about why...then, ineluctably, my thoughts returned to the TV station. A vicious cycle.

The house was small, seemingly fragile and plain. We all ended up piled in the small spare bedroom with its discouraging view out over the paper mills towards the back on the TV station. Our host had brought us some strong, sweet smelling tea and left it on the dresser. Rinoa had followed her back downstairs to help with food preparation. Everyone had taken a cup, but embarrassingly enough I couldn't even stomach the thought. Xu and Selphie had taken up position sitting rigidly on the bed, Nida leaning against the wall by the window, casting furtive glances to the outside world. I had found myself standing in the middle of the room, feeling oddly exposed as Rinoa finally returned, closing the door behind her, but couldn't think where else to put myself.

Seifer. What have you done?

"Alright," Xu's voice was calm yet determined, "we're regrouped and we're safe, well, as safe as we can be right now. Is everyone okay?"  
"I'm okay," Selphie nodded after a moment's hesitation.

Nida just nodded tightly, Rinoa following his example. I didn't move or reply, standing in the middle of the room with my fists suddenly clenching. I felt like I had lost control of my body, my limbs wouldn't respond, I was suddenly utterly livid and completely terrified all at the same time. I clenched my teeth as hard as I could, forcing myself to relax and not show my emotions to anyone.

"Squall?" Xu sounded almost angry, "What the hell's wrong with you?"  
"What's wrong with me?" I said back, my tone surprising even myself; it sounded cold, deadly, "I'll give you three guesses."

I turned to look at Xu, taking in her momentary shock, before continuing.

"Why was Seifer at the T.V. station?" I demanded.  
"How should I know?" Xu said back with narrowed eyes.  
"You were following him, you knew he'd gone AWOL," I reasoned.  
"I did, but that doesn't mean I know what's going on in that screwed up head of his," Xu said back, shrugging, "for all I know he could have just been sore about not getting to finish his fight this morning and come chasing after Zell."

I stalled, not following her reasoning. But Zell was also at the detention centre, wasn't he..?

"What do you mean chasing after Zell?"

* * *

This place was like a maze, or maybe rabbit warren was more accurate. I had been so sure of myself when I thought I knew the way to the TV station, but now, stuck at another dead end, I was beginning to doubt my conviction.

"Shit," I scowled and turned to run back towards the small plaza this alley had branched off from; then I heard the gunfire.

I ducked behind the crates at the entrance, filled with wood pulp for the mills. As I stared out a group of Galbadian soldiers ran into the plaza, halting as their leader raised his hand.

"They may have doubled back," he growled, turning to look at his troops, "Kain, Grant, you stay here and keep an eye out. Radio me immediately if anything, and I mean _anything_ happens. We won't let them get away with this!"

And then he was gone, taking all but two soldiers with him. Were they talking about the President? Had Seifer managed to make off with him then? That mad fucking bastard, if he's got Squall hurt I'll never, ever forgive him. I ground my teeth and watched the cloud shadows playing over the bright sand coloured stone, watching the soldiers check their perimeter and then settle at another alleyway opposite my own, watching the area carefully.

Great, I thought, now I'm stuck here. I knew that I could take them easily, hell there were only two of them, but what I wasn't sure of was whether I could take them both out before one of them radioed for help. I really didn't want to deal with the rest of those guys all at once. I looked up over the top of the crate as carefully as I could, and that was when I saw them.

My position gave me a wide view over the square, the two houses across from me with the enemies standing in their alley beside them and the bar to the right of the houses, with the stairway leading down to the entrance; and over the lip of the stairway poked a very familiar head.

"Selphie?" I said quietly.

The head disappeared. I instinctively looked over to see if the guards had noticed but thankfully they seemed not o have noticed. How long that would last however, I didn't know. From where Selphie was she wouldn't be able to see the Galbadian's. Her head disappeared and I grit my teeth. My eyes darted back to the enemy. She was going to walk straight out into a trap.

Then an even more familiar sight crept into view. Squall, head and shoulders above the sandy ground, looking around cautiously. I swallowed, suddenly, irrationally glad that he was alive. I almost tried to get him to notice me, some sort of signal, but thankfully managed to resist. I had bigger problems to worry about. Squall, followed by Selphie and what looked like Nida were slowly emerging from the stairwell. I swallowed, pulse speeding up, looking back and forth between the enemy and my friends. Fuck, fuck and double fuck.

Before I could even think of what I was going to do after they noticed and came to investigate, I quickly called up a fire spell and launched it at one of the crates further down the alleyway I was hiding in. I saw Squall stall, holding up his hand to the team and frowning. Thankfully, or this all would have been a waste of time, the guards decided that this event was significant enough to investigate but not really significant enough to call their Captain about. Well, let's not say that I don't have my moments of genius okay?

I ducked back behind my makeshift hiding place and prayed that the guards kept their eyes on the burning crates. Soon two sets of boots crept past me, stepping identical steps past me.

"Did it just catch fire? Was it a stray shot or something?" one of them was almost whispering to the other.  
"I don't know," the other said sternly, "maybe someone did it on purpose t..."

He never finished his sentence, ironic, considering he'd guessed the truth behind my trap. He went down with a punch to the pressure spot at the top of his spine. I grabbed his gun as the other soldier turned to me with a cry and smashed the butt into his chin before kicking out into his stomach. He collapsed beside his fellow soldier, blood running from a split lip, unconscious. I quickly dropped the machine gun, hesitating before reaching down and pulling one of the soldiers berretta pistols from his harness and putting it into the large pocket in my trousers. I don't like guns but, considering the situation, better safe than sorry.

By the time I'd pulled the guards down the alley and out of sight Squall and the others had disappeared. I swore colourfully, biting my lip and trying to figure out here they might have been headed. Back to the train station? No, that would surely be too risky, Squall would know that the trains would be stopped to prevent anyone leaving, especially considering this was an incident concerning the President of Galbadia. So, a way out of town then? Seemed like it would be a better idea to wait until things had settled down a little before making a break for it, the place was swarming with soldiers on the alert. Well, had they gone to ground then? But where?

I looked up and took in the square once more, leaning against the crate I had hidden behind earlier, just in case I needed to find a hiding place quickly. They had come from the bar, so maybe they had retreated back inside when they saw the guards? No, that didn't sit right, Squall wasn't one to miss an opportunity to move forwards instead of retreating. He would take the chance and use their distraction to head towards his destination. So, where exactly would that be. I looked up to the mills behind me. Maybe they headed to the mills to hide there? Most of the residents of Timber were affiliated in one way or another with a resistance faction, it wouldn't be hard to find shelter if they still had that Rinoa girl with them. I quickly did a sweep of the square and the surrounding buildings before I stepped out into the open again.

And, in accordance with my sudden lucky streak, I looked up to the window on the second floor of the house across from me. The curtains were drawn hastily shut, but not before I spied Selphie's familiar curls. I blinked, thanked my lucky stars and then quickly legged it over to the doorway and knocked. I looked around cautiously as I waited, feeling that any moment my luck was going to run out and I would end up getting us all discovered.

There was no reply from within. I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination, or did I hear marching? I felt sweat break out across my palms. I knocked again, harder, moving my feet, swallowing, blinking, I could hear that sound, getting louder, my heart beating, I knocked again, come on, come on, come on, _please_...

"What do you want," the door opened so suddenly that I hesitated, not sure exactly what to say.

A woman stared at me, the door only opened enough to afford me a look at her stern countenance, blue eyes clear and long brown hair tied back with a headscarf. I swallowed again.

"I'm with the guys upstairs," I said, feeling suddenly foolish; her eyes narrowed.  
"There is no one upstairs, I'm alone," she said harshly.  
"Then who the hell shut the curtains," I shot back, my nerves on edge as I darted a look towards the growling sound of boot tread, "look, I'm not lying, I swear, please..."  
"You can't come in," she said quickly, closing the door.

That was when the first soldier rounded the corner. My eyes widened and I did the only thing I could. I barrelled into the door, knocking it back and the woman to the floor with a cry. I closed the door as quietly as I could, heart racing, hoping to all hell that the soldiers hadn't heard. I heard footsteps on the stairs. When they found their guards gone, they would be searching these houses. I needed to...

I would have continued my thought but, unfortunately, that was when the rolling pin hit me in the face. I fell, partly from the force of the blow and partly from sheer surprise. I looked up to see the woman who I had knocked down in my haste, rolling pin in hand, incandescent with rage. I held up my hands as she raised it for another blow.

"Wait!" came a hissed command from behind her, but she didn't stop.

Then suddenly the rolling pin was gone and the woman was pulled quickly out of the way. Then there was a hand fisted in the front of my shirt and I was hauled unceremoniously to my feet and pushed against the wall. Squall glared stonily at me, his breath hot on my face as he leaned in to hiss.

"What the fucking hell are you doing here?"

I couldn't answer, because my heart was lodged in my throat and effectively stopping words from escaping.

"I..." I croaked out.  
"You what?" he said, leaning in closer; I had to fight the blush.  
"Shh!" Nida suddenly exclaimed and we all, automatically, fell silent.

The sounds of orders being shouted filtered through the door from outside. I tensed. Oh god, oh god, please don't let them know we're here, not because of me.

"Get upstairs," the woman who answered the door suddenly said, glancing at me suspiciously, but tagging on the end, "all of you."

Squall hesitated, then quickly let go of my shirt and nodded, backing away. I let out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding and, quietly as possible, followed the others up the narrow staircase and into a small bedroom. This must have been the room I saw them in from the square. I was the last one to enter the room and closed the door behind me. I looked to the others, Nida against the wall by the window, Xu and Selphie on the bed, Squall pacing quietly backwards and forwards. I felt suddenly out of place. I didn't know what was going on, what had happened, they all knew something I didn't. I stood by the door, not knowing what to do with myself. Then, suddenly, a hand grabbed my own and pulled me down onto the end of the bed. I looked at Selphie, puzzled, and tried to ignore the glare Xu was doing her best to bore into my skull with.

"What are you doing here Zell?" she whispered; well, at least_ she_ didn't sound like she was going to kill me.  
"I...look Selphie," I started but stopped when Squall shot me a look before turning away, continuing his pacing, "...I just had a bad feeling about this mission, that's all. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you guys and I wasn't there to help."

That was a really good lie, I thought to myself, almost proud in a perverse way. Well, Selphie seemed to buy it, even if she did look reproving. She didn't ask anything more of me and we continued to wait, in silence, for the area to clear. The soldiers knocked on the door but the woman, whatever her name was, managed to get rid of them after they did a precursory sweep of the first floor. Something must have satisfied them, either that or they were called away for something more important because they left soon after. I let out a sigh of relief.

That was before I realised that, now we didn't have to be quiet, that Xu was fully authorized to scream at me now. Thankfully, before she got the chance, the door opened and the woman bustled in carrying a black box, her expression dark. Squall eyed her curiously.

"I think you all better listen to this," she said seriously.

She clicked a switch on the box and it sprang into life, crackling. I realised that it must be some sort of makeshift radio and soon, as she twisted a few knobs on the side and the crackling subsided, realised it was also picking up the militaries frequency. The voices slowly strengthened and we all strained to listen.

"...onfirm the President has been assassinated, repeat the President has been assassinate..."  
"Assassinated?" I gasped, earning myself a glare and a hiss to shut up from Xu.  
"...suspects still at large, one assailant in custody, details currently unknown, over."  
"Could it be..?" I was surprised to hear Squall sounding so...worried?  
"Male, blond, six-one, name unknown, age unknown, we're detaining him in the auxiliary barracks until we can transport him to the train station for transfer to Galbadia Prison, D-District, over," Seifer had been caught? The line crackled and I chanced a look at Squall, trying to gauge his reaction; his eyes were blank, unreadable, "Roger that, transport will be confirmed for 1300 hours, have the prisoner ready, over."

The rest of their chatter faded away as Squall stood, his change in position distorting the fragile link to the frequency. The Woman turned off the radio and looked at us solemnly.

"D-District," Nida said quietly, "that's only for..."  
"Prisoners on death row," Selphie finished as Nida trailed off.

Squall turned away from the group, moving over to stand in the middle of the room with his back to us, hands clenched into tight fists.

**AN:** Wow, never thought I'd be updating this story! Yikes, over a year since the last update, I really suck! Oh well, hope you enjoyed this and please review, I will reply to them this time! Sorry again for the wait.

Maiko


	30. Orpheus

**AN:** Wow, I just realised, as I was working on the next chapter, that I had completely excluded Rinoa from this chapter. What a complete pud monkey. So, here is the amended chapter, complete with Rinoa (tell me, am I the only one who didn't notice she was missing?)

**Chapter 30**

**Orpheus**

I don't remember the journey that clearly. I do remember that everyone was silent as we sneaked our way out of the town, trying to keep confrontations to a minimum; even once we had secured a ride on the first train out of Timber conversation seemed forced and stilted. Rinoa watched me from across the cabin, silent and somehow frightened. I ignored her, like I ignored everything else. It just blurred into a progression of awkward silences, failed attempts to engage me in conversation and trying not to think about the one thing that was plaguing my mind. We alighted at the first stop outside of the city, a simple platform in the middle of nowhere.

"Great," Xu muttered as she and the rest of the group watched the train speed into the distance.  
"Where the hell are we?" Zell asked, scratching his head absently while scanning the wide grassy plain.  
"Somewhere near Obel Lake...I think, ugh!" Selphie let out a cry of frustration as she smacked her little PDA, "stupid thing! It's not getting a good signal out here."  
"We should look for the nearest Garden, get some information and try and link up with the Headmaster," Xu said authoritatively, "Obel Lake...that's Galbadia Garden."  
"Oh fantastic," Selphie groused, "our favourite people."

Obel Lake and Galbadia Garden, I thought as the others talked. I looked up to my left, out over the expansive plain and towards the woods. The sparkle of water was just visible. Over that water, if I was judging correctly, was the Galbadian D-District prison. So far away, it would take so long to get there. Too long.

"Squall? Hey, aren't you listening?" I realised, as I turned back to face them, that Xu must have been calling my name for some time.  
"I'm not going," I heard myself say, still not sure exactly what my plans were, but taking a detour to Galbadia Garden would only slow me down and I didn't have the time to waste.

They didn't seem to grasp my meaning at first, simply staring after me in confusion. Xu was the first to realise my intentions when I pushed my way through them and started walking towards the small set of stairs that lead to the plain.

"Hey! Wait, what do you think you're doing?" I could hear her running after me, followed by the shuffling mass of the others, "Stop!"

I did as she asked, turning to look at her blankly.

"You can't just run off on your own, are you crazy?" she said angrily, her arms akimbo.  
"There isn't time," I said quickly, "if I go with you to Garden then we will be detained there until further orders are issued. I won't waste time waiting for bureaucracy to decide whether Seifer lives or dies."

She wasn't expecting that, I could see it in her eyes. She stared at me and I stared at her. The others shifted awkwardly in the background. All except Zell, who was looking at the ground, his stare intense. I didn't have time to analyse his behaviour, just as I didn't have time to waste standing here. Xu sighed through her nose and shook her head.

"Then where will you go?" she asked, trying a different approach.  
"Don't ask question you already know the answer to," I said, deadpan, already fed up of her stalling techniques.  
"What, so you're going to storm D-District, the most heavily guarded and secure prison in the world, all by yourself? You're going to just leave your team here and go off on your suicide mission?" she spat.  
"I didn't say no one else could come," I shrugged, frowning at my own answer.

Why was I setting myself up for disappointment? Why was I letting myself be caught, vulnerable and asking for help?

"Then I'm going with you," Nida said without hesitation; his naturally quiet voice was strong in the resounding silence.  
"Don't forget about me!" Selphie whined, running forwards as Nida strode to my side.

I blinked, trying to make it look natural, trying to keep the shock to a minimum. Why? Why did they _care_? They had known me for a couple of days now, we had only served together since this morning, where had this misplaced loyalty suddenly sprung from? I didn't understand!

_- Just like your sudden loyalty to Seifer_ – my inner voice supplied helpfully, -_ your sudden devotion? How do you justify that?_-

I kindly told my inner voice to go fuck itself.

"I'll go."

Zell sounded defeated more than anything, made much more obvious when contrasted to Nida and Selphie's unmitigated enthusiasm. Don't think about it, I thought, don't think about anything else. Don't think about your reasoning, don't think about anyone else's either, just keep your focus on the objective. Rinoa hung back beside Xu, shooting glances at me. She looked somehow imploring, as if she was asking me for something that I didn't know how to give her. I blinked and broke eye contact, looking away. I couldn't focus on her, not on any of them. There was only one thing.

I want to see him again, I thought numbly, I want to see him again so I can tell him what a selfish fucking jerk he is. I felt the panic rising in my throat, screaming to be let free, to push my ordered mind into chaos. I would never see him again, it taunted, he's already dead, he's gone. I swallowed thickly, pushing it all away, simply nodding at the others. I looked at Xu, noting her blank expression; yet somehow it was different from the blank expressions that she usually shot at me. It was tinged with hope.

"Can't stop you, can I?" she said, shaking her head, "Then I'll go to Garden, report in and try and get the situation under control. Hopefully I'll be able to send some sort of back up but, if not, then I'm afraid you're on your own."  
"Thank you," I found myself meaning it, as I nodded to her slowly, "but you shouldn't go on your own, it's dangerous."  
"Oh, so little old me can't go off on her own, but big old you can?" she scoffed, "Get real, I'll be fine."

I looked at her sceptically. I knew that Xu was an exceptional fighter, but the idea of leaving her on her own didn't sit well. This was a dangerous area, and she'd have to pass through the woods before she reached Galbadia Garden. There were caterpillars there that could paralyze you before you even knew you were being watched. Too risky to go it alone.

"Nida, Selphie, you go with the Instructor and Rinoa," I said as authoritatively as I could, ignoring the niggling fact that I was sending away my own back up.  
"But Squall," Nida said, shocked, "you'll need all the help you can get!"  
"Yeah, don't think you can do it all on your own!" Selphie chimed in.  
"We'll be fine, you don't need to..." Rinoa started, but my glare stopped her; she looked defiant but dind't say anything further, just gripped her arm tightly and looked away.  
"Zell and I will be fine," I said, deadpan, "accompany them to Galbadia Garden, that's an order."

Xu let out a sharp laugh that startled me, even though I didn't show it. I frowned at her as she continued to chuckle.

"Ain't you just full of surprises?" she said.  
"Just following protocol," I said in my best monotone, making her laughter falter a little until I added, "and anyway, if anything happened to you Quistis would never forgive me."

Her laughter once again rose into the silence. Afterwards we parted ways. Nida and Selphie seemed overly concerned, asking us to be careful, that they would come with the back up as soon as they could. I brushed off their caring concern with my most practiced ambivalence. Somehow I felt guilty, I tried to give Rinoa a reassuring look but I wasn't sure if I managed to pull it off. She did smile however, which I'm sure must be a positive thing.

Zell said nothing, simply stood by me with his arms folded, looking impatient. I wished that I had chosen to send Zell with Xu, but after his earlier display, breaking out of Garden just to trail after us, I couldn't trust him to stick to his orders. He was a liability and I needed to keep an eye on him. Although even I realised that asking him to help me rescue Seifer of all people wasn't the smartest thing to do. Yet in the long run it was the lesser of two evils.

I wanted to see him. His cocky smile, his reassuring ambivalence, his fierce gaze. I _needed_ it. I wanted it.

I want to see him.

* * *

I woke to the sound of screaming.

My eyes flew open involuntarily at the sound, but it cut off before I could orient myself. I lay there for another moment, breathing shallowly, waiting for any other sounds, but nothing came. I slowly took stock of my situation. I was lying on my side, hands bound behind my back uncomfortably. My left arm was dead of feeling, cold and numb as I'd been sleeping on top of it. There was a thick smell in the air, a mix of disinfectant and the iron tang of blood. I blinked, a little disoriented, and tried to figure out exactly where I was.

The room was dimly lit, corners nothing but dark shadows, the walls bare, and housing nothing but a single bed and chair. I struggled into a sitting position, suddenly realising that I was lying on the floor, the floor was freezing cold and, subsequently, so was I. Forcing myself to my knees I tried to stop myself shivering. The wall I had been lying with my back towards held the door, painted black with a small window, about a foot square, in the upper panel. I coughed harshly and managed to find my way to my feet, stumbling over to the bed and sitting down on it heavily.

Fuck.

Fuck shit bastards.

Fuck shit bastards fuck god damn!

Had that really happened? This was a dream, wasn't it? All a dream. The throbbing ache in my temples seemed to contradict my vain hope and thinking was harder than usual. I shook my head gently, grimacing at the pain that lanced through my skull and consequently down my spine. I must have been lying awkwardly for some time, my whole left side was either numb or aching, and all of me was freezing. But I was deviating from the problem at hand, effectively but at the same time I couldn't afford the luxury of denial.

I was a prisoner. Where I wasn't so sure of, but why? That I knew only too well. Because the President of Galbadia was dead, I remembered that much. Who killed him? I forced myself to look down and stared at the front of my white shirt and the tails of my grey trench coat. That explained the metallic stench filling my nose. They were covered in blood, dark and flaking,a distinct spray pattern that occurred when a person's throat was slit and the arterial blood sprayed over whatever was in its way. I began to shiver again, violently, and forced myself to stand again and walk, just walk, keep walking and think. I made myself look down again, at the gore and managed to bring the shaking in my limbs under control as I tried to look at this rationally. Something wasn't right, this sort of spatter pattern would only happen when _facing_ the person when their throat was slit. I didn't remember that, I didn't remember anything like that, but the blood was a testimony I couldn't deny, along with the haunting image of Hyperion, dripping with it. I felt my fingers itch, the need to escape.

I hadn't killed him, I repeated frantically over and over again, I _hadn't_ killed him. This was all a big mistake, someone would know that, right? Someone would find out that I was here by mistake and I hadn't murdered any presidents today and...and...

Oh fuck. Oh god, no. This isn't happening. I began to shake again, uncontrollably, from the cold or the fear I couldn't tell. Perhaps both. This was insane. Even more insane than my original plan, which is what got me into this fucking mess in the first place. Why could I never leave well enough alone? Why did I always have to meddle in everyone else's business!? I'll tell you why.

Squall Fucking Ice Cold Bastard Leonhart. He never gives me a fucking break! This is all his fault, all of it. I never would have come out here chasing his in-denial-ass if he'd just come out the fucking closet in the first place! I could feel the panic rising in my chest, threatening to consume me. I let out a startled, hysterical laugh and tried not to wince when I realised that something inside of my chest was definitely hurting. When I moved to the right I confirmed that there was definitely a wound in my right side, perhaps a large bruise, hopefully no internal bleeding. That's no how I imagined going, far too melodramatic.

Going. I shivered and shook my head, back and forth, back and forth. I'm not _going_ anywhere, I growled to myself silently, I'm not going to _die_ here. I can't. They wouldn't let that happen. They can't just execute me when I haven't done anything wrong, right? It was then that I found I was back to the same hysterical argument I'd had with myself five minutes earlier. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

Maybe someone would come to rescue me. Ha, fat fucking chance. Who the hell would risk their precious life to save my pathetic hide? Squall Leonhart? I think not. If it's not on his fucking mission agenda then it might as well not exist. I remembered the look on his face when he realised that I'd fucked up his latest mission, turning up uninvited to try and help out. He hadn't exactly been pleased, so I'm guessing that between that indiscretion and trying to molest him he probably didn't care if I was hung, drawn and quartered.

Cold fucking bastard. What the hell did I see in him anyway? I should hate his scrawny ass. No wait, I do hate his scrawny ass! Yeah, fuck you! You big, superior asshole!

I sighed, feeling the pressure and the very real danger of my situation begin to weigh on my mind. I didn't hate him. I just didn't want to die.

"Not gonna die," I murmured out loud, "not here, not like this."

God. Couldn't I see him once, before that happened? What a pitiable excuse for a last request.

AN: Wow, sorry this took so long, and it hasn't really gotten us anywhere...ugh! I really need to move my stories along! Hope this is alright, please review!

Maiko


	31. Amo, Amas, Amat

**Chapter 31**

**Amo, Amas, Amat**

Just as I'd thought, stealing the car was the easiest part of the plan. It was a beat up old pick-up truck, but it could go fast over uneven terrain and didn't look out of place. The owners hadn't seen us, but I was pretty sure they'd heard their car start up and leave without them. Zell still had some money on him so we stopped, quickly, at the next petrol station and filled the tank until it was full. Thankfully we had enough to cover it, and no one looked at us twice.

"How are we gonna get across the river?" Zell asked.

It was the first time he'd started a conversation with me directly since we separated from the rest of the group. We had reached the very edge of the Monterosa Plateau, delineated by a swift flowing, wide river which I didn't know the name of. It travelled from the mountains in the north all the way to the sea, effectively creating a barrier between us and the desert scrubland on the other side.

"We could drive north, to the source, find a shallow area or bypass the river altogether," I said, almost as if I were talking to myself more than answering Zell, "but that would take too long. There must be a bridge around here, or no one would be able to cross."  
"Maybe that's how the Galbadians' like it," Zell shrugged noncommittally, staring out of the window as we sped along one of the many deserted farming roads I'd decided to stick to.

I sighed, listening to the wind howling through a gap in the back window. The radio didn't work, which was unfortunate because I probably could have rigged it to pick up any local Galbadian chatter, and Zell was being pretty quiet on top of that. I took the next right, turning back onto the main road in the hope of finding a road sign or directions for a river crossing. I took my eyes off the road to scan the river as far as I could see. We were heading towards a small forest which flowed down to the river bank, cutting off my view.

"Is there a map in the glove box?" I asked, looking back to the road.  
"Hang on," Zell said, leaning forward to rummage in the large compartment, full of papers and smelling of dirt, "whoa...damn, there must be something in here..."

I chanced another look at the river, trying to see through the trees as we entered the forest, to check for any side roads or signs of a bridge. That's when I heard the engine, then the deafening blast of a horn and managed to turn back just in time to see the articulated lorry heading straight for us. I didn't have time to think, I just hauled the steering wheel to the right, pushing us off the road into the forest. The truck bounced twice, there was a sickening feeling of weightlessness and then we slammed into a tree, sending me chest first into the steering wheel despite my seatbelt.

I could feel my head spinning, my eyes refusing to focus as I coughed roughly into my clenched fist. I checked my hand for blood and thankfully found none. The shock slowly began to wear off, leaving me feeling cold and a little nauseous. The hissing sound of the engine, steaming from under the buckled bonnet, was loud and abrasive. I blinked and shook my head, then I looked round.

"Zell," I said in shock, "Zell! Are you alright?"  
"Shit," he said, pulling himself up, "fuck that hurts!"  
"Don't move, stay there."

I managed to unbuckle my seatbelt, noticing that my hands were shaking. I took a quick look through the rear window and noticed that the lorry hadn't even deigned to stop and help us. Fucking asshole. I turned back to Zell. The back of his head was bleeding profusely but the gash didn't seem to be too deep. He must have knocked his head off of the dashboard or the edge of the glove box when we crashed. I took hold of his face, turning him to the side to get a better look at his wound.

"Is it bad?" he asked timidly.  
"No, it's not, but I need to stop the bleeding," I said, trying to sound at least a little reassuring, "wait here, I'll see if there are any medical supplies."

I found a small, very old first aid kit in a steel case in the back of the truck. The bandages were thankfully wrapped in plastic and so hopefully still sterile. I cast a quick cure spell on the wound to help it close before dressing it.

"Here, stay still," I said, applying a piece of gauze to the back of his head and then slowly wrapping the bandage to hold it in place; the sight of his blonde hair matted with blood only served to remind me of Seifer on the night I had bandaged him.  
"Ow! Be careful will you?" he moaned when I accidentally pressed a sore spot.  
"Sorry," I ground out, rolling my eyes, "let me check your eyes for concussion."

He looked for a moment like he might refuse but allowed me to check him anyway. I leaned towards him, staring at his pale blue eyes, turning him into the light to check for dilation. His breath was obvious on my face, but I did my best to ignore it. I pulled back, satisfied, and Zell quickly looked away, rubbing at his face. I couldn't tell if he was blushing or if it was a trick of the light. I decided not to think about it.

"What the hell happened?" he asked finally.  
"My fault," I said, not exactly happy about crashing us into a tree, it was so very pathetic, "I should have been watching the road."  
"Damn, but we were on the right side of the road, what the hell was that guy's problem?" Zell groused, for some reason making me want to smile, "What kind of asshole drives around on the wrong side of the road, running people into trees?"  
"Well," I said, shaking my head and trying not to think about my own reactions, "we're not going any further in this thing."  
"What now?" Zell asked, looking to me for the answer.

Why does everyone always look to me for the answer?

"I say we flag down the next vehicle for assistance, get information on crossing the river," I said, making it up on the spot, "and then commandeer the vehicle to continue our journey."  
"Damn Squall," Zell shook his head and grimaced, "you're turning into some sort of criminal."  
"You don't have to come with me," I said, shrugging.  
"Well I want to, so I guess I'll just have to put up with your transportation kleptomania for now," he said with a laugh.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, rubbing at my aching chest. Why the hell did everyone want to look after me?

"Why?" I asked, not sure why I was even asking him this question; it was so unlike me to care why anyone did anything.  
"Why what?" he said back evasively.  
"Why come with me?" I asked, "You hate Seifer."  
"I'm not going for _him_," Zell spat, "you need back up, and I'm your man. I wouldn't leave you to go off on your own, it's too dangerous."  
"I can look after myself," I said, feeling suddenly vulnerable and trying my best to cover it.  
"Shit, I know that," Zell sighed, "but sometimes things are easier with two, sometimes you need someone to watch your back. And anyway, what about you?"  
"What do you mean?" I asked, instantly suspicious as he turned the questioning onto me.  
"Why go after Seifer, I thought you guys hated each other's guts?" Zell's eyes were oddly accusing as he waited for my answer.

I shivered, hating that he was asking me a question that I had asked myself earlier and hadn't answered.

"You think I should just let him die because I don't like him?" I asked, staring straight ahead through the broken windscreen.  
"You tried to kill each other only a few days ago," Zell shrugged.  
"I wasn't trying to kill anyone," I said coldly, "and I don't think Seifer wanted to kill me either."  
"What makes you so sure of that?" Zell asked sceptically.  
"He could have if he'd wanted to," I said, blinking slowly.  
"Still doesn't make sense," Zell said, his tone morose.  
"I wouldn't leave anyone to die Zell," I said, trying to sound convincing, trying to convince myself with my own words.

There was a silence, one in which I tried to pull my emotions back under control. I must be calm, I must be in control or my plan for infiltrating the D-District prison would never work. Unfortunately thinking about Seifer always seemed to bring my emotions out, and thinking about him hurt or dead only made things worse. On top of that Zell seemed to be developing methods for getting under my skin, making me feel safe when he was around, something that I definitely needed to keep an eye on. I was pretty sure that he was done talking when I opened the door to the truck, ready to initiate my plan to steal yet another car, when his next question stopped me in my tracks.

"Is there something going on between you two?" his voice was so calm it scared me.

I looked over my shoulder at him, trying to mask my surprise. Something going on? He couldn't mean what I thought he meant. Why would he jump to that conclusion? He'd only just been saying how Seifer and I hated each other and how obvious that was. Why would that lead him to think there was something...going on? I wished I could just brush it off, ignore his comment like I would usually have done, but there was something in his stare that dared me to answer him.

"What?" was all I could ask.  
"You know what I'm talking about," was all he would say, breaking eye contact.

No, I wanted to say. No, there is nothing between us. Yet it would be a lie. There _was_ something...I just had no idea what it was yet. I needed time to figure this out on my own, I didn't want to define it here and now as a justification to someone else. I shook my head, unsure of myself. Zell looked back to me, his gaze seeming to press for an answer that I couldn't give him. Why did I feel like I needed to answer in the first place?

"I don't know," I said finally, deadpan, before exiting the car and heading for the road.

Zell sat in the truck for a further four minutes before joining me in my wait for some unsuspecting car to drive past. We didn't say a word to each other the entire time. Until the next 'car' showed up that was. Zell couldn't help letting out a quiet 'I don't fucking believe it'.

I have to admit, I would never have expected the next transport that came past, not in a million years could I have hoped for better timing. The Galbadian military vehicle didn't look like it was going to stop, until it noticed the carnage our truck had caused when it ploughed into the forest. The grey and blue armoured car slowed to a stop cautiously and I tried my best to hide my excitement, to seem inconspicuous and, well, normal.

"Hey, you couldn't give us a hand, could you?" I said with a smile, trying to look abashed, "We're having a little trouble with our car."

The soldier in the passenger seat took his time checking us out, his hidden eyes staying on me a little longer than I was entirely happy with, before he turned to the driver and smirked. He said something I couldn't hear that made the driver laugh, and not a nice laugh. I felt glad that I had my gunblade attached to my back where they couldn't see it.

"Sure," the soldier in the passenger seat said as he opened the door and slid out, "where were you guys headed?"  
"Visiting my folks in," I wracked my brains for the closest town, "Winhill. I was meant to be returning the truck to my brother, but we were forced off the road."  
"What about him?" the guard said, pointing to Zell, who just smiled back, shifting his feet covertly into a better stance, just in case anything went wrong.  
"My neighbour," I said, tilting my head to the side, "just giving him a ride."  
"Right," the guard nodded, leaning into my personal space; I had to fight very hard to keep up the casual pose I was in, while all of my instincts were telling me to just gut the stupid son of a bitch now and ask questions later, "so you just need a lift, right?"  
"That would be great," Zell said, his eyes narrowed slightly.  
"We'd appreciate it," I said, forcing a smile back onto my face and swallowing, waiting for the right moment...  
"Yeah, I think we could work something out," the guard said casually, but his words set my spine rigid; what the fuck was _that_ supposed to mean?  
"We can pay, if you want money..." I started, the need to kick the fuck out of this guy becoming ever more prevalent.  
"Oh, no need for that right?" he said, smiling, the look seemed vicious with the rest of his face covered by his helmet.

When he reached out and touched my hair I kneed him in the groin so fast that I think I actually pulled a muscle. I had wanted to wait until we were inside the car, or better yet until the driver was out of the vehicle. As could be expected the driver put his foot down, effectively leaving his comrade behind; loyalty obviously wasn't paramount in the Galbadian army. Thankfully Zell was faster, and managed to jump into the passenger seat and disable the driver before he got too far. I looked down to the gasping, groaning guard on the ground, curled at my feet. I could feel the anger, tightly wound in my stomach, and took three deep breaths to calm myself down, clenching and unclenching my fists. Then I shifted away from him, giving myself ample room to pull back my foot and sent it once, twice deep into his solar plexus, and then once in the face for good measure. He let out a satisfying string of hacking, choking coughs and curled in on himself, letting out the occasional whimpering sound. I listened to the armoured truck as it backed up along the road, Zell coming in to view, sitting cheerfully in the driver's seat, with the unconscious driver dumped onto the passenger seat. He looked down to the soldier on the ground with a smirk.

"Remind me never to piss you off, okay?" he said jokingly.  
"We're taking their clothes," I said, my mask slipping firmly back into place, not acknowledging his attempt at humour, "I think this one will fit you better. I'll take the driver, he looks taller."  
"Gees, and here I was getting used to you being friendly," Zell muttered, getting out of the car and effectively knocking out the guard at my feet, who'd still been squirming pathetically.

I helped Zell drag him into the back of the van and we swapped our clothes for our new disguises. The back of the van was filled with mysterious boxes, all labelled Military – Fragile. I wanted to open them, to get a better idea of what we were supposed to be transporting, but didn't want to tamper with anything that might get us more attention than I needed right now. We dragged the soldiers into the forest and dumped them behind a large tree. Thankfully the road stayed blissfully quiet.

"Damn, I don't even know my own name," Zell said as he clambered into the passenger seat, searching his uniform, "why don't these guys wear name badges?"  
"I'd hoped to get a little more information," I said tightly, pulling out into the road, getting a feel for the lumbering controls of the vehicle.

The uniforms helmet severely limited my visibility, I had no idea how they managed to drive effectively while wearing them. Thankfully the transport had a GPS system, and it was surprisingly easy to use. I keyed in the D-District prison as a destination and the map handily found us a bridge.

"Well, nevermind" Zell said, "well, at least we have a disguise, and a way in."  
"Right," I said back, tightly.

Yet, even though it should have been, that wasn't what was going through my head at the time. All I could think was why? Why had I reacted so rashly? I should have had the situation under control, I should have played the scenario out until I had more information. But that wasn't what was the most galling. The worst thing was that the guy had only touched my fucking hair and I'd kicked the shit out of him. Don't get me wrong, I know what his intentions were, I'm not that naive, but still, I overreacted. Seifer on the other hand had actually _kissed_ me, and all I did was punch him in his stupid face. Why was it so different with Seifer? Why does he affect me so much? What is this?

Shit. You had better not be dead Seifer Almasy.

* * *

When I woke up the second time, I couldn't tell how long I'd slept, or how long I'd been in here. With no windows I couldn't tell if it was day or night, or even exactly where we were. Making an educated guess I'd have to say the Galbadian's infamous D-District desert prison, where murderers and traitors and anyone else the Galbadian's didn't like were taken for execution. So far, from the tracks of sand that lined the walkways before the cleaners got to them, I think my guess was pretty accurate. I wished someone would just tell me why the fuck I was here, at least accuse me so I could deny it, I mean give me a break.

Finally the girl, who I recognised as the one who'd attacked us at the T.V. station, paid me a visit along with three armed guards. Hell, with the state I was in, I really thought that was overkill. I mean I bound hand and foot, what did they think I was going to do? Lunge viciously to the floor and bite at her ankles? She asked me bunch of confusing questions, mainly about my GF's and where they were. I didn't know what the hell she was driving at, and nothing I said seemed to satisfy her. I wasn't really following the conversation to be honest. She got pissed at me pretty quickly and then told me that I'd regret not complying. Yeah, sure, like I'd never heard that one before.

When they finally got back round to me, I guess I started to wish I'd paid a little more attention to her. I've never been a big fan of torture on the whole. So I know what you might be thinking: but Seifer, isn't that what you do best? Well yeah okay, you have a friggin point, I do, but my days of bullying and occasional casual violence were tame in comparison to what the Galbadian's are capable of. Apparently electrocution is their method of choice.

"Not going to talk, are you?" one of the numerous blue suited, faceless guards taunted me, shutting off the power so he could talk without having to shout over my screaming.

I took a moment to cough, heaving the air into my burning lungs. Fuck it hurt, it really, really _hurt_. I've never been in this much pain, and only the other day Squall sliced my face open with a three foot gunblade, so go figure. Nothing compared to this though. After the first couple of times, my nerves seemed to become slightly dulled to the pain, but something tells me that was just my nervous system going into shock. It wore off pretty quickly, and now everything was raw and tender and burning. It was hard to think straight, but I managed to answer.

"What do you think?" I tried to grin but it came out as more of a grimace, "Gimme a question that makes sense and I'll think about it."  
"Don't play dumb with me you SEED scum," the soldier spat, his hand tightening around the lever that controlled the electric current, "the sorceress knows that you have the information we need. Now tell me, where is the GF?"  
"I only got one GF," I drawled lazily, gaining confidence, "and she's a classy girl. She wouldn't want to talk to some bed wetting little Galbadian prick like you."

I think I asked for that one, and I have to admit I regretted it as soon as he pulled the lever and my body went rigid, the current burning through my veins. My teeth clenched so tightly I thought they would break. Then it was gone, and I was left gasping, hanging from the manacles holding me to the wall.

"I-is that it? That your problem, eh?" I stuttered, leering at the frustrated guard, "Can't get a girlfriend?"  
"Why don't you shut the fuck up," he said back coldly, "and remember who you're talking to."  
"Oh I remember alright," I said bitterly.  
"I think I'm going to enjoy this," the guard muttered more to himself than to me, taking hold of the lever once more.

I closed my eyes, not sure why I didn't want to see the pain coming. It didn't make any real difference, but maybe I was feeling a little defeated. Yeah, I know, not like me huh? Well, this isn't my usual run of the mill week: wake up, mortally wound my face, fail my exam, get piss ass drunk, kiss love interest, get bitch slapped by love interest, cock up love interests first important mission, kill a president, forget all about killing a president but get arrested anyway, and the torture. Yeah. This bites. It was after this pointless little narrative to myself that I realised Mr. Nameless Ass-Hat Guard hadn't pulled the lever. I cracked my eyes open and tried to focus on the situation.

"Sir," another guard was standing in my line of vision, saluting the lever holding one, "I've been sent to retrieve the prisoner."  
"What?" lever holding guard said, before remembering protocol, "At ease. Who sent this order? The sorceress herself ordered me to get information out of the prisoner no matter how long it took."  
"Sir, the sorceress has issued a new command," the interrupting guard said, standing at ease, "she has asked that the prisoner be brought to her personally. She wishes to interrogate him."  
"Great," the guard snarked, letting his hand drop reluctantly from the lever, "just great. So much for stress relief. Alright private, take him away, I want him out of my sight."  
"Sir!" the private saluted sharply before walking over to activate the release mechanism for the manacles holding me.

I don't think they cared that I cracked my head off the floor when I fell. Fucking assholes, I swear, the little whiny bitches wouldn't be talking so big if I had my fucking gunblade. Yeah, then we'd see who was dumb you bunch of prickles wonders. The hands that grabbed me and hauled me upright weren't gentle. There were two pairs and, even though I couldn't orient myself enough to look round and see who was holding me up, I could tell that meant there must be two guards. Great, at least I know that the concussion I most likely have isn't going to kill me too soon if I still have basic cognitive functions, like arithmetic. I tried to think seriously about my situation as they dragged me out the door and onto one of the many, many identical steel walkways, but I just couldn't. I felt the hysterical need to laugh, right up to the point where I was dragged into the nearest empty room and I was dumped on the floor. I looked up blearily. Somehow I didn't think that this sorceress' audience chamber was filled with mops, brooms and bottles of industrial strength bleach.

"Damn it he's heavy," one of the guards said, struggling with the lock, "dammit, it won't lock!"  
"Doesn't matter," the interrupting guard said, and it was then that I thought I recognised his voice..., "we'll be out of here before anyone starts searching for us."  
"Yeah, or that's the plan anyway," the other one said, "how exactly are we gonna sneak out of here?"  
"Just give me a minute Zell," the interrupting guard said, making me do a double take.

Zell? Oh hell no, you've got to be kidding me. That voice was...

I sat, slumped against the wall like a ragdoll, trying to keep the world from spinning as my body recovered from torture and concussion and then Squall fucking Leonhart appeared before me out of nowhere. He crouched down in front of me, took off his helmet and looked me in the eyes. Had I lost my mind or was this real?

"Are you alright?" he asked.  
"Muuh," I shrugged, wincing, "dunno."  
"Seifer," he looked very concerned at my obviously scary, gaping, drooling expression, but it was soon replaced by his usual cold mask, "come one, snap out of it. We have to get out of here and I need you able. Can you walk?"  
"Shit," I shook my head, trying to move my legs and found, to my surprise, that I could actually move them (despite the fact that they'd actually dragged me here, humiliatingly), "I think so. But what the flying fuck are you two doing here?"  
"No time for that," Squall shook his head, Zell not even bothering to acknowledge my question, "we have to get out of here first."

Shit. Am I hallucinating?

"No, you're not hallucinating," was it just me or did Squall just smirk?

Shit, I'm thinking out loud. Not good. Although at least I now have a chance of getting out of this hellhole. Would have been nice if I could tell whether or not I deserved to be in here at all. Did I kill Deling? Who the fuck knows. What did the Galbadian's want from me? Would have helped if they'd outlined it, drawn me a diagram, something, _anything_, more than their obscure questioning. And now I'm being rescued, well that's nice. Wonder what kind of slap on the wrist the Headmaster deals out for assassinating world leaders?

"Hey, stay with me," Squall's voice pulled me back to the present, "here, get changed into these."

He dumped a janitors' outfit into my lap and, again, the need to laugh hysterically was back. I swallowed it down, somehow, and managed to slowly, painfully change. Had to leave my trench coat behind, that really burned. Wait a minute, where the hell was my...

"Hyperion," I said as I did up the last buttons, "I need to get it before we go."  
"No time," Squall shook his head.  
"You can't be serious," I started.  
"Dead serious," he said, glare cold as he replaced his mask, standing beside the door with Zell the fucking mute.  
"I need it..." I was trying to sound threatening but the situation was too surreal and it ended up more pleading than anything else.  
"What we need is to get out of this fucking place," oh so now the whiny little punk pipes up? Zell didn't even look at me as he carried on, "do you have any idea what we've risked just coming here after you? You do what we tell you, understand?"  
"Look you little shit, this isn't as simple as leaving some clothes behind," I ground out, "that weapon is one of a kind..."  
"Worth risking your life for is it?" Squall spat out, obviously tired of my arguing; oh yeah? Well he could just fuck off.  
"Yeah," I said, "and you'd know all about that wouldn't you?"  
"I don't even know what you mean," he said, "and I don't care. We are leaving now, if you want to come with us then be my guest, if you don't then feel free to go back to the lever happy manic who was entertaining you before. If a piece of metal is worth dying for then please, by all means, charge the room full of armed guards to get it back, but you'll be doing it alone."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Since when has he ever been like _this_? I mean...I don't think he's even said that much to me in one go in his entire life.

"Fine," I found myself answering tightly, although I felt a little numb, "fine, have it your way. You owe me gunblade after all this is over."  
"Whatever," he said tightly; oh, that's better, I can deal with that, Squall being Squall, at least I know where I stand with that.

The fact that we managed to make it all the way to the back door before the alarm sounded was the most suspicious thing about our escape. I mean, I know that I call the Galbadian's incompetent fools all the time, but even for them this was too stupid. I managed to steal one of the guard's guns and tried my best to help fight our way to the underground car park, but my vision wasn't doing so well and things were staring to turn blurry or double. By the time we reached the car I was stumbling again and Squall had to haul me into the back while Zell screamed out of the exit, barrelling through the waiting guards and crushing through their hastily formed barricade. We lay in the back, panting and checking for injuries while they pursued us. It didn't last long and somehow we managed to lose them. All highly improbable, which only made my suspicion worse. What the hell had they wanted me for? If they really thought I'd assassinated their president they wouldn't be giving up this easily. If they'd really wanted answers to the question they'd been asking then they wouldn't be giving up this easily. Yet if they'd wanted this to happen, for whatever reason, then why the hell bother kidnapping me in the first place? I mean I was just going to end up back at Garden now, if we managed to get back there, which is what would have happened if they'd left me the hell alone.

"Seifer, are you listening to me?" Squall asked, shaking my shoulder as the rock and sway of the car tried to lull me to sleep.  
"No," I said, closing my eyes.  
"Seifer," he said dangerously, "listen to me. What happened at the T.V. station? Did you kill Deling?"  
"Give me a fucking break," I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut, "I just got away from the mother of all interrogations and I don't need you railing on me now."  
"Just answer yes or no," he actually sounded worried, "it's simple Seifer."  
"I don't know," I said tightly, "I really don't know what happened. One minute I had Hyperion at his throat, the next thing I know I wake up in prison covered in blood."

He didn't have a cocky fucking answer for that one. I opened my eyes and looked over to him; he was watching me silently.

"I really don't know what happened," I said sincerely.  
"...Alright," he nodded finally, after staring at me for another minute, "I believe you. Now hold still."

The cure spells felt like heaven. He cast four in a row, which made me feel a little woozy, but I'd rather take that over charred flesh any day. The most I was left with was a stinging sensation on my skin where the electrodes had been attached and some rather hefty bruises that I didn't remember receiving. Squall and I sat in silence for a while after that. He consulted with Zell, saying that Galbadia Garden probably wasn't the best place to head right now, and that the nearest Garden other than that would be Trabia. Squall brought up the map on the GPS and they plotted a course while I rooted in the supply box in the back of the truck and found some dried meat and water rations. We pulled over and ate in silence. Zell didn't say a word to me, but I was fine with that. After we were finished he climbed back into the driver seat and pulled back out onto the road, just like that. Squall sat in the back with me, staring at nothing. It was a while before I felt comfortable enough to break the silence.

"I know, it doesn't make sense, does it?" I asked, startling him.  
"What doesn't?" he said defensively.  
"You were wondering about why they let us go so easily, after making such an elaborate scene out of capturing me in the first place," I said, smirking, "right?"  
"Hmm," he said back noncommittally.

Well, I've never said that I liked talking to Squall because of his riveting conversational skills, right?

"Hey," I said, earning myself another cold look, "why did you?"  
"Why did I what?" he asked.  
"Y'know," I shrugged, feeling somehow embarrassed, "rescue me."

Silence. No answer. Well that can't be good, I thought. He looked away from me and sighed.

"Well, I guess I owed you one," he said, "you saved my life, right?"

Even though it was a perfectly valid reason, it hurt to hear it said out loud. What the hell had I been hoping for here? A secret confession? Jesus, Seifer Almasy, what planet are you on?

"Yeah," I said wearily, "I guess so."

AN: Wow, what a crappy way to end anything. It just kind of...stops, for no reason. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for your lovely reviews, I'm glad people are still enjoying this story! Hopefully I can keep the updates regular, although I do have a lot of work at the moment (essays...damn you, essays!) so don't shout at me if I don't update that quickly!

Maiko


	32. A New Meeting of Old Friends

**Important Note:** Just to make sure these two timelines don't get too confused, this chapter takes place before Seifer has been rescued and runs parallel to when Squall and Zell were commandeering the Galbadian Military vehicle to go and get him! Sorry they got kind of mixed up, it's going to be a bit all over the place over the next few chapters until it converges again, but I'll do my best to make sure it's not too confusing, sorry!

Also this is from Nida's POV. Anyways, on with the show!

**Chapter 32**

A New Meeting of Old Friends

It took less time than I had estimated to reach the edge of the forest next to Galbadia Garden, just over half a day. We didn't even have to stop and camp, instead opting to walk through the last of the forest as dusk fell. The darkness switched on the stars as it crept across the sky, from west to east, creating short, pitch black shadows in amongst the trees. I kept my fingers on the hilt of my daggers, even though we hadn't encountered any enemies for at least an hour now. I guessed that the amount of caterpillars and bite bugs we had killed already was warning off any new attackers.

Xu and Selphie had taken point, clearing a path when necessary and deciding on the best route to take. Selphie's PDA signal had returned, thankfully, half way through the journey, giving us a much better idea of where we were going. That left me at the back with Rinoa, who had taken to being rather less talkative than I had become used to since I'd met her. She mainly scanned the undergrowth as we travelled, alert to danger as I was, but in a much more distracted fashion. I could see the glazed look in her eyes sometimes, as if her mind was on something else entirely.

I would have asked her about it, but I didn't feel it was appropriate, I hadn't known her long enough yet. Despite her gregarious nature, I also sensed that she was rather private with her thoughts. I kept myself busy watching for beasts instead, following Selphie's girlish voice as she chattered endlessly with Xu.

I thought I knew the reason for Rinoa's restlessness; it was probably the same as my own. I hadn't been entirely happy about leaving Squall to go off on an extremely dangerous mission with little to no back up. Don't get me wrong now, I was sure that Zell Dincht was a worthy man to have watching your back and he certainly seemed to care for his teammate, but...something didn't sit right. I could feel it, grating against my intuition and, unfortunately, I tended to be right when I had a bad feeling. I could tell from Rinoa's reaction to seeing Squall on the train, and also their brief flirtation during the SeeD ball, that she had some interest in him. Not that it seemed to be reciprocated, but then it was hard to read Squall at the best of times. His motives were never clear to me, even when the solution sometimes seemed simple.

"Do you..." I started on hearing Rinoa's voice, not expecting it, "I mean, do you think they'll be alright?"  
"Squall and Zell? I wouldn't worry about them, they are SeeD's after all," I smiled reassuringly, watching closely for her reaction.  
"Yeah, I guess you're right," she murmured, looking uncomfortable, "but isn't it, you know, against the law to break people out of prison? Won't they get into trouble?"  
"I think it's against the law to create and run a terrorist organisation with plans to capture and blackmail a president as well," I said, my smile turning critical, "criminality isn't mutually exclusive."

She blushed at that, but I did manage to get a reciprocal smile out of her. Oh yeah, she had it for him bad. I shook my head, feeling for her; I mean, it wasn't her fault that Squall didn't seem to know what most human emotions were for, never mind actually act on any that he accidentally stumbled upon. We continued walking in silence, watching the shadows for enemies.

I thought things over as we walked, things which I hadn't had the time to consider since they occurred. Just who had attacked us at the T.V. station? I thought I'd heard a woman's voice before that spell hit us.

"_Oh but my dear, now why on earth would I want to do that?"_

That's what it had said, in response to Rinoa as she addressed the President. I didn't recognise the voice, but I was almost one hundred percent certain that it hadn't belonged to a Galbadian soldier. There was something sinister, something _familiar_ about it. It sent chills up my spine just thinking about it. Yet, if it wasn't Galbadian's then who on earth was it? That silken voice spiralled through my consciousness as I stepped in and out of the shadows.

It was another hour before we reached Galbadia Garden. It looked foreboding in the twilight, a hulking, looming monstrosity, all hard angles and low lighting. It opened straight onto the plane on which it sat, a long runway occupying the front 'courtyard'. The dark red paint, which I managed to make out as we approached, gave the impression of dried blood. Overall I preferred Balamb at night, it was brighter, more appealing and comforting. I frowned, my bad feeling returning full force, making me feel slightly nauseous. A guard greeted us at the entranceway, scanning each of our SeeD ID cards before he would admit us entry. Getting Rinoa in required a little creative lying, which involved a lost ID card and a quickly made up student number which would hopefully keep him satisfied until we left. He watched us suspiciously even after we had proven our identities, but then it didn't entirely surprise me. There had always been a rivalry between Galbadia and Balamb Gardens and, considering the recent activity surrounding their president, I wasn't entirely insulted by the fact that the guard was on edge.

The inside of the Garden was slightly more palatable, but still far too austere for my liking. There were no plants, no water, making the air feel far too still and quiet. I shivered, staying close to Rinoa, the need to be overly protective suddenly taking over. I felt like I was being watched, my skin itching with the effect. I opened my mouth to tell Rinoa to just act natural and no one would question her, but all that came out was an undignified yelp as someone groped me inappropriately from behind. I turned with the lightning fast reflexes I had honed over years of training, grabbing the offending hand and pressed a poisoned dart against the crisp alabaster skin covering the wrist. Then I looked up and swallowed at the sight. Long highlighted hair fell about high cheekbones, topped off with a seemingly erroneous cowboy hat. I quickly scanned him, checking for threats, and found an overly large shotgun strapped to his side. He laughed, despite his situation, and I looked back to his face.

"Hey there," two laughing green eyes smiled back at me, "no need to be so hasty!"  
"I..." I felt words fail me and could feel a blush rising on my cheeks, trying to keep hold of my anger, "watch where you're putting your hands!"  
"Okay, okay! Feisty aren't you?" he smirked sensually as I let go of his wrist, looking back forth between myself and Rinoa, "I get it, I get it. Why, don't you two make a cute couple..."  
"Oh, we're not..." Rinoa began, looking as if she couldn't tell whether she should be shocked or laugh.  
"No? Great! Then you should stop by my room," he grinned, winking at me as he backed away with a flirtatious wave, "401. Oh, and bring the cute brunette with the curls!"

I stared after him, mouth gaping open as he walked away, hearing Selphie and Xu run towards us. Rinoa burst out laughing as the cowboy spun gracefully on his heel and sauntered off towards what seemed to be the dormitories.

"Is everything okay?" Selphie asked with concern, "What happened? Did he attack you guys?!"  
"Not, um, not really," Rinoa chuckled, shrugging, "it's just nice to know that even guys get sexually harassed every now and then."  
"Uh," Xu quirked an eyebrow, "what did I miss?"  
"Nida, did he..?" Selphie started to question me, her grin wicked as she observed the furious blush I was trying to fight.  
"Don't start Selphie," I said tightly, my lips forming a taut line as she continued to grin, looking at her significantly and feeling a childish need to retaliate as I rushed out, "and it wasn't just me he propositioned."

I swallowed, trying to regain the train of thought I'd been having before my brains had been entirely scrambled by the encounter. I walked around a scandalised looking Selphie as Xu tried not to laugh.

"Creep!" Selphie shouted after the man.

Galbadia Garden has already made a very bad first impression on me, I thought as I stormed towards the Headmaster's office, following the posted signs. Xu and the others caught up with me a moment later. I didn't talk, instead opting to ignore Rinoa's sporadic giggles and focus on our mission instead.

The elevator stopped at the top floor, opening into an ostentatious lobby decked in black and red. Xu handled the guards while we stood back, waiting for our message to be passed on.

"Could you please tell Headmaster Martine that representatives from Balamb Garden request a meeting with him," she asked professionally.

The guard had nodded silently, retreating behind the stronghold of the large mahogany doors which led to the office. Xu sighed once he was gone, walking over to our huddled group with a shrug.

"I'm not sure what they will know about the incident in Timber, so I am advising that we keep quiet and let him do the talking, find out how much information they have before we give them any of ours," she said, folding her arms, "I'll take the lead, you guys speak when spoken to, understand? I've met Martine a couple of times before and he's not stupid. He's cunning and clever and he likes to get what he wants. Don't give him anything he doesn't specifically ask for."

I nodded, feeling apprehension prickle at the base of my neck and along my arms. I rubbed them absently. My thoughts strayed to Squall and Zell and I wondered if they had reached D-District yet. Having been in a forest for the past four hours, we hadn't heard any news of Seifer either, whether the Galbadian's were advertising his capture or keeping quiet...or whether they had already executed him. I shivered, moving anxiously on my feet. The guard returned a few minutes later, admitting us into the Headmasters office with an air of apathetic malice. The others didn't seem to notice, but I could feel his eyes practically burning into my back as we walked through the door.

The office was, if possible, even more ostentatious than the lobby. Heavy brass light fittings adorned the walls, giving off a soft glow, while the large windows were draped with red velvet and bordered with gold. The floor was covered with a thick pile, black carpet which my feet literally sank into as I walked across it. The Headmaster sat behind an imposing mahogany desk, covered with data pads and sheets of paper in neatly placed stacks. Damn, could one room be any more intimidating?

"Instructor Xu," the Headmaster smiled like a shark as he addressed her, "it's been a long time. How are you?"  
"I'm fine, thank you," Xu said nodding, shifting on her feet as we gathered into a presentable line.  
"Good, good," he nodded, steepling his fingers and leaning back in his chair, "well, we have much to discuss. I have been in touch with your Headmaster, Cid, and he informed me of your mission to retrieve your...wayward agent. I take it something has gone wrong?"  
"Yes sir," Xu replied succinctly, "we failed to apprehend him and he is now missing."  
"Missing? Oh I think we both know that's not true, unless you haven't been informed yet..?" he looked at Xu sceptically, before shrugging lightly, "He has been arrested."  
"On what charges?" Xu seemed genuinely angry as she held back on a glare.  
"Murdering the President of Galbadia," Martine replied easily.

I eyed him as subtly as I could. The situation was a strange one; on one hand the Headmaster radiated confidence and superiority, on the other I could sense the underlying unease in his tense shoulders, the uncertainty in his calm tone. Xu was right, he was fishing for information, only he was doing it in an unorthodox yet effective manner, first plying us with information to make us feel at ease. It was a game of back and forward, pull and give. I lowered my eyes to the carpet, considering the ramifications.

"As his Instructor I am legally obligated to appeal his charge," Xu's voice was hard.  
"There is not an option for an appeal," Martine said back succinctly, "the evidence supplied was irrefutable."  
"I would like to see this evidence," Xu replied quickly, her eyes sharp.  
"That is quite impossible, as you know," the Headmaster said, features impassive, "that evidence is property of the Galbadian Government, only military personnel have access."  
"Well can you at least tell me what form the evidence takes, that it is so irrefutable," Xu said, walking the fine line between rudeness and directness.  
"...It's a video recording," he said, eyes narrowed, "I hate to tell you this but his misdemeanour was broadcast over live television..."  
"That's impossible!" Selphie burst out before she could stop herself.

I looked at her in shock, her eyes wide as she avoided the Headmaster's sharp gaze. I could see Xu cringing and Rinoa looking confused.

"And just how would you know that?" Martine asked slowly.  
"I..." Selphie faltered, looking to Xu apologetically, "I just..."  
"Don't try and lie to me! The main feed cable in the broadcast room had been disabled, but only someone who was there would know that. You _were_ there, weren't you?" Martine looked at Xu accusingly, "Tell me everything you know."  
"Not until I've spoken to Headmaster Cid," Xu said, her demeanour frosty.  
"Cid has no jurisdiction here, this is Galbadia not Balamb," Martine's tone had changed radically since the beginning of the conversation, becoming steadily more hostile, "and I do have the power to hold you here until I get the information I want."  
"...But there isn't enough time for that, is there?" I said steadily, hoping Xu wouldn't kill me and Selphie both for disobeying her orders, but I thought I might be able to salvage the situation.

Martine's eyes snapped to me, like a predator to prey. He stood up from behind his desk and walked around it to stand in front of me. Up close his eyes seemed hard and unreadable, bright sky blue. He was at least three inches taller than me and he used it to as much effect as he could.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" he said.  
"Because by the time you have the details, the retaliation will already have been launched, isn't that right?" Hyne was I going out on a limb, I swear I better be right, I thought anxiously.  
"What do you know about..?" he stopped himself, but it was too late, and I could tell he knew that I'd been bluffing.  
"About what?" Xu asked accusingly, "So Galbadia _is_ using this as an excuse for war!"  
"It's not Galbadia you should be worried about," I said, making the connections quickly, "it wasn't the Galbadian soldiers at the T.V. station which posed a threat, it was someone else. Tell us what you know."

Martine looked shocked, but covered it quickly with resignation and anger. He sighed through his nose, eyeing me with interest, before he turned back to his desk, clasping his hands behind his back.

"We've suspected for a while now that there had been someone advising the Galbadian President," he said reluctantly, "Deling always was weak minded. However, even though we never discovered their identity, we did manage to find out that they planned to use him to create a major governmental change. This recent event seems far too coincidental in light of this information."  
"You had no idea who this person was?" Xu sounded sceptical.  
"A few leads that ended in nothing," Martine turned to face us again, "and others that made no sense. All that we could be sure of was that an event was set to occur, after which there would be a justified counter strike."  
"And you didn't think to tell the other gardens about this?" Xu sounded shocked more than angry.  
"Don't be obtuse," Martine said sharply, "of course I have. Why do you think that Cid sent you on that ludicrous mission to help some non entity of a resistance faction liberate Timber with no payment included? It was to gather intelligence, covertly."  
"Why didn't he tell us?" Selphie sounded like she was speaking more to herself than actually asking a question, but Martine answered her anyway.  
"There's no better way to insure secrecy than keeping the secret to yourself," he shrugged, "by not telling our operatives what their real objectives were we didn't have to worry about them being captured and tortured for information as they didn't possess it in the first place."

I shuddered. It's not that I ever thought that the Garden's were safe places to work, but I at least thought that they cared about our safety. Martine's reasoning was so coldly logical; I wondered if Cid was the same, under his friendly demeanour.

"So you were worried about a counter offensive against the Garden's?" I asked, bringing us back to the point in hand.  
"Yes, although we're not sure what form it will take," Martine nodded grimly, "the only plan we have which will give us any reliable information is to infiltrate the Galbadian's main military HQ and find out exactly what they are up to."  
"So you think that whoever was behind the president's death is also controlling the military?" Xu asked.  
"We suspect so, yes," Martine said, sitting down gracefully in his chair, "considering the military were not fully mobilised after the President's death."  
"So you're sending a team to their HQ?" Xu asked purposefully, "Do you have one picked out?"  
"Not as such," Martine said warily, as if he knew what she was going to say before she said it.  
"Then send us," she said, squaring her shoulders, "we're more than adequate for the mission, Selphie specialises in electronics and Nida in stealth. We've already come into contact with the threat and we have more information than anyone else you could send."

Martine sighed as Xu spoke, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He ran his fingers through his hair as she finished, staring at nothing as he weighed up his options. I watched him intently, hoping that he would agree to Xu's request so that we could finally leave and give Squall some back up.

"No matter how much I'd rather send my own agents," Martine said grudgingly, "you're already prepped to go and yes, as you put it, you are more than adequate. However, I will send a Galbadian SeeD with you who I think will be very useful, and who I can trust."

Well, at least he was honest, I thought wryly as he pushed a button on his desk to open a comm. link.

"Gerven, bring Kinneas to my office immediately," he said authoritatively before closing the connection.

All of this new information was making my head hurt. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on thinking through everything logically. There was an unknown assailant who was looking to influence or control the Galbadian military, but to what end? They had maybe killed the President or had him killed; what purpose did that serve? Why involve the Gardens? Perhaps they wanted them destroyed and were going to use the interference of the Gardens as an excuse for an attack. What kind of form would that attack take? How would they justify it to the other major powers, like Esthar? Would they retaliate against the Galbadian's unfounded aggression or would they say that it was justified? I heard the door open and someone enter the room but was too lost in my thoughts to pay much attention. Then a voice cut through my train of thought and I flinched, looking up almost involuntarily.

"Well, fancy meeting you here!"

Him! Oh no. Oh no, no, no, I was _not_ working with that man! I very nearly almost said it out loud but managed to restrain myself as I looked at the man who had arrived. It was the same man who had accosted me in the hallway. I gritted my teeth and glared at him. He simply smiled back, tipping his hat at me and then running his eyes up and down Selphie, eliciting a huff and an eye roll from her. Martine called Xu over to his desk and began to go over the finer details of the plan he and his operatives had devised. This man, Kinneas or whatever his name was, walked over and stood beside our little group. I heard Rinoa giggle again and then smother it behind her hand. I Closed my eyes and counted to ten. When I opened them he was looking at me with amusement.

"Guess we'll be working together then," he smiled, unperturbed.  
"Seems that way," I ground out harshly, looking away from him.

I hate my life.

**AN:** Wow, is it just me or did I turned Martine into a Bond villain when I introduced him? All he needed was a big white cat to stroke and a menacing laugh! Although I decided not to have him go down the baddie route in this story, oh well! And Nida, he seems to be noticing the decor of every place he walks through far too thoroughly...poor Nida, I only noticed once I'd read it over and I couldn't find a way to change it and still make it work! Oh well, sorry if it seems cliché to anyone, but that's the way it turned out, it honestly wasn't intentional...Anyways! Hope you enjoyed, please review (even if it's only to laugh at my crappy character development!) and let me know what you think.

Maiko


	33. For the Sake of Lonliness

**Note:** Hey, just to keep everything running smoothly, this takes place directly after the end of chapter 31. This is from Seifer's POV again.

**Chapter 33**

For the Sake of Loneliness

With the route we had plotted, it would be two days straight driving before we reached Trabia Garden. We slept in the back of the truck at lay-bys, taking turns on watch in case any Galbadian scouts spotted the military vehicle we were driving and decided to investigate. Not to say that it was easy to sleep; I mean we were driving a vehicle that attracted far too much attention, all unwanted. When we stopped in towns, the locals stared, when we passed anyone on the road, people stared, when Galbadian patrols got too close, they fucking stared. Stopping for petrol was also difficult. Squall and Zell decided it was too dangerous to go into the stations with the truck as it was too conspicuous, and in case a description of our group had been released. So instead they took turns parking out of town and then walking to the petrol station to bring back fuel and supplies, making up a story about running out of petrol or something like that. They went alone so as to avoid suspicion or increasing the chance of anyone recognising their descriptions. After a while, I admit, we did begin to fall into routines. Everything seemed like it would actually work out.

It was on the second day, twenty miles from Trabia Garden, that we _actually_ ran out of petrol for real. Zell took a whole minute to curse and punch the wheel before he would even consider walking back to town. The barren wastelands we'd entered as we travelled further north were inhospitable, cold, frozen and plagued by icy winds. None of us liked to leave the van at all if we could help it, and we had the heater on constantly. It would take a good forty minutes to walk back to the town which we'd passed seven minutes ago, driving at a fair speed, and Zell did not seem happy that it was his turn. For once, I almost sympathised with him...almost.

"I'll go," Squall shrugged as Zell dithered about, pulling his jacket together and zipping it up slowly.  
"No," Zell said quickly, looking guilty, "you've gone the last two times. It's my turn."  
"I don't mind Zell," Squall said, looking straight at the blond in the driver's seat.  
"Yeah, well," Zell said, looking away from Squall, "I do. So I'll go."

Only after he'd been gone for twenty minutes did we realise that, because we had no petrol, we also had no heater. It hadn't taken long for the little residual heat that had built up before we'd stopped to dissipate, leaving us freezing cold. The metal truck was like a fucking meat locker. I sat, teeth chattering, against the cold, bare metal, huddling against myself for warmth. This was ridiculous. We were going to fucking freeze to death before Zell got back here! I looked over to Squall, directly opposite me, looking entirely calm and composed. Yet, try as he might to conceal his discomfort, I could still see the blue tinge to his lips, and the quiver in his shoulders. I sighed.

"Hey, aren't there any blankets in here?" I asked.  
"No," he said categorically, "I already checked."  
"Fuck," I said, curling in on myself, "it's fucking freezing in here!"  
"You don't say," he mumbled back sarcastically.  
"Oh shut up," I snapped, "your sarcasm isn't making me any warmer which is all I care about right now. If we don't do something we're going to die in here before that idiot even gets to the town, never mind comes back with petrol."

That shut him up. He frowned, shifting uncomfortably against the cold metal interior. I watched him, confused by his sudden turmoil. He looked really worried. This may not seem like an odd thing, considering I'd just been talking about our imminent death, but Squall would have already figured out that we needed to do something about the heat situation or things were going to get bad pretty soon. So if he'd already considered that, what could he be worrying about now?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked finally.  
"Nothing," he sighed, scowling.  
"Doesn't look like nothing," I said with a snort of derision.

He looked up at me, staring straight into my eyes, and blinked. Okay, he was beginning to freak me out a little now. His stare was so...intense. What the hell was he getting so worked up about? Before I could ask any more questions, however, he suddenly stood up and walked towards me, and I would have never, in a million years, foreseen what he did next. He grabbed up the Galbadian uniforms he and Zell had used as disguises, sat down next to me and began to drape the clothes over us. I just watched him, stunned that he would actually be the first to make a move like this.

"What..?" I started, but he cut me off before I could get any further.  
"Body heat," he said gruffly, "it's all we've got."

I didn't argue. Firstly because I didn't want to freeze to death, secondly because Squall was voluntarily snuggling up to me. How convenient. I grinned when he turned away to pick up the soldiers jacket, turning my face back to a serious look when he turned around again. He looked at me warily, as if he thought he'd seen something, but then shook his head a little and continued to cover us in the feeble extra layer.

"And here I'd always thought you'd rather die than sit this close to me voluntarily," I joked.  
"Don't get any ideas," he said seriously.  
"Whatever are you talking about?" I said with feigned innocence.  
"Seifer," he said warningly.  
"Oh I'm not that desperate," I said with a roll of my eyes.

Despite my reassurances, I did take the opportunity, when he leaned forwards to sort something, to put my arm around his shoulders and pull him tightly against my chest. He let out an undignified yelp, which was totally worth it if you ask me, but thankfully didn't struggle. I couldn't tell if it was because he didn't mind, or if it was because he didn't want to disturb the perfectly laid out Galbadian uniforms which he'd managed to have covering us completely. In the end I didn't really care why he let me, it was just kind of nice. Except for the fact that he was completely rigid of course.

"Relax," I said tightly, "what the hell do you think I'm going to do? I just want to keep warm for Hyne's sake."  
"Let's just say that, with your track record," Squall said in his best monotone, "I don't exactly trust your motives."  
"Yeesh," I said, lifting my eyebrows for effect, "you really have a high opinion of yourself if you think you're that irresistible, don't you."  
"That's not what I meant," he said irritably, yet ironically he did actually did start to relax.

We sat in silence. After another five minutes, he'd progressed to putting his head on my shoulder. Where our bodies touched, all of my right side touching his left, the warmth was comforting and hopeful. Maybe we wouldn't die after all. I was still shaking with the cold, but not as much as before. Squall's soft hair rubbed against my neck every time he moved to get comfortable. All in all, I thought as I tried to comprehend this closeness without animosity that we had going on, it was a surreal experience.

"You're still cold," Squall said after another short silence.  
"I'm fine," I lied easily.  
"You're not," he said back.  
"Am too," I said with a smirk, feeling childish and loving the sharp sigh that it drew from Squall.  
"This is serious Seifer," he said, sounding like an overbearing parent, "I don't like this any more than you do, but I didn't rescue you just to have you die on me."

Jees, way to harsh a man's mellow Leonhart, I thought bitterly. Is that seriously all the man cares about? Owing people favours? Did he seriously think that I saved him during our SEED exam just so he could pay me back later? What the fuck was his problem? I glared at him, even though he couldn't see it as it was directed at the top of his head. Well fuck you Squall Leonhart, I thought, I _am_ enjoying myself at your expense, thank you very much.

"Seifer, are you listening to me?" I zoned back in only to realise that Squall had been talking to me and I hadn't been paying a blind bit of attention, "never mind."  
"What?" I asked dumbly.  
"I said never mind," he said, putting his head back into the crook of my neck.  
"Hey, no, you can't just not tell me now," damn this guy really knew how to push my buttons, "come on Leonhart!"  
"What are you, five years old?" he muttered sleepily.  
"Come on, don't patronise me," I smirked, "I'm at least six."

He didn't reply and, for a moment, I thought he might have fallen asleep. I was stuck between a rush of annoyance that he'd nodded off during a conversation and a streak of panic that he'd gone unconscious because of the cold.

"Hey, Leonhart? Hey!" I shook him lightly.  
"Stop shaking me," he growled.  
"Just making sure you weren't dead," I snapped back, tightening my grip on him.  
"Whatever."

The silence that followed only served to accentuate the howling wind outside, the gusts occasionally shaking the truck, the snow blowing wildly past the windows. I realised, belatedly, that I couldn't feel my toes. Where the hell was that little punk with our petrol anyway? I leaned my head back against the side of the van, hating the way the heat seeped from the skin at the back of my neck but too tired to hold my head up any longer. Not a good sign.

"Have you" Squall started after another long silence, surprising me, "remembered anything yet?"  
"You mean about Deling? No, nothing," I said stiffly.  
"Actually I..." Squall stalled, shifting a little uneasily, "never mind."  
"I swear Leonhart, you pull this 'never mind' shit one more time and I'm personally going to kneecap you. Just spit it out."  
"Fine," he said tightly, "I was...I'm talking about the dream."

Okay, so that threw me. I wracked my brains, hoping to quickly remember what the hell he was referring to.

"Dream?" I said finally, "What the hell are you on about?"  
"This is why I said never mind," Squall's terse tone betrayed his discomfort.  
"How about you just remind me," I said snippily, "instead of brushing me the fuck off."  
"Whatever."  
"Hyne Squall, will you just..!" I knew I was shouting, but I didn't care, and thankfully it got me what I wanted.  
"I meant the dream...you talked about on the exam."

Another quick memory check revealed nothing, and I began to lose my patience. I searched my thoughts, trying to remember, but the exam had been such a stressful fucking event that most of the memories were ones I'd rather forget than remember in detail.

"It's just," Squall sounded so awkward and uncomfortable, as if he were forcing the words out, that it made me interested in what he was going to say despite my inability to remember what he was referring to, "I've been having trouble remembering and I thought...you might know more."  
"Remembering what?" I asked.  
"My...I don't remember my...my childhood," he said in monotone, "I've tried before, but there are gaps, big ones. Then there are dreams, but they make no sense. You said something to me during the exam, and...I think we've had the same dream."

Wait, wait, wait. Was Squall Leonhart talking to me about something _personal_? I was glad no one was there to see my look of utter disbelief because I was sure I looked like a mute goldfish. I didn't want to say anything, in case I scared him out of his stilted narrative. Instead I kept quiet, rubbing absently at his arm with numb fingers. The silence continued and I started to wonder if he expected me to speak.

"Do you?" he asked eventually, "Remember?"  
"My childhood? Uh, well," I shrugged, "some of it. It's kinda hazy most of the time, but there are some things that are pretty clear. I remember living by the ocean, but I don't remember where or who with. I remember a kind woman with long, dark hair and a sweet voice. I remember a meadow...and I remember you."

I felt Squall swallowing against my collar bone. I shivered. He stayed quiet for a gruelling two minutes in which I wondered what the fuck he was thinking and why he wasn't bloody well speaking. Had I freaked him out already?

"I don't...I don't remember anyone," he confessed, making me a little disappointed, "I mean, I don't remember faces, mainly voices, conversations. There was a girl, I called her Sis, but I don't have a sister...or at least I think I don't."  
"Why are you asking me all this anyway?" I asked, curious, wondering if he'd reply at all.  
"...I just wondered," he shrugged lightly, "I've been having trouble remembering my dreams, whether they're real or not. I don't recognise some things, can't tell if they've happened at all. I thought, if you'd had similar memories...I might be able to confirm my own dreams. I've been having a recurring one...it..."  
"It's what?" I prompted when he didn't continue.  
"It's more of a nightmare," he said in a low voice, as if even he was amazed that he was talking about this at all.  
"What about?" I asked casually, trying not to spook him.  
"I don't know," he said ruefully, "but wherever I am it's on fire, and I'm sure my mother is there."  
"Yeah?" I said incredulously, "You remember her?"  
"Not really," he shook his head, "just her voice, and that there's someone else in the room...why? Why can't I remember?"

I furrowed my brow in concentration. It was a fair point, one which I'd never really considered until recently simply because I don't like to dwell on the past. Only when I started having those rather odd dreams about Squall and the meadow of flowers did I even try to start remembering my past at all. My childhood was still mainly a blank space, and whatever I remembered was fragmented and unclear.

"We should ask the Headmaster," I said suddenly, having a brainwave (rarer than you'd think, believe me), "he's bound to have records of everyone in Garden. Maybe he could tell us about our parents, maybe even get us in touch with someone who we knew before?"  
"That's...a good idea," Squall said tonelessly, as if the introduction of a solution made him suddenly worried by the thought of knowing the answers to his past; instead he changed the subject again, "Seifer, what do you remember about me?"

Great, I thought, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, why did he have to ask me that? Not that my dreams were ever really that cringe worthy, but still, it was embarrassing to tell him that, we were what? Enemies and then friends? Why should that embarrass me? Weren't we meant to be friends now?

"I think I knew you," I said evasively, "when we were kids."  
"I don't remember," he said softly.  
"Why did you come to rescue me?" I asked just as suddenly, changing the subject drastically from one uncomfortable topic to another; as long as I wasn't the one being interrogated, I didn't care.

Well while we were asking each other awkward questions, I might as well get clarification. The answer he'd given me two days ago just didn't sit well with me at all, and I wanted to know if it was the truth. Besides, I didn't want to talk about my dreams with Squall, I mean some of them were entirely private.

"I already told you," he said defensively, "you saved my life, it was only fair that I return the favour."  
"Bullshit," I was obviously feeling brave, but under the circumstances I felt justified, "what's the real reason?"  
"I don't understand your inability to comprehend my motives," he said clinically, sounding just like the Squall I knew and resented, "they are perfectly sound."  
"So if the exam had gone smoothly and I hadn't needed to save your fucking life, you wouldn't have come to get me," I said harshly, "that about right?"

I felt him tense, his shoulders stiffening, his neck shifting subtly, his breath hitching in his throat. I was angry, both that he would think like that and that he had turned back into his introverted, irritating self after we'd been making progress and he'd finally opened up to me. The longer he took to answer, the angrier I became. I was ready to throw him into the side of the truck by the time he actually answered me in one, perfect syllable.

"No," he said, sighing.  
"Then why?" I demanded.  
"It's what friends do," he said in his best fucking monotone, "or so I've been told."  
"So you'd risk yourself for a friend then? Trying to fool me into thinking you're human are you?" I bit back, bitter and angry that he felt the need to belittle me in any way he could.  
"Seifer," he warned, his tone dangerous, not that I paid any attention to that; he tried to shift away from me, but I only tightened my grip on him.  
"Are you trying to say that you didn't consider the facts that freeing me has probably cost you your job, you are now a wanted man and, at best, we're all going to end up being executed by a Galbadian firing squad?" I spat.  
"Yes, I had thought about that," he spat back, just as venomously, turning his head up awkwardly to glare at me.  
"Then you'd risk all that for a friend that you really aren't that bothered about?" I shouted, "That right? Because if it is then you're more moronic than I thought!"  
"Who said I wasn't bothered about you?" he actually _growled_ at me, his eyes narrowing.  
"We don't even talk! We aren't friends, you fucking halfwit. Do you even know what friends are? They do things together like talk about shit, and drink and laugh and, god, I don't know, stuff like that! Who do you do that with? Anyone? Because you sure as hell don't do it with me and, as far as I can tell, I'm your only fucking friend. So tell me, Leonhart, why the fuck did you risk your life and your career and _everything_ you hold so dear just to save someone you are only half bothered about!?"

He stared at me, breathing heavily, colour high on his pale cheeks. His eyes were sparkling with a mix of rage and sheer mortification. He opened his mouth but nothing came out but panting breath. He closed it again, fuming, and then turned his head away, screwing his eyes shut.

"I..." he choked out, "I don't understand it. I don't _understand_!"  
"It's not that hard, for fucks sake," I said, trying my best not to sound like I wanted to throttle him, "liking people isn't that hard."  
"You confuse me Seifer," he spat out, eyes still tightly closed, concealing his emotions from me, "I don't know what I want from you, and I don't know what you want from me either!"  
"Well a conversation would be nice!" I said in exasperation.

His head snapped up at that, scaring the crap out of me, and fixed me with an intense stare. I blinked at him, confused, and then he did the last thing I would have expected. He laughed. He actually fucking laughed in my face!

"What is your problem?" I shouted at him, I was that freaked out by his impromptu laughter.  
"I just...it's...it doesn't matter," he shook his head, still smiling, rubbing at his tired eyes with a gloved hand, "I...I've never been good with people. Don't take it personally."  
"You're really freaking me out," I muttered, "Are you trying to console me now?"  
"Wasn't that what you wanted?" he asked, watching me out of the corner of his eye, a smirk fully in place on his pale lips, "Make your mind up Almasy."

I wanted to kiss him, right then. I stared into his eyes. The smirk slowly left his face as I continued to watch him, replaced by his usual hard mask but with slight panic obvious in his eyes. Maybe it would have been worth the scary hissy fit, or another punch to the jaw, that a kiss would have earned me. Not that I ever found out, because just then the fucking back door banged opened and there was Zell, covered in snow, petrol can in hand, looking at us in horror and confusion. Squall simply looked at him impassively, while I glared right back. The snow and cold wind poured into the truck, dissolving the tiny modicum of heat that we'd built up.

"You were quicker than I thought," Squall said, not moving, "did someone drive you?"  
"...Yeah," Zell said finally, thumping the petrol can down onto the floor of the truck with a clang.

That was all he said, before turning round and walking away to speak to someone, probably whoever had given him a lift, his words lost in the howling wind. Squall took the opportunity to get up, making me even more cold as I lost his warmth. I cursed Zell Dincht from the bottom of my fucking soul for having such lousy timing. I looked up to Squall, hoping to take advantage of this, probably last, chance of being alone together before the shit the fan when we reached Trabia. I opened my mouth to speak but Squall beat me to it.

"Do you hear that?" he asked, half turning to look at me as he stood, a silhouette, against the stark brightness of the back doorway.

I listened, concentrating, but unable to distinguish anything over the constant howl of wind and the heavy patter of snow.

"What?" I asked, watching in confusion as Squall's brown creased into a frown.

He stepped out of the truck and into the storm. I shouted after him, telling him to get back inside, but he ignored me. What the hell was so damn important? I sighed harshly, deciding to follow him, but like hell was I going to be happy about it. The wind bit into my skin as soon as I moved into its flow. I watched as Zell finished talking to a man standing beside a car wearing a thick winter jacket, hat and scarf obscuring his face, and Squall stared intently at the sky, his frown firmly in place. I opened my mouth to ask him again what the hell was wrong, but he held up his hand, shaking his head. Then I heard it. I mirrored his frown, cocking my head to the side. A roaring sound...

My head snapped up at the same time as Squall's, eyes widening as we watched _something_ descend, lowering in the sky, blasting through the snow like fire. They moved too fast to be seen, roaring overhead, far too close for comfort, before heading off in the same direction as the road we were following. I actually ducked they flew so low!

"Holy fuck!" I shouted, choking on the stream of fumes they left in their wake as the wind whirled it around us like a smoke screen, "What the hell was that?"  
"I'm...not sure!" he coughed, trying to shout, his voice faint.

I stumbled forwards and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the truck so we could both look past it towards the destination of whatever had flown overhead. I felt Squall's hand clasp around my forearm, fingers digging into my jacket as he continued to cough. The wind finally cleared the smoke, leaving us with the blanket of falling snow. I noticed Zell run up to us out of the corner of my eye, also staring after the retreating smoke plumes. I was about to suggest that we fill the truck up and hurry to Trabia, as something was obviously up, but I was stopped once more by Squall. His fingers were suddenly clasped so tightly around my arm that he was practically cutting off the blood supply. I turned to asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, but when I saw his wide eyed terror the words died in my throat. Is stared at him in shock, shaking my head to show I didn't understand what was wrong.

"You hear that," he said steadily, "don't you?"

We both looked back up, watching in horror as the snow in the distance quickly coalesced into what seemed like a solid wall of white and grey, advancing on us at a tremendous rate. The thick, ear splitting explosion reached us before the blast wave, and then it was upon us.

**AN:** Sorry for the cliff hanger! Oh, it's not fair, I really wanted another kiss in this scene, but I think it's still too soon for Squally to be accepting his feelings. What a git he is! Still, I can't help but love his angsty side too! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please review if you have time, I love them so!

Maiko x


	34. Let Loose the Dogs of War

AN: Sorry this took so long and that I haven't replied to anyone's reviews! I've put replies at the end of this chapter, so don't think you're not all appreciated now :D !

**Chapter 34**

**Let Loose the Dogs of War**

"Balamb! Do you come in!" fuck this fucking machine to all hell! "Can you read me? Dammit!"

I slammed the comm. Unit back into place and cursed some more just for good measure. Oh Hyne this was not happening. It _couldn't _be, it just couldn't...

We'd infiltrated the Galbadian's military headquarters with relative ease. Martine had equipped us well for our journey, with lots of fancy gadgets which Selphie had gotten all googly eyed over and had pretty much allowed us to access any door once she programmed it properly. Our Galbadian uniforms and fake identification cards had taken care of the rest and any resistance we encountered was swiftly and quietly dealt with. It made me nervous, how well we were doing. The security was tight, sure, but it was so easy to deceive.

"Well, well, this place is easier to get into than a twenty credit..." Kinneas started, as we walked down one of the many identical corridors.  
"If you're about to make a sexually insensitive joke," I interrupted quickly, "I should remind you that Selphie could easily leave you locked in a supply closet somewhere, if Xu doesn't get to you first."

I could see his eyes sparkle even through the visor in his helmet as he turned to look at me, smile firmly in place.

"Why I do believe you are trying to protect me Nida," he said with far too much satisfaction, "am I making progress?"  
"The only progress you should be making is towards the command centre," I said sternly, ignoring Xu's snort of laughter at my discomfort, "so eyes forward."  
"Okay," he said holding up his hands in surrender, "no flirting on the job, I get it. I'll just wait until I can get you out of your uniform first then."

Even Selphie laughed at that one, despite my spluttering objection that his professionalism needed a damn good looking at. We had been lulled into a false sense of security by the ease of our progress through the base. We had believed that we would beat the system and find the information we needed. We believed that we were winning.

Until we reached the command centre. Selphie used the door bypass machine to reverse engineer the code for the computer system and lock all of the doors to make sure none of the guards could escape before we dealt with them. They weren't anything special, a few sergeants who took a little tactics to take down. We took off our helmets and were just joking that Martine had no reason to worry so much about this mission when Selphie's face went completely pale and her smile turned into horrified gaping. I turned to follow her gaze and found myself looking at the large holographic map displayed at the middle of the command centre's control board. It displayed military statistics, windage, atmospheric pressure, all the usual, apart from the three large targets marked out, glowing green, flashing; Trabia, Balamb, Galbadia, the Garden's. And leading to each, missile trajectories, flight speed, estimated time of arrival. It was then, through the haze of shock, that I realised that there were two flashing dots travelling along the lines leading to Trabia.

"No!" Selphie rushed forwards, leaping on the control panel and frantically trying to access the override.

"Sweet Hyne," I breathed out.

It was too late. It had been too late as soon as we noticed the map. That didn't stop Selphie from blaming herself. She stood in quiet shock as the two flashing dots reached their target, turning it a dull shade of red. It was a hideously detached display, the single shift from one colour to the other being the signal that thousands of lives had just been lost. I stared at the dot, forgetting to breathe, as Kinneas stepped forwards and managed to try and console Selphie. I turned to Xu, her face just as stricken. She shook her head in mute futility.

"Balamb," was all she said.  
"Selphie," I felt so awful for forcing her to do anything at a time like this, after witnessing the destruction of her home, but a sickening feeling was curling through the shock in my system, "the other missiles, can you stop them?"  
"I...I don't know," she shook her head, fingers slipping back to the control panel as she tried to stop sniffing and wiping her eyes, "I'll try but...but I don't know how long we have!"  
"Just do your best," Kinneas said, giving her a reassuring smile which, despite my dislike for the man, made me thankful.

"Shit!" Xu said, startling me, "look!"

Two flashing lights, so banal, so seemingly inconsequential, had appeared from the missile base, heading along the long twin tracks toward Balamb. The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I felt ill. Selphie let out a little cry of distress and typed faster, her hands virtually a blur as she brought up command after command. I watched her in mute horror, feeling impotent and wishing there was something I could do. I couldn't just sit back and watch the destruction of my home, my _friends_, I...dear Hyne please, please don't let this happen!

"I can't..." Selphie choked out, "I can't stop them all! Once they've launched I can only change their error ratio but that might not even cause them to miss at all and it'll take too long. If I take the time to change the error for the missiles heading to Balamb, then those destined for Galbadia will have been launched already. Oh Hyne, what do I do, please, what do I do!"

I could hear the hysteria in her voice echoing in my head. I could hear Xu try and be objective. I could hear the time slowly ticking away as each flashing light moved one dot closer to Balamb. I lunged for the comm. unit and tried to set up a communication with Balamb. Nothing but static, nothing but hissing fucking static! Had they blocked the signal? Did they know we were here?

"Balamb! Do you come in! Can you read me? Dammit!" if there was ever a time for snap judgements, it was now, "Selphie stop the missiles for Galbadia, I can't contact Balamb!"  
"But..!" she yelled, terrified.  
"You tell me how to set the error ratio and I'll use this control panel," I said quickly, running to the other panel, "we can do this, okay?"  
"O-okay," she nodded.

And we did, we did do it. We did everything we could. I swear we did, I'll always stand by that. Selphie was amazing, she talked me through setting the error ratio to maximum while simultaneously overriding the launch code for the Galbadia Garden missiles and then dissarming them.

It didn't stop the missiles from hitting Balamb.

It didn't make it any easier to breathe.

It didn't make Selphie's heartbroken sobs any easier to bear.

It didn't stop the tears from sliding down my face.

The little light winked from green to red and even then I couldn't fully comprehend what had just happened. It was too terrible, too horrible. It was just a projection to these fucking Galbadian cowards but to us, Hyne, that was friends, family, home...

"The missiles for Galbadia Garden didn't launch," I said numbly, looking round to see Selphie in Xu's arms, the instructor looking shell shocked as she patted Selphie's hair mechanically, "you saved them."

I'm not sure if she heard me, but it was the best I could do. It took all of my compartmentalisation to even say that, to be able to shove the deaths of thousands of people into a specific section of my mind and block it off. Kinneas seemed to sense what I was doing because he helped, a lot. He took charge with me and was able to get us out of the HQ. It wasn't easy, in fact we pretty much nearly died ourselves trying to escape. The security had tripled since they had discovered us and their efforts to kill us were intense. Although Selphie, while still upset, managed to turn her grief into rage with expert ease. Put it this way, I was glad we were on the same side. Her kills were precise and deadly, and she didn't waste time before moving onto the next. We stumbled out into the sunlight only to be greeted by some Galbadian military mechanical monstrosity which took all of our effort and strategy to take down. Xu received some nasty burns from its flame thrower attachments and the driver got lucky and managed to catch me in the leg with his mounted turrets. Kinneas was the one who ran out into the open to drag me behind cover.

"Fucking thing wont die!" he shouted over the high pitched ricochets of bullets against the car he'd hid us behind.  
"Shit," I ground out, looking down to my leg and grimacing at the three bloody holes trailing up my thigh, "I need to use my GF but the asshole with the machine gun isn't giving me time to summon!"  
"Hey, you can't even stand, never mind summon a GF," he said shaking his head, "don't push it, all right, you're going to do yourself a permanent injury!"  
"And we're all going to die here if someone doesn't kill that tank! Give me a fucking cure spell and help me up!" I said in my best don't-fuck-with-me voice.

That voice must be more effective than I thought, because it worked. The cure spell took the edge off, and he hauled me up as gently as he could. I looked over to see Selphie hiding behind a small building that looked like a store room and Xu taking out a few guards who had tried to flank us from the right while we were engaged with the tank. I let my mind go blank, tried my best to not let any of this affect me, detachment, compartmentalise...and there it was, that thread of connection. Kinneas was hunched down beside the wheel of the car, taking opportunities to reach around and take shots at the hulking tank with his shotgun.

"Buy me some time," was all I said in warning before I tossed myself out from behind cover and stared straight at the mass of grinding gears and metal before me.

I touched my hand to my chest and formed a first, trying my hardest to do this as quickly as possible. I heard shots being fired but couldn't tell if it was Kinneas, Xu or the tank. I felt the Leviathan stirring in my mind, I opened my palm and felt the power flowing through my fingers, shooting up my arm, like a live socket connection straight to its power. I locked my eyes on the target and ripped my hand from my chest, pushing with all my might out towards the tank which, seen through the eyes off the towering serpent I was now linked to in my mind, did not look anywhere near as intimidating.

The ground broke apart before me with such force I was sent sprawling. I was too close, I had never summoned this close before! It was amazing to feel that power, that radiance, as the ground shot up, like a quake spell, forming a sheer cliff of solid rock between myself and harms way. I could hear the roaring crash of water, feel the spray on my face, see the shivering wings and luminescent scales of the water god rising over the top of the sheet of rock before me, hissing like a mother lion with cubs. I could hear the futile gunfire as the tank uselessly tried to protect itself against the titan before it. Then the roaring intensified and Leviathan shrieked, ploughing forwards on a towering wave of crystal clear water. The sound of crackling electricity, squealing gears and screams were welcome to my ears. I felt a little faint from the blood loss and was only too happy to stay sitting on the ground even as the cliff crumbled back into the ground in a mass of mud and water. Leviathan was gone, back into that space between spaces, and once again I was glad it deemed me worthy of protection.

Kinneas was the first to make it to me, hauling me from the ground. The tank lay crushed, blasted through the gates which had been barred only moments before. Well, there was our escape route.

"You stupid bastard," he said, although he was grinning at me, "you could have got yourself killed!"  
"Is that a thank you?" I said, feeling weak.  
"Damn," he said, shaking his head, "you're one hell of a guy, you know that?"  
"Can you get us a vehicle?" I said, trying to think of the next thing we needed to do so that I didn't have to start thinking about Balamb just yet.  
"Right," he said as Selphie and Xu reached us, "hold on to him while I get us a car, he's not doing to great."  
"Nida, are you okay?" Selphie looked worried as she took hold of my arm to stop me wavering, then she looked down, "you've been shot! I'll cure it for you..."  
"I'll be okay Selph," I said reassuringly, taking hold of her hands to stop her, "once I get these bullets out of my leg you can cast sure spells on me to your hearts content, okay?"

She nodded, and I could tell that even though she was genuinely worried about me, she'd also wanted something to take her mind off of Balamb, something to do, _anything_. Kinneas hot-wired a car and backed it up to us, bundling us all in before gunning it out of the facility and back onto the road before any more Galbadian soldiers could turn up to impede our escape. Selphie did her best to remove the bullets, getting them out despite the bumpy ride (not that it didn't hurt like a son of a bitch), before casting a cura spell she'd managed to retrieve from a military draw point in the Galbadian HQ. I looked at the blurred scenery as we careened along the road. Kinneas stayed quiet as Xu, Selphie and I also didn't speak, driving us back to Galbadia Garden, the last remaining Garden on the face of the planet.

* * *

**AN:** Sorry this took so long! Thanks so much to everyone for all the reviews, favs and updates! It really means a lot to know that people actually want to know what happens :O and again I'm sorry to keep you all waiting. I've not long finished my uni exams so I now have the time to write without feeling guilty! I'll hopefully get another chapter out soon, too.

To Wolkje – Thanks so much for the thorough review! I'm glad you think my plot is very palatable :P and that my characterisation is to your liking. I'm so glad you like the writing, sometimes I worry that I'm being a little pretentious, but if it comes off okay then I'm happy! Really, you're review cheered me up a lot and I am sorry it took my five months to get another chapter out. I hope you like it and the further plot deviations!

To Vedensolina – Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked the further interaction between Seifer and Squall, I'm glad that it's coming off better than before as that's what I was trying for! Hope you like the update.

To Silvershell – He he, I can't help it, I love putting mysteries into my stories! I hope this one works out well and that it is satisfactory reward for the wait as I will be releasing the explanation slowly along with the storyline! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hopefully I won't keep you all waiting so long next time!

To M – Wow, I'm so sorry, I am so very late with this update. I'm glad you sent in that review as I was pretty much looking at my stories and wondering about which one to update first, and you decided for me :D I'm glad you're liking it so far and hope you like the new chapter (even though it's so very late!) Hopefully the next will be out much quicker!


	35. Orchestrated Moments

**Chapter 35**

**Orchestrated Moments**

'_Don't look baby'_

I remember. I can _see_ her.

'_Don't look Squall'_

Her pleading eyes. She's begging me. And it's everywhere, The Red, thick and hot and sticking to my skin.

'_No, no more waiting'_

Another woman's voice. There's fire and there's blood. I smell it, it's close. Someone is crying.

'_Pay your debts'_

Someone's crying, screaming. I think it might be me.

"Squall!"

Mother...

"Squall, are you all right? Come on speak to me here!"  
"I can see her," I coughed, the vision dissolving as I blinked open my eyes, "What..?"  
"Thank Hyne," Zell's voice.  
"Come on, get up!" Seifer's voice.

I was lying on my back, freezing, disorientated and broken. My ribs ached. I felt like I'd been tossed about inside a tornado and then dropped back onto the ground with little care. Seifer grabbed my hand, which I had raised mainly to shield my eyes from the white glare, and pulled me up roughly. It hurt, but I bit my tongue until I tasted blood and managed to steady myself on his shoulders. The world was too bright, too contrasted...I blinked, looking over his right shoulder to see the van we'd been travelling in turned over on its side, the other car which had driven Zell back to us lying fifty feet off. I turned to look at the trees behind me, lining the road, amazed by the devastation. All were lying at a forty five degree angle, bereft of snow, branches broken and tangled, some uprooted altogether. I turned back to Seifer and stared at him.

"What happened?" I asked, coughing roughly; I pushed my dream, memory, whatever the hell it was, to the back of my mind.  
"Like I'm supposed to know!" he shouted, steadying me with his hands, "Some sort of explosion!"  
"They looked like missiles to me," Zell said as he hugged himself against the prevailing snow; I noticed he looked visibly shaken, "and from the direction they were headed I'm guessing their target was Trabia...dammit! Fucking Galbadians!"  
"Garden," I said blinking the snow from my eyes; I was still pretty shaken up from being hit by the blast wave, "we have to get word to Balamb. If Trabia was targeted then Balamb will surely be next."  
"What about Galbadia Garden?" Seifer asked.  
"It seems unlikely somehow doesn't it!" Zell shouted sarcastically, "Blow up their own facility?"  
"How do you know that it was even the Galbadians? Or if it is that the Garden has sided with the military?" Seifer shouted back, visibly angry, "They're a fucking Garden! They'll look after their own!"

There wasn't time for this. I pushed away from Seifer, noting his look of surprise and hurried to our Galbadian truck. I scrambled up the under side of the truck, using the steering axle as a step, and managed to pry the door open and lower myself inside. It was deceptively calm inside the van, with the wind and snow blowing by above my head. I heard Seifer and Zell following me, the banging strangely loud as they climbed the downed vehicle. I wedged myself against the drivers seat and used the handbrake as step to hoist myself up to reach the dashboard. I turned the keys, still in the ignition, and amazingly the sturdy truck still worked. It took a couple of goes but soon the engine sputtered into life, the dashboard lighting up. Not that there was any point, I soon realised, as the radio was out. I pushed the reboot button, I tried pulling it out and awkwardly fiddling with the wires, I even tried hitting the damn thing but still nothing.

"Shit!" Zell said from his perch crouched over the open doorway, "How are we supposed to radio Garden without a comm link?"  
"Not easily," I said tonelessly.  
"You can't fix it?" Zell asked, his voice tight, belying his worry.  
"Seifer?" I said, looking up at him.

He lowered himself into the cabin with feline grace and, despite the situation and all the distress and trauma, it was hard to ignore just how closely we were pressed together against the seat. He slid down the length of my body as he searched vainly for a foothold, before finding a hole in the dashboard that he could fit his foot into. Then, as if it couldn't get any more embarrassing, he then had to use me to pull himself back up, taking hold of my arms, then my shoulders, until we were level. Somehow we'd ended up at eye level with each other, not something I often experience with Seifer, and he just stared at me. No, no time for _that_ either, I thought quickly, trying desperately to get my priorities into order. I pushed him decisively away without compromising our stability and handed him the broken radio comm. He blinked and seemed to come out of whatever momentary trance he was in.

"Is it repairable?" I asked.  
"Not a chance," he said, inspecting the mess of wires, "it looks like the electronics have been damaged. Fuck!"  
"Don't stress out," I said as calmly as I could, not feeling calm at all, "There must be something else we can use. Seifer, help me out."

I was glad that he didn't question me. I was starting to feel a little unstable, perhaps I had hit my head harder than I'd thought, and was just happy that Seifer was there to help push me up out of the truck and then help me back down onto the ground. Zell was hopping from foot to foot, looking impatiently frustrated. It was then that I remembered just how Zell had been brought back to us. Thank Hyne. I made a run for the car of the man who'd driven Zell.

"Dammit Squall..!" I heard Seifer call after me, but there wasn't enough time, I had to hurry...

I didn't see him until I reached it, trapped beneath the wheels, bright red blood pooling around his mangled body. The car's driver. He must have been thrown backwards by the blast along with his car, ending up crushed beneath the vehicle as it fell back to the ground. I slowed to a stop, trying to force myself closer. I had seen worse than this, for Hyne's sake I had _caused_ deaths worse than this, but...I swallowed, feeling a tightening in my chest as I grew nearer to the car. The blood was stark in contrast to the white blanket of snow slowly gathering around it, spreading out steadily...

'_Don't look Squall'_

I felt bile rising in my throat, blinking back the tears that stung my eyes. I swallowed, shaking my head. What the fuck was happening to me! I stumbled back from the car. I couldn't look at the blood against the snow, the contrast, I couldn't see it without feeling that sickening feeling in my stomach, tightening in my chest. I put my hands against my head, trying my best to stabilise myself. This was no time to lose it, people's lives were at stake! I had to get in that car and see if the radio was working...

"Hey, you okay?" Zell's voice; I looked up at him, startled that I hadn't sensed him approaching me.  
"Get in there and see if the radio is working," I ordered coldly, the only way to protect myself.  
"A-all right," he stuttered out, visibly startled, enough that he didn't even argue.

True to his word he ran to the car and clambered inside its ruined form, bypassing the blood and the man's body. I took one look at it and felt ill. What was this? What was I remembering?

"You sure you didn't hit your head?" I turned to see Seifer standing behind me, "You really don't look too good."  
"I'm fine," I lied, "the Gardens are the priority now. No time to worry about me."  
"There's always time for that," he said, although I could see the apprehension in his eyes, "what's wrong?"

What's wrong. Such a simple question, yet so complicated to answer. What was wrong? I thought I saw her...we were under attack, we were on the run, we were...we were responsible for so many lives, if Garden was hit... My vision blurred, I felt sick. I clutched at my head, screwing up my face as it began to ache, to pound, to swim.

"This is all wrong," I said tonelessly, quietly.  
"What?" he said loudly over the roar of the wind.  
"Everything," I shook my head, "we need to get in touch with Garden and we need to do it now!"  
"You think I don't know that?" he said, "That's why I need you here Squall, not inside your head where you make all the crazy decisions on your own, okay? I need you to talk to me, not just go running off on your own because its what you've always done, understand me? We're together in this."

I stared at him, waiting until my vision cleared before nodding. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I wanted to move his hand away but couldn't bring myself to let go of the comfort it brought. Hyne this was hard, it was harder than anything I've ever had to do, this waiting, this sickness in my stomach I couldn't control. We stood there for thirty gruelling seconds before Zell's muffled shouts could be heard. Then the car's engine roared into life.

"You beauty! It fucking works!" he appeared at the car door and peered at me, "Squall, can you rig the radio into a comm device?"  
"Not as well as he can," I said, jerking my thumb at Seifer, "Seifer took the advanced electronics class."  
"Right," Zell said, looking a bit put out, but thankfully not about to let old grudges get in the way of saving Garden.

Zell shifted himself over the corpse of the man under the wheel and vacated the car. Seifer replaced him quickly, wasting no time. He expertly clicked open the panel around the radio, exposing the wiring behind it.

"Should only take a few minutes!" he shouted to be heard over the wind, his voice sounding odd to me; I'd never heard him so focused, "You guys should figure out a plan to get us out of here once we've warned Garden about what's going on. If we stay out here we're going to die of fucking exposure."  
"There's no time for that! Typical, always thinking about yourself..!" Zell started, glaring at the man in the car as Seifer pointedly ignored him.  
"Zell!" I shouted, grabbing hold of him by the shoulders and pulling him away from the car; he looked startled but still defiant, "I know this is hard, I know you're worried but we'll be of no use to Garden if we're dead. Understand?"

He stared back at me, eyes unreadable, then nodded. Good, was all I could think, because I'm no good at reassuring people and it took all I have just to say that to you. Just as I thought I'd managed to sort everything out he spoke up, proving to me once more that nothing is ever that simple.

"What if we don't make it in time," he said back, "what...what if everyone dies because of us?"

Hyne damn it all to hell, why was he looking from reassurance from me? Of all people? Was I supposed to tell him everything was going to be okay? There was a very good chance it wouldn't be, that everyone we knew, our home, would be destroyed. But it wouldn't be our fault, no. Whoever was responsible for the atrocity of Trabia would pay and, if they hurt Balamb, well...I wasn't exactly prepared to answer for what I might do. I wasn't even sure I knew how I would cope.

"Squall!" Seifer's shout saved me from my obligation to answer Zell as well as my own thoughts.

I rushed to the car and, thankfully, the blizzard had managed to mainly obscure the man's corpse lying beneath the wheel along with the pool of blood. I bent down and shifted myself into the drivers seat beside Seifer. He sat with a bundle of tangled wires in his hand and the radio in his lap, his face grave. He picked up a basic microphone, which he had rigged somehow from the speakers, and handed it to me. I stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

"You speak into that," he said quickly, his breath puffing out into the air in milky clouds, "I'll try and make sure we can keep a connection, if we can make one at all, all right?"

I nodded, feeling ill at the thought of what would happen if we failed. No, there's no time. I pushed the feelings away without a second thought, forcing the detached side of my personality to the fore.

"Tell me when you're ready," he said.  
"Do it Seifer," was all I managed to say back.

* * *

Hyne I was bored. I mean, really bored. Being demoted from Instructor back to SeeD was probably the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, mainly because being a SeeD without a mission was basically tantamount to having absolutely no purpose whatsoever. It was a beautiful day outside, all of the others were out having a daring adventure and I was here, left to mind the fort so to speak. Worrying, which is what I'm best at, I know. Still, Seifer had been arrested for murder and now, breaking news, _someone_ had busted him out and they were currently fugitives.

Wow, I wonder who could be that crazy? I thought with a smirk. Squall really needs to take a look at his life sometime, a good long look, and realise that there are more people that care about him, and that he cares about too, than he likes to think. Still, I hoped above all else that they were all right.

The headmaster had called me to his office to update me on the situation so far which, if I was being rational, was really very kind of him. In the mood I was in however, it felt more like torture. Knowing that Seifer was in trouble, knowing that my team, my _friends_ were in danger and I was powerless to help, it wasn't conducive to my sanity.

I shifted at my desk, pushing against it to make my chair spin, letting out a sigh. Squall was reckless, even if he thought everything through with that thoroughly logical mind of his. I hoped that the others kept him in check, didn't let him do anything too stupid. And Xu, she'd better be safe too.

"You'd better not get yourself hurt out there," I mumbled, plopping my head into my hand.

As if answering me the comm unit at my desk began to beep. I started badly, jumping up in my seat and grabbing at my chest. I let my breath out slowly shaking my head. I was too damn jumpy today, I shouldn't be sitting here on my own brooding like this. I laughed lightly as the unit continued to beep, pulling my chair back to my desk, which had rolled away as I was startled. I reached out to receive the connection when the call suddenly stopped. I let out a tut of annoyance.

"Typical," I muttered.

That was pretty much my day in a nutshell. The tantalising thought of something interesting which was always just out of reach. I wondered vaguely who it might have been. Probably the Headmaster giving me another update, or some little menial question from one of the Cadets who still couldn't believe that I wasn't an Instructor any more and, thus, still quizzed me as one. I only had this office until the end of the week however so, hopefully, once I had moved out of here they would take the hint.

"I should really get out of here," I sighed, letting my head drop down to the desk with a loud thunk.

Beep Beep Beep. I didn't even lift my head as the comm unit began to beep again, like an irritating child. Beep Beep Beep. I felt around with my hand until I felt the button, pressing it down to accept the connection.

"Quistis Trepe's office."

Static. I lifted my face from the wood and stared at the comm unit. Was it malfunctioning? I tapped it lightly, then a little harder. A few sounds jolted through, it sounded like someone was on the other end, but I wasn't sure.

"Hello? I can't hear you!" I shouted into the receiver, "Hello? Is anyone there?"  
"...is! Ca...ear me?" stuttered out a crackly voice.  
"Hello? I can't make you out. Can you try calling me back?" I said loudly.

Then suddenly the static began to lessen. Maybe they had bad reception, I thought, or they'd just come out of a tunnel.

"That sounds better," I let them know, "can you hear me..?"  
"Quistis? Is that you?"

I knew that voice. It made me sit up in my chair in amazement and listen more closely.

"Squall? Is that you!" I sounded angry, but in truth I was smiling; trust him to contact me through such direct means, "Where are yo..?"  
"No time for that!" he interrupted, sounding serious, "I need you to listen to me very carefully, all ri..."

He faded out, replaced by hissing static once more. I cursed the stupid black box sitting before me and recommenced hitting it. The only thing that made it through were jumbled fragments of words.

"Hey, can you hear me!" I yelled into the microphone, "Hey?"  
"..ear me now? Quistis can you hear me?" he faded back in, sounding urgent and, dare I say it, worried.  
"Yes, but what's wrong?" I asked.  
"Trabia has been attacked by missiles, origin unknown. We don't know how bad the damage is, but if Trabia has been attacked then I'm sure Balamb will be on the list of targets."  
"Sweet Hyne," I whispered out; I felt cold, numb, I almost didn't believe it.  
"Stay with me Quistis," Squall ordered harshly, hauling me back to the present; I felt a tear run down my cheek and blinked it away, "you need to get as many people as you can out of Balamb, understand?"  
"Yes," I said hoarsely, my hands shaking against the desk, "how long do I have?"  
"We don't know," he said, "we don't even know if they've been launched, but I recommend a full scale evacuation immediately as a precaution. We've conjectured that the missiles originated in Galbadia, if that's the case then you have little over five minutes."  
"I...I understand, I..." I swallowed, feeling sick, "I have to go."

I phoned the Headmaster immediately, trying to explain the situation in as few words as possible so as to save on time. To put it bluntly, he panicked, worse than I had. He made an announcement without implementing security protocols. Chaos ensued.

"Everyone, please try and stay calm!" I shouted, helping a boy who had fallen to his feet before he was trampled, "Make your way to the exits and head straight for Balamb Town!"

All of the walkways were filled to the brim with students, SeeDs, Garden employees, rushing and tumbling over each other to escape. The air was filled with screams, with the yells of Instructors as they tried their best to heard the mobs towards the exits with the least amount of casualties. I moved with the streaming flow of students as best I could, at the same time trying to gauge how long it had been since I'd received Squall's message. Had it been two minutes or three? My heart was thudding in my chest, so fast I almost felt light headed with from the rushing blood in my veins. Hyne I hoped this turned out to be a drill, I hoped that there weren't really any missiles, I hoped, I hoped, I hoped...

"Instructor Trepe!" I heard a girl call out, a hand grabbing mine with a vice like grip; I spun around, pushing back against the students trying to escape around me.  
"Natalie!" I said in surprise, my former student looking at me in terror, "What's wrong? We need to get out of here now!"  
"It's the Headmaster!" she said, pulling me to the side of the walkway, "He won't leave, he says there's another way to save Garden! What am I going to do? I can't just leave him there!"

I'd forgotten Natalie had been subbing for the Headmaster's aide. I should have remembered, I recommended her for the position.

"Natalie, get out of here," I told her sternly, my heart fluttering at the thought of going back into the Garden when I was so close to being out, away, _safe_, "I'll go and get him. You get to Balamb. Don't look back, just go!"

She ran, and so did I. It was hard to get tot he elevator, simply because no one was going in the same direction as me. I shoved and pushed and let out gasps of air when I was accidentally hit by hands and elbows. How long had it been since the message? Four minutes or six? How long did we have?

The elevator took me straight to the Headmaster's office. The Alert had thankfully overridden any safety features which prevented the elevator from going to the top floor. It opened to the strangely serene picture, considering the chaos outside, of Cid's office. Cid was typing furiously at his computer and, if we weren't all about to die from an imminent attack, it would have looked like any other day in his office. I shook my head and ran forwards.

"Headmaster! We have to leave, Sir!" I shouted.  
"Quistis!" he looked up in surprise, his lined face pale with fear, "What are you doing here? You need to get out!"  
"That goes for both of us, Sir," I said sternly, in no fucking mood to argue, "you're coming with me. You can't save the Garden Sir. Trabia may already have been destroyed, we have to go!"  
"You don't understand," he shook his head, looking years older than he already did, confusing me, "this attack, it's her, it's all _her_. I can't leave, I don't have the right to."  
"Sir, we don't have time...for this..." my words dies in my throat.

The windows in the Headmaster's office were always something I envied ever since acquiring my own office. My windows were south facing and only ever caught the sun as it set, in other words never when I was working. You could see the entire panorama of Balamb from the Headmaster's huge windows. It was always a beautiful view. I'd wished that it had been a drill. I had wished so much, yet I had tried so desperately to count the minutes from when I had last spoken to Squall. Was it seven or ten?

Last spoken to Squall. Last. Such a final word. I wasn't sure what to do with it. Last. I watched the missiles stream towards us, leaving hideous grey trails of smoke in their wake. I watched them with a sort of detachment I would never have expected. Cid turned in his seat and watched them with me.

"Why?" I croaked out, "Hyne save us."

The force of the explosion started at the back of the Garden, ripping up through the building floor by floor. A thousand thoughts spasmed through my mind, memories, feelings, moments in time.

I saw the sea, beneath grey clouds.

I saw myself in a mirror, hair short, years younger.

I saw a beautiful woman with long dark hair, tears streaming down her face.

My ears were dulled by a deafening roar. I threw myself to the ground and instinctively curled into a ball, hoping, wishing, crying.

Let me live. I'm not ready for this. I'm not...

* * *

**AN:** I'm not sure if I've pulled off exactly what I wanted in this chapter, so I hope it comes out all right. I've never really written anything like this before so sorry if it seems odd :S . Hopefully have another chapter up soonish! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/updated, you guys are awesome!


	36. Hold to the Now

**Chapter 36**

**Hold to the Now...Through which all Future Plunges to the Past**

I didn't remember the journey, or arriving, walking through the main gate or up the walkway. I didn't remember talking, myself or anyone else's tears, of lifting my legs, breathing or blinking.

First thing I do vaguely remember was waking up, without remembering falling asleep. The darkness slowly faded into the dull grey of the ceiling and the pale glow of an as yet unseen bedside lamp. I couldn't think about it. I stared at it for a minute or two, swallowing down the panic that was begging me to act, and breathed deeply in and out. I couldn't think about it. I could feel my fingers curling involuntarily into my clothes, my arms resting folded across my chest. I couldn't think about it. I shut my eyes but the darkness disrupted my fragile calm. I opened them quickly and looked to my left.

He was the first thing I saw, sleeping in the chair next to the bed I was in. No Selphie, no Xu. The room was entirely alien, I'd never seen it before, but I was glad he was there, he was familiar, he stopped me from doing something ridiculous like having a panic attack. Instead I latched on as quickly as I could to the one sane thing I could see.

"Kinneas," I said; it came out as a choked whisper, I cleared my throat, "Kinneas."

He heard me that time. His eyes blinked open and he pulled in a long, sleepy breath, looking around a few times before settling on me. He smiled.

"Hey," he brought up his hand to run it through his hair; it was loose, "was wondering when you were gonna wake up."  
"Where am I?" I asked, scared by the hollowness of my voice.  
"You don't..? Galbadia Garden, we got back here-," he checked his watch, "well, yesterday now."  
"What time..?" I asked.  
"It's just gone one in the morning," he said, leaning forwards, his elbows on his knees, closer to me, "you've been out since the drive. Have to say we got a little worried when you wouldn't wake up, but the doc says that it was just a reaction to the amount of cure spells used on you in such a short space of time, well, that and the blood loss. He gave you something for the pain as well, so that you wouldn't wake up in agony, and I think that knocked you out for longer than you would have been."

He trailed off, eyes looking everywhere but at me. I tried not to think about what had happened, anything but about that, let me forget for now, please let me...I began to shake, eyes drifting back to the ceiling.

"When did we get here?" keeping up the questions was my only distraction.  
"About, uh, maybe eight or so hours ago," he said, "it was around five I think."  
"Selphie and Xu?"  
"They're fine," Kinneas said, "Selphie's dying to see you though. She was on watch before me, I had to get Xu to order her to go get some rest, only managed it by promising I'd stay here until you woke up."

The shaking only got worse. Selphie, Xu, _everyone_...Everything was banging against the barriers, raging desperately to get in, the memories and the thoughts. I tried to focus on the sound of Kinneas' voice but when he stopped speaking I lost my anchor. I felt so strange, maybe it was the pain medication, maybe it was the after effects of the cure spells, I didn't know and in all honesty I didn't care. I could feel it cracking, my barriers, and splintering and my nerves torn up, ripped with it and I felt my limbs moving without thinking and the suddenness of my movement made my head spin and I was falling, legs giving way as the grief washed over me in wave upon wave. The screech of the chair as he jumped up to catch me, awkwardly, ending up with me half lying in his lap and him sitting on the floor.

"Oh Hyne," I sobbed, "I can't..."  
"Hey, it's..." he stopped, seeming genuinely flustered, "it's alright."  
"No, no no," I shook my head and clung to him, head spinning, "it's all my fault. I told her, I told her to let the missile go..."  
"Hey, no don't say stuff like that, this isn't your fault!" he reproached, sounding angry.  
"I told her," I could hear him but felt deaf to his words, sunk into the guilt that I tried desperately to escape, "please tell me it's alright, please tell me it didn't happen..."

It wasn't fair, I thought afterwards, to ask such an unreasonable thing of him, but in my defence I wasn't thinking clearly. I pushed my face into his chest and clutched at his jacket and breathed in the smell of clean flesh and slight hints of smoke and burning still left on his clothes, hands fisted in his shirt. I could feel the tears on my face but didn't register them. I could feel his hand, calmly stroking my hair but couldn't register its significance. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, but it felt like days to me before my mind slowly began to right itself, tipping back to reality out of the drug induced delirium I had awoken to.

The first thing I remembered with any clarity was feeling mortally embarrassed as I realised what I had done. Kinneas' hand was still present, threading through my hair almost timidly now, chest rising and falling beneath my cheek. I slowly released my death grip on him, swallowing as I pushed up and closed my eyes, leaning back against the side of the bed. When I opened them I didn't look at him, instead looking towards the opposite wall where I found a set of shelves and the door.

"You ok?" he asked.  
"I...yes, I think so," I nodded, continuing with a self deprecating smile, "sorry for...for making a spectacle of myself."  
"You don't need to be sorry," he said with a sigh, "you've been through a lot."  
"We all have," I said tightly, forcing myself to relax, "damn it."

I looked to him, taking in his appearance properly for the first time since I had awoken. He looked tired, very tired, and I instantly felt even more guilty for the fact that he'd been resting in that uncomfortable chair because of me. His eyes were shadowed and there was a large burn evident on the left side of his neck. His hair was loose but pulled to hang down over his right shoulder, his coat was filthy but cleaner than it had been. I was still trying my best not to focus on the details, but things kept jumping through.

"You," I stopped when his pale blue eyes focused on me, "I should...I mean, thank you. You saved my life, at the base."  
"Hey, you saved all of our lives," he said with a smile, "pulling that GF out of your pocket and blowing them all away huh? Never mind that you nearly got yourself killed doing it."

I ducked my head, not knowing what to say. My self-deprecation refused to allow any praise. And I had so many questions. What had happened since I'd been out? Did we know why the Garden's were attacked? Why hadn't Galbadia Garden been hit? Was there any news of Balamb Garden? Was it really gone? Were there any survivors at all?  
But just as much as I wanted to ask them, I also didn't want to know the answers. I felt his hand, surprising me, fingers underneath my chin as he forced me to look up. He was staring at me, face only a foot away from mine, shifting my perspective, making me feel shaky and panicky all over again.

"This wasn't your fault," he said again, sincerely, unprovoked, "you do understand that right? That's the last thing we need right now is you of all people blaming yourself. We'll find out who's responsible and we'll bring them down, understand? In the mean time you just stop with the guilt."

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, only roughly inhaled breath that released again in sporadic bursts as I tried to reply. I felt like an idiot, a weak, stupid idiot, not being able to control my emotions in front of him. Get it together Nomura, I chided, for Hyne's sake this is no time to freak out. I stared into his eyes trying to force out the words.

But he beat me to it. I didn't have the gumption or the willingness to move as he shook his head and leaned forwards, pressing his lips against mine, snaking his arm around my neck to pull me closer. It was a simple kiss, nothing special about it, but it was the most intimate thing I think I'd ever done. He moved against me and I felt his breath on my face, and his hand on my back, the other running through the hair at the nape of my neck. I didn't know what to do but I felt safe and, at that moment, morals be damned, that's all I was looking for. I almost didn't hear the door open.

"Nida you're-oh!" Selphie's voice pulled me back to reality and I pushed back from Kinneas guiltily.

I looked up to find her silhouetted in the doorway, looking a little shocked. I stared at her, head all mixed up once more, safe feeling gone.

"Selphie," I said awkwardly, "you're alright."  
"Yeah," she said, "I'll, uh, I'll come back later."

The room descended back into gloom as the door closed behind her, blocking out the brightness of the corridor beyond it. I should have stopped her but, in all honesty, I didn't want to see her right now, not like this. What did she think of me now? That I could quite happily indulge myself when I should be in mourning for the deaths I caused? No, damn it Nida stop it, this...this _wasn't_ your fault. I heard Irvine shift awkwardly by my side and I looked up at him. He cleared his throat.

"Uh, sorry, I shouldn't have..." he started.

I couldn't help but smile as he continued to ramble on insecurely. Insecure and Irvine Kinneas are two things I had not put together in the same category since I had met the man; he was brash, cocky, self-assured, but not this. I silenced him, effectively, and he had the good grace to look shocked by my methods. Not shocked enough to not take advantage of it though, slipping his tongue into my mouth to deepen the kiss, my hands resting on his thighs for support, his hands wrapped around my shoulders.

What was I doing? I thought hazily. This wasn't like me at all, but then I wasn't used to this kind of...stress, this thick, heavy guilt stretching itself over all my limbs and sinking in to my muscles and pervading my thoughts. His hands took it away, his lips seemed to tell me it was alright, everything would be alright. It was a quick fix but I was more than willing to take it.

We broke apart, a little breathless, and I pushed my face into the crook of his neck, careful not to irritate his burn. He let his arms circle around my back and held me, indulging me a little longer, for which I was very grateful.

"We should probably go and see the others," I said as he rubbed slow circles on my back with his fingers.  
"Xu's probably asleep," Irvine shrugged.  
"Heh," I said with a small chuff of breath, "you obviously don't know Xu very well. She'll be as asleep as Selphie is."  
"Hmm," he said and I could hear the smile in his tone, "I guess you're probably right."

I pushed myself up and we helped each other to stand. He shook out his legs, making me feel a little bad for making him sit so awkwardly while I had lounged all over him. I tried to keep my embarrassment to a minimum, trying not to think about how this might make the situation of us working together uncomfortable, trying not to get too attached in case...

"Come on, it'll do you good to move around anyway, you've been asleep for a while," he said, "and most of that was scrunched up in the back seat of a car."  
"Right," I nodded, "you're right. Let's go."

I could think about it later, I told myself, much, much later.

* * *

"Nida!" Xu literally jumped up when she saw me, storming over to me so quickly that it stopped me in my tracks, "Selphie said you were awake, how are you feeling? Are you alright? Are you still hurt?"  
"I-I'm fine," I said, "honestly Xu, I'm alright."

She visibly relaxed at that, shoulders slumping as she placed her hands on her hips, breathing out a sigh of relief. We had found them, Xu and Selphie, in a small communal area which seemed to be reserved for the SeeD graduates daytime recreation. No one was here at half one in the morning, thankfully, and we were blessedly left to our own devices. I looked past Xu to see Selphie sitting on a long, low couch. I felt suddenly, irrationally worried that she was going to hate me, for finding me like that, for not being guilty like I should be, for...but she threw that all straight out the window when she smiled at me. Properly smiled, all the way up to her eyes.

"Hey," she said.  
"Selphie," I walked over to her and she jumped up unexpectedly, like a jack in the box, to ambush-hug me, "whoa, hey, I'm alright."  
"I'm so glad," she said as she pressed her face into my chest and squeezed me tightly, "we were so worried when you wouldn't wake up."  
"I'm sorry," I said, trying not to think about how many things I was actually trying to apologise for.  
"Don't be silly!" she admonished, pulling back to frown at me tenderly, "how can you apologise for being unconscious!"

I laughed, tightly and shortly, but it was a laugh. Somehow Selphie's wonderful naive statement was a better cure for my insecurities than any encouragement that I shouldn't feel guilty could be. The fact that she didn't even acknowledge that there was anything else I _could_ feel guilty about was somehow magical. I smiled back at her and nodded, telling her that yes, that would be a bit silly. She hit my arm playfully, but I could see the stiffness behind her movement, the lack of her usual carefree attitude, the underlying tiredness and heartache in her movements, in her eyes.

Best get down to business, I thought sadly as Irvine and Xu wandered over to the seating area we were in and slowly sat down.

* * *

**AN:** Hmm yes, I realise I haven't update for almost a year and am very much ashamed of myself! I really am sorry that it's taken me so long but it's been a while since I could really get back into writing on top of Uni work, actual work (boo) and trying to fit a social life in on top of that. Anyway, enough of that! I realise thismight not really push the story forwards much, I have more to write but it seems natural to end the chapter here and start the next one where this ends, hopefully it'll work! Ok, I hope you like the update, thanks so, so much for all the review and favourites, they are very much appreciated. It will definately not be so long until the next update next time, promise!

Chapter title taken from '_Ulysses'_ by James Joyce


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